What to do if your friend is offended and doesn’t want to talk

How to apologize to a friend

A quarrel between two friends can happen for various reasons. And if a person is really dear, then you need to look for ways to solve the problem.

If you offended her

The first thing you need to do is admit your guilt and tell your friend about it. Yes, you offended her and she is very offended. Therefore, you need to choose the right kind words that will melt your heart. When apologizing, explain that expressing your thoughts was just an opinion, and you did not want to lead to a quarrel with your thoughts. Say that you regret the situation and don’t want to lose it.

Of course, people are different. And if a friend is not one of those who likes to complicate everything, get offended for a long time, and beat herself up, then she will definitely meet you halfway. By the way, in many conflict situations you can check whether the friendship between you is real. Does your friend value you as much as you value her?

If I'm rude

Harsh words can greatly hurt a person. Therefore, with close people you need to control yourself and choose your words during communication. But if this has happened, and you have been rude to your close friend, then you need to act immediately. It is better to immediately admit your guilt and apologize to her.

What can we say:

• "I'm sorry! I don’t know how I could say that.”
• “I will not make such a mistake again and will never offend you in this way! Forgive me please".
• “You and I have been friends for more than one year, you understand that this is not what I meant at all. Don’t be offended, I love you.”
• “I’m sorry, I’m really sorry that I offended you.”

The tone should be calm and friendly. Show your friend that you are truly afraid of losing her.

If both are to blame

In this case, you don’t need to wait long for an apology from her. Come first and try to peacefully improve your friendship.

Adviсe:

• Talk. Come with a conversation and try to clarify the situation in a peaceful, friendly tone. There should be a heart-to-heart conversation that will help you make peace with your friend.
• A simple “sorry.” To waste time and not think day and night how to return friendship, you just need to say sorry. It could be: “Forgive me if I offended you. Let's forget this conflict. I don’t want this quarrel to ruin our friendship with you.”
• Approach with humor. If the quarrel was not serious, then you can quickly establish communication with the help of a joke. For example, you can approach your friend and act out a funny scene in which you and her play the leading role. Let him play along.

As a rule, the first person to take the first step is the person who is more worried about the current situation or the one who treats everything that happened more simply and kindly.

If friendship is important to you, put aside your pride

Throw away all your principles and invite a friend to talk

After a quarrel with friends, many of us eventually realize that, in general, the conflict could not have been allowed to happen. Also, many are afraid to restore friendship after a long time, fearing that this is no longer possible. And yet, if your friend is dear to you and you miss communicating with her, use your chance to once again find a close and understanding person in your life. It rarely happens that only one person is to blame for a conflict - think about what you could have done at one time in order to prevent such a development of the situation. After that, find a way to invite your friend to a sincere conversation, during which you tell about your thoughts.

Open your heart and talk about what worries and concerns you

During a meeting with a friend, tell her about how you felt at the time of the quarrel, and how you felt after it all happened. It would also be a good idea to confess to her the reasons that prompted you to act one way or another. Surely, after this, you thought about the events that happened more than once, and understood how they could have been avoided. Share this vision with your friend. In addition, it is worth conveying to your friend that you want to leave this unpleasant situation behind and start your friendship from scratch, since she is a really close person to you.

Forgive, let go of the grudge and ask for forgiveness

No matter who is more to blame for your quarrel, if you want to improve the situation, then you need to open up to each other and admit your mistakes. Sincere forgiveness is also very important - if this does not happen, then little will change in your relationship, and, most likely, it will be broken again after the slightest misunderstanding. It is also important to understand that not every friendship can be saved. If you feel that a trusting and warm relationship with a friend is a thing of the past, then do not try to “play friendship.” In this case, your only task is to remain at least in a neutral relationship with your friend, so that later you still have a chance for reconciliation. To do this, let go of all your grievances, realize that all people periodically make mistakes, and if no one forgave anyone, then we would all stop communicating with each other long ago. If you feel guilty towards your friend, sincerely apologize to her and admit that you were wrong.

