Why doesn't the wife want intimacy? The reasons are in physiology.
In order to understand why a wife does not want intimacy with her husband , you must first pay attention to her physical health. The fact is that the female body is more susceptible to changes due to age, external influences and, oddly enough, mental ones. I divided the causes into harmless and severe, since some require one-time intervention, others either take a long time to be treated or not at all.
Harmless reasons.
Physical and mental stress directly affects the state of the body of a woman who refuses intimacy. Among the most common ones is general malaise due to lack of sleep or insomnia. The modern world does not provide the opportunity to listen to your body and adhere to the biological clock, therefore, sleeping outside the biological clock limits the restoration of body functions. More often, the wife does not want intimacy after childbirth, since the child forces her to be in constant activity, both day and night. This forced measure protects the child, but provokes nervous breakdowns in women, so the husband who offered bed leisure often inspires himself: “My wife doesn’t want me , which means she doesn’t love me, and she’s also screaming!” In this situation, it is advisable to restrain your emotions until the child is one and a half years old or until he is sent to kindergarten, and after the female body has recovered, offer “love”.
Hormonal imbalances due to menstruation, pregnancy, taking pills or changes in the body are also high-frequency reasons for refusal, since they also affect the wife’s behavioral factor. In addition, these processes can occur with complications and pain. For example, depending on the severity of childbirth, a woman may receive genital injuries: cracks, swelling, lacerations, which doctors stitch up after childbirth. During pregnancy itself, men often do not listen to doctors, being offended by their wives, although they understand that they can cause premature birth.
Hard reasons.
When you say “My wife doesn’t want me!”, you should think about sexual incompatibility. This, of course, is not about simultaneously receiving satisfaction, but rather about dimensionality. The wife avoids intimacy with her husband so as not to experience such feelings again. In addition, it cannot be ruled out that healing occurs within a few days. If a woman refuses, ask if she experiences pain during intercourse. If yes, then try together to find a position in which it will be comfortable for both of you to “prove love.”
Also, severe obesity prevents a woman from becoming aroused. To solve this issue, it is enough to accustom her to exercise, observe nutrition and sleep patterns. Women have more fat cells in the pelvic area; they put pressure on the walls of the uterus, creating discomfort and reducing sensitivity. In fact, excess weight, at which the female body no longer looks feminine (barrel shape), interferes with arousal and the woman becomes frigid. Frigidity is the absence of arousal and the highest peak of pleasure.
Make it a happy occasion, voice your fantasies with her throughout the day to look forward to it
Make your upcoming night of love a happy event.
You can prepare her for this throughout the day. You can bring her into this state with words.
There are couples who constantly talk about the night in bed with each other.
They emphasize and voice their desires and are not shy about it.
Such moments throughout the day really turn a woman on.
If you get into the habit of voicing your fantasies, this will seriously diversify your life and prevent you from getting sucked into the dull everyday life. This will greatly strengthen your relationship.
We usually don't say thoughts in our heads. I talk about how to tell a girl that you like her in another article.
Learn to speak thoughts in your head - this will increase the emotional component of things.
Learn to talk to her positively about making love throughout the day, with playfulness and passion! This seriously increases the attraction between you.
Why does the wife constantly refuse intimacy? Psychology.
If the above reasons can be treated with medication, then psychological ones will have to be solved using manipulative methods. I’ll dot the I’s in advance, most of the reasons are not related to you, so you shouldn’t worry until the subconscious signals blocking thoughts of intimacy and desire itself have been clarified. In the next two paragraphs, I’ll tell you why a woman refuses intimacy, and then we’ll look at several psychological techniques that heal the female consciousness.
Psychological problems that can be resolved with your husband.
In order to find out her predisposition to frequent acts of love without the wife’s participation, it is enough to analyze the behavior of her parents with a view to discussing intimacy. After all, in a family where they talk little about this or condemn this process, attaching different labels, a woman could grow up somewhat frigid. So, if the wife does not want intimacy, the reasons that the husband can correct are the following:
- The difference in desire coefficients (the logic is simple, if she enjoys one act of intimacy per month more than 25, she will choose one);
- She is a mental worker (if the head is constantly busy solving important tasks that require a high concentration of attention, then thoughts of intimacy go far into the subconscious, if the process is delayed, it is more difficult to get them, so the wife avoids intimacy with her husband);
- Deterioration in the quality of intimate intimacy (for understanding, compare the first acts of the bouquet and candy period with today’s, I’m not talking about the “dimensions of your device”, we are talking about sincerity, warmth, tenderness and caresses, which should be normal before bed entertainment, and plays a significant role the physical condition of the male body, it just so happens that 70% of women admire muscles more than folds of fat);
- Another man is outside the perimeter (today women are becoming more polygamous, so half of them definitely require total control to find out if she has a lover, check out this material);
- Disgust that appeared after your betrayal (if you did not cheat on your spouse, you have nothing to worry about; if you still have a sin, make sure that she is not aware of the offense);
- Fatigue after an emotional jump (cortisol hormones released into the blood during stress deplete the body, after which apathy sets in (indifference to oneself, affairs and others), therefore it is inappropriate to cause jealousy in a woman and force a long period to be at the peak of negative emotions, although the reason for this There may also be everyday problems, for example, lack of funds to repay a loan...);
- An overabundance of household tasks (in the case when a woman has to do more than the norm, fatigue at the end of the day prevents the desire to engage in intimacy);
- Circumstances for forced restraint (the fear that children may witness their parents having intercourse in bed haunts most women before they go to kindergarten or school).
