Aggressive behavior of a 5 year old child

When baby is rough answers us or mom, grandma, to outsiders adults, or, even worse, is rude, do we think about the reasons that prompt him to do this? Don't think.

Having become interested in this issue, I somehow came across the following recommendation: “if a child is rude to you, ask him to say it more politely.” I can see this: the child is on edge, doesn’t know what to do – and then they start putting pressure on him because of “thank you” and “please”. You might think that this will make him feel better or that the problem that caused the rudeness will disappear.

In my opinion, it is useless to try to “polish” a child’s speech, to take care of his intonations and the words with which he expresses his opinion, if the conflict leading to this is not resolved. It is useless to cover the wound with silk; you need a bandage and an antiseptic. We, as parents, always have these conditional bandages and antiseptic in our hands, so we simply have to use them.

Of course, it’s unpleasant when this happens, especially in public, but we must remember that parents and children bear equal responsibility for such behavior.

Reasons for a child's rudeness

There is no aggression out of nowhere.
There is no such thing as rudeness that arises out of nowhere. If a child begins to be rude, it means that he has an unresolved problem that he cannot yet deal with on his own. That is why the most important thing in a family is trust in each other. If a child trusts you, is not afraid to come with the most nonsense or, on the contrary, a truly difficult problem, then he simply will not have the need to be rude.

Rudeness is a defensive reaction, an attempt to isolate oneself from “picking with a stick.” This occurs especially often if a person is not sure that your interest is sincere.

Rudeness is a kind of beacon: “I have a problem, but I don’t want/can’t/are afraid to discuss it with you.”

The problem can be anything - from the financial situation of the family to the feeling of one’s own helplessness in connection with any situation. In any case, a satisfied, happy child will never be rude!

You should think about it - why don’t they want to discuss this problem with you? Are they afraid of offending? Don't believe in you? Are you afraid to say? These are the questions that parents should ask themselves, and not at all “how dare you talk to me in such a tone.”

What not to do when a child doesn't listen

All parents encounter disobedience in children at the age of 5, even when they strive to pay maximum attention to the child and listen to the advice of psychologists. Therefore, it is important not only to understand why the baby does not obey, but also to know what not to do. First of all, in no case should you negotiate with a child so that he obeys, using bribery in the form of toys and sweets. The phrase: “If you don’t obey, then I won’t buy you...” is absolutely anti-educational and incorrect. In addition, you also cannot:

Scare the baby with something or anyone if he is disobedient. This can undermine the psyche of a child who is still in the process of development.
Show the baby your own powerlessness, which can be expressed by commanding actions like: “Immediately and now.”

You should also remember that you cannot punish your child even for the worst offenses in the following cases:

when the baby eats;
if there are strangers in the house;
immediately after waking up;
during play, when the baby is very enthusiastic;
when the baby expresses a desire to help you.

What to do if a child is rude?

First, try to understand the reason. It’s good if you and your child have a warm, friendly relationship. If not, try to fix them.
Secondly, stay calm. If you get angry too and use the same style of communication, everyone loses.
Third, make it clear that such behavior is pointless. It will not give the expected results - you will not follow your emotions, and nothing will change significantly.
Fourth, you need to voice your feelings in the form of “I messages.”
Fifthly, you cannot put pressure or, as they say, “drip on your brains.” Having asked “what happened to you?” a hundred times, you are unlikely to hear the truth if it was not told to you after the first question.

For example, imagine a situation: a boy is not accepted at a new school. He is upset and, although usually polite, coming home to the question “what happened?” silently slammed the door and locked himself in the room. Does it make sense to reprimand him for his behavior? No. Does it make sense to put pressure on him? No. He will listen to you, but his head and thoughts will be busy thinking about the caring situation.

Next time, perhaps, he will restrain himself and not show it - but only so as not to hear new questions. By following the standard path of “I’m in charge here, don’t you dare dare me,” you will only distance yourself from the child, depriving yourself of the opportunity to know what is really going on in his head.

But what will the reaction be if, from behind the door, my mother calmly says: “It hurts me to see you like this. While you are silent, I don’t know how to help you and it hurts me. Please don't do this again. When you calm down, come, we’ll talk and try to solve your problem together. I love you no matter what."

It is quite possible that he will not leave the room. It’s very likely that he won’t say anything. Maybe he'll even be rude again. But what he will remember is for sure. Maybe by a millimeter, but you will become closer to each other. By following this path, one day you will be able to reach each other and talk. Perhaps this path will be long, but all the way the child will know that he is not alone. It’s so important to feel that you are not alone, that there is someone in the world who accepts you as you are.

If parents remembered this at least sometimes, there would be much fewer unhappy children.

