How to improve relationships with your husband: after a quarrel, after betrayal, on the verge of divorce, after the birth of a child

Creating a family a priori involves two people who differ in character and taste preferences, habits and upbringing. Exceptional cases of ideal compatibility of partners are possible, but such a phenomenon is rightfully considered unique. In the process of living together, spouses have quarrels in the family. If problems that arise are not resolved in a timely manner, then the inevitable result of regular conflicts is divorce.

The constant advantage of a protracted quarrel is the duration of the conflict. Passions do not rage in the house, which means that spouses can think over the words spoken in a fit of anger

Having learned to communicate constructively and find compromises in controversial situations, partners eliminate the risk of separation due to disagreements. To improve the relationship between husband and wife, it is not enough just to want to be together. Marriage is a labor-intensive “process”, a kind of work that requires the constant participation of both spouses.

Reasons for quarrels between spouses

Initially, partners need to find out the cause of the conflicts that disrupt the idyll in the house. The prerequisites for the occurrence of quarrels can be different:

A selfish desire to change the habits and worldview of the spouse - the result is dissatisfaction and irritation of the chosen one.
An unfounded belief that one partner brings more to the union than he receives from the other.
Excessive jealousy, smoothly flowing into paranoia.
The presence of inflated self-esteem in one of the chosen ones.
The birth of the first child in the family, changing the range of feelings and emotions of both spouses.
Lack of desire on the part of one of the partners to raise children.

Lack of finances to achieve common goals and objectives.
Constant dissatisfaction with the behavior of the chosen one.
Sexual incompatibility between spouses (both physical and psychological).
Manic desire to control the actions of a partner outside the home.
The onset of pregnancy, during which women are characterized by capriciousness and excessive pickiness.
Conflicts with relatives of the spouse interfering in the marriage.
Differences in views on housekeeping.
Lack of constructive dialogue between husband and wife in the relationship.
Difficulties with the work of one of the partners, who feels incompetent and dependent on the spouse supporting the family.
Inappropriate prioritization (they prefer a cheerful company of friends to the company of a loved one).
Physical betrayal, which turns out to be the epilogue of conflict situations.

Trying to change a relationship in which one of the partners raises a hand against the other is useless. The situation will inevitably repeat itself

The given reasons are typical for men and women - over time, responsibilities are divided according to gender in marriage. If rational distribution does not happen, then the emergence of quarrels out of nowhere cannot be avoided.

Suppressing negative feelings

With careful suppression of negative emotions, the wife cannot talk to her husband sincerely, trying in every possible way to pretend that everything is fine.

Why shouldn't you suppress negative feelings?

Such behavior does not allow the wife to open up fully and truly receive support from her husband. Instead, she tries to suppress emotions by keeping them inside. The consequences of such behavior can be bad not only for her health, but also for her relationship with her husband, because sooner or later he will notice that something is wrong with his wife.

What can you do?

A wife must learn to open up to her husband. However, this does not imply a raised tone and similar negativity. If a spouse learns to calmly express even negative feelings, then it will be much easier for her husband to listen to her.

What to remain silent about: taboo topics in conflict

During a quarrel, a person does not control the words spoken in a fit of anger. Such phrases leave an indelible imprint on the soul of the spouse. In order not to hurt your other half, you need to forget about the following expressions and manipulations:

