The wife wants a divorce or has filed an application: how to stop her, dissuade her?!

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Category: Current, Video, How to get your ex back, Relationships with a girl, Psychology

“Divorce is possibly the best thing that can happen in your life. A good marriage will not begin as long as the old one continues.”

— Roman Vinilov.

Hello, Roman Vinilov is in touch again!

And again we will talk about marriage. To be honest, it is the readers who pay such attention to the stamp in the passport. In fact, the situation when a wife filed for divorce is not much different from a regular breakup. But it is precisely the invisible connection that official marriage creates in people’s brains that often helps preserve relationships. As always, there are important nuances here, which is why I decided to write an article. The fact is that marriage does have some force, including legal force, but relationships today cannot rest on it alone.

Likewise, when divorcing a marriage, you will need more than just the help of a lawyer (although you should not neglect it, especially if you are divorcing through the court). In a situation where a wife wants to file for divorce, the advice of a psychologist is no less important. They will help you “save face” and get out of the situation with the least losses, and in the future, give your relationship another chance. If by then you need it, of course.

Reasons why a woman wants a divorce

Very often, what happens is that a woman accumulates all the negative aspects of her life together. And when the cup overflows, the woman decides to take drastic measures. For a man, a situation of this kind can be perceived with great surprise. Because men tend not to notice those moments that a woman focuses on. So what are the reasons that push the lady to take this step:

Psychological
Material
Behavioral

In most cases, unfortunately, a man begins to sound the alarm only when the woman has already made a decision to leave. How to correct this situation and save the family? The very first and most important stage is, of course, dialogue. Talk to your wife, because she is someone close to you. Don't swear, don't raise your voice, this will only make the situation worse. It is necessary to have a conversation in a calm environment with minimal involvement of emotions. Under no circumstances should you blame her for the collapse of your family if you are truly focused on preserving the social unit and are not interested in its collapse. Be patient, perhaps this is a rush of accumulated emotions that are overflowing, thereby leading the woman to these thoughts.

Legal ways to avoid divorce if there are no other options

If your wife files for divorce and you want to avoid this, you can use legal means to change the situation in your favor.

USEFUL INFORMATION: How men experience divorce: psychology of a divorced person

What should your spouse do?

It is worth taking legal help from a lawyer. He will be able to influence the court decision, which may set a deadline for reconciliation. This is especially important when there are children in the family: in the event of a divorce, they remain with their mother, and for men, contrary to popular belief, this is a very traumatic factor.

What you definitely shouldn’t do is use a child as “protection” from divorce. Think about the fact that children suffer more than adults in such situations.

Russian legislation does not limit a wife’s rights to initiate divorce proceedings, even if the couple has young children or the woman is pregnant, unlike the husband, who will not receive a divorce if the child is under 1 year of age. However, if a wife wants a divorce with a small child, she needs to present compelling reasons and evidence to the court.

Justified reasons for divorce on the part of the wife:

The husband’s behavior towards his wife violates articles of the Family or Criminal Code of the Russian Federation.
Registration of the spouse at a drug treatment or psychoneurological dispensary.
Deprivation of husband's freedom and other issues.

Even if the trial has already taken place, do not despair! There are many examples of ex-spouses getting back together and living together for the rest of their lives, remarrying.

How to influence your wife's decision

If a woman has already decided for herself that it will be better this way and is not going to back down, then influencing the outcome of her decision will not be extremely easy, but it is still possible. Not only beautiful words and all kinds of promises should come from you, but you also need to back it up with deeds, everything that you will tell your wife about.

Change. Show your wife that you need her and you don’t want this divorce, how dear your family is. She must make sure that you can and are capable of changing for her sake. After seeing the change in your behavior, she will probably wonder if she should really file for divorce.
Express yourself. As you know, women love confident men who are capable of action and taking responsibility. Show her that she can rely on you in any, even the most difficult moment of life. But just don’t overdo it; you also need to listen to your wife’s opinion.
Change jobs. If the reason for the divorce was a financial problem, then change jobs with a salary higher than what you have. This way, you will also show your loved one how important she is to you.
Talk to a specialist. In times of crisis in life, a psychologist often helps people cope. Visit him with your wife, talk, perhaps everything is not as bad as it might seem at first glance.

One way or another, you need to take an active part in your family problems if you are interested in preserving this very family. Therefore, start acting from yourself, you don’t need to expect anything from your wife at this stage, because you are a man, you hold the cards.

What arguments to give

When puzzling over the question of how to dissuade your wife from the idea of divorce, what arguments to give, it is worth remembering that women are emotional beings. Therefore, remind your wife how good everything was at the very beginning of the relationship. Let the wonderful moments of the beginning of your romance emerge in her memory.

