My husband doesn’t sleep with me, why does he want to sleep in different rooms with his wife: reasons

Main reasons

I don’t want to sleep with my husband... This problem is often raised on various forums by concerned ladies. Their unenviable marital status is commented on by all and sundry, often mocking the cold woman or accusing her of frigidity. Instead of reading all this nonsense, it is better to contact a psychologist who will tell you about the main reasons for reluctance. Experts identify several pitfalls that stand in the way of your “sexual” happiness:

Stress. They do not allow the wife to relax and tune in to the desired wave.
Diets and taking birth control pills. They can reduce libido levels.
Some character traits of the husband: rudeness, passivity, untidiness, lack of hygiene.
Hormonal changes in the body due to the birth of a baby.

In these cases, the problem can be solved by stopping hormonal medications, waiting until health is restored after childbirth, simply by talking frankly with the man about his lifestyle, habits and character. If the reason is not found, and the woman continues to say: “I don’t want sex with my husband!” – in this situation you need to understand in detail.

I don't want my husband in bed anymore. Physiological reasons.

Along with psychology, the wife’s physiology also influences desire. The way you treat your body ultimately affects your health. Alcohol, random one-time contacts with men in the past, incompatibility, overeating and subjective perception of the biological clock lead to diseases and ailments. Yes, the functionality of our body depends entirely on observing the biological clock. This is a mandatory sleep from 22.00 to 06.00, a protein breakfast, a meat lunch and a fish dinner, a mandatory 10,000 steps per day and other functions that a person must perform daily to keep the body healthy.

Let's move on to the points that make you not want intimacy with your husband:

Lack of sleep, insomnia (after childbirth, all women become frigid due to the high coefficient of fatigue, exhaustion, because the child in the first stages of development practically does not allow you to close your eyes, wakes you up at the wrong time, in addition, stress, nervousness, depression (due to the loss of a loved one, for example) and important upcoming events - all this interferes with normal sleep and the recovery of the female body, so I don’t want intimacy);
Pregnancy (if the wife is afraid that sexual intercourse will harm the child, the desire will definitely not arise, even if the pregnancy is normal, if it occurs with pathologies, it is better to refuse);
The birth of a child (after childbirth, depending on its severity, you do not want intimacy with your husband due to internal stretch marks, scratches, microcracks and other injuries that wives often receive during childbirth, for the rest, see point 1);
Hormonal changes (irregular menstruation, skin rashes, low concentration, chronic fatigue, increased pain in the gastrointestinal tract, sudden mood swings, excess or lack of appetite and vaginal dryness are signs of hormonal imbalances, consult a doctor);
Previous sexual trauma, including complete or partial removal of the uterus;
Sexual incompatibility (if during intimacy you experience discomfort, pain and do not get pleasure, you are not compatible, it is advisable to look for comfortable positions);
Obesity (it affects not only male, but also female desire);
Frigidity (inability to obtain appetite and subsequent peak pleasure).

The listed reasons require either visiting a doctor or maintaining a healthy lifestyle; after all, most of them are treatable.

If the husband is not macho

Perhaps this is where the problem lies. And a woman cannot admit to a man that his sexual abilities, alas, do not give her the desired pleasure. When they first met, the girl did not notice this, since romance hid a lot. Going to the movies, candlelit dinners and “cuddling” smoothed out the rough edges at every turn, and you didn’t attach much importance to incompatibility in bed. But now the scales have fallen from my eyes. And the woman is not entirely comfortable next to her chosen one. And she mentally asks herself the question: “I don’t want a husband... What to do in this situation?”

Psychologists advise a girl to directly tell her significant other what doesn’t suit her. Together, the problem will be solved. If the reason is lack of arousal, you can ask your husband to pay more attention to petting. Let him seduce again, become playful, passionate. A man is obliged to take off his old family swimming trunks, in which he is used to lying in front of the TV, and wear revealing and sexy underwear. If a lady is not satisfied with the duration of sexual intercourse, her chosen one should bring her to the peak of pleasure in another way: oral caresses, for example.

Test: Are you passionate?

