How to divorce your husband: reasons for divorce, order and procedure + necessary documents

When family life brings more suffering than comfort, divorce is not far away. And such a difficult decision has been made, but the initiator of the divorce procedure begins to be tormented by the question - what to do and where to start, especially when there are children in the family?

The procedure for divorce without children and with them varies quite significantly, and it is difficult for a person who does not have some experience in family law to immediately navigate both the necessary actions and the composition of the documents.

Let's take a closer look at where to start the divorce process with and without children.

My history

My first marriage was a mistake. We were a dancing couple, falling in love, unplanned pregnancy, registry office. The usual story. We were connected only by dancing, and after the birth of the child we had to forget about them completely. But I believed that our boat of love should stay afloat no matter what.

The marriage lasted five years, during which I periodically thought about divorce. Sometimes out loud. But determination was lacking. Largely because outwardly everything was normal: we almost didn’t quarrel, we weren’t in poverty, our lifestyle stabilized over the years, the child was growing up. But there was nothing in common either.

I'm lucky. I met the man of my dreams and over time I realized that if I wanted to be with someone, it was only with him. But if it doesn’t work out, then I can no longer live in an empty relationship. Even if we had not met, I would still have come to the same decision, but later. There were calls.

Let's get a beautiful divorce5

Well, now the most important thing. Actually, this is what we were going for in this article. How to get a beautiful divorce? Yes, everything is very simple.

A conversation is needed. Long and serious. The wife may throw a tantrum. Easily. Your task is to calmly and methodically talk about important things. You must convince her of the impossibility of further cohabitation. Give all the arguments that will fully reveal all the reasons. Say directly that there are no more feelings. As a rule, after this remark the spouse becomes calmer and more attentive.

Outline what she will get. Know that she is most afraid of being left with nothing. If you initiate a divorce, be prepared to leave her most of your assets. Don't be stingy. Leave the apartment or house. Take your own dacha in Khatsapetovka and your car. Although, leave the car to her if she is also driving. She takes the children to clubs. Offer her alimony, but on top of that, large purchases for the children and tuition fees. You won’t go broke, you’re a man and you can make money. She is not. File for divorce yourself. Let you remain a complete freak, but, in any case, it will be easier for her.

Identify the children. They have both mom and dad. And the fact that dad no longer lives with them under the same roof does not give him the right to shirk his paternal responsibilities. Yes, your spouse can start organizing candybobbers with meetings, you just have to create the situation in such a way that she herself makes the decision to divorce. Therefore, you will get children too.

And remember: divorce should be civilized. You are stronger, wiser, you are just a man.

We stopped talking to each other

At first we chatted a lot: where you studied, what you do, how you look at the world, who your parents and friends are, what music you listen to, what books you read, what films you prefer to watch. At the dating stage, there is always something to talk about.

But over time, the topics exhausted themselves. It became clear to both that there was nothing to discuss. Just like in the movie “What Men Talk About,” when Camille reads a text message from his wife: “Toilet paper. Bread. Milk".

Sometimes the conversation turned to views on life values. And here another problem arose. My husband is five years younger than me, and I turned out to be too experienced a partner for him in almost all areas of life. As a result, there was no dialogue - it was more like consultations. My husband was a smart and grateful listener, but I was getting more and more bored.

Conclusion

Communication is the main component of any relationship.

Most of the time you communicate. And it should be enjoyable for both of them.

If your partner looks into your mouth, and you spend your life raising children, over time you may get tired of it. If you are always in the position of an obedient student, someday you will want independence.

Communication should be mutually enriching. You should have a similar cultural background that you can build on together. When one person constantly drags the other one along, or when people go their separate ways, vital chatter gradually disappears.

We tried to be away from home more

We spent most of our time apart, but somehow we didn’t want to be together. It was normal for my husband to come after 9-10 pm. I fell asleep calmly when I put the baby to bed. We could barely meet until the weekend.

Everyone also spent Saturday and Sunday in their own way. I walked with my son and tried to meet with friends. My husband spent time on his laptop: studying, working, movies, games.

I used to tug at him and ask him to spend time with me. He reluctantly agreed. Then I left him alone. I myself felt more comfortable this way.