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How to get a five year old to listen

Having figured out why a five-year-old child does not obey, you should definitely try to change the situation as quickly as possible. That is, the child must be forced to do as adults say, but at the same time shouting and punishing him is absolutely forbidden. If you decide that the cause of disobedience was a lack of communication with you, you need to try to make sure that the baby stops feeling unnecessary.

Even if you are a very busy person, agree with your child that every evening you will talk to him about any topics that interest him or play for at least half an hour. When you do this regularly, this will be enough for a 5-year-old child to realize how important it is for parents. It should be remembered that any promise made must be fulfilled, because a child at that age will not understand any postponement of communication with family members “for later” and will harbor resentment in his soul.

Sincere obedience of a five-year-old child can only be achieved on the basis of a trusting relationship. The child must understand that he can ask any questions during communication and receive answers to them without fear of causing irritation. According to psychologists, physical contact with a child helps restore lost psychological contact. You need to try to touch him as often as possible, because in this way you can convey that you are very interested in him. For example, every time you ask a 5-year-old child for something, you need to go up to him and hug him.

If you understand that the child does not obey because he is spoiled by the attention of all family members and, thus, expresses his protest, you need to give him more freedom. Maybe you need to more often have him perform certain tasks alone and then share the results of the work he does with adults. An appropriate and very effective phrase in such cases would be: “What a great fellow you are for doing it yourself.” In addition, you need to make it clear to the child that he is an equal member of the family and everyone is ready to listen to his opinion. For any reason, you need to ask the following question as often as possible: “What do you think is the best thing to do?”

If your child’s protest in the form of disobedience arose against the background of undeserved punishment or an unfulfilled promise, then under no circumstances should you punish the child or scold him. Even if you force him to repent, he will harbor resentment in his soul, which will soon again lead to the fact that the baby will stop obeying. Moreover, in this way, the parents themselves push their baby to begin to lead a double life. The child will simply wait for an opportunity to act contrary again, taking revenge in his own way for an undeserved insult.

What needs to be done in such cases should be decided individually depending on the current situation. Of course, it’s unlikely that you should explicitly apologize to the baby for your behavior, even if you were wrong. Perhaps the best way to solve the problem would be behavior that will allow the child to forget his grievances. You can try, ask your child more often to do something for you. And at the same time, you must not forget to thank him every time for the service provided. Warm words will make the baby believe that his parents love him very much, and he will quickly forget the insults inflicted on him.

Reasons for disobedience

According to psychologists, the age of five is a marker of relationships between adults and children, the time when the baby’s connection with his mother begins to weaken, and he becomes aware of himself as an individual. The child begins to actively seek communication, becomes interested in new things, masters previously inaccessible skills, and demonstrates independence. For some children, the 5-year period goes smoothly, while others face a whole bunch of problems: a cute family child suddenly stops obeying, falls into hysterical states, and shows aggression.

Finding the cause of bad behavior is not always easy. You must be able to recognize your own flaws in upbringing and excessive busyness, then you can find the root of the problem.

Lack of attention

. This is the most common reason for disobedience in five-year-old children making their first noticeable age leap. Children expand their horizons and vocabulary, learn to stand up for themselves, and at this age the baby understands for the first time that for his parents he is the most important person in the world. To attract attention, all means are good. And the child begins to check what works best on mom, dad, grandparents - whims with or without reason turn out to be very effective.

Intuitively, a five-year-old already understands: if I cry, everyone will come running, if I pout, they will jump around, if I stop listening, they will immediately pay attention. The difference between a negative and a positive attitude towards oneself is not yet so noticeable: the main thing is to gain the necessary attention! This is especially evident in situations where a child often responds to his requests to play, read, or take a walk with the following reaction: “We must wait,” “I’m busy,” “No time.” A lack of communication leads to a deformation of the child’s ideas - until you do the opposite, there will be no reaction. Let the parents scream, but at this moment they completely belong to the baby.

Overprotection

. Diametrically opposite to lack of attention is the cause of disobedience. A child is a small person who wants to explore the world and gain his own experience. But what to do if parents do not allow you to take a single step to the side, anticipating all desires, trying to help in everything, but ultimately depriving you of independence. A healthy reaction to such an attitude is denial. The child is ready to expand the boundaries of what is “permissible” in any way in order to achieve recognition of himself as old enough in the eyes of his parents for a number of independent actions.

Permissiveness

. Parents sometimes go from one extreme to another. Permissiveness differs from overprotection in that adults, in fact, do not raise the child, allowing the child everything, without limiting anything, without punishing or prohibiting anything. The very blurred boundaries of “can” and “can’t” are confusing. At 5 years old, he does not know basic concepts of tact and communication, cannot conduct a dialogue with adults, and does not understand his peers. He tries to sit on the head of any person, starting with or without reason to demand that his desires be satisfied.