Reasons requiring the intervention of a psychotherapist.
Here I will present several reasons that a specialist can correct. Of course, no one forbids a husband to try if he understands psychology and knows his wife’s personality type. So, the reasons:
- Selfish embarrassment (if from her youth the wife increased the degree of selfishness due to the attraction of men’s views on the ideal figure, then today the slightest changes in her can provoke a negative assessment, which is what she is afraid of);
- The high frequency of conflicts (mutual suppression of personalities, deliberate bullying and everyday drills affects the love coefficient and, if the wife avoids intimacy, the reasons should be looked for in the husband, this does not mean that you need to look for a psychologist, you can try to solve the problem at home by looking for the period in which chaos was just beginning and recognize who wanted to achieve what while continuing to increase their dominant influence);
- Fear of immoral assessments (in a morally healthy society they condemn women who dress and make up too provocatively, the wife may be afraid of such an assessment from you, moreover, if moments of jealousy towards the woman’s past or ex-husband have become more frequent, if the marriage is second, on this basis the man himself without suspecting, she is repelled by her beloved’s intrusiveness, so there is no initiative on her part);
- Rape trauma syndrome (the most cruel thing that can happen to a woman and affect mental health is rape, in this situation it is better to consult a psychotherapist without hesitation, since treatment of the trauma can drag on for years depending on whether there was a threat of death or injury and how she felt about intercourse before the heartbreaking situation);
- Phobias associated with infections, germs and touching (speedophobia could be formed as a result of a sexually transmitted infection, nosophobia (fear of getting sick) and haptophobia (fear of touching another person) could follow forced contact or a high frequency of sick leave, sometimes mental work turns into a fear of germs, to which doctors and programmers are highly susceptible);
- Childhood mental trauma (girls from childhood need to be protected from sexual information, since their psyche is unstable until adulthood, so that you understand, I’ll tell you an example from life: an 8-year-old girl, she unwittingly witnessed an unnatural contact between her mother and ... (not with her father and not with a person), which made her immediately vomit, after which she forgot about the incident, but 13 years later she realized that she could not make love with her husband, except in the dark; in other lighting conditions, what she had eaten did not linger in her stomach).
Talk to your wife before going to a psychologist with the question: “My wife doesn’t want me. What should I do?”, try to understand her and unite to solve the problem, then her level of trust will be at its best, which will contribute to the speedy treatment of the subconscious.
The wife doesn't want intimacy. What should my husband do?
The first step to suppressing negativity is to accept the fact that the wife is avoiding intimacy with her husband. If this is not infidelity, not aggravating jealousy, not an immoral lifestyle, but upholding the interests of the family (nervousness due to emotional stress, household and work tasks, etc.), then the problem is solved if the wife feels support, warmth and spiritual comfort . It is clear that a man is not always able to help, but picking up a vacuum cleaner, a sponge with unwashed dishes, or a ladle when cooking pilaf, you will make her smile.
If we take the totality of what is described, then the wife does not want intimacy with her husband due to the lack of spiritual intimacy. Married men tend to believe that a woman's presence in the house with her wedding ring on is a sign of courtship. This is mistake! Marriage is a constant work, it is a responsibility for a newly created family, but it is not a relaxation “Yes, and okay!” Talk often. If you don’t understand something, try to step into her shoes. For example, if you don't understand how hard it is for her to do household chores alone, sit her on the sofa and do them yourself. Reciprocity in business maintains a spiritual connection, and as a rule, women pay a lot for it. Frigidity can be cured with long foreplay.
Remember, a woman is controlled by hormonal levels, the more endorphin (more produced from hugs), dopamine (from a completed task) and oxytocin (from affection), the better your relationship in bed.
In addition, I recommend reading the article: How to know that your wife wants you?
Test: How passionate are you?
1. The last time you had sex without really wanting to:
2. As a child you:
3. The worst thing about love is that:
4. You are very sensitive to change:
5. First of all, you would like to instill in your children that they should be able to:
6. Your role in the team is:
7. A lover tells you: “Somehow I’m not up to sex right now”; you think:
8. In life, as in sports: the main thing is:
9. If you find yourself a victim of betrayal, you would have a desire to kill:
10. Currently you:
11. Wanting to achieve greater pleasure, you tell him (her):
12. Big love:
13. Your current job:
14. It is difficult for you to forgive if he (she) forgot (forgot) about:
15. The doorbell rings when you are not expecting anyone. This is probably:
16. In a fit of jealousy, you are able to:
17. In nightmares you see how:
18. In your family life or when meeting with your loved one, quarrels occur:
19. The greatest pleasure comes from:
20. Did you feel like an adult when:
The main thing is trust_8212
So what should you do if such a delicate problem has arisen? The former heat of passion has subsided, but your beloved wife either has a headache, or is tired at work, or just “oh, don’t pester me, I’m not in the mood”?
You should start with a frank conversation so that you already know for sure what is the reason for such coldness and from which side to approach solving the problem. But in no case should you put pressure on your beloved and make claims, because then you will definitely kill any desire to spend nights of love with you. But not only conversation is important, especially since it is always difficult for women to communicate on such frank topics.
You yourself can analyze what exactly has changed, maybe you really gained a couple of extra pounds, and you gave flowers to your missus a year ago? Compare your conclusions and your wife’s words, then the abstract phrases of your significant other (such as “I don’t feel loved,” etc.) will take on real meaning for you.
