Overwork
Evaluate your child's routine; he should get enough sleep. Normally, children 6-12 years old should sleep 9-12 hours. If the child ((did homework until night, played on the computer or watched a movie)), of course, in the morning it will be difficult for him to get up, he will feel nauseous, and his head will be dizzy. Try to establish a routine and reduce the load, for example, temporarily abandon additional activities associated with mental effort.
STORY: A 9-year-old girl often cannot fall asleep in the evening, although she goes to bed at the same time, and in the morning she cannot get up, cries, and yawns in class. The parents turned to a psychologist, he advised to reduce the workload, temporarily abandon additional classes in the math club and observe. In the evenings, the parents and the girl began to walk or ride a bike. The child's sleep improved, and the girl began to get up for school in the morning without any problems.
Current advice from a psychologist if a teenager does not want to study or go to school
- Communicate regularly with your child without negative connotations in a trusting, calm environment.
- Do not oppress the personal qualities of a teenager with reproaches, ridicule or categorical taboos that destroy his freedom.
- Talk to your child freely and frankly, share personal experiences and refuse family usurpation.
- Encourage the teenager's skills and abilities, as well as his desire for independence.
- Visually demonstrate to the child how school knowledge and social adaptation will help realize his personal potential in life.
Study problems
The child may be having a hard time learning, for example, he has attention problems, or he is not keeping up with the class, or perhaps he simply missed a topic and now does not understand the material and needs help. High expectations from parents and teachers cause additional stress. Assess your child’s academic performance and why he has poor grades in some subjects: perhaps he needs your help or additional classes, and in cases of problems with attention, consultation with specialists: a neuropsychologist and speech therapist.
STORY: 8-year-old Lera was afraid to go to school and often cried. At school she did not do well in Russian and reading. She read slower than everyone else, did not keep up with assignments in the Russian language and made a lot of mistakes. This became especially noticeable when grades appeared in the second grade. Lera began to get bad marks, the children laughed, the girl began to hide her notebooks so that no one would see them. The teacher recommended that the parents contact a speech therapist, who assumed Lera had dyslexia and began working with her. The grades became better, the teacher lowered the requirements for her work, Lera became more confident.
Joyful childhood
Aliya still remained a very kind and calm child. She never cried, was not capricious, and did not demand unnecessary attention. Sometimes it seemed to Thomas that the baby was not there at all, although she was present in the room. The girl knew how to find things to do for herself and did not bother her parents over trifles. After some time, Aliya got a younger sister, and then a brother. The children were very friendly with each other, and their parents could not get enough of their happiness.
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Problems with teachers or classmates
Children often refuse to go to school if they have problems with classmates, and maybe even bullying. Sometimes problems arise with a teacher who shouts or makes too strict demands. Talk to your child about what is bothering him and also talk to school teachers. Reassure your child, let him be confident that you will help solve this problem. The sooner you intervene, the faster you can help your child get back to learning.
STORY. Alice really wanted to go to first grade, but after 2 weeks of school she began to speak negatively about school. All the children complained that the teacher was very strict, spoke in a raised voice, and did not let them go to the toilet during class. With the help of the school administration, the parents resolved the problem.
Why children in adolescence do not want to study: we understand the reasons
“Until grades 6-7, my son studied well. In the diary - only A's, from teachers - continuous praise. And suddenly, for no apparent reason, the desire to study disappeared, the computer and the street were on my mind. I do not know what to do?" — many parents are concerned about these kinds of problems at some point in their lives.
Before you panic or blame someone for this situation, you need to understand what causes such a persistent reluctance to learn.
Psychologists identify several main reasons why teenagers refuse to study:
- Puberty.
- Rapid physical growth.
- Heart problems as a consequence of physical growth.
- Change of emotional background.
How does puberty affect children's learning?
During puberty, the process of excitation is quite rapid, but inhibition, on the contrary, is slow. In this regard, any little thing can turn a young man on, irritate him, and make him nervous. It's not easy to calm down. Naturally, in such a state it is very difficult to master the educational material.
Rapid physical growth of a teenager
Rapid physical development causes the child's bones to grow disproportionately. Result: constant fatigue, rapid fatigue.
The reason for fatigue sometimes lies in the heart
Many people begin to complain of heart pain because the heart does not have time to grow. Heart spasms cause problems with oxygen supply to the brain. Therefore, children begin to think poorly, their attention is scattered, and their memory is weak.
Emotional instability of adolescents
Against the background of hormonal surges, adolescents are often emotionally unstable, that is, they are susceptible to psychosis and loss of mood. These signs are especially pronounced in girls in connection with the formation of the menstrual cycle.
No amount of whips will be successful here. If you start interrogations with bias, using methods such as house arrest, etc., then you will only aggravate the situation.
Ideally, you and your son (daughter) should visit a psychologist . However, we understand that due to various circumstances, not everyone has this opportunity.
How to correctly explain why you need to study? Or, perhaps, it’s correct: “if you don’t want to, don’t study” - what position should parents take?
Here is how psychologist from St. Petersburg Daria Grankina comments on the situation:
You can instill a taste for learning in anyone at any age. A teenager needs to be provided with a range of knowledge about his future life. Explain cause and effect relationships. But it’s not worth saying that if he doesn’t study algebra, he’ll wash the toilets in the reserved seat, although someone should do that too. We must give the child knowledge, resources and alternatives. Knowledge is not dry facts, but as a process of understanding this world. The alternative is that the child can and should try his best in everything, explore. With resources, it’s clear what we’re talking about. Of course, this is not complete freedom, but careful accompaniment.
Can we motivate to study? To motivate = to manipulate, but that’s not what we want. Therefore, money, persuasion and threats are not an effective method.