My husband took up a hobby - archery. I became interested in pole acrobatics. As a result, we scored ourselves five evenings a week of separate leisure time.

The next distance was vacation. Everyone rested on their own and considered this the norm. We convinced others that it was easier and cheaper. That's true, but we wanted to travel without each other.

Conclusion

When the atmosphere in the house is depressing, you subconsciously look for an opportunity to be there as little as possible.

Go to work earlier, stay late, respond to any offers to meet with friends, come up with a hobby that takes up all your free time. Your spouse silently supports your absence. You leave when everyone is still sleeping, come back and everyone is already asleep.

The problem is not in the mode itself. The problem is that both of you are okay with it.

Sex became less and less frequent

During pregnancy and especially after childbirth, my sexual appetites diminished to zero. This is largely due to how my life changed; there was no time for love. But then, when everything stabilized, I realized that I did not feel attracted to my husband. And it wasn't about him.

He was a good lover and knew exactly where and how to stroke me to make me tremble with delight. His sexual impulses always let me know that I was desired.

But I still felt that I did not experience emotional intimacy, so I often refused him, citing fatigue and getting up early. The amount of sex dropped to once a month. I perceived it as a marital duty and in 9 cases out of 10 I tried to end it as quickly as possible. It was nice, but unnecessary.

Conclusion

In a healthy relationship, the quantity and quality of sex suits both. There are couples for whom intimacy once a month is enough, but for some, six times a day is not enough. But if you constantly send your partner with the words “I want to sleep, let’s not tonight,” something is going wrong.

Good reasons to definitely get a divorce

The reasons for breaking up a relationship can be different. Sometimes reconciliation between spouses is possible, but sometimes divorce is impossible. Among the main reasons when it is necessary to get a divorce are the following:

1. Alcoholism or drug addiction. Cases when a person himself decides to stop drinking or using drugs are quite rare. As a rule, drug addicts and alcoholics realize their plight too late, when it is no longer possible to do anything. By this point, they are destroying their families with their own hands, losing property, their relatives are turning away from them, and their health is experiencing serious problems.
2. Violence in family. You cannot forgive your spouse if he allows himself to raise his hand against his wife and children. You need to get rid of such relationships as quickly as possible.
3. Treason. Marital infidelity is one of the most common causes of divorce. Many young ladies decide to forgive the cheater, but, as a rule, a similar situation is repeated, and in the end it all ends in separation.
4. Dissatisfaction with sex life. Intimacy in family life is far from the last place. If one of the partners feels dissatisfied, the problem can be solved with the help of specialists. However, many couples are embarrassed to see a sexologist or psychologist with such a problem. Therefore, families end their existence.
5. Financial insolvency. Men are usually given the responsibility of supporting the family. But it’s one thing when the family temporarily lacks money, and another when the husband a priori cannot provide for his wife and children. If a man does not bring money to the family for a long time, women file for divorce.
6. Individual incompatibility. If the marriage was concluded in a fit of emotion, then after a while the partners realize that they are completely different, they have nothing in common, and the marriage needs to be dissolved.
7. The reluctance of one of the partners to have offspring. As a rule, people marry in order to continue their family line. Therefore, if the spouses cannot come to a consensus, since one of them wants a child and the other does not, then sooner or later, someone who wants to give birth to an heir will find someone who shares his desire to become a parent.

We stopped being interested in each other

With a generally caring attitude, I stopped immersing myself in my husband’s life; it no longer interested me.

One day my husband got sick and went to the hospital; he had to have an operation. I visited him only twice during my 14 days in the hospital. For the first time I brought documents, things and food. The second time I came after the operation. When he asked if I would come again, I was sincerely perplexed: “Do you need to bring something? What should I do there, hold your hand? I have a lot of things to do, I can’t.”

It's a shame. And I was offended when I returned from the traffic police exam with a driver’s license after 10 hours of stress, and my husband only said: “Cool, well done. Will you pick up your child from kindergarten tomorrow?”

Conclusion

Lack of immersion in the life of a partner, support, warmth is not revenge, but banal indifference, for which one cannot be blamed.

Feelings are either there or they are not. And they cannot be faked.

Indifference is a sign that the relationship is over, only functions remain: earn money, look after the children, maintain order in the house, cook food. This is not how spouses live, but roommates or bedmates.