Ultimatums cannot resolve a conflict situation, so it is recommended to keep categorical expressions to yourself.
The famous female manipulation, carried out through tears, helps to achieve an exclusively temporary effect - such behavior invariably irritates the stronger sex.
Quoting phrases that are especially offensive to a partner who has previously entrusted you with a secret secret.
A negative comparison of a spouse with his close relatives is a guarantee of aggravation of an initially harmless situation.
Vague wording of claims expressed to a partner during a conflict.
Regular offers to break up or promises to leave program the chosen one for the possibility of such actions. The implementation of such manipulations will seem real after a certain period of time.
Do not infringe on the intellectual and anatomical characteristics of your beloved in quarrels. Having awakened a childhood trauma in your chosen one, you can only guess about the consequences of what was said.
Do not program your consciousness to be unconditionally right in the current situation - in conflicts, both participants are always to blame.
Do not curse your partner in a fit of anger - thoughts tend to materialize.
Manipulation of a partner in a conflict on the state of health is a prohibited “technique” that leaves a sediment in the soul of the other “half”.
Don't prove you're right by threatening your own life. The chosen one, who is worried about the state of your health, will look guilty and apologize, but his opinion will remain unchanged.
Comparing a loved one with a former chosen one in a quarrel is a significant reason not only for resentment, but also for separation.

The most valuable thing in conflicts between spouses is the moment of reconciliation that lasts all night

The word is a powerful weapon, in handling which you need to be extremely careful. The reason for many divorces registered on the territory of the Russian Federation is misunderstanding between husband and wife, excessive rudeness in expressions and systematic insults that hurt one of the spouses.

Reminder of past mistakes

Bad things are always remembered much better and more clearly, so it is not surprising that wives can remind their husbands of their previous mistakes.

Why is it better not to remember your spouse’s past mistakes?

Because the spouse most likely will not be able to correct previous mistakes, but he will definitely be able to tense up, and then the memories can start a new conflict.

What can you do?

Instead of hoarding all past mistakes in your memory, you can try to remember the good moments when your husband really succeeded. If a husband has greatly offended his wife and she cannot forget about such a mistake, then she can honestly tell him about what bothers her so much.

Ways to improve family relationships: options for reconciliation

Finding a compromise and being able to apologize is an art that some people have to learn for a long time. To enjoy reconciliation, “melting” in the arms of a loved one, it is enough to adhere to simple rules:

Men are recommended to periodically please their chosen one with a bouquet of flowers, providing an insignificant but pleasant sign of attention.
Learn to thank each other for your help and care.
Do not tolerate “quarrels in public”, because often “well-wishers” advise ways to solve the emerging problem, which only aggravate the conflict.
Protect your “other half” in public, regardless of the correctness of her beliefs.
Praise your partner for achieving their goals, inspire them to conquer new heights.
Arrange unexpected surprises, romantic walks or organize a candlelit dinner, diluting the everyday routine.
Be interested in each other’s hobbies, trying not just to find out, but to delve into the ideology of your lover’s hobby.
Know how to listen, sharing the experiences and disappointments of your chosen one.

Support your partner's desire to improve and develop by offering your help.
Control impulses of jealousy, be rational about the attentions of friends and acquaintances in whose integrity you are confident.
Try to spend more time doing things together.
Learn to trust your partner.
Make an effort to try to communicate correctly and friendly with your partner’s relatives and friends.
Refrain from criticizing the acquaintances of your chosen one, so as not to provoke a conflict situation.
Get a pet while caring for a new family member together.
Do not insist on sexual relations, but seduce your partner using the magic of fluids and flirting.
Find compromises in controversial situations to avoid conflict out of the blue.
Learn to cope with financial difficulties together, supporting each other and setting yourself up for a brighter future.
Express your claims in a constructive manner, justifying your opinion with already accomplished facts.
Do not try to find a solution to a problem when you are upset or irritated - postpone the process of finding out for an indefinite time.
Project the words you said during an argument onto your own image to realize the extent of the pain caused.
Learn to forgive your partner's small mistakes by showing understanding and demonstrating trust.
Don’t rush to make verdicts, think about the consequences.
Periodically reevaluate the importance of your chosen one in your life.

In certain situations, it is more rational to listen to a partner who wants to break up and not try to “reanimate” the relationship

Participation in your partner’s life is the basic rule of a happy family. In a union where harmony reigns and an atmosphere favorable for raising children, spouses know absolutely everything about each other, trusting the chosen one with the most intimate things.

There will always be a topic of disagreement in the family. These disagreements come primarily from one source. This source is everyone’s ideas about the correct order of things.