Self-affirmation

. Children like their own point of view. Emerging needs and desires are paramount for them; at the age of five it is difficult to balance them with the desires of other people. Five-year-olds will continuously test adults' strength, trying to win for themselves the right to their own opinion and personal space. However, parental approval is still important. If a child constantly does not live up to the expectations of his parents, listens to reproaches, he ceases to believe in his strength and that he can do something himself. It is extremely difficult for him to express his feelings in words, and hysteria, tears and aggression come to the rescue.

Lack of mutual understanding

. This is one of the facets of self-affirmation. It happens that it is difficult for the older generation to understand the younger generation. When the baby was very tiny, the problems were also small: he was crying - either he wanted to eat, or something hurt. But the child is growing. He develops thoughts, desires, self-awareness and worldview. He is already evaluating, comparing, and drawing the first conclusions. But for adults it remains stupid.

Mirroring behavior

. Parents apply to their offspring a copy of their own life experience. If they were punished for certain things in childhood, most likely they will punish their own child for the same offenses. They were shouted at - they will also shout at their child. By doing this unconsciously, they provoke children to a mirror reaction. But everyone is an already formed, or still emerging, personality; their characters, speed of interaction, reactions, and temperament are different. What suited parents may not suit their children. And the defensive reaction will again be aggression and crying.

If problems in the family are resolved in a raised voice, the child will also copy the behavior of the elders and will insist on his version using rude words, fists or loud roars. It is in vain to explain to him that this is impossible - an example is before his eyes.

Constantly paying attention to shortcomings, adults focus attention and develop them.

Nervousness in the family

. If a child faces constant tension in the family in everyday life, his nervous system will be shaken. A 5-year-old person has few ways to convey to others that he feels bad. Through hysteria and aggressive behavior, he relieves accumulated anxiety and discomfort.

Balance and justice

. Children at this age are very vulnerable and have a subtle sense of feeling. They have an inherent desire to seek the truth. An unrestrained word, vented anger or unfair punishment can lead to a reaction of parental rejection.

Differences in approaches to education

. In raising a child, parents must adhere to a general line of behavior: what is permitted and what is prohibited cannot be swapped at the discretion of one of the adults. If mother/grandmother allows what father/grandfather forbade, the educational process will go down the drain. A child is an excellent manipulator; he will take advantage of such inconsistency to get what he wants. If one day he managed to turn a parent’s “no” into a “yes” with screams and tears, then the situation will be repeated regularly.

Feeling unwell or sick

. These are objective reasons that can cause children's whims and hysterics in any, even the most obedient child.

Hb baby is rude to lover

Just yesterday your child

he was so gentle and affectionate, he loved mom and dad so much, but now he looks like a prickly hedgehog who can’t live a day without pricking you with his own aloofness, and sometimes shows aggression that expresses real hatred. His injections become more and more painful every week, and you begin to feel that you are falling into the abyss of a communication failure between you and your child. What happened and how to deal with it?

Well, most likely your child is just growing up

. You were an infallible authority for him all these years, and he simply did not know how to doubt your absolute rightness and the absolute correctness of everything you do. But, let's admit that although such obedience is convenient, it is not expensive. And in order to grow up, your child will certainly have to break the shell of your guardianship and become more independent. The shining halo of your omnipotence has dimmed in his eyes, and of course this is a great disappointment for him. In addition to everything, the body begins to rebuild, change, produce unprecedented hormones in unprecedented quantities... in general, the wind of change slams the shutters in your child’s world and forces him to wrap himself in a blanket of alienation from loved ones, from you, sometimes from the whole world.

Don't you dare touch my things! Stay out of my life!

God, so much hate

- and you just wiped the dust off the speakers of his computer, which were literally begging for a damp cloth with all their appearance. Of course, this is painful and offensive. But don’t be upset, all of us at this age sometimes make our mother cry. The thirst for personal space is the first step towards an individual’s awareness of his own independence. And the teenager begins to defend this territory, like a baby animal’s burrow.

Give him personal space

will be the right decision. But allowing your child to grow up does not mean that he should be allowed to get away with everything. Those who have brains in their heads can set their own rules. Only those who are truly independent have power in this world. Let your child understand this. Do you want your room to be untouchable? Okay, but then it must be kept in proper condition. You can paste Justin Bieber posters all over the ceiling, but make sure the room is always tidy! This is my home and my rules, and independence will have to be earned.

