The Jizn
There is a reason why mothers hate their daughters. Their secret motives are hidden from those around them - we can only see the results.
Mothers want their daughters to be unhappy. So that they repeat their mistakes. So that they have an unpleasant husband and unloved children.
While my friend, Masha, was married to a man whom she had already stopped loving, her mother was her best friend. She sympathized and consoled. But as soon as Masha got divorced, she immediately became an outcast. Mom was constantly in touch with her ex-husband, discussed with him how stupid and treacherous Masha was, and persuaded Masha to return to him, reminding her that she was almost 30 and now everything had to start again, and when will children be at 40, or something? ?
Masha believed in the best, so she tried to explain to her mother that she didn’t love her husband at all, the thought of physical intimacy with him was disgusting to her, that he was tyrannizing her and that she couldn’t live like that. And mom once admitted to Masha that she got married only because she lost her virginity with a random person, and she urgently needed to sell herself, albeit at a discount. Then Masha’s loving dad turned up. Masha was upset by such revelations, and when she came to her senses a little, she was even more shocked by the hidden moral of this confession: they say, relationships are not a holiday, you have to force yourself. We must endure - and the longer the better.
There are thousands of such stories.
Another friend of mine, Nina, only hears from her mother: when will you get married, when will you give birth? Mom doesn’t care that Nina has a wonderful career, an interesting life, that she has her own desires, which marriage doesn’t fit into, that she doesn’t see the point in it at all. And she doesn't want children.
Important note: all these mothers are women 50-55 years old who have received higher education, are not obsessed with religion and are using all the available opportunities in the modern world.
Another friend of mine gave birth to a child because her mother insisted on it. Everyone hoped that after this my mother would calm down, but three years later she started talking about the second one. This has been going on for ten years. Every time, at any meeting, during any telephone conversation, my mother reminds me that the years are passing, the biological clock is ticking, fertility is falling and we need to give birth to a second one while there is still the slightest opportunity.
Thousands of women are subject to such attacks. Thousands of women don't know what to do about it.
Masha quarreled with her mother. Ignored her calls. They didn't communicate for months. But time passed, and Masha went to make peace. And after the next truce, nothing changes - reproaches and persuasion continue from where they left off.
A characteristic phrase of such mothers is: “I live for you.” It follows from this: you must listen to my teachings and respect my fears, you must repeat my mistakes. This is the great connection between generations, the cycle of suffering, resentment and disappointment in nature.
Such mothers especially emphasize that they do not have their own life, they are proud of this and believe that the daughter should do everything that such a mother wants: marry any moron, give birth to an unwanted child.
Sometimes I personally experience, albeit painful, but still joy that my mother died in childbirth. I'm pretty sure she wouldn't be such a creep. But who knows? When I see such perverted relationships between mothers and daughters, in moments of weakness, I quietly and timidly thank God that this did not happen in my life.
I don't believe this is such love. Anything but love. On the part of mothers, it’s more likely jealousy. Envy. On the part of the daughters, this is most similar to the attitude of the victim towards the rapist - love as self-defense.
- Maybe we should give birth to a child to hell already? — a friend asks sadly, driven to despair by her mother’s whining.
- This is your business, but right now, well, objectively, what will you do with it? - I ask.
“Mom will help,” she answers.
Mom, of course, doesn’t just promise to help - she begs to give her the child for six days a week, saves money for the baby’s dowry, chooses cribs and strollers every day. But I have several examples before my eyes where exactly the second the child is born, all these mothers declare: “Well, now this is your burden. No, I can’t take it away - it’s yours, educate yourself. Who knows what I promised? I’m still a young woman, I can’t waste my time on this.” And this is after all the lamentations about how she wants a grandson and how she is ready to give him her whole life. After all these “I live only for you.”
Yes, it happens differently. The grandmother takes care of her grandson - but then she tries to push his mother, her daughter, aside, convinces her that she is doing everything wrong. In a word, conflicts and teachings continue.
What is it with all these women who are not so stupid that they don’t understand what nasty things they do? Why is the purpose of their life to ruin the lives of their children? Are their own destinies so terrible that they cannot restrain these destructive impulses?
“There will be no one to bring a glass of water,” Nina’s mother assures when she explains why she urgently needs to give birth. And Nina thinks that if this goes on, her mother will definitely end up without a glass of water, because she is ready to quarrel with her forever.
I see friends who live in this nightmare - and can’t do anything about it, because “after all, the mother,” a close person, gave birth and raised her. And the mothers take advantage of this and continue to torture them. From time to time, mothers receive sobs, scandals, and hysterics in response. They understand that they are hurting their daughters, but they continue to take revenge on them for something. Perhaps they felt that daughters received too much fatherly love. Or they simply want to become happier than their parents - and this is annoying, it tears the soul to shreds.
The scary thing is that this is a symptom of a whole generation of women, now in their 50s and 60s, who can't believe their daughters have the nerve to be happy. Not happy to show off: they say, there is a husband, there are children, there is a fur coat - life has happened. And happy as a person is happy who knows what he wants and what he doesn’t want in life, and he has the courage to make his choice.
Unfortunately, these women will never change. It is useless to persuade them, there is no point even in psychotherapy - some have tried it, it only works to a certain limit. Poor women in their thirties will have to live with this for many more years, poisoning their lives with confrontation and questions: “Why?”