Children can be another argument. Prove to your spouse, not only in word but also in deed, that children and she are the meaning of your life.

If there are children

How to keep a woman who has been a wife for a long time and who gave birth to a child, or maybe even more than one? This question torments almost all couples over whom the sword of Damocles hangs.

If the husband does not want to get a divorce, only because he is accustomed to the status of a family man and all the benefits that flow from it, and the wife herself is seen more as a woman who looks after the house, raises the child, washes, cooks and cleans, then you should not try to save the marriage only for the sake of the children.

If the looming danger of losing her reminded you that you love your family and simply began to take them for granted, then it’s time to correct the situation. Establish contact with your children, spend more time with them. Women see the relationship between father and child and understand that another man, no matter how wonderful, will not replace him.

In addition, the child is an excellent ally who will help dissuade your mother from rash actions if your wife has not yet filed for divorce.

Stages of relationship restoration

After the crisis has passed and the decision to divorce has been postponed, it is necessary to prevent the situation from repeating. To do this, you need to restore your relationship with your wife step by step:

Establishing mutual understanding. Voice problems and experiences. Don't repeat the mistakes your wife points out.
Regaining trust. Convince your wife that the person she lives next to deserves to believe his words. If you make a promise, keep your word.
Improved romance. A necessary stage when spouses again feel tenderness and original passion for each other. To surprise and delight, you need imagination.
Sex . It is necessary in marriage. It will take less time for a man to feel passion for his wife again, so be patient. A period of abstinence may be required.

Preparation

The social status of a divorced man and a divorced woman is very different. It so happens that for the fair sex this is a much greater blow to self-esteem and general position in society. There are, of course, exceptions, but they are connected with the attitude of a particular person towards divorce. As a rule, men tolerate it more easily. This is why it is important, when you decide to separate, to prepare your spouse for this.

First of all, you need to discuss your joint problems as a family. This must be done without quarrels and shouting, so to speak on a sober head. Sometimes omissions spoken out loud no longer seem as big as they initially seemed. Of course, before deciding to divorce your wife, it is important to consider the consequences of such a decision for both of you. After all, this is the person with whom you once decided on a future together.

If the situation or reasons for separation do not allow you to even think about maintaining the relationship, then plan your next steps in advance. In particular, a number of points need to be taken into account.

Peculiarities

How to divorce your husband without a scandal? By following the points written below, you can competently divorce your husband without hysterics and hassle:

When breaking up with a man, it is very important to maintain your dignity. Never try to keep your husband by pleas, requests or blackmail. Because this will make you even more unhappy.
If you decide to end your relationship with your spouse, there is no turning back. You should not stay and give hope for the restoration of the union when it is perfectly clear that you will soon think about divorce again. Dissatisfaction and irritation will not go away. Don’t be afraid to tell your spouse what doesn’t suit you in your relationship with him.
Before you decide to take such a serious step as divorce, try living separately from each other. Or move things from him in advance. Then prepare a gala evening for him, where the main dish will be a cake with an inscription that reveals the theme of the holiday.

If you break up by mutual consent, you should not live together under the same roof, citing the lack of your own residential property. Agree “on the shore” on the division of property. It will be much easier for you to build new relationships on your own territory.
If your husband is possessive and you think you might get seriously hurt, then express your desire for a divorce, and then gradually begin moving things away from him. The excuse could be a trip, business trip or vacation. Then leave a letter with a detailed description of the reasons that contributed to this decision. As soon as your ex-spouse calms down, you can agree to talk with him. But for this purpose it is better to choose a crowded place.

Divorce process

The separation must be made official. Without this action it cannot be called completed. We must admit that doing this is not as easy as it might seem. You need to go through certain steps to achieve results. However, the actions themselves can bring little joy. Consistency is needed here. The moment of divorce cannot be called easy, since a lot of moral strength will be required.

Required documents

The list of papers includes a marriage certificate, ID cards of partners. In addition, you will need to pay a state fee. It is 650 rubles for each spouse. The husband and wife must fill out a statement indicating the reason for the dissolution of the marriage. It is advisable to submit all documents at once. In this case, complications will be avoided. It is not beneficial for anyone to drag out the process over time.

Termination by court order

This method is appropriate if one of the spouses does not give his consent or is missing. A prerequisite is that the plaintiff must confirm the fact that there has been no marital relationship for a long period. For the court, two years of separation is enough for the divorce to take place without obstacles. This approach allows you to get rid of the past, which has become an unbearable burden.

