Relationship psychology: what to do if a girl doesn’t reciprocate?

Why does unrequited love happen?

The origins of unrequited love must be sought in childhood. Most likely, in your early years you did not receive the right amount of warmth and love. Your parents were either too busy at work, or emotionally cold, or simply did not know how to show their feelings. You probably don't love yourself and suffer from low self-esteem. There is emptiness inside you, and you are looking for someone who will fill this emptiness. Living with emptiness in your soul is unbearable, so you are in a hurry. You are in a hurry to find your loved one, fall in love and fill the emptiness with love. But it turns out completely differently...

Imagine two girls: Julia and Maria. Julia grew up in a prosperous, friendly family, her parents openly showed their love for her, and the girl developed adequate self-esteem. Maria was not so lucky: her father drank, her mother worked all the time, and the child was left to his own devices most of the time. Maria has low self-esteem, she considers herself unattractive, boring and unworthy of love.

Yulia meets a guy at some party, he compliments her, walks her home and takes her phone number. The girl liked the guy, she would like him to call, but if this does not happen, she will not worry much: she is sure that she is worthy of love, and there will certainly be a person who will love her: not this one, then another. If the guy calls, she will happily go on a date with him, but will not rush to fall in love. This process will occur gradually as she gets to know the young man better, and together they understand that mutual communication brings them joy.

Around the same time, Maria met a guy. From the compliments of her new acquaintance, the girl experienced an unprecedented emotional upsurge and euphoria. After the first date, Maria felt that she had fallen head over heels in love. Over the next two days, she did not let go of the phone so as not to miss his call. At the same time, she is terribly afraid of losing this guy. What if she doesn't deserve him? What if he's bored with her? What if he doesn't want to date her? Return again to a state of inner emptiness and melancholy? No, not this! The whole stream of surging emotions prevents Maria from adequately assessing the situation. On a date, she gets nervous and behaves unnaturally, which confuses the guy.

Which girl do you think has a better chance of building a happy and harmonious relationship with a partner?

It will also be useful: How to turn a guy off without him being offended

Love that is not returned

At first everything went well, he paid attention to you, looked at you for a long time and drove you crazy with a smile. And suddenly, and quite quickly, I lost all interest in you,

and instead of answering him in kind, for some reason you decided that you simply need this person.

It was as if you were captivated by the coldness of his inaccessibility, and you, feeling like Gerda fighting for her Kai,

They considered it their duty to snatch their lover from the arms of the Snow Queen.

It is useless - he appears when he wants, disappears and does not call; he may forget about your birthday, and remembering a couple of weeks later - come without flowers or a gift, casually take off his shoes and say: “I only have an hour...” It would seem that the most appropriate answer to the impudent person is a closed door and a cold “I’m busy” by phone.

But why then do you wait for his infrequent calls with bated breath, and when he finally comes, are you ready to forgive him everything?

He is not handsome, he is not tall, and his legs are crooked, and he has no teeth, and he is not a Rockefeller, and he does not have God knows what mental qualities and sexual advantages - you know all this very well, but the further you add to the list of his shortcomings, the more you understand: you cannot live without it. Why?

Heart, you don't want peace. It's a pity!

It's no secret that we all, in one way or another, repeat the scenario of relationships between parents or act contrary to this scenario. If mother and father spared each other tenderness and warmth, we learn this lesson and subconsciously look for in communication with the opposite sex what we have become accustomed to since childhood. The chosen one who does not reciprocate does not necessarily, exactly according to Freud, have to be similar in appearance or character traits to his father.

But if in childhood a girl had to fight for the attention of an emotionally cold dad, she gets used to the fact that feelings are not given for nothing - they must be extorted or achieved in all possible ways.

And the “fatal” lover provides her with the feeling of “abandonment” and “lack of love” that has been familiar to her since childhood.

In the company of this person, she, paradoxically, feels at home - comfortable, extremely “correct”. It is this feeling of melancholy, abandonment, loneliness and despair that accompanies our dramatic novels that we perceive as true love, which is remembered for a lifetime.

But why, then, from time to time does unrequited love overtake women who grew up in prosperous families, where parents treated both each other and their children with warmth and attentiveness?

But because the situation when we love and are loved inexorably brings us closer to the doors of the wedding palace, behind which there is routine, children, everyday life, predictable monotony. And although they don’t look for good from good, sometimes you want to feel alive again, you want to somehow blow up this established well-being, so that your appetite disappears, and your heart contracts and beats at double the pace.

Maybe it's time to look for another?