Divorce in court

Divorce, using the court as an executive body regulating this process, is possible in the following cases:

1. At the time of divorce, the spouses have common minor children;
2. one spouse, for some reason, does not want to divorce;
3. when one of the spouses avoids visiting the registry office, even if officially he has no objections to the implementation of the divorce process.

If there is a need for a divorce through the court, spouses must pay the following types of state fees:

• The first of them is charged for filing an application for divorce through the court. To do this, the spouse, who is the initiator of this process, must pay a fee equal to 600 rubles;
• the second fee is charged to pay for the services of the registry office in providing a document confirming the divorce, and it will cost both spouses 650 rubles.

We quarreled with anger

My ex-husband and I have non-conflicting characters, so dishes in our house never broke. However, sometimes quarrels arose, and we tried to hurt each other more painfully, to accuse each other of something.

Sometimes the squabbles ended with me talking about divorce. One day my husband really began to pack his things. I cried and ran to the kitchen. I’m sobbing, and thoughts are spinning in my head: “How am I now? So, get up at 7:15, take the child to kindergarten.”

We separated not on that day, but later. But the way we fought and what we were trying to achieve clearly signaled that it was time to separate.

Conclusion

Unhealthy relationships lack caring and acceptance of each other's emotions. We behave coldly and instead of resolving the conflict, we are looking for something else to remember.

Healthy relationships also have arguments. Everyone is different and views the world differently, so disagreements are normal. But in the conflicts of a happy couple there is always a goal to make peace.

What do I want to get out of a quarrel? Sleep separately? No talking for three days? Or do I want to live a happy life with this person? If the latter, then even in righteous anger you will choose your words and try to talk about your feelings.

Reason for your leaving

Most often, marriages break up due to a discrepancy between ideas about a partner and relationships with reality. Everyone has subconscious expectations, and if the result does not meet them, a feeling of dissatisfaction arises. Therefore, psychologists recommend that all couples in love “agree on the shore,” that is, voice their expectations before marriage.

When you are about to get a divorce, you need to understand whether or not there is a chance to establish a connection with your husband. If contact is still possible and it is possible to build a dialogue, it is worth starting with conversations. This is necessary to make the right decision. It is important to discuss the most significant issues regarding relationship problems:

• It is worth finding out whether there is mutual love between the partners.
• It is important to find out how the husband himself sees the situation.
• It is necessary to find out how the husband feels about the fact that his wife wants to divorce.
• It is important to voice your arguments and reasons for the discord in your marriage, and then discuss them with your other half.

If during communication it turns out that the husband also wants a divorce, this will significantly simplify the divorce process. This will also affect the emotional atmosphere.

READ

How to divorce your husband: effective recommendations

The presence of objective reasons for dissatisfaction with the relationship is grounds for breaking the connection. It’s worth starting to plan a divorce; marriage is overshadowed by the following things:

• one or both partners have constant relationships on the side or allow themselves one-time infidelities;
• the husband or wife is dependent on alcohol, drugs, or gambling;
• the spouses do not have the same plans for the future;
• the wife or husband does not want a child;
• relationships are filled with quarrels and conflicts;
• there are insurmountable financial issues;
• There is psychological or physical violence in the marriage.

Even if these reasons are absent, the very desire to break the connection can be a valid reason.

There is no point in tormenting yourself in an unhappy relationship by constantly dreaming of divorce. If people fall out of love with each other or have never experienced warm feelings as a couple, divorce is also inevitable.

I began to dream about what my life would be like without my husband. And I liked it

If you're feeling afraid about a breakup, imagine that what you're afraid of has already happened. What will you do about it?

This is necessary for the brain to develop an action plan and calm down. Not only will you stop worrying, but you will also understand how to lay down straw in case of misfortune.

I was afraid too. How will I live if I get divorced? I will be left with a child and a million financial difficulties. What will i do? And in 10 minutes my brain drew the following plan:

• Rent out your existing apartment.
• Rent an apartment within walking distance from the kindergarten.
• Transfer all of your child’s classes to kindergarten so as not to have to travel around the city.
• Transfer work to remote mode and collect orders so as not to waste time and money on travel.