In short, a teenager

You really need personal space, but freedom is too intoxicating for fragile minds, so it should be used in doses, gradually. And be sure that you control the dose.

It's not fair! This is unfair! You are the worst parents in the world! It would be better if I had never been born! You always do THIS!

Certainly!

How cruel it was to forbid him to go to Kazantip with his friends at the age of twelve! You didn't even let him try cocaine! For other children, their parents probably allowed it. And they deprived him of the New Year before last by giving him Duplo blocks instead of Lego!

Sense of justice

- This is good. But in adolescence it is so hypertrophied that it even has its own definition, “youthful maximalism.” There is no way to overcome it, you just need to talk to your child more often. Allow him to argue his position. Argue with him as with an adult, and not as with a child, and only when he calms down and moves away from the attack of righteous anger. You will be surprised how many scandals will disappear as soon as the unfortunate fighter for justice at least once tries to calmly justify his claims to you. You can even record these attempts on camera - in five years you will laugh together.

After the conflict

settled, explain to the rude person how deeply his offensive phrases, uttered in anger, hurt you. It's time to learn to take responsibility for your words and understand that they can hurt someone you care about. It's an integral part of growing up.

You NEVER allow me anything! You never buy me anything! I hate you!

And this youthful cry

should not be taken to heart. Maybe at the moment the child really feels a feeling of sincere hatred towards you, as an obstacle on the way to his, “a completely adult person,” freedom. But this outbreak will pass very soon, and he will most likely even be ashamed. The child’s love for you has not gone away, it’s just that the hormones are making his head spin, so he constantly walks around like he’s drunk.

Do not try

argue at the “yes-no” level, and generally do not succumb to provocations, do not conduct any dialogues with a terrorist who has thrown a tantrum. A young, growing organism must firmly understand that you will only talk to an adequate person, and not to a screaming harpy rolling on the floor. Let him first go to the bathroom and evolve to HomoSapiens, then you can sit down at the negotiating table and consider all his proposals, claims, demands and requests. But it is imperative to communicate and discuss any conflict that arises. The child should have the right to demand an explanation for each of your prohibitions, and you owe it to him to explain in detail, and as clearly as possible, why you, as a parent, cannot allow him to go to Somalia and become a pirate.

The given phrases

is just an attempt to summarize the most common claims of the younger generation against their ancestors. The main thing to remember is to try to instill responsibility in your child. More often appeal to the argument: “no responsibilities - no rights.” Do you want me to buy YOU an X-box? But, if you are such an adult, then why do your problems and desires automatically become mine? But I wish I didn’t have to stand at the stove for forty minutes every day after work, and then wash the dishes for another half hour. Take it upon yourself, you are old enough to learn how to cook. Free up my time and I'll earn money for your console. Can’t imagine your existence without her? And for the second year now, the unpainted fence at the dacha has been an eyesore for me. Whoever wants to receive must first learn to give, my young friend. This is the only way to truly become an adult.

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"Child psychology"

Source: Hb baby is rude to his lover Often children growing up in love and care begin to be rude and rude to their parents. In this article we will focus on the problem of children's rudeness towards their mother https://meduniver.com/Medical/Psixology/rebenok_grubit_i_xamit.html

What factors can increase the aggressive behavior of a five-year-old child?

Teachers, psychologists and parents should be very careful if

the child has experienced any violence;
he observed violence in the family or among others;
saw violence on television;
there are people in the family who use alcohol or drugs;
if the family is at the stage of ending the marriage;
in a family where there is only a mother, the parents do not have jobs and are not well off;
Firearms are stored in the house.

Parents must teach their child to be patient and be able to manage emotions. The family should limit their baby from the negative effects of the environment. But it is impossible to isolate the baby. Therefore, you need to talk to the baby and teach him to cope with negative emotions.

Hours of watching TV leads to outbursts of uncontrolled aggression

What stimulates increased aggression

The risk of increasing the level of aggression in children aged 5 years arises if mutual understanding with peers is disrupted in a particular child, and the child begins to feel isolated. The result is increased aggressiveness. Parents and teachers should help the child get rid of this, try to set the child up positively and change his behavior.
There is another factor that stimulates aggressive behavior - shortcomings in upbringing. It happens that parents simply encourage the child to become embittered towards the world around him.
Depression that occurs in children is also a stimulus for anger.
Of course, mental developmental abnormalities are also factors that stimulate aggression. These are various conditions bordering on schizophrenia and paranoia.
Autistic and mentally retarded children are also susceptible to aggressive attacks. The behavior of such children can be aggressive due to disappointment, resentment, and inability to cope with emotions.
Destructive disorders can also stimulate aggressive behavior.