Fear of life: what are the reasons and how to stop being afraid to live?

According to the standard definition, a phobia is an obsessive, unfounded fear of a particular object or phenomenon. There are different forms of this disorder: some are afraid of spiders, some of mirrors, others of the dark, of heights. They are situational, so if they cause discomfort, it is minimal. No object - no fear. But there are also disorders that reduce the quality of life to a minimum. They haunt a person constantly, do not allow him to live, think, work normally, and turn his life into a miserable existence.

These include, for example, fear of life.

Fear of life is a generalized phobia in which a person is afraid of any activity. What is this phobia called? Actually, fear of life has no name, since it is a systemic disease. It consists of a number of structural elements that are mixed into a bizarre picture. In fact, the pathological process consists of 3-4 components:

The fear of everything new is neophobia. Therefore, the patient is lacking initiative and cannot do anything. Do. He closes himself in his own world and is prone to pronounced escapism and escape into the world of fantasy.
Thanatophobia. Fear of death. It’s paradoxical, it’s scary to live, but it’s also scary to die. It is interesting that the main problem lies precisely in the fear of one’s own biological death, a threat to security. It's just very deep and well disguised.
Social phobia. Fear of society. Large clusters. On a personal level, as a rule, everything is fine or more or less good.
In some cases, anthropophobia is also mixed in. When a person is afraid of all people in general and individually. This condition is extremely difficult to tolerate and puts an end to normal activity.

Thus, the deviation is complex and there is no answer, as the fear of life is called. In fact, behind the fear of living lies not quite what is on the surface. We are talking about the fear of acting, the fear of losing control over one’s life, of getting into a scary, deadly or threatening situation. This is the basis of the phobia, which needs to be dealt with under the supervision of a medical specialist. Most often, not one year or even several years.

It is possible to cope with the pathological process. Fear of living is a serious but completely treatable condition. You need the help of a psychologist or, in more complex cases, a psychotherapist.

What exact needs are we talking about?

There are 2 main groups of needs:

biological - this group includes the need for biosurvival;
social – the need for communication, high-quality emotional contact, adequate socialization, receiving and understanding new information.

I propose to dwell on each group of needs in more detail.

Biological needs

Simply put, this need is expressed in the desire to live.
Receive timely food, clean water, feel safe, feel healthy. Biological needs are laid down quite early - in infancy. Normally they are saturated up to 3 years. So, if in childhood a person did not experience prolonged hardships in the form of hunger, cold, and did not constantly encounter situations that threatened his life, he grows up with the inner conviction that he will always have something to eat, where to live, and how to earn money.

He is fundamentally confident that all these are natural living conditions for him, he needs to work for them, but there is no need to fight for them. As a result, such a person can engage in his development, career growth, relationships without feelings of fear and anxiety and not be afraid that he will not have enough resources.

If for some reason the physiological needs were not satisfied, for example, the family lived on the brink of survival, in constant need or danger, the parents constantly experienced a feeling of fear and anxiety, then the child grows up psychologically “hungry”: dissatisfied with what he has , and constantly fearing for their survival.

Growing up, such a child directs his activities exclusively to accumulation and preservation of what he has accumulated. It becomes almost impossible for him to strive for something new, since everything new implies cancellation, loss of the familiar, and a person who is not even sure that he will have enough “food and water” cannot allow this.

Accordingly, the fear that controls a person at the level of biological needs is bio-survival or fear of the ultimate.

The influence of a phobia

A phobia creates not only psychological, but also physiological problems. Patients have:

respiratory problems due to asthma attacks during panic;
rapid heartbeat affects the heart rhythm (tachycardia occurs);
weakness in the body and apathy reduce immunity;
panic attacks affect the functioning of the central nervous system;
vomiting and stomach upsets contribute to the development of gastrointestinal pathologies.

A developing phobia is a threat to the body. The feeling of threat is a great stress for the psyche and central nervous system. Uncontrollable fear gradually grows. Changed perception gives rise to new phobias.

External symptoms of obsessive states are normal for a victim of a phobia: a person always finds an explanation and justification for such a state.

Phobia provokes regular vomiting

How to get rid of the fear of the finite?

First of all, try to notice its manifestations and recognize that it exists. How is it possible to see the fear of the finite in oneself? For example, you are afraid to take an extra step into something new, no matter what it concerns - work, relationships, travel, change of regime - anything.

It is fear that whispers to you that if you spend time and attention on something new, for example, decide to learn a new skill, change your place of residence, announce a search or even change a job, partner, life priorities, then you will not have enough to this is time, energy, effort, money, your loved ones will turn their backs on you, etc. As a result, such fear leads to the fact that you leave everything as it is.