Growing up, people form so-called pictures of the world, mental constructs that include all ideas about what I am, what others are, what the world is. Each person is the bearer of not only ideas about what I am and what the World around me is, but also certain beliefs and instructions about how one should behave and how others should behave. All these ideas and ideas add up to the so-called “profile” of a person - an individual system of values, ideas about oneself, the world and how one should live. The profile includes everything: from questions of existential content (why do we live in this world?) to questions of the most private nature (who should be responsible for keeping the house in order?). This profile is our individuality.

The dictionary defines the concept of individuality as the totality of the properties of each creature, distinguishing it from other creatures of the same species. The key parameter of this concept is the differences that separate one individuality (personality) from another.

And now two people with individuality (personal profile) are faced with the need to build a life together. And each of them has their own set of ideas about how this life should be arranged.

Some of their ideas are the same or very similar . For example, both may believe that it is better for the wife not to work and take care of the children.

Their other ideas do not interfere with each other. For example, both believe that it is better to spend vacations apart in order to take a break from each other. But the nature of this vacation in the minds of the spouses is different: he gravitates towards tourism, and she likes to lie on the beach. But, since it is convenient for them to relax separately, there are no problems.

And some of the spouses’ ideas contradict the other’s ideas. The husband believes that the wife should behave modestly, but the wife is accustomed to

to a wide circle of friends, and sees nothing wrong with light flirting. Or the husband is sure that he must independently control the family’s finances, and the wife claims to know everything about financial movements and take part in spending decisions. Or the husband wants a joint budget, but the wife sees it as correct that everyone has their own money.

It turns out that the profiles of the spouses partially coincide and partially diverge. The more profiles that do not match, the more room there is for misunderstandings. And more time should be allocated for negotiations and discussion of contradictions.

It happens that the profiles of husband and wife coincide to a very significant extent. For example, they come from families with very similar lifestyles and have similar beliefs. And, reproducing their own value system, they automatically fall into the value system of their spouse. In such a situation, there are indeed fewer reasons for conflicts, since the couple sees the solution to global issues in the same way. The couple has fewer reasons for contradictions, however, this is the result of similar pictures of the world, and not the result of working on relationships. For this reason, marriages between representatives of the same culture and the same social circle have always been encouraged. And the union of two people of different nationalities, faiths and social classes is often impossible or will experience all the delights of completely different pictures of the world of the spouses.

Origin of personality profiles

In many ways, of course, personality profiles are the result of the culture in which people live. And if the environment is different, then the profiles are different.

The personality profiles of parents influence what kind of personality profile their child will have in the future. However, children, as a rule, do not directly copy the personality profiles of their parents (even if the child grows up in a single-parent family). The child’s individuality will be, as it were, the result of influence, an imprint (but not necessarily a copy) of the personal profiles of the parents and the nature of their relationships. Thus, a child of a hysterical mother can be both similarly expressive (“like mom”) and emphatically restrained (“so as not to be as crazy as mom”). A child can adopt the traits and views of a parent to whom he is especially close, or create a mix of mom and dad’s pictures of the world.

The way parents dealt with the difference in their pictures of the world will directly affect how a person will see the relationship between a man and a woman in the family.

Igor's parents were different people, with different ideas about what is good and what is bad. However, being reserved people, they saw nothing good in discussing contradictions (“sorting things out”). The tension accumulated and as a result they became increasingly distant from each other. They rested separately (because they wanted different leisure activities), ate separately (because they liked different foods), had separate friends (because their interests diverged), and each had their own intimate life (both parents had constant affairs on the side). However, the family did not break up and existed for several decades. An adult Igor had a strong idea of what a relationship should be like: without scandals and without personal intimacy. Any attempt by women to approach him spiritually or to speak frankly caused acute fear and flight.
***
Masha’s parents were emotional people; her Armenian father often not only shouted, but could even hit his wife. The wife also did not lag behind, often screaming, sometimes provoking fights. Scandals in the family were common; they ended with general reconciliation, expressions of love and repentance. In general, despite the noisy quarrels, everyone understood that they were not indifferent to each other. Adult Masha suffered severely when her partner, wanting to avoid painful explanations and quarrels, closed in on himself and was silent for a long time.