How to make peace with your best friend

There are many reasons that can lead to a scandal with a close friend. You can build relationships both in a meeting and on social networks.

When corresponding

If it is not possible to meet (perhaps she is far away or does not want to see you), then you can try to make peace with your friend via SMS. At least you can start with correspondence.

Attention! You need to write sincerely, everything that you want to say to her live. You can add positive emoticons to your SMS to convey your emotions.

When writing a message you need to take into account:

• Start your letter by saying that you sincerely want to settle everything. Don't bring up the topic that led to the argument. The purpose of SMS is simply to fill the void, convey all the emotions, tell her how much you miss her.
• Use a little humor. Learn to laugh at yourself and the situation. Try to joke around the problem that led to the scandal. But the main thing here is not to overdo it. After all, if you joke a lot, your friend may think that you don’t take the current situation seriously.
• The end of the letter should hint at a meeting. At the very end you need to write something like this: “Meet me after classes (lectures, work) and talk.” Be sure to add a friendly emoticon.

After sending a message, you need to wait for a response. Even an emoticon sent in response will indicate that she also wants to make peace.

At the meeting

A conversation in person will help you understand what is in each of your thoughts and who thinks what about the current situation. You need to remain calm and be sincere. There is no need to talk about your worries or make accusations. Talk about your feelings and experiences.

How to make peace with a friend when meeting:

• Invite her to meet in a place that is important to you two. For example, this could be an ordinary bench where you spend a lot of time together, or a cafeteria where you keep secrets. Grab a cup of hot tea and have a heart-to-heart talk.
• Give a meaningful gift. These could be keychains that symbolize your friendship. Keep one half for yourself, give the other half to her with the words: “Let no quarrels destroy our friendship.”
• Postcard. Send by mail or place in her mailbox a beautiful card with two friends on it. Write a suitable verse on the spread.

If your friend doesn’t want to go to the meeting and refuses to have a heart-to-heart conversation, then your friendship was not as strong as you thought. There's no point in humiliating yourself.

What to write to a friend to make peace with her

In a personal letter

Not every girl, after a conflict situation with a friend, will decide to have a frank conversation with her - especially if a lot of time has passed since then. If your friendship was really strong and you have a lot of pleasant memories together, then your friend probably misses that relationship too. It doesn’t matter who was to blame for your quarrel - if you want to fix everything, then you have the opportunity to do it. Write a letter to your friend, but do not focus on the negative aspects in it. Point out that you are very sorry that the situation turned out this way. If you are to blame for the conflict, then be sure to apologize! After that, write to your friend that you miss her, and sometimes you miss your conversations and meetings. Express the hope that your friendship can still be restored and taken to a new level, taking into account past mistakes.

In a short SMS or social networks (VK, Facebook, etc.)

A brief message may be appropriate if you are not at fault for the argument. Otherwise, your friend will most likely expect more detailed explanations of your actions and an apology from you. If your friend is to blame for what happened, and you suspect that she herself wants to make peace, but does not dare to take the first step, then you yourself can take the initiative. For example, you can write: “Would you like to meet and talk?” After that, you just have to wait for an answer.

In unobtrusive correspondence

It also happens that friendship comes to naught not after loud quarrels and serious disappointments, but on its own. One of the girls may immerse herself in a new novel or work, meeting with her friend less and less, and often meetings stop altogether. Over time, many girls regret that everything turned out this way, beginning to realize the true value of friendship. If this is similar to your situation, then you can try to quietly restore the friendship in the same way that it ended. You can start with congratulations on some holiday, while at the same time inquiring about your friend’s affairs. In response to her message, tell her a little about yourself, and ask her anything else. If you see that the correspondence is going easily, then invite her to “somehow cross paths in the city and drink coffee.” Was your friend enthusiastic about this proposal? Now all that remains is to set a date for the meeting.

How to get your girlfriend back after a big fight

In most conflict situations, both are to blame. If the quarrel was serious, then it is better to wait a while for emotions to cool down a little. During this time, you and your friend will think about everything and even have time to miss each other.

