Girls complex
Sigmund Freud's student Carl Jung introduced a special name for the Oedipus complex of girls - the Electra complex.
Initially, the girl is equally attached to her father and mother, but then she develops a special attachment to her father. At 5–6 years old, a girl dreams of marrying her dad when she grows up. At the same time, she becomes hostile towards her mother.
Some experts believe that a woman who has idealized her father since childhood, exaggerating his merits, develops the so-called Electra complex. The experience of communicating with young people gives her disappointment. As a teenager, she is tormented by conflicting relationships with her parents, she begins to be jealous of her father and her mother, and demands increased attention from him. Other problems begin when the girl grows up.
But often such a woman is well educated, she has, as they say, a masculine, remarkable mind, she is very friendly in communication, a real helper and student of the stronger sex. But nothing more, she is not a flirt. Nothing personal, just work. Since childhood, she dreamed of not being like her mother, and she succeeded. There is no happiness in your personal life, well, what can you do, there is no perfection in the world...
Such a woman can marry a man much older than herself - also a fairly common story.
What to do if jealousy cannot be overcome
- If you can’t overcome jealousy, then you need to reduce the time you spend communicating with your child. Some people spend too much time with their ex-children. This fact often becomes the cause of numerous problems, so you have to come to terms with the fact that a child can destroy any relationship.
- Anyone who has problems with jealousy should leave the apartment if meetings between the husband or wife and the child take place at home. This is a great option to avoid another scandal.
- The most important advice is to try to swear as little as possible. It is quarrels that often become the cause of numerous conflicts. If you cannot avoid them in any way, then you will have to spend a lot of time restoring your relationship with a loved one. This is a serious problem for many people, so you shouldn’t create difficulties out of the blue.
- We can recommend increasing your own self-esteem. Jealousy is a feeling that arises in people who do not value themselves. It is for this reason that many suffer so painfully from the decrease in attention to themselves.
Dad, mom, me - the best family
Before my eyes is a living example of the classic Electra complex. Typical family: mom, dad, daughter. More precisely: father, daughter and mother. Dad is the chief engineer of a large plant, a responsible and busy man, but at the same time he never forgot about his beloved daughter, he did a lot with her.
For some reason, he wanted his daughter to become a doctor. When talking about his daughter’s successes, dad always said “we”: “We went to college,” “We got a job in a clinic.”
Everything is fine with them. Except that the daughter is not getting married. You need to find a healthy, smart and caring person just like dad. He must be interesting, with whom he needs to be powerful, with whom he needs to be gentle. But where can you find one?
Dad is about sixty, mom is slightly over fifty, daughter is about thirty. One day my daughter had a fan. A divorced man, much older than her, but their romance did not last long.
Heroes of Hellas
According to tradition, the name of the complex is taken from ancient Greek history. The plot of Sophocles' tragedy "Electra" takes us to the time of the Trojan War, when King Agamemnon returned to his homeland and was killed by his wife Clytemnestra. Having endured the hardships and dangers of the campaign, the hero (he is also the first husband of Elena, who left him for Paris) dies in his own pool.
In the play, the son of Agamemnon, brother of Electra, Orestes returns to his homeland. Electra has lived with the determination to take revenge ever since her father was killed. And this revenge is accomplished. Electra becomes the mastermind of the murder, persuading Orestes to commit it.
To us, who have received lessons in Christianity, some things from the ancient Greeks seem naive, some things incomprehensible. We want to distinguish the important from the secondary, God's will from vain desires. We want to understand, forgive and move on with our lives easily and calmly. But in ancient times people did not dream of an easy life.
Test to determine the degree of female jealousy.
1. Was there a moment in his/her past when he/she was dragged into bed through naivety?
2. Do you look at his/her gaze when a prominent person passes near you?
3. Do you prefer that he/she not change much?
4. Do you prohibit him/her from meeting friends?
5. Do you think that he/she should be under control?
6. Do you often call to find out your location?
7. Do you often imagine him/her in bed with another person?
8. Would you take revenge on everyone who once offended you? Only honestly!?
9. Are you checking his/her phone?
10. Do you regret that you didn’t meet him/her earlier, then things could have been different?
11. Have you ever had an ex who cheated on you?
12. Do you feel resentment against peers from the past that still persists to this day?
13. Is his/her social network account freely available to you?
14. In your childhood, did your mother often leave home for a long time, without explaining where?
15. Do you think lying is the worst phenomenon in the life of mankind?
16. Do you often spend leisure time together?
17. At school, you studied almost perfectly in the first grades, but as you got older, your grades worsened?
18. Do you stare at other members of the opposite sex?
19. Was your first love at an early age and turned out to be unpromising?
20. Does the number of his/her exes directly affect your respect?
Greek passions in a Russian nine-story building
The tragedy of Sophocles came to mind when I once had to write about a strange murder. The mother of schoolgirl-graduate Anya L. was stabbed to death at the door of her apartment. She told investigators that she heard screams, but was afraid to go out.
Anya was new to school, just like another student, Zhenya. Perhaps that's why they were drawn to each other. The rapprochement lasted a little over a year. Anya’s mother liked Evgeniy. Galina Vladimirovna did not object to him staying overnight with them - at least there was some kind of guy in the house.
Immediately after the funeral, the children submitted an application to the registry office in order to register their relationship without waiting forty days after death. They wanted to go on a trip, but their relatives dissuaded us: it was indecent.
The investigation progressed slowly. If only they had guessed to look into the bathroom on the day of the murder! There, somewhere under the dirty laundry, they would have found Zhenya’s bloody clothes. She was burned later, after the funeral.