Do you recognize yourself? Would you like to understand what to do with it? I propose to do a psychological exercise aimed at working through and healing the fear of the finite:

If possible, make sure that no one disturbs you.
Have paper and pen ready.
Write down everything valuable in your life. What you are afraid of losing: money, food, relationships, housing, work, usual way of life, etc.
Think about how real and justified your fears are.
Think about it - what can you do now to insure yourself against a possible loss? Learn a new skill? Get an extra job? Optimize an existing schedule? And so on.
Now think about the side of the issue that is beyond your control, for example, you can be a good employee, but if a crisis happens in the country and your company goes bankrupt, you will not be able to do anything about it, which means there is nothing to worry about. And further in the same vein.
At the same time, even these cases have the opportunity to be influenced: maybe it’s time to learn a new profession so that no crisis can knock you down? After all, even where you seem to have no control over the overall process, your part of responsibility always remains - so use it for your own good!

It is advisable to do this exercise several times. As you carefully and intelligently go through all the points and find the answers, your fear of the ultimate will gradually begin to dissolve.

Which is understandable - after all, from a passive observer awaiting your fate, you have retrained into a person who wants and can act, and action - active and purposeful, as you know, helps to get rid of fear, not allowing it to grow and absorb your vital energy.

Social needs

Social needs are the needs for communication, quality emotional contact, and new information.

Social needs are expressed in the desire to communicate with others like oneself, to establish high-quality emotional contacts, to be connected with others, to love and receive love, recognition and support.

This need begins in early childhood and is ideally satisfied until about 7 years of age. Full saturation is directly related to the mother’s ability to accept and love her child with unconditional love.

It is necessary to make a reservation that the ability to love unconditionally, to a very large extent, is inherent in women, while men predominantly love for something - for their actions, deeds, for their readiness to act.

And, despite the fact that unconditional love is one of the most natural manifestations of a mother’s relationship with a child, it is laid down by nature so that the mother does not abandon the child in the most difficult period of his life, in fact it turns out that this type of love is extremely rare .

A woman can love unconditionally only if she has experienced similar love for herself from her own mother, if she has similar experience and, as a result, can share it.

But if, instead of unconditional love, the mother radiated a feeling of fear and anxiety, and was unable to give the child sufficient acceptance and security, then already in adulthood, with the appropriate desire, a woman can reconsider her beliefs, work through her fears, let go of grievances against her parents and get out of the state of “I don’t have enough.” was, and I won’t give” to the state of “I have something to share.”

This is where the awareness of the need to become a loving mother, both for yourself and for your child, comes into play. And satisfy the need for unconditional love and quality emotional contact.

The less unconditional love there was in childhood, the more emotionally unstable a person becomes as an adult. The feeling of fear and anxiety, self-doubt, doubts about one’s own abilities intensify, a person begins to experience unaccountable anxiety about any reason, any communication, every choice made becomes difficult for him.

At the same time, a person is always missing something/someone: food, clothes, people, events, novelty, etc. Against this background, a claim to life is formed, a feeling that everyone “owes something.”

But the stronger the claim, the less those around them are willing to put up with the demands put forward to them. As a result, this further isolates a person from society. And resentment, demandingness, and greed for other people’s attention and time stick out even more.

An unsatisfied need for high-quality emotional contact leads to self-doubt, to doubts in one’s own abilities, a person begins to experience an unaccountable feeling of fear and anxiety for any reason, any communication, every choice made becomes difficult for him.

All of the above ultimately activates social fears.

Book a session of 3 consultations with the author of the blog and get your fears corrected online >>>

Dictionary of some human fears

Agoraphobia - 1) obsessive fear of open spaces; 2) fear, manifested in places where a panic attack is possible, but at the same time it is difficult or awkward to leave, and it is also impossible to get help there. Frightening situations include having to travel somewhere alone, using public transportation, and feeling physically (such as in an elevator) or socially (at church or a wedding) trapped.

Adrenaline is a hormone released into the bloodstream to prepare the body to respond quickly and effectively in the event of an emergency by triggering the “fight and flight” response.

Generalized anxiety disorder is long-term anxiety experienced as a combination of uncontrollable fears and excessive physical stress.

Depersonalization is a feeling of alienation of mental processes and body parts accompanied by anxiety. Patients say that they do not seem to feel certain parts of the body, and do not experience the same feelings for loved ones.