After 2-3 days, if she has not taken the first step towards reconciliation, you need to start acting. You can start with an SMS “Hello. I miss". Next you need to offer to meet and talk. When meeting, in order to make peace with a friend, you need to be real and sincere. Take her hands, look her in the eyes and offer to discuss everything. In a quiet voice, without unnecessary emotions, tell us what you think about the quarrel. Explain that you don’t want to lose her, that you want to share all your secrets and experiences only with her.

Friendship 101

To summarize the analysis of the reasons for the breakup, we list what can be done to get your girlfriend back :

• Understand the reasons for your behavior in the current situation;
• Have a heart-to-heart talk with your friend, hear her position;
• Write a letter if a one-on-one conversation is not possible;
• Let go of friendships that your friend and you don’t need;
• Respect a friend with whom you have warm memories and positive emotions.

Acting impulsively during a dispute makes it more difficult to resolve. Below is a list of what not to do :

• Interfere with other people's communication;
• To impose your communication and desires;
• Consider your girlfriend your property.

What to do if your friend doesn't want to communicate

In this case, when a person close to you does not make contact and completely ignores requests for a meeting, then act like this:

• Write SMS on social networks. Surely interest will prevail and she will read the message. Talk about your emotions and feelings. Then all that remains is to wait for an answer.
• Leave everything for a while. Give her time to think and draw the right conclusions. When the storm subsides, you will definitely talk.

A strong quarrel can break a friendship forever. You need to start from the cause of the scandal and act as your heart tells you.

When to say goodbye to a friend, or signs of toxic friends

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The circle of true friends of a modern person is gradually narrowing. This is evidenced by sociological research data. If 50 years ago it was possible to see groups of four close friends, then modern girls most often open their souls to two close friends, or even limit themselves to only one. But not every friendship is good. There are many cases when close friends do not bring joy and lightness to life, but, on the contrary, complicate already difficult everyday life.

Let's try to find out if there are similar friends in your environment. Here are the main signs of toxic friends.

Your friend fills your whole life with herself

It's like she's trying to isolate you from the world around you. All interests and activities that are not related to her are relegated to the background. She is jealous of your other friends and wants you to spend all your time only with her. There is too much of her in your life: your friend talks to you on the phone for hours, writes messages all day. She constantly sticks to you, like an obsessive fly that you can’t get rid of.

Gives only useful advice

Your friend is very smart and resourceful, she knows exactly what is best for you. If her advice did not bring a positive result, then only you are to blame. She always gives the right advice, but if something doesn’t work, it’s not her fault. It was you, the idiot, who misunderstood or did not follow all of her recommendations. But when they give her advice, she simply does not pay attention to them, because such a smart girl does not need other people’s comments.

Provokes feelings of guilt

Constant attempts to make a person feel guilty are a sign of a psychological aggressor. For him, it’s not so important what you feel guilty about, the main thing is that you torment yourself. An abusive friend tries to make you feel guilty even for the fact that everything is going well for you. This can manifest itself in phrases like: “It’s good for you that you’re not as cold as I am! How I don’t like winter!” You still won’t influence the weather in any way and won’t help your beloved friend, so you feel guilty about it.

Not interested in your dreams and hobbies

Such a girl loves to talk about herself, tell how great she is. However, she is not at all interested in your achievements and talents. She doesn't ask about what you do or what's new at your job. If he sometimes asks, it’s only “for show.” You are afraid to tell her about your innermost dreams, fearing misunderstanding and criticism, but your friend listens very carefully and eagerly to your problems and failures.

Everything in the world is explained by your friendship

My friend justifies any criticism like this: “We are friends. Who, if not me, will point this out to you!”, “Let’s go to the seaside together, we’re friends!”, “Was it difficult for you to play along with me? You are my friend! In this way, the person questions your desire to be friends, thereby forcing you to comply with his wishes.