But a woman’s heart is so tender and fragile, and you shouldn’t torment it with unrequited love, much less do it often. If this misfortune has happened to you a couple of times in your life, consider it a remedy for boredom.

If each of your passions, having barely begun, inexorably turns into unhappy love, sound the alarm.

Say “stop”, stop floating on the wave of habitual emotions, analyze your behavior and understand what kind of hook you fall into at the crucial moment of choosing a man.

Now look at your next “fatal” and understand: you cannot change a person who is cold and does not love you, make him something he simply cannot be. So you need someone else.

Read also:

Prevention of unrequited love

If a girl feels sympathy for a guy, but he does not reciprocate her feelings, she should tell herself “stop!” You will not ask to visit people who do not want to see you, or become friends with a person who does not want your friendship. It's the same with love.

Already at the initial stage, you need to extinguish the flaring fire of unhappy love, otherwise it will turn into a flame that burns you from the inside. Try to find an interesting activity that will take your mind off your budding attachment. For example, skydive, scuba dive, or clean the stairs in your hallway. Good physical activity is an excellent cure for “exalted” suffering.

First reaction

It’s a familiar picture, isn’t it: he escorts her home or meets her at the entrance with flowers; invites you to a movie or a concert; invites you to sit in a cafe, wander through a quiet autumn park? He tries as best he can, but... And then the question arises: “What to do if the girl does not reciprocate?”

The very first thing a person experiences at such moments is resentment. Guys are no less vulnerable and mentally vulnerable than representatives of the fairer sex. And they worry just as deeply and strongly. Anyone who thinks that this is a manifestation of mental weakness is deeply mistaken. Feeling upset and sad about failure is a natural human reaction. But a young man definitely shouldn’t fall into panic and depression. What should I do? What to do if a girl doesn't reciprocate? We will talk about this in more detail now.

To the very essence

So, the first thing to do when the first wave of experiences subsides is to soberly assess the situation. Try to determine the cause of indifference, find out whether it was a consequence of any actions and deeds of the guy himself or was it initial? What to do if a girl does not reciprocate because of the boy’s mistakes and miscalculations? Naturally, try to correct the situation, make amends. Maybe the girl needs to be given time so that she can cool down, rethink, reconsider her attitude towards the fan. And then everything will gradually improve on its own. In this case, the guy should ease the pressure, step aside a little, and then gradually begin courtship again. Another question is “what to do if a girl does not reciprocate at all, initially.” In this case, the situation may indeed turn out to be hopeless.

A man doesn’t let go: reasons for a difficult situation

Why a man doesn’t let go if he doesn’t love is a difficult question, because the situation in each couple is essentially unique. Most often we are talking about the elementary instinct of the owner. A representative of the stronger sex is used to having a faithful girlfriend who is ready to make many sacrifices for the sake of his attention. It is difficult for a man to refuse such a relationship, because he likes to feel his unemotional superiority over the one who is not able to resist feelings. What other reasons most often force a representative of the stronger sex to be close to the unloved?

• a long stay in a relationship affects the development of a habit, as a result the man no longer loves, but also does not let go of the woman due to his reluctance to part with the past and start something new;
• the fear of being alone very often becomes the cause of unhappy relationships for both partners;
• perhaps the man is confused in his feelings and cannot decide who he loves and who he does not;
• it is quite likely that the girl is dear to the man as a friend and comrade, and he stays with her not out of love, but for the sake of feelings of a different nature;
• sometimes such selfishness is associated with the basic convenience of a man: he is satisfied with the situation, and he absolutely does not want to change it.

The situation in which a man does not have deep feelings for his partner, but cannot let her go, is familiar to many women. Sometimes both partners become so confused that they no longer understand why their relationship developed this way.

Most often, we can talk about a simple habit or fear of loneliness. In such cases, the man will sooner or later leave the lady who has ceased to cause his heart to beat faster for the sake of new feelings and emotions.

"Learn to control yourself..."

What you should never do if the girl does not reciprocate:

1.

Avoid public scenes of jealousy. While hysterics are somehow forgivable for girls, they are completely out of the question for guys. Subtlety of mental organization and female nervousness are far from the same thing!

2. Deliberate contempt, indifference and ignorance are also undesirable. They reveal the guy’s vulnerability and emphasize that the past holds him in its hands. Alas, here the guys themselves, and even more so the “ex” and her entourage, can laugh at him to their heart’s content. And who needs it? Just try to cross paths with a capricious young lady less often, and if a meeting does occur, behave with dignity, restraint, but naturally. And in general - read the classics, it says everything!