Humanly speaking, I feel sorry for them, but one can rejoice in the fact that these 30-year-olds are completely different from their mothers - despite everything. And that those behind them, their children, or simply younger comrades, colleagues, students, children of friends, will be raised by completely different people. Those who consider personal happiness more important than status, than the opinion of society, than biological functions. And who will not, for the sake of all this, hurt those he loves.
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mothers daughters why mothers hate their daughters
Why does a daughter repeat the fate of her mother?
Grandmother - mother - daughter - granddaughter... A vertical chain in the pedigree. Something very important is transmitted along the chain. What? Maybe our feminine essence?
For centuries, the female role has meant abstinence, commitment, patience, and perseverance in enduring any pain. To be a woman meant to be either a man's property or his "half." And now they still say: “For a woman, she earns well.” Or: “She writes good novels for a woman.” Who said a woman can't write novels as good as a man?
If a mother has absorbed such ideas, then rest assured, she will pass them on to her daughter. Mothers are excellent teachers. The daughters' main classroom is the kitchen. The science of being a woman, a wife, a mother is taught here. Here the daughter learns everything that her mother thinks about herself. Scientifically speaking, self-identification is passed on from mother to daughter. Family scripts are written here.
It is natural and normal to be attached to your mother. Why are we afraid of complete similarity? Probably, in us, daughters, there lives an ineradicable desire for uniqueness. Each daughter has the right to her own individuality, has the right to be one and only.
We, daughters, are afraid of complete resemblance to our mother because we are called to this: “Be like me.” Many daughters do not want to repeat their mother’s fate and marry the way mom married dad, but fate repeats itself. If dad raised his hand to mom, the daughter may find herself in the same position. Victims give birth to victims. If the mother was the wife of an alcoholic, then it is very likely that the daughter will repeat her story.
Daughters receive their fate “inherited” most likely if neither mother nor daughter knows about the existence of intra-family laws. Therefore, they cannot use them to their advantage.
Why relationships with mom affect relationships with men
Mothers have special expectations of their daughters. Either “be like me” or “be completely different.” Both tasks are burdensome for the daughter.
Why is the “be like me” attitude dangerous? In this case, the mother does not tell her daughter about the variety of possibilities in life. There is a hidden meaning in this message: “All efforts are in vain. What's the point of doing more? You can’t jump higher than your mother.” The fear of women of all times and peoples of being rejected, unloved, abandoned comes from mother’s “do as I say, otherwise I will not love.” In this case, the daughter is forever doomed to please her mother.
Why is the position “be completely different” (happier, more educated, better than me) dangerous? In this case, the daughter lives under the pressure of “be the best.” The child's free development is sacrificed to satisfy the mother's secret desire to improve her own well-being. In both the first and second cases, the mother’s expectations prevent her daughter from developing.
The source of the mother’s expectations is a lack of self-esteem, blurred ideas about herself. Mom doesn’t know where the boundary of her personality ends and where her daughter’s territory begins. The boundaries of another person are more often violated by those who do not have their own. A respectful attitude towards the sovereignty of one’s neighbor (the borders of people, as well as states, must be respected) means that mother and daughter are family, close, but different. What is good for a mother is not necessarily good for a daughter.
The relationship with the mother will affect all other relationships, especially with men. The daughter will choose friends, husbands, maybe even bosses who will treat her the way her mother does.
A “good” girl will choose a husband who will groom and cherish her, will not allow her to grow up, will keep her subordinate, for him she is always a “baby”, a girl-wife. And the “baby” will turn pale at the mere thought that he might do something that he doesn’t like.
A “bad” girl will choose a man who will treat her poorly, increasing her feelings of inferiority.
Good girls, bad girls... What do their destinies in adulthood have in common? Refusal to value your own opinion and rely too much on the opinions of others. Mom's messages, which we swallowed as children, have power over us almost all our lives, even after her death.
To reconcile mother and daughter
A mother, offended by her daughter’s evil words, can perform a ritual to admonish a stupid and impudent child. The conspiracy will help ensure that your daughter never offends her family again.
The conspiracy is carried out like this:
- After waiting until Maundy Thursday before Easter, they collect spring or well water.
- They take two sips, and the third time they take the water into their mouth, but do not swallow it. It is carried in the mouth to the house.
- They spit water onto the threshold and say:
There are also conspiracies so that a daughter, having had a fight with her parents, does not run away from home, but tries to make peace. To carry out one of these conspiracies, the mother must plant three Christmas trees in her garden plot in the spring. Having done the work, but not yet watered the seedlings in the ground, the woman says:
After pronouncing the spell, you should water the planted trees.
There is another powerful conspiracy that helps to reconcile family members and prevent the daughter from running away from home. To carry it out, you need to take a previously unused knife, and also buy three candles in the church store on Good Friday. You need to light the purchased candles at home, move a knife over their flame in the direction of the arrow, saying:
The knife charmed over the fire must be sewn into the mattress of the daughter’s bed.
If it so happens that the daughter ran away after a quarrel with her parents, then the concerned mother can perform a ritual to help return the stupid child to the family. To carry out the conspiracy, you need to buy a dog collar. You need to tie your daughter’s slippers with a leash from the collar and say over them:
The charmed slippers, twisted with a leash, should be placed in a secret place for a week. They can then be returned to where they previously stood.
