In modern society, the problem of domestic violence is acute. At the same time, women who suffer from beatings from unjust husbands are considered victims. However, the opposite situations, when wives raise their hands against men, are not uncommon. But they are hushed up, they try not to voice them. Men are afraid of losing their self-esteem and do not want to admit that their own wife keeps them in fear.
How often do women beat their husbands?
CONTENT:
According to statistics, in 7% of families where assault is common, women are the initiators. They are the ones who show aggression towards men and resort to unacceptable methods of treatment. In other cases, wives most often beat their husbands in response to tyranny on their part. This happens as a defensive reaction or a way to take revenge, to cause pain. But, according to research, 7% of women themselves resort to violence, considering such behavior acceptable or being hostage to their own fears and complexes.
Why do wives beat their husbands?
Wives repeatedly physically abuse their partners. And this happens not only in dysfunctional families, where one or both spouses suffer from alcohol and drug addiction.
A similar problem occurs in intelligent families that do not suffer from a lack of money. Spouses can use violence against each other, even if at first glance they look like a loving and harmonious couple. Situations of abuse within the family can affect anyone.
Reasons why a woman raises her hand against her husband:
- He considers this behavior normal for family life. This opinion develops among women who grew up in families with clear leadership of the weaker sex. If the mother beat the father, and in front of the child, this takes root in memory and can be unconsciously reproduced when the girl begins an independent life. The girl remembered and appreciated this as the norm of marital relationships;
- Shows character. If a woman reacts violently to any little thing, is too hot-tempered, then serious troubles that shake the family peace can drive her crazy. For example, betrayal or betrayal of a spouse. Women lose their composure and act on their instincts. In a state of passion, when the world disappears from under their feet, they are capable of resorting to physical violence against the offender;
- Believes such behavior to be acceptable, considering it part of the interaction between spouses. For example, a woman is accustomed to using physical force when communicating with men throughout her life. She spent her childhood with boys alone, grew up lively and brave, and could hit in response to an insult or remark. She fought more than once, and this was considered normal. They didn't beat her because she was a girl. Over time, this began to manifest itself when communicating with men. She is used to the fact that nothing will happen to her, but girls are not hurt;
- Has an unsuccessful relationship or marriage behind him. If a woman was treated poorly by a previous partner, she is accustomed to reacting harshly to insults. Any dissatisfaction can result in a fight. Or she may be the first to provoke assault in order to protect herself. This is a kind of self-defense;
- Trying to interest her husband. If a man does not give his wife time, forgets about requests and does not even look at her, the woman can try to force attention to herself by any means. This happens in desperation, when adequate methods have been tried and have not brought results.
Men in such families are usually pliable and calm. They always feel guilty and stoically withstand the tyranny of their wife. The husband justifies his wife’s behavior, believing that he himself provoked her actions. Such men usually experience childhood trauma, their behavior is explained by the relationship between their parents. If my mother was in charge of my father, she decided everything for him, she could hit him, the man was used to this behavior.
Wife swears in front of child
Category - Women's truth
Question. I have a problem that is very specific. I am 35 years old, married for 10 years. The problem is this: my wife swears very strongly in the presence of the child, and when checking her lessons (my daughter is 10 years old) she can even hit her . At the moment, my daughter and I have moved to live separately from her mother, but this does not solve our problem. Divorce won’t do any good either; in Russia, children are most often left with their mother. I talked to my wife about her behavior many times, she promises to improve, but after a day or two everything happens again. My nerves are already on edge, a little more and something terrible will happen. Maybe someone knows how to deal with this behavior of women? I would be very grateful if anyone gives good advice.
Answered by Lyubov Goloshchapova, child psychologist: It is very pleasant to receive letters with questions from reasonable and sensible people. And also from caring and responsible people who care about what is happening in their family, and even more so (you can’t hide the mentality in your pocket) from the father of the family.
On the merits of the question raised in the letter, I can say that your situation is indeed non-standard and requires resolution, but you can find this solution quite easily, and it is quite possible that there will be several solutions, and your task will simply be to choose one of them whichever you find most effective.