Analyzing the origins of your profile can help you identify how you respond to your partner.

Spouses with different profiles have disagreements on a wide variety of issues, both major and minor. Here are some of them.

Favorite reasons for family conflicts

The result of the difference in the personality profiles of spouses is constant conflicts. The themes of these conflicts are usually typical, here they are:

Who makes money in the family?

A number of men have an extremely negative attitude towards the fact that their wife will earn money and be financially independent. Such men will not like the situation in which the wife wants to make a career. The wife's motives will always undermine the man's sense of security in the family.

In another case, on the contrary, the woman is convinced that money in the family is the man’s business and all real men provide for the family. Such a woman reacts indignantly to her husband’s idea that she needs to work in order to be jointly responsible for financial well-being.

Different ideas of spouses about participation in the financial side of family life are a frequent cause of clashes.

How to communicate with parents and other relatives

In the minds of one spouse, the most desirable leisure activity may be spending time with their parents. The other spouse does not share this point of view; he is depressed by communication with the older generation (especially with the spouse’s parents). There are many conflicts on this topic, both open and hushed up.

How to give gifts. What price should the gift be and how to present it.

Birthdays and other significant events are always loaded with special emotional content. For some it is a plus sign and they are waiting for fireworks these days, for others, on the contrary, it is colored rather negatively (“I don’t like my birthday!”). In any case, a person approaches holidays and the behavior of the environment on these days with certain internal requirements. And violation of these requirements can lead to big conflicts.

Maxim comes from a family where very little attention was paid to gifts and birthday celebrations. No gifts were given; his parents simply went with him to the store and bought him something, usually useful. And he couldn’t remember any kind of birthday celebration. In Alina’s family, everything was the other way around: gifts were carefully packaged, presented in a playful way, and great attention was paid to the holiday. In the first year of their marriage, Maxim was on a business trip for Alina’s birthday. Alina was completely sure that, despite his absence, her husband had prepared a surprise for her, and she was looking forward to it. Imagine her disappointment and indignation when Maxim did not call during the day, but only returned late in the evening, tired and irritated after a long flight. True, he gave Marina a gift, but it was in a bag from the store, and its presentation was not accompanied by any decorations or emotions. By the time she received the gift, Marina had already spent half a day in tears and thoughts about divorce.

How to behave with family friends, how often to invite guests

People have very different ideas about who will be in the house and how often. For example, the husband is inclined to have an “open” family and often wants to see guests in the house. The wife perceives this matter as an encroachment on her own territory, a violation of boundaries. For the husband, the secluded lifestyle to which the wife is accustomed is stressful and a painful violation of his ideas about the right life. He begins to feel isolated, depressed, and psychologically suffocated. On the other hand, the picture is the opposite: the wife painfully endures the constant circulation of strangers in the house; when someone hangs around in “her kitchen,” she feels that her boundaries are being violated. She feels as if she is losing her family, losing her nest and, naturally, she is also tense. If the family does not discuss the problem and does not come to a solution satisfactory for both, then the conflict situation will most likely be resolved by suppressing the attitudes of one of the spouses and psychologically breaking the other.

How to treat children

People also have different ideas about how to properly love children.

A wife, for example, strives to give her children maximum warmth, closeness and protection, but to her husband this seems like “pampering” and a path to pampering. If spouses conflict on this basis, it will affect not only their relationship, but also the children.