A teenager at this age has a lot of questions about society and the world. Who am I, why am I, what awaits me, what awaits the country, how to live correctly...? And of course they are not so strange that they do not understand that they still need to learn. But school is a routine job, and inside there are other problems torn apart.
There is another important aspect: does the child not want to study or CAN’T do it? Perhaps we need to lower our expectations and understand that a 5 is not always good, a rating of 3 is also good. We must understand that to study, we must study. This is both a regime and a system. If this hasn’t happened since elementary school, then perhaps you need to streamline your and your child’s schedule right now.
In general, in everything that concerns children, you need to start therapy with yourself. For example, take any courses yourself, be it computer, knitting or Latin. This will show your ability to adapt to new trends and desire to learn new things, your openness to the world. Remembering yourself at this age is very useful. Start going with your child to a museum, planetarium, zoo, and finally, read a book in the evening. You can start softly and from afar, go with your child to a concert, to the cinema to see a new film, ask him to explain what the essence of his computer game is. This is already communication, this is already an exchange of information, which implies feedback from you and interesting dialogues that stimulate the child for cognitive activity. Under no circumstances should you give up or bury your head in the sand. This is your child and you can help him. You can work with this.
Original invention
Thomas showed resourcefulness by designing a miniature voice recorder and placing it in his daughter's hair. The girl did not know about this, because it could distract her from her studies. After the child came home and the parents listened to the recording, they were simply horrified.
The teacher not only nagged at the children for the most insignificant reasons, she constantly raised her voice and demonstrated irritability and nervousness. There was such anger in her tone towards all the children that it was impossible to describe. Aliya walked around with the recorder for a few more days, and Thomas no longer had any doubts about his further actions: he decided to fight it.
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If a child does not want to go to 1st grade: advice from a psychologist
The age range from 6 to 8 years is today one of the most popular among tutors after graduation. Preparation for school is carried out by schools themselves, kindergartens, children's centers, early development clubs, private teachers and parents. But is this really necessary? Experts say there must be psychological preparation. Kindergarten is also suitable for such preparation, if the child went there. Most often, it is these children who cope with school adaptation most easily. And if an unprepared child is sent to school, then the adaptation period in this case passes with great difficulties and most parents begin to turn to child psychologists. Family and child psychologist Ainur KULNAZAROVA shared with a correspondent of the media portal Caravan.kz how to set up a child to communicate with Pushkin and Pythagoras
— Ainur, tell me, how to mentally prepare a child for school?
— Since a child goes to school for the first time, his communication environment changes, new people appear in his environment. If the child attended kindergarten, then in this case everything becomes much simpler, but there are children who have not been there - and it is they who require moral preparation. You need to talk to such a child, tell him that he is now a student and will go to school every day. There are practices where children are taken to school a few days before classes start and are shown what the school looks like inside, where they will sit, they are told where the teacher will stand and explain everything. Give your child the opportunity to play in the school yard. Such an introductory excursion can have a beneficial effect on the child. Of course, the main thing is to talk to your child and even play virtual school with him at home. Let the child imagine what he will do at school, how he will study. Let your mother join this game and tell you how to sit correctly, how to raise your hand, how to answer. If a child knows these smallest things, everything will work out well for him at school.
— What should parents do to make their child adapt more easily to new conditions and show interest in school?
— According to experts, adaptation to school for first-graders takes from 2 to 6 months. During this period, depending on the personality of the child himself, his character, adaptation can last 2 months for one child, all 6 for another. Therefore, parents need to keep this in mind and not be scared, and also not be afraid of tears and hysterics. But it is also worth remembering that it is during this adaptation period that you should not overload your child with any other sections or clubs. It often happens that parents immediately try to grab everything and be in time everywhere - but, as practice shows, this does not lead to anything good. First let your child get comfortable, and then run to all the clubs. The only thing is to leave the club that the child, for example, went to before entering school, if there is one. If the child has not attended any clubs, then during the adaptation period it is not recommended to enroll in such sections. And for a child to be interested in school - this, undoubtedly, depends not only on the parents and their moral preparation. Adaptation also depends on the school and the teachers themselves. Any school first conducts lessons for first-graders in a playful way in order to engage the child; in schools for the first six months they do not give grades, but give some kind of incentives - and this is the right method. And for these rewards in the form of emoticons, stars, and so on, you need to praise your baby and encourage him at home.
— In your opinion, is it still worth preparing a child for school, teaching him to read, write, count, or not?
- Today, it also depends on what school the child goes to. Because there are gymnasiums and regular schools. And all educational institutions have their own requirements for admission. Before admission, a parent finds out all the requirements, and if he wants his child to study at a certain school, then he must fulfill their requirements. If a school accepts children who, at a minimum, must read, then the parent is obliged to prepare his child. And if this condition is not mandatory, then you don’t need to teach it yourself, because if a child comes to class and can read, but all the other children cannot, then he will no longer be interested and bored in spending time at school.
— What to do if a child categorically refuses to go to school?
- This requires strong patience from parents. Only through warm words, through encouragement, and so on, should a child be attracted to school. Such a child shows by his behavior that he is scared. Frightened by the new environment, new strangers. In this case, it is necessary to raise the child’s spirit in such a way that it becomes clear that school is good, that it is interesting there, that new friends, games and a lot of new things await him there. Of course, there is no need to force, scold, drop him off at school and leave, otherwise it will be a lot of stress for a first-grader.
— What are they like, ideal modern first-graders?
- Any psychologist will tell you that these are children surrounded by love and attention. And, believe me, this is enough. But if you look at the portrait of an ideal first-grader from the side of teachers and parents, then this is a child who is interested in going to school, who happily completes all tasks. Such a first-grader easily gets used to the class team, communicates with everyone, smiles a lot and completes all assignments with enthusiasm.