The easiest way is to relieve your wife as much as possible from the need to do things that cause her unpleasant feelings. Does she get turned on when checking her daughter's homework? So check the lessons yourself! Look at what your wife enjoys doing and what she does only out of a sense of duty and without any desire, and try to redistribute responsibilities. Here you have a great opportunity to make your life easier - at the same time, look at your responsibilities around the house. Which of them are you especially pleased with? And which ones are the opposite? Maybe it's time to change the distribution of homework? Then do it with relief and pleasure.
Another way to resolve the issue is to change your attitude towards current events. This is your personal key to the situation, no one else can use it, you have the greatest authority in solving this problem. What happens when you see and hear that your wife is very angry? As I imagine from your letter, you are also very excited, nervous and worried. This is the tip of the iceberg that is visible. In fact, at such moments you give your energy, your strength and feelings to conflict, negativity, a black hole. An angry person feels a surge of strength, he is very cheerful and energetic. But the energy does not arrive at all in order to benefit the person himself, no! It is extracted from the depths of the body in order to leave the person forever. Remember how you feel after a conflict - weakness, emptiness? This is what it is. So what, you want to say that you have a lot of extra energy? If not, let’s appreciate it, don’t throw it left and right, but choose what to invest in. For example, choose positive, creative and kind tasks. You don’t spare any effort or soul for them, especially since in this case they receive a hundredfold in return. In a joyful, optimistic state of mind, doing everything is both easier and more enjoyable, wherever the strength comes from.
Perhaps someone will ask: how does it feel to choose if events happen regardless of my desire, and I can only react to them one way or another? It is through your reaction that you choose how to react. We will feed positive events with our energy so that they grow and multiply, and we will deprive negative ones of their contents - sooner or later, without food and water, they will simply dry out and disappear from our lives. Of course, you will have to work on yourself, learn to think often and a lot about the good, and find this good wherever you can. But when you learn, you will be surprised: how many wonderful things happen in my life! I passed by earlier...
Let's return, however, to checking the lessons. If there is no one to check the lessons except your mother, make sure that you are not nearby. Just walk (your feet) out of the situation. Instead of watching what makes you hate and feel powerless, do something that brings you joy. When is the most pleasant time for you to look at your wife? When does she cook dinner for you? When does he listen to your story? When are you doing something together? Answer this question, and in a pleasant situation, look at it to your heart’s content. What do you like most about it? Find those features that you definitely like and concentrate on them. Praise her at every opportunity - for what you consider worthy of approval. Even if it’s just some little things, don’t miss a single one. Note to yourself how you feel, and pay attention to your physical condition. This process is somewhat similar to sports - regular training is highly desirable.
At the same time , try to emotionally ignore those events that previously caused you indignation, fear or pain. If it doesn’t work out, don’t, don’t force yourself, just try to reduce the level of negative feelings as much as you can. This is also very good. Your task is to create, to create, to love, and finally, and not to fight and worry about what you cannot change.
After a short time, you will notice that there are fewer conflicts. Why? It was you, your feelings, your strength, your attention that was watered and fed by joyful, positive events and actions - and so the first harvest grew. He is yours. Reap and enjoy for your health!
Thank and love yourself under any circumstances. You want there to be peace and mutual understanding in the family, so that your daughter grows up happy and self-confident, and this will certainly be the case. You'll see.
I do not rule out at all that everything written may seem quite strange to you, and that you will not accept my proposals, but will go your own, “author’s” path. It will be simply excellent! In this case, I sincerely wish you perseverance and audacity, and you will succeed.
How to respond to your wife's aggression
Tyranny on the part of the wife must be nipped in the bud, especially if the conflict can be seen by children. If you once allow assault, you will get the impression that this is normal. At the next conflict or disagreement, fists will be used again. Regardless of the reason for the aggression, it is impossible to solve the problem with brute force.