Seven features of abusive relationships that are important to understanding them

He justifies all his actions with the phrase: “What’s wrong with that?”

If you begin to be rightfully indignant when a friend does wrong, she is sincerely surprised and looks with a puzzled look. “I broke your mug, so what? End of the world? Is she more valuable than our friendship? - the girl laments. Moreover, she will also accuse you that it was you who placed her on the edge of the table, and that’s why it happened this way. A friend deprives you of the right to your own feelings and emotions.

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Indulges in actions that a true friend should condemn

A simple example is drinking alcohol. When you say that you can’t drink much, your girlfriend immediately gets offended and literally pours alcohol into you. If she smokes, then you should love cigarettes too. You are not a black sheep! But real friends would discourage bad habits, not indulge them. A true friend cares about your health.

From time to time it disappears and becomes inaccessible

Does your friend like to turn off her phone and leave Contact without warning? It is possible that she is an emotional abuser. In this way she is trying to attract attention to herself. You will worry and look for her, and after the next disappearance she will explain her behavior with a bad mood and a desire to be alone.

Always compares his achievements with yours, and this comparison is not in your favor

A toxic friend will always find a reason to belittle your achievements. If you have a cool phone, then her iPhone is even cooler. You dress stylishly, but she still has more fashion sense. Your friend quietly neutralizes every success and little joy you have. She is always better than you, she is more beautiful and talented, and you are just her shadow

Shows impatience and pushiness

If you don't immediately respond to her message, she will continue to write until she receives a response. If you don’t pick up the phone, your friend calls 10 times, and then bombards you with reproaches about “where are you going?” Her calls are always very important; her desire to go for a walk must be responded to unquestioningly. You cannot refuse, even if you are not in the mood or feel bad.

Offers help or gifts when it is not entirely appropriate

It’s normal when friends exchange gifts for some holiday, but it happens that girls start giving their friends their clothes or other things because they have a lot of them, and the “poor” friend needs more. Take your time to rejoice in kindness and compassion. Most likely, with such actions, your friend wants to firmly tie you to her. After this, you will be indebted to her for the rest of your life and will no longer be able to get rid of your dubious friendship.

Why shouldn’t you bring up a quarrel with your husband for discussion with your friends?

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Gives freedom of choice and then criticizes

A friend supposedly gives you the right to choose where to meet or where to go for fun. Having previously agreed with your choice, she grumbles and is indignant all evening. After this behavior, you will no longer want to take the initiative into your own hands, but will listen to your friend in everything.

Complains endlessly

She is always unhappy with everything. She was treated poorly at a restaurant, her hair was ruined at a hairdresser, and she was shortchanged at a store. Every day she finds reasons to grumble and complain. Her boss is an asshole, and she was unlucky with her boyfriend. She does not like to talk about positive topics, but she enjoys rinsing the negative.

Likes to discuss everyone

You should stay away from friends who cannot live without gossip and condemnation. Such girls rarely praise anyone; in their eyes, everyone is bad. If a friend works in the service industry, everyone, even strangers, comes under her criticism. Communicating with such friends, you confidently degrade. Think about it, because, most likely, they say nasty things behind your back. Get rid of such a friend immediately, it will save your nerves and time.

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Hello! This is a blog on psychology, in which significant attention is paid to the topics of psychological violence - abuse, narcissism, relationships, personal crises, taking responsibility for one's life, increasing self-esteem, existential problems. The cost of consulting a psychologist is 3000 rubles/hour, in person (Moscow, Maryina Roshcha metro station), or via Skype About us/Make an appointment

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Psychologist's advice

Friendships are rarely equal. Someone always becomes the leader. A strong and strong-willed person always takes the initiative in reconciliation.

Recommendations from a psychologist:

• If you are a leader in your friendship, then you must be wise, fair and kind. To make peace with your friend, show the maximum of your leadership qualities. Be active, take the first steps. Write a message, invite to a meeting. Of course, if the response is complete ignorance, then you should think about whether you need this friendship.
• If you have thoughts that you are not to blame for anything, and you don’t need to do anything to reconcile, then think about who you will spend your free time with, who you will trust with all your secrets. Therefore, draw the right conclusions and understand for yourself whether you need to put up with your friend or not.