How to Express Emotions

The question of how acceptable and desirable it is to show one’s emotions often becomes a stumbling block in the family. For example, the husband is unrestrained; he comes from a family where it was customary to “let off steam” and lash out at the children. He's scary when he's angry. And for the wife’s family, the manifestation of open anger was considered something unacceptable, out of the ordinary; in fact, she does not remember anyone in the family yelling. The wife sincerely believes that her husband’s family is a little crazy and they are dangerous for her children. In such a situation, a woman can act as a protector and try to limit the children’s contact with the father’s family. The husband naturally feels disadvantaged in matters of influence on the child.

Different ideas about what is acceptable and desirable in terms of expressing emotions is an important juncture for many couples. Typically, the more emotional partner receives the status of an abnormal person (crazy or hysterical), while the more restrained partner may be accused of aloofness or even more complex psychological “sins.”

When the profiles are different

Family members coming from different backgrounds and their different personality profiles are not a doom for a relationship. But differences force people to agree, and this is precisely the main task and the main difficulty. Problems arise precisely in those families where open discussion of differences in views and the search for compromise solutions (rather than insisting on one’s “picture of the world”) are difficult. If one or both spouses are sure that the ideal solution is to push the partner, to instill in him their value system, then such relationships turn into a field of military operations.

There are two attitudes that prevent people from starting the process of negotiations regarding their relationships:

1 - if we are different, then nothing can be fixed.

In fact, people are capable of change, and our loved ones are one of the main sources of these changes. Agreements, compromises and a system of concessions can lead a couple to a good relationship.

2 - for the situation to improve, the partner must change.

“I’ve already told him a hundred times not to eat in bed (yell at the child/throw things around/call friends over without warning, eat fast food!)”).

It is much easier for us to declare our demands than to change ourselves: try to expand our ideas about what is acceptable, accept that the partner is DIFFERENT and has the right to his values, just truly listen to the person in order to understand his reasons. In the expectation that family life will improve only when the partner changes, you can safely end up with a divorce.

Three Helpful Strategies

Practical psychology is essentially concerned with studying people's life strategies that lead them to various results: life satisfaction, success or failure. Such strategies also stand out in the field of family relationships. There are three constructive strategies useful for spouses. If you adhere to these directions, or, in any case, see these guidelines, family relationships will develop favorably.

The first strategy is to accept your partner’s value system as equivalent to your own.

Our own shirt is closer to the body and it seems to us that our picture of the world is the only correct one. However, it is only one of many possible ones. Your partner’s ideas can be no worse, and in any case, they are no less valuable than ours.

This idea is quite difficult to accept, sometimes even in small ways. A woman who believes that a joint family breakfast is the correct picture may find it incredibly difficult to admit that her husband’s ideas that it is better for everyone to have breakfast quickly and alone also have a right to exist. After all, having breakfast together is “good”, that’s the only way it should be.

By accepting your partner’s belief system as equivalent to yours, you stop “educating” your partner and have a chance to come to an agreement with him.

The second strategy is to openly discuss differences.

As a rule, there is confusion among partners: who wants what, who is leaning towards what. The reason for this is often insufficient communication on these issues; people simply avoid talking about difficult topics.