I developed an understanding of my actions in case of divorce. Now we need to think about how to approach this. What emotions does the thought-up plan of action evoke? Do you want to live such a life?

If the answer is no, all is not lost. If the answer is “yes,” then congratulations, you will soon get rid of the oppression of unnecessary relationships and become freer and happier.

I suddenly realized that I liked my plan. I will spend more time with my son, without being distracted by my husband and without worrying that they are not communicating much. At that moment our family fell apart.

Conclusion

Try to imagine life after divorce. If you can’t, then you are not yet ready for such a step. If you can, but you don't like it, you don't need a divorce. If you have presented and everything suits you, get a divorce.

How to understand that your partner wants to get a divorce

Although less often, men also sometimes initiate separation. If a man begins to be tormented by doubts, then he analyzes the relationship for a long time, tries to make amends for his guilt, and is not afraid to express claims against his wife. Often, due to their character traits, men do not notice or ignore the signs of an impending divorce. Therefore, the conversation can take place immediately before the divorce. But a woman can notice from changes in her husband’s behavior that he wants to leave:

• He avoids communication.
• He completely stopped criticizing his wife, making claims to her, or suggesting changes.
• He began to stay late at work more often, and on weekends he finds reasons to sneak out of the house so as not to meet his other half.
• He is often depressed or even depressed.
• He does not discuss long-term plans with his wife and shares his experiences less often.
• He began to have secrets, he became secretive and withdrawn.

It is easier for a woman to feel the emerging coldness in a relationship due to her developed emotional intelligence. If a man has not yet made a final decision, and both partners want to preserve the union, everything can still be corrected. It is important to first understand whether this is worth doing and evaluate the situation in the marriage. Not all families can be saved at the stage of preparation for divorce. But you can connect a specialist - a psychologist or family psychotherapist.

Marriage experts recommend:

• develop communication in a constructive direction;
• do not hush up complaints;
• engage in analysis so as not to repeat negative experiences in future relationships;
• Do not blame yourself and your spouse for a failed marriage.

There is no point in making guesses: if you suspect that your partner is planning to break off the relationship, you need to ask a direct question. This will relieve pain and anxiety and speed up the resolution of a difficult situation in marriage.

Is it possible to save a problematic relationship?

You can save a relationship if both want it. But their dream is not to save the family, but to stay with their partner. Saving your family is about decency in the eyes of others and an abstract sense of duty. And the desire to be with a loved one is about a personal, conscious choice.

It happens that people simply do not know how to communicate and live together without destroying each other. Some have a hot temperament, others have problems with self-esteem. If you both feel bad, but without each other it’s even worse, then the problem is not in the choice of a partner, but in the quality of communication.

Read books on relationship psychology

"The Paradox of Passion" by Dean Delis and Cassandra Phillips

A book about imbalance in relationships, when one loves and the other not so much. From it you will learn where love disappears and why this happens, who the strong and weak partners are, and how to resolve conflicts correctly.

The book will be useful for weak partners who feel dependent on their other half and believe that the relationship rests only on them. You will understand why your partner is less and less attracted to you and learn how to become stronger, restore harmony and self-sufficiency.

The book will help the leading people in a couple to figure out what happened in the relationship and where the former love and passion went. You will begin to better understand your partner's motives and learn how to help him become more independent and calm and stop holding you near him.

Buy on Litres.ru

"The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman

A book about different forms of manifestation of love. Some feel love through time spent together, and some through physical care and assistance. For some, small but frequent gifts bring ecstasy. In total, the author identifies five types: time together, help, encouragement, touch and gifts.

Look among them for yourself and your soul mate. You may want to learn to love your partner in the way that pleases him best. The book will be useful to everyone who needs good relationships not only with a loved one, but also with other people.

Buy on Litres.ru

"Games People Play" by Eric Berne

The point of the book is this: people tend to play social games. There are simple stroking games that are known to everyone and accepted in society. For example, I came back from vacation, and you ask how I spent it.

There are more complex and dangerous games - scenarios. A person unconsciously looks for his script and plays it out. They are ingrained in us from childhood and can be good (become a doctor and save lives) and bad (saving the lives of others, not remembering yourself, burning out at work and dying at 35).