Learn to forgive and meet halfway. You always need to find compromises, because every person needs a trusting relationship. The main advice that psychologists give is to suppress your selfishness in time and think not only about your feelings.

Sincerity and the ability to admit your mistakes will help reconcile girlfriends after any quarrel. But you need to understand that sometimes it happens that a scandal can become a “cumulative bomb.” In such cases, it is almost impossible to restore friendly relations.

So what to do?

Don't focus on the situation. Yes, at first it will be painful and unpleasant, but if you start endlessly thinking about how you were offended, it will not lead to anything good. You may withdraw into yourself and lose all trust in other friends and family.

Let your friend speak out and share revelations. But be prepared to hear the bitter truth, unpleasant things that can completely destroy your relationship.

If she decides to ask for forgiveness, then don't act arrogant. Remember that every person has the right to make mistakes, so give your friend a second chance. After reconciliation, observe behavior, try not to tell your secrets and secrets, do not involve such people in family dramas and personal problems.

How to maintain friendship for many years

There are no ideal people and sooner or later conflicts arise between two friends. Different points of view, emotions, understatement lead to them. But if you follow a few simple recommendations, you can maintain true friendships for life.

So:

• Realize and admit your guilt in time. This will help quickly resolve the situation. Your friend will understand that you respect and love her.
• Know how to remain silent. When a conflict situation arises due to a bad mood, you should say that you do not want to talk in such a tone and your conversation will continue after she calms down.
• Overcome stress without harming those around you. It is important to deal with aggression and anger on your own. When you are in a bad mood and want to quarrel with someone, it is better to listen to your favorite music and come to your senses.
• Remind yourself of your feelings. Say that you love your friend and respect her opinion, that she is dear to you and is an important person in your life. Such kind words will lie deep in her soul, and when she needs to make peace, she will definitely remember them.
• Be able to give in. Often girls quarrel when they cannot share a guy or a dress they like. In such cases, you need to talk and find compromises.
• Learn to apologize. Most often, both sides are to blame in conflicts. The ability to ask for forgiveness and take the first step towards reconciliation strengthens friendship.

The most important thing in friendships is respect. You need to respect not only your feelings, but also the person close to you. If the person is not indifferent and the friendship is real, then you will be able to competently overcome any quarrels and avoid misunderstandings in the future.

What to do to reconcile two friends

Please note that such help may not only not be appreciated, but also received with hostility. Not all people like it when someone tries to get into their relationship with someone, and it doesn’t matter whether we are talking about existing relationships or about ones that have already been destroyed. If you know for sure that your help will be appreciated, and the quarreling girls need it, or one of the parties asked you for it, then you can take some steps in this direction.

Transmit a letter

Invite one of the parties to write a letter to a friend and seal it. Your mission will be to deliver this letter to the recipient, and make sure that he actually reads its text. The fact is that one of the girls may not dare to take this step, fearing that the message will not reach or will be ignored. You will make sure that the letter is still read.

Sudden meeting

You can organize some kind of event or celebration where you can invite both girls. If the breakup of their relationship was painful, then it is probably not worth warning them about an imminent meeting. If you know that each of them regrets the quarrel and wants to make peace, then you can certainly warn them that they will soon see each other - in such a situation, the girls themselves will most likely try to take advantage of the opportunity provided. At the event itself, give your friends the opportunity to talk alone - you can ask the two of them to go to the store for some “necessary” purchase, or leave them alone in the kitchen, after asking them to help with cutting the salad. There can be many options - your task is to give them a chance to talk without witnesses.