Sasha and Masha have different profiles, they have different ideas about the world, but they are not inclined to discuss it openly.
Their attitudes towards money issues are radically different. Masha grew up in a family with little income and went to work early to earn money. She does not like to spend money, she calculates her expenses down to the penny, but she is inclined to buy “status” goods that are designed to emphasize her high level in society. For example, with a relatively low total family income, she wants to have clothes from prestigious brands and an expensive car. Sasha grew up in a family with a stable average income, but in the family money was spent easily and mainly on pleasure. They never saved money and the pursuit of “prestigious” goods was considered petty-bourgeois and humiliating.
Despite the difference in attitude towards money, this issue is not discussed in the family, since both considered it incorrect to talk about money. Everyone silently followed their line. Masha was always offended that her husband did not want to give her expensive gifts; she suspected that it meant that he did not love her if he did not make sweeping gestures. However, she did not directly express her desires, expecting that Sasha, of course, already knew her dream of an expensive car. Sasha was constantly angry that his wife was saving on tips and was ready to go to a distant store to buy products cheaper. And his wife’s desire to show off her acquaintances by buying an expensive phone caused him attacks of disgust; he considered such behavior degrading human dignity.
Relations with family friends were no better. Masha did not like noisy companies, and Sasha often wanted to invite guests and constantly met with friends on various occasions. Masha, of course, expected that after marriage Sasha’s habits would change in favor of a quiet family life. However, she avoided speaking directly about her expectations, fearing that Sasha would consider her too jealous (Sasha's friends included his former lovers). So she waited in silence. Sasha was sure that since there were no objections, everyone was happy with everything.
Things were not good at all with the relatives. Masha’s parents lived far away in a small town and came to Moscow very rarely. But Sasha’s parents lived in a neighboring house, and Sasha had a very lively relationship with them. There was even talk about living together. Masha correctly agreed to offers to spend time with Sasha’s family. She understood that this was important to him. But in response to her silent sacrifice, she secretly expected special gratitude. And if she didn’t arrive (and she never did, Sasha treated such a pastime as something natural), she became irritable and demanding. Relations with Sasha’s family were never directly discussed, because it seemed impossible for Masha to directly express her disagreement with being with people so important to Sasha. But Masha was sure that Sasha knew everything, in detail, and was dragging his wife to his parents, simply because he did not care about her feelings.

Here is an example of spouses who did not clarify three important areas: money, relatives, friends. Each area contains a whole tangle of problems, and there are many more such areas: children, entertainment, work, health, holidays, family traditions and much more. An open discussion of these issues in combination with the first strategy (accepting the spouse’s worldview as equal) leads to more harmonious relationships in the family.

What to do if there is an understanding of where exactly the views of the spouses differ? After all, disagreements will not disappear on their own just because they are named.

The situation has a much greater chance of being resolved if the problem is identified and named. But this is just the beginning of the journey. To move forward, a third strategy will be needed.

The third strategy is for your family to create new rules that are unique and suitable for it.

No model brought by spouses (wife or husband) can and in a healthy situation should not be exactly reproduced in a new family, because ANOTHER person has appeared, with his own vision of the family . A new family is a new community that must develop new laws and rules for itself that will satisfy both. A good solution is not to force your partner to accept your living conditions. The solution is that new rules must be born, unique to your family, something like an unspoken constitution, suitable for the life of precisely these people who make up the family. In essence, it is a system of compromises and new solutions, which must equally satisfy the requirements of its participants.

In fact, most spouses consider it a good solution to impose their picture of the world on their spouse (after all, this picture is the best!).

Many families break up precisely because the spouses were unable to become partners; they decided that living together was so inconvenient that it was better to separate. And love and romantic relationships quickly fade away under the influence of this inconvenience.

Successful contract

Let's assume that a husband and wife have diametrically opposed views on a number of fundamental aspects of upbringing. Let's try to simulate a successful outcome of this conflict, when neither side is a victim.

The main guideline that will help in the process of negotiations between spouses sounds like this:

“Differences do not make us irreconcilable enemies, but only enrich our couple. With the help of my spouse, I can see those nuances of life that are inaccessible to me, and consider other life opportunities.”

This attitude can be imagined in the form of an image of people touching each other with their backs. In this position, they as a couple have a much greater range of vision, they can see through the eyes of the other and what is behind them. Two people with opposing views can seriously enrich each other’s world if they approach it from a position of opportunity, and not with a hostile desire to convince and change the “wrong” views of the partner.