1. The greatest pleasure comes from:

2. In life, as in sports: the main thing is:

3. The doorbell rings when you are not expecting anyone. This is probably:

4. You are very sensitive to change:

5. If you find yourself a victim of betrayal, you would have a desire to kill:

6. Wanting to achieve greater pleasure, you tell him (her):

7. As a child you:

8. Currently you:

9. In your family life or when meeting with your loved one, quarrels occur:

10. The worst thing about love is that:

11. In a fit of jealousy, you are able to:

12. The last time you had sex without really wanting to:

13. Your role in the team is:

14. In nightmares you see how:

15. It is difficult for you to forgive if he (she) forgot (forgot) about:

16. Did you feel like an adult when:

17. Your current job:

18. Big love:

19. First of all, you would like to instill in your children that they should be able to:

20. A lover tells you: “Somehow I’m not up to sex right now”; you think:

Incomprehensibility

This condition is familiar to every woman. She is 100% sure: the process is far from amazing and enchanting, but she cannot understand where exactly improvements are needed. She simply doesn’t like going to bed, and she sighs doomedly: “I don’t want to sleep with my husband...” As a result, it’s easier to refuse than to rack your brains in search of unsuccessful and annoying moments of physical intimacy.

In this case, the lady will still have to find time to sit down and figure it out. Because no one except herself can solve the problem. If the husband is correct, attentive, gentle, neat, loves his wife’s cooking and respects her mother, then the girl needs to look for the reasons deep inside herself. Perhaps she just needs a break or some variety in positions and locations. Then, so that the obstacle called “I don’t want intimacy with my husband” does not arise, you can move to the sea or to the mountains. A change in the usual atmosphere, new acquaintances and adventures can revive former passion and protect the couple from an unwanted divorce.

How is reluctance to be intimate with your husband manifested?

Intimate intimacy in a marital relationship is extremely important both at 30 and at 53, not only for obtaining physiological pleasure, but also for the psychological rapprochement of partners. Sex is an integral part of family life.

The results of research by family psychotherapists and sexologists indicate that not only sex without love is possible, but also love without sex. Many married couples aged 35-50 make love only a few times a year, considering this process unnecessary for marriage. The most common reasons for the rare fulfillment of marital duties are:

Too busy at work, which leads to complete loss of strength. There is not enough time and energy to even visit a friend, let alone have sex. Irregular working hours drive people to bed directly to sleep.
Reluctance to have children. This reason is again due to the fact that people are forced to work hard to ensure a decent living. Pregnancy, maternity leave and creating conditions for a child are not included in their financial plans. Knowing that contraception sometimes fails, spouses refuse sex altogether. If the spouses have mutually decided that there is no place for sex in their marriage, they both feel comfortable. But it happens that a man wants, but his wife does not want, intimate intimacy. In this case, a woman can behave like this:

He finds fault with a man, makes comments to him, provokes a quarrel, the final phrase of which will be: “Oh, so! Don’t expect sex!”
Pretends to feel unwell and complains of a headache.
Rejects evening kisses and attempts at foreplay with the statement that she is very tired and will have to get up early again tomorrow. A woman can even pretend to be asleep, not respond to hugs and kisses, mentally begging her husband to leave him alone.
He comes up with a global problem and goes to bed in the living room.

Important! Unilateral refusal of sex in marriage makes both partners unhappy: one suffers from a lack of physical contact, and the second is forced to lie, trying to find an imaginary excuse for the lack of intimate desire. This state of affairs undermines the basic condition for a happy family life - trust.

Unhappy in marriage

Perseverance

The couple did not agree on temperaments: he wants several times a day, but two sexual acts a week are absolutely enough for her. And when the husband again “desires” his soul mate, she wants to run wherever her eyes look. The wife does not ask herself: “Why don’t I want a husband?”, she firmly knows the answer to this question - I got it. Yes, this happens often. The tireless rabbit in the person of the faithful pesters a woman, even when the surrounding reality is not conducive to physical intimacy: she is busy in the kitchen or preparing a report for a conference. Or maybe I’m just not in the mood to go to bed here and now. In addition, the girl is offended that they look at her only as an object of desire, ignoring her two higher educations, knowledge of Shakespeare in the original and written philosophical articles.