Consistent steps towards reconciliation

Let's say you can't even understand what offended your friend so much.
You see that she is angry with you, but you don't know why. Try to figure this out yourself first. Analyze everything you said or did just before you began to notice that she began to get angry. Maybe you can remember what you could have said that could have made her angry and disappointed in you. Whether you figured out the reasons for her offense or not, you still need to talk further. Call your friend and tell her that you would like to meet with her to discuss the incident and find ways to repair the friendship. If you don't feel comfortable calling her, you can write a letter and send it by email. Make an appointment somewhere public, such as a park or a café. This will create a more relaxed environment that will relieve tension.

At the very beginning of the meeting, tell your friend that she is very important to you. If your friend knows that you value your friendship with her, it will be much easier for you to initiate difficult conversations and establish a friendly tone of conversation. In general, it is considered very successful to achieve a successful outcome of a difficult conversation to begin it with a mention of your feelings.

Admit your role in the deterioration of the relationship between you, if it really is your fault. Apologize for your mistake. Accept responsibility for the disagreement that occurred, even if you do not believe that only you are to blame for the current situation. Any psychologist will tell you that the most important thing now is the desired reconciliation and restoration of previous relationships, and not finding out who is more to blame and who is less. Of course, sometimes it can be very difficult to take all the blame on yourself, sometimes you just want to prove that you are right; but, if the question of preserving friendship is at stake, then you have to leave your pride until better times! How can you force your friend to make peace differently if she sincerely considers you to be to blame for the disagreement?

Use “I” statements throughout the discussion. Say “I feel”, “I see”, “I believe” or “I want” instead of saying “you...” - otherwise you will put your interlocutor on the defensive. When you talk about yourself and your feelings, your friend will not see the conversation as an attempt to blame her for anything.

Listen carefully to your friend without trying to judge what she says. During such a complex and sometimes not very pleasant conversation, the listener often makes up in his mind a refutation of everything he hears from the interlocutor. Often these thoughts burst out, and we begin to interrupt the speaker, begin to argue with him. So, if you really want to make peace, under no circumstances do this! Listen carefully, without interrupting, and only ask clarifying questions from time to time to make sure you understand everything correctly.

After you discuss everything and find a compromise, give her time to move on from the offense. Don't rush her, don't figure out how to make peace with your friend as soon as possible. You have already done everything that depended on you, now you just need to wait until the relationship is completely restored.

Why do you keep trying to communicate?

Any person wants clarity and this is normal, especially in the case of loved ones. And when you sincerely do not understand what happened, that a person close to you stopped communicating with you, you make any attempts to bring clarity to the situation. Or maybe there is no resentment, and something happened to a friend, and now she needs privacy to make a decision for herself. Of course, there are always hundreds of different options running through your head. Indeed, you may have nothing to do with it, she’s just going through a period when she needs to be alone and then she herself will get in touch with you. Or you already consider yourself offended by such behavior, since it is not deserved and naturally not fair and you are already offended for yourself. And you, at all costs, want to reach her.

Is it worth putting up with your girlfriend in principle?

So, let's assume that there is a conflict between you and your friend, and now you are thinking about how to make peace with her. And perhaps the thought creeps into your head: “Should I put up with her in principle? Maybe it’s easier to leave everything as it is?”

Oddly enough, both options can be reasonable in different cases. In general, to make a final decision, you can use the following tips:

• Leaving everything as it is after a strong quarrel makes sense if the conflict has revealed serious contradictions in your life positions. It’s sad, but people change with age, and sometimes those who a few years ago understood each other perfectly now speak different languages. Such a relationship will give both sides nothing but misunderstandings and constant quarrels based on fundamental differences in views. In a case like this, no matter how painful it may be, it may make sense to use the argument to end the friendship. But of course, you must analyze the situation very carefully to make such a serious decision.
• If there is at least some chance that you will continue to be able to communicate interestingly and productively, then, of course, it is very necessary to make peace with your friend. Friends are wonderful gifts of fate, which definitely should not be abandoned because of an absurd quarrel that does not indicate the meaninglessness of your relationship as a whole. Even if it’s difficult, painful, or you have to step on the throat of your own song, strong friendship is worth such efforts.