Suppose the husband believes that the child should be raised in a children's group so that he learns to communicate with other children. And he offers to send the child to kindergarten. And the wife is sure that mass education destroys creativity and has a detrimental effect on the child’s soul as a result of insufficient individual attention to the child. And she intends to teach and raise the child at home herself. How could such a situation be fruitful from the point of view of family relationships and beneficial for the child? Let's look at several stages that spouses can go through in order to achieve a mutually satisfying situation:

1 step. The spouses try to truly penetrate each other's logic. They sincerely listen to the arguments, try to understand which arguments are more important for the partner and which are secondary. They will get to know each other more deeply, this will help them not only understand each other better, but will also give them a feeling of sincerity and depth of the relationship. As they talk about each other's values and preferences, they may learn personal stories that influenced their judgments. This process in itself sets the interlocutors attuned to each other, makes it clear that any judgment has a history and is as valuable to a person as your judgment is to you. In the process of a sincere conversation, the interlocutor should have the feeling that he is important, that the partner really wants to understand how he works. So you start building not walls, but bridges.

Step 2. The spouses identify critical moments, for example, the wife categorically refuses to take the child to a state kindergarten, and the husband is definitely against 100% home education. This marks the first points of contact: the wife is ready to consider alternatives (temporary stay groups), and the husband is ready to admit that a few hours of communication a day is enough for the child to develop social skills. The situation no longer seems so irreconcilable.

Step 3. The spouses come up with a common solution: the child is placed in a private kindergarten three times a week.

A decision has been made that is most likely good for the child, since it presupposes a more flexible position, a refusal to be categorical (“only the garden!” or “only at home!”). With this decision, the child receives more opportunities than with a one-sided decision. At the same time, the child observes a model of how to negotiate with loved ones, this helps him develop a more constructive character.

There are many issues in family life and for most you can find a solution that suits both. But for this, the spouses must abandon the position: I will only be satisfied if everything is exactly my way.

Special cases: solutions

Having figured out the formula for “success” for a husband and wife quarreling over trifles, you need to pay special attention to conflicting couples related to special cases:

Pregnancy

Carrying a long-awaited child is a temporary condition for a woman, so girls should not worry about their figure and attractiveness. Men “idolize” their wife, who will become a mother, so they are ready to endure various whims. In such situations, the outcome of events directly depends on the girl. If you periodically “pull yourself back” without nagging your husband over trifles, then the pregnancy period for the couple goes unnoticed.

Birth of a child

If problems in the family arose after the birth of the first child, then the situation will be “saved” only by the process of raising the child together. A man needs to learn to care for the baby from the moment of birth, periodically helping his wife with cleaning the house or cooking - common goals will bring the spouses closer together. It is important that the wife competently explain to her husband that the break in sexual activity is temporary, offering alternative ways to solve the problem. No sex is not an option, consult a doctor, find the best option that suits both of you. A woman should not lament or scold her husband for mistreating a newborn child. Treat your spouse’s awkwardness with understanding, smile and explain the nuances of the process.

Parting

People take a “break” in relationships, giving themselves time to reflect on the value of the created union. To restore the idyll and return to the family, it is recommended to periodically remind your partner who wants to separate. Signs of attention should be unobtrusive, pleasant and “accompanied” by a bit of nostalgia. If you leave a person alone with negative thoughts, then you can’t count on a positive decision.

Divorce

Thank your partner who has decided to divorce due to regular conflicts in the family for their understanding and patience. Remember the happy moments that abound in every couple’s relationship. Apologize and leave your spouse alone with his own thoughts, busy with children or his own life. If a person has lost interest in you, then nothing can prevent the separation. Otherwise, the partner will return to the family with the desire to repair the “leaky” boat of love.

After 30 years of marriage

In a relationship where spouses know absolutely everything about each other, achieving harmony is much easier. To restore a favorable atmosphere in the house, a constructive conversation between adults is enough.

Cheating husband

The return of a representative of the stronger sex to the family after making a fatal “mistake” becomes possible if the man sincerely repents, asking for forgiveness, and the wife is ready to give another chance. You can save a relationship by learning about the reasons for the action and identifying options for solving the problem. Without a constructive conversation, the situation will remain in a “suspended” state, becoming a time bomb.