There are two ways out. The first is that the wife refuses, but runs the risk of finding out in six months that the chosen one has a mistress. The second is to agree, relax and have fun. And this is the best way, since with age such moments will arise less and less often. And in general, be glad that they want you. Many women can only envy this state of affairs.

Why a husband doesn't want sex with his wife: 5 main reasons

In the stereotypes of our society, there is an opinion that men (like dogs!) think only about sex. Wives, in turn, shirk their marital duties, citing either fatigue or headaches. We hasten to assure you: nothing like that. According to research, 62% of the stronger sex refuses intimacy with their wife, and physical dissatisfaction often becomes the reason for divorce. What are the roots of the problem?

Reason #1. A workaholic is not a sexaholic

A busy schedule, physical fatigue, emotional stress - all this is part of everyday life. It is because of our career that we often forget about friends and loved ones and forget about holidays and weekends. Any work crisis - and thoughts about love pleasures fade into the background.

A man is a breadwinner, and he strives to provide for his family. Think about how difficult it is for him at work and don’t rush to reproach him.

What to do? If the decrease in sexual desire is associated with everyday work, try to arrange a real rest for the man - both for the soul and for the body. Ideally, try to persuade your husband to go on vacation, and if there is absolutely no time, then invite him to spend a weekend at the dacha, go fishing, or go with friends to a match of his favorite football team. Having recovered morally and physically, a man will certainly prove how much he loves his wife.

Sometimes the situation at work can be completely critical. Do not be offended if your husband reacts with irritation to the offer to rest. Don’t give up: provide your spouse with maximum support in a homely atmosphere, create all the conditions for proper rest - at least for one evening.

Reason #2. Illness is a delicate matter

The next serious reason explaining the fact that the husband does not want a wife at all concerns health problems. You may be surprised, but European doctors who study decreased sexual desire in males directly link this to the use of antidepressants. A man who seeks to escape from negative events by taking pharmaceuticals “drowns out” his sexual impulses. A decrease in sexual activity is often associated with hormonal disorders and heart disease.

What to do? Diseases require the participation of medical professionals. It is known that men really do not like visiting doctors and put off visits to the hospital until the last minute. If you suspect something is wrong, make an appointment with your husband yourself, giving strong arguments in favor of the need for an examination.

Reason #3. Let's say no to scientific and technological progress

Televisions, computers, smartphones, set-top boxes and other gadgets are all the real enemies of a woman, “devouring” her husband’s free time. Having discovered the first signs of addiction to social networks, games, Internet surfing and other supposedly “innocent” entertainment, immediately sound the alarm, because the further it goes, the worse it gets. Having gone in to check his email for 5 minutes, a man may not notice how he has spent several hours in a row at the laptop and, naturally, is tired. “Tomorrow, darling, let’s do it tomorrow,” he whispers and you believe. And tomorrow everything repeats itself.

Advice from a psychologist: try to agree with your husband on a limit of time spent in front of the monitor. And some days should even be declared “technology-free.” Very soon you will reap the benefits of the “network diet”, having forgotten that once your loved one did not want sex at all.

Reason #4. There is no reason, you yourself are the reason

He is reluctant to go to bed, stays late at work in the evenings, and does not strive for intimacy at all. “My husband doesn’t want sex with me,” you think and accuse him of having a mistress, impotence, or many other “sins.” Perhaps it's just you?

Quarrels, showdowns, insults and reproaches - all this affects male desire. Don’t be surprised if one day your husband says a clear and categorical “no” in response to calls in bed.

How to fix the situation? Look at your spouse “in a new way” - the way you once did, in the early days of your relationship. Awaken his tireless desire - once you succeeded, why not try again? To enhance the effect, diversify the “sexual menu”, doing everything possible to ensure that physical intimacy is not associated with marital duty, a daily duty.

Reason #5. There is sex, but not here

In childhood, any boy, having played enough with his favorite toy, quickly forgot about his recent object of adoration. Years go by, but habits remain: it’s very bad when they begin to affect family life. Think about it - perhaps your husband doesn’t want sex with you because he has another woman?