What to do if a wife beats her husband:
- Be sure to stop assault. This must be stopped immediately, using any methods that cannot cause harm or pain. A woman must understand that such behavior is unacceptable; if it happens again, she will be punished. You can try to scold her like a child. The main thing is that she realizes her mistake, and there is no desire to resolve the issue with her fists again;
- Calm your wife down or wait a moment for her to come to her senses on her own. You can hug her by force, blocking her movements, so composure returns faster. Or, as a last resort, leave her alone, at a safe distance. A person cannot rage for long, so after a while he will calm down. You can run away for a while only if you are sure that the woman will not harm anyone;
- It is necessary to establish the reason for such behavior, to find out what worries and bothers the wife. Especially if she looks tired, worried, her voice breaks. Women are always ready to speak out, the main thing is that they are listened to and empathized with. It is necessary to communicate in a calm atmosphere, to achieve dialogue. If a woman listens to her husband, and he is imbued with her problems, then the need to use brute force will disappear. You should always try to establish contact by any means possible. For example, you can invite a lady of your heart to a restaurant and discuss an exciting problem in a calm, relaxing atmosphere.
Evil wife. Where do such wives come from?
23.03.2013
I'll start with a note to the blog.
It’s easy to console you if everything is fine yourself. What is it like to live with an evil bitch, who at 20 was a gentle bride, and at 40 became worse than a wild beast. Where do such wives come from?
Vladimir (pseudonym)
Like this. And no less. I sent a letter to his address with a couple of questions. But the letter was returned, the address does not exist. The citizen disguised himself. Either his wife intimidated him, or he is a coward by nature.
I thought about his question and decided not to answer.
But the other day a scene in a store brought me back to this topic.
A 40-45 year old woman behaved in such a way that one should have simply called a security guard and thrown her out of the trading floor. But they persuaded her, convinced her. Although all of us, four customers who stood in line at the checkout, saw that she was not only wrong, but was simply mocking the store employees. She had not yet reached the cash register and caused a scandal in the hall.
And we could see and hear everything.
And the moment came when the man standing in front of me at the cash register turned around and thrust a basket of groceries into my free hand. He asked me to hold it. And he rushed to this aunt.
He grabbed her arm above the elbow and abruptly pulled her away from the store workers. He whispered something to her with a brutal expression on his face. And she fell silent, somehow wilted. Then she quickly threw the basket on the floor and ran out of the store.
The man returned to his turn. We all praised him unanimously.
And he said loudly: “I was such a bitch myself.” I was on edge from morning to evening. He gave it to me... and kicked me out. That’s the only way with people like that.”
I was walking home from the store and thought that I should still sympathize with the author of that note and, together with the blog readers, answer him.
It's easy to say - to answer. But we still have to look for the answer.
Look at any bride. Airy, charming, smiling, cheerful, gentle and generally “my unearthly angel.” But those “evil aunts” whom we have encountered more than once were also once such brides.
What's happened?
1. I understand that character can deteriorate with age. But not as dramatically. This means that Vanya or Kolya did not consider in his chosen one those traits that later manifested themselves in full.
2. Volodya or Misha himself made his wife’s life unbearable. Over many years of his “arts” she became embittered, and embittered at everyone who, as it seems to her, is doing well.
3. I can make a third assumption and a fourth. But I would like to get explanations and assumptions from blog readers...
SanSanna,
Read 14768 times | Posted in: He and She
Leave or hit back
A woman's aggressive behavior can lead to a response. The man might also hit her. But such actions will not lead to a solution to the problem, on the contrary:
- The woman’s condition will worsen, she will harbor a grudge, the relationship will only become more tense;
- A man has great physical capabilities and may not be able to calculate his strength. A woman in such a situation can contact the police by presenting a medical report about the recorded beatings. The man will have to bear criminal responsibility if law enforcement agencies open a case.
You should never hit your spouse back; this will provoke the development of domestic violence. Assault can lead to varying degrees of harm and, in the worst case, to murder. You need to control your emotions and not give up.
You can leave your abusive spouse for a while or think about divorce when there is no other option. A man must make the decision to end a relationship on his own. If life in such an environment becomes unbearable, and it is not possible to stop such treatment, then divorce is the only way out. But often men cannot decide to take such a responsible step, they are afraid of the unknown, and do not understand how to live further. They endure abuse and suffer as a result. After all, regular beatings are humiliation, a blow to self-esteem, especially for a man who is considered the stronger sex. Because of this, the cohabitants of aggressive women become isolated, become depressed, and isolate themselves from the outside world.