Cheating wife

A girl's left turn is accompanied by a collapse of self-esteem for a man. The guy is looking for reasons for financial and sexual insolvency. Men forgive female infidelity extremely rarely, but from time to time there are exceptions to the rules. If the girl repents and realizes her guilt, then the only way out of the situation is a long conversation in a psychologist’s office. Only a doctor will restore a man’s self-esteem by advising the rules of behavior in such a situation. A wife who has stumbled is advised to constantly please her chosen one; I believe in a favorable development of events.

In a family where partners sincerely love each other, there is no place for pride and morality. Both spouses become the initiators of reconciliation.

Relationship on the verge of divorce

It is quite difficult to establish relationships that are heading towards divorce, but with the appropriate motivation and internal strength, it is a completely feasible idea, but is it worth doing this when the situation has taken such a critical turn? Such cracks do not come suddenly, and depending on the reasons that gave rise to the idea of breaking up, you should choose different restoration tactics.

The spouse's temper can lead to a pre-divorce state, and if it is expressed in constant quarrels and showdowns, then it is still possible to revive the situation by understanding the reasons and normalizing the state of the psyche. But if hot temper gives rise to insults and humiliation, assault and restriction of a woman’s freedom, then in most cases a divorce will help to achieve a quiet life, and not attempts to adapt to the husband and normalize the relationship. The husband’s behavior aimed at humiliating a woman leads to a decrease in self-esteem, the development of a depressive state and suicidal thoughts; the continuation of such treatment even after several comments means that such interaction is habitual and acceptable in his picture of the world. This also includes the polygamous behavior of men, with open expressions of sympathy for other women in front of their wives, and the presence of a mistress. In such relationships, if you agree to the periodic return of such a period in order to preserve the family, it is worth consulting with a psychotherapist specializing in family relationships.

If such critical cases are not relevant to you, then you can work on establishing interactions. In order to understand how to improve relations with your husband after a quarrel that raises ideas about divorce, you need to delve a little deeper into the mechanics of the process. The presence of serious scandals indicates strong feelings, first of all, for you, and this is far from indifference, because we do not shout at strangers as much as at loved ones. By touching something inside a person, you cause a violent reaction, it grows, and just when the fuses of the psyche burn out and there is a threat that the person will not be able to withstand the increase in the intensity of passions, he chooses to break off contact. Throwing everything away, getting a divorce, stopping communicating is the only possible reaction to save the integrity of something extremely important in one’s own psyche. By stepping back a little, showing that you are not going to reshape anything in the human soul, you can reduce the level of emotional stress. If, on the contrary, you start asking to tell why the person is hiding, assuring that you will carefully handle entrusted information, if they entrust it to you now, it will lead to an increase in affect and an acceleration of the divorce process.

Listen to your spouse, just talking about the desire to improve relations with your husband on the verge of divorce is not enough, you need to be attentive to his thoughts on this matter, because your goal is to normalize interaction, and not to handcuff a person for the sake of formally being together. When expressing your own complaints, be prepared to hear about your unpleasant character traits, and it would be fair to take into account the wishes of your partner if you want your comments to be taken into account. Crises mercilessly push people towards divorce. But they push only those who believe that everything should be good a priori and not change, but relationships require daily mental work, soul-searching and change, they are far from static and include both fireworks of joy and months of Antarctic cold. When a high-quality and open dialogue is established between spouses, most of the problems in the relationship do not disappear, but they can be solved and do not develop into an insurmountable lump that accumulates over the years.

Try to add positive moments to your life together, but remember your personal space. In the pre-divorce state, frequent and deep contact can be difficult, so keep all your interactions short and light. It is better not to travel on a ship for married couples - the space is enclosed, there is nowhere to go, the presence of happy couples will provoke constant comparisons. It’s quite possible to get tickets to a concert of a band you both love, and it’s better in some club than in a hall with seats - this will give you the opportunity to remember common topics and won’t force you to communicate if you don’t want to (and in a club, moving around and communicating with others looks pretty organically), and you can leave at any time. In this analogy, come up with positive ways to spend time according to your situation and preferences, but sometimes you need to speak honestly and openly when you feel that the tension level has decreased a little.