Derealization is a symptom in which the world around us does not seem entirely real.

Obsessive-compulsive disorder is anxiety characterized by repetitive, intrusive, unpleasant thoughts or actions.

Social phobia is a strong fear that occurs when you need to be under the gaze of other people. Frightening situations include any social contact, public speaking, holidays and social events, eating and drinking in public, using public toilets, signing documents in the presence of other people.

Specific phobias are intense fears of specific objects or situations. Usually these are fear of heights, fear of closed spaces, water, animals, insects, spiders, reptiles, fear of thunderstorms, blood or injury.

Second level fear: a feeling of fear and anxiety about one’s position in society

Social fear is associated with life in society, with the desire to be accepted by society, recognized and loved. It is in society that a person learns about what he should believe in, what laws to live by, what to find good and evil for himself and what to conform to.

Social fear is the second most important, it arises from about 7 years of age, from the moment when the child learns about the basic rules of life and the group in which he lives, about what he can and should do and what he cannot do.

The basis of social fear is the fear that a society that is significant to a person will turn away from him, making it clear that with his desires and goals he will be inappropriate and unnecessary. As mentioned above, social fear originates from the dissatisfaction of the need for quality emotional contact.

To cure fear of society, overcome self-doubt and eliminate the feeling of being out of place in society, it is important to first satisfy a social need. How? Having learned to build high-quality emotional contacts. And to do this, first and foremost, understand what exactly is important, valuable, interesting for you and... look for and find like-minded people in this.

After all, what is quality emotional contact? This is the same closeness and support that arises between two or more people. And you can gain and build this intimacy in adulthood on the basis of common interests, goals and values.

Do you feel like there are (few) close people in your life? In this case, start by looking for them where your deepest interest lies. Even if not immediately, over time, you will find people close in spirit and activities with whom it will be possible to strike up friendships or even love relationships.

It is precisely such relationships that will create a stable platform for satisfying the need for quality emotional contact. And they will help replace the feeling of fear and anxiety with the feeling that you are not alone, that you have someone to turn to, someone to communicate with, and with whom to share common values and interests.

The essence of a phobia

Fear of life arises against the background of a person’s severe psycho-emotional state. Fear can be fueled by childhood trauma or events that a person has taken to heart. In the initial stages, fear is expressed by slight anxiety. The person fears a repetition of the situation, a factor that caused a strong defensive reaction. Fear of life arises gradually, it develops and takes root in the thinking and behavior of the victim.

Psychology explains fear as a person’s subconscious desire to shed responsibility for his decisions: the more pressure and expectations, the harder it is to cope with a phobia. Fear of death intensifies. The victim is afraid of not finding peace even after leaving the world of the living. The further a person advances in his thinking, the harder it is for him to get along in society.

The isolation that is inherent in people with a fear of the future or change (the unpredictability of life) affects personal and professional relationships. Life and death frighten a person equally strongly: for him, existence is devoid of logic, there is no pattern in it, there is no moment of control.

How to get rid of fear of the social world?

Asking yourself this question , you can find the answer by doing the following exercise, which will help you realize yourself outside of social stereotypes and related experiences:

If possible, make sure that no one disturbs you, prepare paper and pen, and take time for yourself.
Reflect and write down all your social fears (loneliness, poverty, devaluation, rejection, etc.)
Think about what is your “worst fear” (WF), for example: your loved ones will turn away, you will run out of strength, opportunities will be closed to you, no one will ever love you, etc.
Next, look back at your life and think - are you already living under the influence of this fear? Maybe in your life there are already no people, situations, opportunities that you are so afraid of losing, and therefore stop being afraid and it’s time to go out and start looking for them?
Now look into the “eyes” of your SSS and say “I’m not afraid of you, I will succeed!” What will it give? Realizing what you fear most in your life makes it possible not to be afraid of smaller and more immediate fears, which gives you the strength to act!
After you do this exercise several times, it will become obvious to you that there is NOTHING to be afraid of, which will untie your hands, make you freer and stronger.

And one more thing that helps to cure fear of society and satisfy the need for quality emotional contact is to set yourself the task of recognizing yourself.

What you are talented in, how you can earn money, what your interest is. And through this, understand that your main resources are not in the outside world, but in yourself. And the more resources you discover in yourself, the less reasons you have to cling to your environment and the more chances you have to get rid of the fear associated with people.