How to proceed? It's up to you and only you to decide. Erotic lingerie, striptease and role-playing games will not help here - the problem is much deeper. Don’t reach for outdated relationships: love yourself and don’t lose your self-esteem!

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Flaw

A woman who is accustomed to repeating: “I don’t want sex with my husband” is often missing something. Psychologists say: lack of communication can lead to feelings between spouses cooling down. In this case, the couple needs to spend as much time together as possible: go on picnics on weekends, take vacations and time off at the same time. If there are children, then it is better to leave them with their grandmother so that the husband and wife can fully enjoy their shared time.

In this case, a man should take an active part in his wife’s personal life, share her interests, support her plans, and engage in a common hobby. Don’t be alarmed, no one forces the head of the family to cross-stitch, but watching a romantic melodrama together is entirely within his power. In addition, this will delight the lady; she will take a fresh look at the relationship in marriage, especially at its physical side. The chosen one should take an active part in household chores, go shopping together and help the children with their homework. In this way, he will relieve her everyday life: the lady will not get tired, and the desire for intimacy will arise in her much more often than before.

What to do if your wife refuses intimacy

A woman is a sensitive and emotional creature. Excitement and the desire to make love arises in her head. Male physiology in this regard is simpler. Therefore, if a wife begins to avoid intimacy, then she must be charmed and conquered again. Here's what you should do first.

Find out the reason for refusal of intimacy. Ask your wife about this directly, but don't attack or make complaints. Let her know that you are genuinely concerned about this and are worried about your relationship. Try to find a good time to talk when you are both relaxed and calm. It is best to organize a romantic evening and start a conversation in a relaxed atmosphere. However, if your spouse does not want to discuss your intimate life, do not put pressure on her. Another time she will be more open and sincere.
Perform your manly duties regularly. If you avoid performing men's duties around the house in every possible way, then eventually your wife will stop perceiving you as a man. In her mind, a man must be strong and skillful so that he can nail a shelf, assemble furniture, and screw in a light bulb. A woman likes to see her husband doing physical work around the house. And for some it even excites.
Help her with household chores and child care. A woman has to perform household duties every day: cleaning, cooking, washing dishes, doing laundry. You also need to take a walk with your children, work out, and read. Even if your spouse has the status of a housewife, this does not mean that she does not need help, because this is her job. Unlike the standard 8-hour workday, a woman has to “work” 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. With this regime, she gets very tired, feeling exhausted to the limit. She doesn’t even remember or think about sex. Rather, she may be visited by thoughts of divorce as “liberation.” Help her with everyday life. Prepare dinner, wash the dishes, put the kids to bed. Your spouse will definitely appreciate the help, thank you, and she will still have the strength and desire for intimacy.
Don't forget to remind your spouse how loved and desired she is. The official end of the candy-bouquet period is not a good reason to stop caring for your woman. Give your wife compliments, praise her as a housewife and a good mother. You will see how it literally blossoms before your eyes. Pamper her with small pleasant things and gifts. Give flowers, sweets, spa certificates, jewelry. During the day, call your spouse and ask how she is doing. Tell her that you miss her. Show care and tenderness. All this will warm up your feelings with her, she will want to become even closer to you. This will certainly help bring passion back into the relationship.
Diversify your intimate life and regularly bring your wife to orgasm. Over time, sex in a married couple can become boring, monotonous, and mechanical. It is unlikely that the wife will be delighted with this. When starting sex, try to give your wife maximum pleasure. Ask about what she likes, about her erotic fantasies, try new caresses and sex positions. Finally, watch a strawberry video or even porn. And don’t forget that you need to prepare for sex. Light dinner, glass of wine, relaxing massage or bath, foreplay. All this will ignite the fire of passion in your wife. And then it's up to you.
Watch your appearance. Married life is not a reason to neglect yourself. You are still a man in the prime of your life. And they are able to arouse interest from the opposite sex and their missus. And for this it is enough to be clean, well-groomed, shaved, with a pleasant aroma, neat nails and trimmed hair. Try to dress stylishly not only for work or for a walk, but even at home. Watch your figure. You don't have to go to the gym. You can do a couple of pull-ups and push-ups at home. If at this moment your wife sees how your muscles play, then physical exercise can easily turn into steam. By the way, during sex a man loses up to 100 kcal.
Communicate with your wife. A trusting relationship between spouses is the key to a long and happy life together. If problems, especially of an intimate nature, are not hushed up, but are discussed at the stage of their occurrence, then they are then resolved quite quickly and easily. High-quality physical intimacy is impossible without the spiritual unity of spouses.