Immersed in a whirlwind romance, Anya did not appear at school for six months. She was excluded, and the last call, as well as the walk along Red Square, had to take place without her. Evgeniy, an athlete, a defender of the school’s sports honor, probably would not have been expelled. But to exclude her and him not is not pedagogical.
The mother did not know that the girl had dropped out of school until the very last moment. She was not too gentle with her daughter, she raised her in severity. And so, in order not to anger the mother again, they decided to kill her...
But there are things that remain unchanged for all time. Since the time of Sophocles, murder has not solved any problems, but only created new ones. The children went to prison. And if they had not committed murder, perhaps they would have only had an appointment with a psychoanalyst.
The wife is jealous of her daughter from her first marriage!
At the age of 20, he got married and had a daughter. I adore her! But it so happened that my wife and I divorced when our daughter was 5 years old. 2 years after the divorce, he married a second time. It was very important for me how my second wife would treat her daughter. The daughter is a miracle, the soul of a child. They found a common language. A year after my marriage, my first wife began, apparently out of jealousy, to interfere with my communication with my daughter. I had to set through the court the days when I could communicate with my daughter. So from that moment after the trial the behavior of the second wife changed. Every Wednesday evening and one full day off every two weeks, the second wife gets jealous. When I go to talk to my daughter, she cries, gets offended, and runs to her friends. She doesn’t want to communicate with the three of us. Enough! This crap has been going on for almost a year now. At such moments I am very angry with my second wife! I doubt that the second family will be able to survive if this continues. The second wife sincerely tries not to interfere. But her heart protests. I feel everything. Everyone has taken a wait-and-see approach, but relatives are becoming increasingly involved in these problems. My relatives (like me) absolutely do not accept anyone who rejects my daughter. Her relatives are evasive. In 2 years of marriage, not one of them met my daughter. The second wife is more than deprived of my attention and care. If they bother me and put me in a situation of choice, then I will choose my blood. But I would like to help my wife cope with her pain before the family is completely under attack. How can you help a woman recover from her jealousy towards a man’s child from her first marriage?
Mikhail, Moscow.
READERS' RESPONSE Maybe she wants her own child? Although rejecting another child will not lead to happiness. To be honest, I would set you a condition: OUR child and yours are our children!!! And if only yours, then go and reunite with his mother! Katerina. I have the same story, only my son. It got to the point that the second one killed our relationship. Women are fools. Vasya. I had the exact same situation, only my husband (ex) had 2 daughters from a previous marriage. I didn’t throw hysterics, but I constantly expressed my dissatisfaction. What to do, you ask? To urgently give birth to a joint child, the wife will have neither the strength nor the time for jealousy. Wisdom will come, somewhere pity and understanding of a kind attitude towards children, they are never former. And also an understanding of what a wonderful dad you are, everyone would like them. Natalia. Children should never be exchanged for men/women. If Mikhail’s second wife did not accept his daughter from his first marriage, whom he loves very much, then she did not accept all of Mikhail, she knew who she was marrying, and she knew about her daughter that she was now throwing hysterics. And there are very few people like Mikhail now! Well done man, he doesn’t give up on his daughter for the sake of his second wife’s peace of mind. I respect you! Svetlana. I think there is no need to involve another child in the relationship! The wife may feel disadvantaged in some way - after all, you divided your time between her and another woman (albeit a very small one)!!! Have you consulted with her? Maybe sit down and talk to her and ask her what she's afraid of rather than making assumptions and saying how bad she is etc.? Maybe this is simple uncertainty in the relationship, because this is not her child, she is not sure and does not know how to behave!!! It’s always easy to find the bad, but not everyone can help... Laura. I am now suffering terribly from my husband's hatred of my eldest daughter. Partly because of this, she became a difficult child. The common son does not save the situation. He is ready to blow away specks of dust from him, and he terrorizes his daughter. Now I’m urgently trying to stop loving my soulmate, throw him out of my heart in order to save my daughter. Advice to men and women: think when you cast your lot in with people who have already become parents. Are you ready to love someone else's child? Then there would be fewer broken hearts like mine and less cruelty in our children. Guest.
Expert commentary
Andrey Strelchenko, Doctor of Medical Sciences, psychotherapist, head of the Professional Psychological Club:
– The manifestations and severity of any complex can both amaze the imagination of others and proceed almost unnoticed by prying eyes.
The emotionally closer connection between daughter and father is due to the animal nature of man. This animal nature divides people not into fathers, mothers, grandfathers, grandmothers and children, but into males and females. In a pack there is an alpha male, and there are young and old females. Constant competition forces everyone to be on their toes and keep fit.
For a girl, the image of her father is the template by which she, as an adult, looks for her life partner. It’s good when this image fully personifies the required masculinity. Then the likelihood that the daughter will be happy in her personal life increases.
Moreover, the little girl imprints in her memory not only (and not so much) the external, physical characteristics of her father, but his attitude towards his wife - her mother. And the girl receives feedback regarding her assessment of her father’s masculinity to a greater extent from her mother. If this feedback is objective, “correct,” and relationships in the family are harmonious, then there will be no reason for jealousy of the mother or craving for “daddies” in adulthood. There will be a search for a partner who will most likely provide exactly the kind of relationship that is familiar and understandable. The mechanism that triggers a daughter's jealousy of her mother is most often the latter's incorrect behavior. Children are “more animals” than adults. The involuntary competition of a little woman in relation to her own mother is easily extinguished by manifestations of love. It is important to show understanding and not make a tragedy out of the child’s spontaneous manifestations of feelings.