To this end, I propose to do one more exercise aimed at understanding your own strengths:

If possible, make sure that no one disturbs you, prepare paper and pen, and take time for yourself.
Write down 10 people you admire in a column - these can be any people: from your neighbor in the stairwell to Mother Teresa.
After the list has been compiled, add to each name the qualities that you admire in these people, anything you like: appearance, kindness, fortitude, special abilities, etc.
Set the list aside for a while (up to 1 day), then return to it, look through it and, if desired, add/delete certain qualities.
When you can say with confidence that your list is ready, look at this: a) what qualities you wrote down the most (in terms of quantity); b) what qualities come first on the list.
Now get ready for the main thing: you have all these qualities! It’s just that they may not yet be realized and discovered by you. A person cannot see and appreciate anything in others that he himself does not have. This means that the main task is to understand this and begin to develop
Do you admire the way authors write their books? It is very likely that you have a similar gift - try to embody it. Do you like your manager for his charisma and non-trivial approach to life? This means that you also have similar qualities, they just haven’t been revealed yet. Etc.

In the same way, you can make a list of people who seem like “negative heroes” to you. And through them, understand what is bad and uncomfortable in you. This is how the projection mechanism works, which says the following: all the qualities that you have, but which for various reasons are not yet obvious to you, your psyche transfers to the world around you.

And you can see them by looking at other people and the emotions they evoke in you. There is an emotion (negative or positive, associated with this or that quality in another person), which means you also have the quality.

The most important answer to the question “ how to get rid of fear ” is recognizing yourself. As you approach this knowledge, you begin to better understand the world around you, the laws by which society lives, the reasons for your failures in it, and ways to build a dialogue with society of a quality that will help you realize yourself in the best possible way.

As already mentioned, fears accompany a person throughout his life, over time becoming his usual companions. It is fears that strengthen the boundary between consciousness and body, between you internal and external, between your “I” and the “I” of the people around you.

The less a person understands himself, his desires, needs, real and potential capabilities, the less chance he has of curing fear of any level - biological or social.

The unwillingness to look inside oneself and solve one’s own problems gives rise to self-doubt, distrust of life and, as a result, fear of it. Whereas self-knowledge, on the contrary, sheds light on the situation, allowing you to get closer to its positive resolution.

Therefore, if you seriously study yourself, you will become ready to heal your fears, work through them - on your own or with a specialist - and let go. And a brighter, more voluminous and beautiful world will open before you, in which life will become much calmer and better for you.

If you have any questions about the article:

“How to get rid of fear and learn to live life to the fullest”

You can ask them to our psychologist Online:

If for some reason you were unable to contact a psychologist online, then leave your message here (as soon as the first free consultant appears on the line, you will be contacted immediately at the specified e-mail), or on the forum.

Treatment of phobia

The basis of treatment for any phobia is psychotherapy. Modern methods are used to treat fear of life, change and the future:

cognitive behavioral therapy;
hypnosis;
Gestalt therapy;
art therapy;
auto-training;
relaxation technique (a combination of proper physical activity and rest away from work or home).

Cognitive behavioral therapy combines cognitive and behavioral treatment techniques. During therapy, it is suggested that the perception problems that arise are based on irrational beliefs rooted in childhood or the recent past. Such attitudes include prejudices, stereotypes and moral principles instilled by parents. During treatment, a person with a phobia is offered an analysis of these beliefs: the psychoanalyst does not forcibly replace one set of attitudes with another. The patient must come to a logical conclusion on his own.

Hypnosis helps to identify the cause of the phobia: the disclosure of subconscious problems occurs gradually. The method of hypnosis is combined with standard psychotherapy.

Gestalt therapy is based on the interpretation of the victim's subconscious. During classes, the patient performs experiments and evaluates their results. An analysis of the individual’s subconscious is built on the basis of superficial statements.

Art therapy is based on uncovering problems through art. During the classes, the patient creates paintings, sculptures, and sculpts with clay. The process of creating a composition, which is assessed by a psychoanalyst, is important. Automotive training is useful for patients with phobias. They are based on a change in thinking. Every day at home the patient repeats certain positive attitudes (affirmations). Over time, new attitudes replace negative beliefs.

Correction of fears

To correct life phobia, exercises are used that can be done at home or in group classes. This technique is based on interviewing the victim (she is tested to determine the level of anxiety). Using the results obtained, defensive reactions and the strength of panic attacks are assessed. The test findings are discussed with the patient in the presence of a psychoanalyst.

Based on the results, therapy is prescribed. It is important for the patient to accept the problem - if he recognizes the fear, acknowledges its existence and influence, then the treatment proceeds faster. For better dynamics of treatment, a person needs to leave his comfort zone, try new hobbies, and meet new people.