Complexes

They develop from childhood and prevent the beautiful half of humanity from living and loving. Any physical flaw makes a wife feel embarrassed about her body. And at the next bachelorette party, tell your friends: “I don’t want to sleep with my husband!” A girl may avoid intimacy if she has small or too large breasts, a scar on her stomach or crooked legs. Convincing your wife that she is loved for who she is is sometimes very difficult. If a lady is so fixated on the problem, the defect can be corrected through surgery. A consultation with a psychologist who will teach a woman to love herself no matter what will also help.

Coldness in a relationship can appear even when a girl feels a lack of sexuality, beauty, or skills as a seductress. She is ashamed of her flabby belly and silently envies the fit beauties whom her gentleman is eyeing. To feel like a confident coquette, a lady should exercise, eat right and enroll in geisha courses. This will radically change her attitude towards sex - in a positive way.

Husband doesn't sleep with his wife because he has a mistress

The man stopped sleeping with his wife - a mistress appeared. Your spouse, albeit temporarily, falls in love, and strong emotions make him want only a second passion. This in no way applies to ordinary ladies' men, who simply “collect” love affairs with ladies out of passion. Casual sex will not instantly “kill” your partner’s desire. But if we are talking about constant infidelity, then the man simply avoids intimacy with his wife and does not want to sleep with her. The sufferer is looking for love on the side when he is faced with a wall of misunderstanding at home, both in everyday life and in bed.

Unfortunately, it is almost impossible to predict the appearance of a third wheel. Family breakdown can occur through the fault of both men and women. But for some reason, it is the spouse who will hide infidelity because of feelings of guilt in front of the children or fear of losing material values. Sooner or later, every woman will feel why her husband has grown cold and does not sleep with her - he started an affair with another. The head of the family is indifferent and indifferent, comes late at night, often goes on business trips and does not pay attention to his wife and children. He does not hesitate to offend his wife, insult him, and even sleeps separately. Scandals in such a family become the norm.

The presence of an outside relationship is a common reason why a husband sleeps separately from his wife. The chosen one does not want intimacy with his wife in every sense of the word; he has enough tenderness and carnal pleasures on the side. A man is in love, he likes new experiences from sex with another woman, he gets physically tired due to frequent trips to the “left”. Let us outline two important reasons why a husband does not sleep with his wife, but sleeps with other women: natural polygamy (only one woman is not enough for him, or his wife does not interest him), problems in the family (frequent scandals).

Is a lover the solution?

Many women try to cut the Gordian knot in this way. It seems to them: if the husband does not evoke the proper emotions and sexual attraction, they should look elsewhere. And then, as if by magic, a new employee comes to the office: smart, handsome, elegant, smiling. The husband clearly loses in comparison, especially if you remember the pile of dirty socks under the bed or his habit of picking his nose. Therefore, the new employee attracts the girl like a magnet, promising her mountains of heaven in the form of care, love and, of course, high-quality sensual sex.

The woman thinks: “I love you, but I don’t want a husband. I won’t get a divorce, but I can give myself pleasure.” But is the game worth the candle? Many ladies, having tasted the forbidden fruit, say no. Firstly, strict secrecy is needed, which takes a lot of time, effort and money. Secondly, remorse will keep you up at night. Thirdly, the lover will turn out to be the same man, prone to throwing socks around. Therefore, it is unprofitable to have a gentleman on the side.

Advice for pregnant women and young mothers

If a husband does not want his pregnant wife because he is worried about her health, a confidential conversation with a gynecologist can correct the situation. If the basis is the nervousness of the expectant mother, then a calm atmosphere, care and attention will return the desire for intimacy. When a woman says that “my husband doesn’t want me after giving birth,” perhaps the fact is that not enough time has passed. Wait a couple of months and intimacy will return.