My scenario is that if you become pregnant, you definitely need to marry the child’s father, you can’t get a divorce - you need to raise a partner. I did not see any other options for the development of events and went straight towards this marriage, as if fulfilling a program. Only five years later I asked myself: do I really want it? Do I need this?

Buy on Litres.ru

You can read more about dependent relationships in the article by psychologist Mikhail Labkovsky “Family therapy is a divorce.”

Go to a psychologist

Another way to harmonize relationships and life in general is to go to a psychologist. But it’s better not together, but separately.

Psychologists don’t tell you how to live or give valuable advice about the toilet lid. They ask questions, help you look at the situation from different angles, put yourself in the other person’s shoes and realize that something is wrong. You find the way out yourself.

Psychologists help to effectively cope with anxiety, fears and anger through various therapeutic practices, such as art therapy or sand therapy.

As a result, you will no longer be affected by your spouse’s unpleasant behavior, and you will learn to be happy and stable.

After this you will have two options:

• your harmony will have a positive impact on your partner, relationships will improve;
• you will realize that you no longer need this relationship, and you will soon separate.

Leave your husband or endure it

If you already have doubts about the development of marital relations, this is the first step towards making a decision to break up. But in practice, everything looks different: dissatisfaction with relationships is perceived by women as a normal phenomenon. Therefore, many are guided by the principle “endure, fall in love.” There is no reason to tolerate a failed relationship, even if the spouses are connected by something more than a stamp in the passport, for example, shared parental responsibilities.

READ

A selection of ways to return your wife's love if she has fallen out of love

You can endure regular troubles in relationships if:

• during the dialogue, the spouses decided to join forces and work to restore the family;
• problems in marriage are temporary and caused by age-related crises;
• the second partner agreed to couples psychotherapy.

In other situations, doubts and indecision only make problems worse. A woman has the right to live a happy life, not only to love, but also to receive reciprocity. If it turns out that the relationship does not bring satisfaction, but only generates negativity and stress, there is no point in maintaining it at the cost of your life and happiness.

When the only option is divorce

My first marriage became for me something like chickenpox, after which the body forever acquires immunity. Was this marriage a failure? Yes, I was. Did I need such a relationship? Yes, we do.

We always attract only the right people. We learn next to them. And if we learn a lesson, we become better. I needed a man with whom I could be a superwoman, to be proud of the burden of my life.

Then I grew out of these ideas, but the relationship itself did not change and ceased to suit me. And there was only one way out.

Alimony

The determination of the amount that one of the spouses will have to pay as child support, and the order of their payments, will be considered by the court either as a separate process, or together with the divorce procedure. To do this you need:

• apply to the magistrate's court with a petition containing information about divorce and alimony;
• determine which spouse will act as the defendant and which will act as the plaintiff.

If conflict situations arise, you need to file a claim for divorce in the district court and collect the list of documents required by it.

Divorce is not a sentence, but work on mistakes

We were not and could not be happy together. This is no one's fault. My ex-husband is a wonderful person, decent, smart, attractive, he dances wonderfully. I treat him well and wish him happiness from the bottom of my heart. I didn’t want to hurt him at all, although I understood that divorce would be a tragedy for him. However, I didn't shine around him and eventually I stopped trying.

For me, there was only one option - to separate. Of course, it’s a pity for the effort and time invested in the relationship. I was worried about my ex-husband, I was worried about how the divorce would affect the child.

I was not ready to sacrifice myself out of politeness and regrets about the past, because this would not make anyone happy.

If you've been walking somewhere for a long time and suddenly realize that you've been walking in the wrong direction all this time, you have two options: turn back or deliberately continue walking in the wrong direction.

Divorce is not a disaster; people don’t die from it. Divorce is about working on mistakes. I admitted my mistake, forgave myself for it and happily move on with my life.

Results

Dissolution of a marriage when the spouses have children together is the most complex type of divorce process. A woman who decides to end her relationship with her husband faces many difficulties:

• collection of child support payments;
• a dispute about the child’s cohabitation with the father at the latter’s request;
• establishing the order of communication and raising the child by the ex-husband;
• drawing up a statement of claim with the requirements listed above;
• emotional side of the issue.

To make the divorce process easier and not make any mistakes, it is best to seek help from an experienced lawyer who will help resolve the problematic issue with the least possible losses for the woman.