At the registry office

The dissolution of the union of two people through the registry office must occur by mutual consent. This case is considered easy. Partners, as a rule, do not have mutual claims; they just want to start a new life. The main condition is the absence of common minor children. This concept also includes adopted children. If there are any problems, then you will have to go to court.

Nuances of property division

As for the distribution of things, much depends on the conscientiousness of the former partners. According to the law, everything acquired jointly during marriage is subject to division in half. The property that each partner previously owned cannot be taken away under any circumstances. For example, if a wife inherited an apartment from her parents, then the husband has no right to claim it.

Spouses often resort to litigation and argue over every little thing. Such behavior is unworthy of adult, civilized people. It is better to agree on everything voluntarily than to divide property with the involvement of the court. This way you can avoid a lot of negativity and save your nerves.

How to maintain psychological comfort during a divorce and not blame your ex-spouse?

Divorce is a psychologically complex process in which the entire habitual way of life collapses, and even if the decision made is completely justified, women most often succumb to emotions. When talking with your spouse, it’s easy to scream and start a scandal. Try to “save face”; do not descend to a banal quarrel and showdown.

The expressions “you ruined my whole life” and “I wasted my best years on you!” should not be uttered at all. After years of living, every married couple accumulates dissatisfaction, and when the relationship breaks up, the spouses unjustifiably dump all their claims on each other, regardless of whether they have a basis or not. There is no need to waste your nerves and try to look at the situation calmly.

The most difficult thing is to cope with your feelings, not to succumb to pity for your spouse, not to be afraid of the prospect of raising children in a single-parent family and financial difficulties.

After a divorce, life does not end, on the contrary, you need to be grateful to each other for the time spent together, happy moments, and if the relationship is over, you need to boldly look to the future and not mourn the past.

This newfound freedom will help you both find new opportunities, new relationships, and perhaps love. You can devote your free time to doing something interesting that you never got around to doing before and that your occupied living space got in the way of.

It is not necessary to immediately look for a replacement spouse; perceive divorce as a favorable change in life, an opportunity to relax, take care of yourself, raise a child, and do what you love.

When it doesn't let go

How to separate from your husband without a scandal when he is against divorce? Some men tend to perceive separation very painfully, especially when the initiator is a woman. You must understand that such behavior on the part of your spouse does not always indicate true love. In the male subconscious lies the understanding that a representative of the fairer sex should not make serious decisions without the knowledge of her husband.

This is why a man will try to use all sorts of ways to put pressure on you. These could be expensive gifts or promises. Moreover, some people tend to feel pity and guilt.

During such a period, it is very important for you to be in a state of balance. Your spouse shouldn't break you. Remember that if you follow your man's lead, it will not end well. As a result, the family will still fall apart, and the breakup with the spouse will be much more difficult to survive. If a man's words resonate with you and seriously hurt you, then you should consider taking a break. To do this, try to live separately from him and think about everything again with a cool head. Most likely, you will remain unconvinced and will soon achieve a divorce.

How to get a divorce without scandal and divide property

Living together between spouses presupposes the presence of property; it can be common or acquired before marriage. How to get a divorce without a scandal when dividing property? The first option is by law, that is, through a statement of claim in court. It is also possible to resolve the issue by mutual agreement. To do this, you need to draw up an agreement on the division of property and have it certified by a notary. This method is more correct if you have decided exactly which of you will solely own the property. Usually the court divides the property in shares. And here a logical question arises - how to manage an apartment or a country house if they are in joint use?

Spouses who were unable to resolve the issue amicably and went to court will be forced to divide their property in half. It may make a difference who owned the property before marriage. Remember that legal proceedings will take a long time. Part of it will be spent reviewing claims and making decisions. In addition, to take into account all the circumstances, additional considerations are scheduled. Therefore, in order not to waste time, it is better to first go through the divorce procedure and then deal with property.

How to get a divorce without scandal if you have children

By law, the amount of alimony is determined as one-fourth of the official income if there is one child, and one-third of the salary if there are two. Often this is a small amount of money. We recommend that you resolve this issue without going to court. Just agree with your spouse how much he will pay you each month. Here, a lot depends on the generosity of the man, on whether he understands that the woman will spend this money not on herself, but on the child. Discuss all expected expenses for children: buying necessary clothes, lunches at school, paying for kindergarten. Who will bear these costs? Both parents? Does your spouse pay everything by check?

Let the father see his children. Let him pick them up on the weekend or at any other time that you agreed in advance. For example, he can meet them from school or kindergarten. Not only his financial support, but also his moral participation in raising children is of great importance. He should be interested in the events taking place in their lives and help them cope with difficulties.