If your child takes up all your time and thoughts, and your spouse has long faded into the background, try the following:

While there is a ban on full-fledged sex life, engage in oral sex. This way, your husband will understand that he is still important to you, he will be able to fully relax, and mutual understanding will not leave the family.
The birth of a baby is not a reason to forget about yourself. Clean clothes, walks in the fresh air, simple but cute hair styling, at least minimal exercise will allow you to remain attractive, even if the child is capricious and demanding. You certainly cannot forget about yourself.

Less nervousness, more affection and interest in each other, and everything will be fine.

Four Justified Nos

I don’t want to sleep with my husband... How often can you hear this from friends, co-workers, or even from your own mother. The problem is as old as time, and often the woman is not to blame for it. Agree, it’s one thing to go to bed with your significant other when you don’t bear the burden of caring for the house and children. And it’s completely different when you’re torn into a million pieces in order to have time to go to work, feed your family, wash everything, iron it and clean up at the end. After such a marathon, you just want to fall on the bed and not move. At the same time, the husband’s attempts to seduce cause nervous spasms and attacks of aggression.

Sexologists say that there are four arguments in favor of women who do not want to forcefully make love:

Dulling of sensations, which causes depression and dissatisfaction with oneself.
Decreased libido, development of frigidity.
The appearance of gynecological problems.
Loss of attractiveness.

And to prevent this from happening, try to find the cause of your coldness and solve it using the methods described above.

What to do if you don’t want sex with your husband?

If none of the above helps, you need to go another way. Psychologists call the most effective, trouble-free and useful method the ability to fall in love with your chosen one again. This is quite difficult to do, especially when you have ten years of marriage and a couple of children in the next room. For everything to work out, psychologists recommend focusing on the positive qualities of your spouse. The wife should notice that he has very strong sexy arms, but close her eyes to the hanging “ears” of fat on his sides. Although it is necessary to hint at problems in the figure. It is better if you attend training together.

“I don’t want a husband, what should I do?” the girl asks herself. At the same time, he doesn’t suspect: one has only to remember the candy-bouquet period, and a feeling of warmth and tenderness will spread throughout the body. She needs to re-imagine those moments when he looked into his eyes in love, kissed his hands, proposed, was on duty at the windows of the maternity hospital and set off fireworks at the birth of his first child... These memories will make it clear that there is no closer person. Love will be reborn, and with it passion, the desire for intimacy, and the thirst for new sexual experiments.

Why the desire to have sex disappears

First of all, bad sleep.
In order to have time to do everything: work, relax, go wherever necessary, and communicate with friends, a person “occupies” the time for wakefulness that nature has allocated for sleep. The body is a fairly strong system, but it can also rebel. And when the only desire in your head is to lie down on the pillow, sex issues don’t bother you at all. Recommendation: Get more sleep. If this issue cannot be resolved on weekdays, for any reason, compensate for the lack of sleep on the weekend. Or try to sleep for an hour or a couple of hours after work. the body will agree to this too. To recover, he does not necessarily need to rest for eight hours straight. You can give him a “fractional” rest.

Unbalanced diet. Libido requires a complex of various microelements and vitamins. If you don't watch your diet, you stop getting many nutrients, even if you're not on a “diet.” No “fuel” - no work, in this case sexual desire. And for those who regularly diet, constant malnutrition spoils their mood, which is why the desire to have sex disappears.

Recommendation. Pay special attention to the quality of your diet. Those who are an ardent supporter of a variety of diets should definitely consult a doctor to see if what you have chosen for yourself is right for you. If the doctor does not confirm this, it is advisable to choose a suitable nutrition system, but without harm to health. Be sure to include in your daily diet foods that support and enhance libido. Just don't overdo it. Overeating is just as bad for sex as constant starvation. The body gives all its strength to the stomach, and there is no energy left for sex.

Problems in relationships with your spouse. After a family scandal, especially one that ends in mutual resentment, a woman cannot have any sexual desires in principle. True, there are exceptions. For some people, a major scandal causes intense sexual activity.