Every person wants to be successful and independent. But at the same time, we are often afraid of our own superiors. This fear or “bossophobia” is expressed not in words, but in actions: you try to avoid being seen by your boss, don’t take on a project if it will be controlled by the boss, and do everything to avoid any contact.
But in order to become successful, you need to stop being afraid of your boss. It's much easier than it seems, although you still have to put in some effort.
So, we talk about the causes and how to overcome the fear of the boss in this article.
The need for anxiety and fear
Feeling fear, a person can run away from danger, because in response to the threat, his body begins to release substances that increase blood pressure and increase muscle contraction.
Our ancestors in ancient times were able to survive due to this safety mechanism, which developed as a result of evolution. Today this feeling is far from useless. Many people have heard about how, in situations involving a real threat to life, a person demonstrates unrealistic reactions and speed, or he has the ability to lift heavy objects. This is how the hormonal system works, releasing hormones for protection:
- adrenalin;
- norepinephrine;
- corticotropin.
These hormones can enhance a person’s physical potential at dangerous moments in life.
Anxiety-phobic disease
There are phobic disorders, accompanied by anxiety and fears, when a person is unable to lead a normal lifestyle, perform usual professional or economic activities, or communicate with people. What prevents him from doing this is a feeling of fear that appears involuntarily due to some unimportant reasons. This condition is called anxiety-phobic disorder. It is accompanied by lack of sleep, poor mood, fatigue, and memory loss.
There are many factors that can cause such conditions. One of them is boss-phobia or fear of superiors. It arises in the process of cooperation between a subordinate and a superior.
In the “swamp” of routine
It's not just newbies who may hate their job and be afraid to go to the office. This problem often arises among those who have worked for many years in an organization and are often its “old-timers.”
Here the reason lies in banal boredom - if every working day becomes “Groundhog Day”, then the desire to come to the office becomes less and less. Monotony, lack of interesting tasks and career growth are the root of this problem. Dissatisfaction also causes a decrease in motivation in us. And now the boss frowns when he sees you, and at a meeting he can devote dozens of minutes to analyzing your personality.
What to do?
First, try to talk frankly with management - if you have been working for a long time and are valued, then this can help. Ask to be transferred to another area of activity, to be included in a new project - to set the bar higher, to give an incentive. In case of refusal and misunderstanding, you should admit to yourself that you have done everything you could in this field, and with a clear conscience begin to look for a new job that will “ignite” you again.
Main manifestations of the disorder
To understand how fear of management can manifest itself, it is worth giving a few examples.
They will show exemplary causes and situations that can trigger the emergence of a psychological problem. A young man (Valery, 35 years old), an engineer and an expert in his field. He has an excellent education, worked in a large elite company and earned quite decent money. Gradually he took a higher position and began to take part in negotiations with large customers.
After some time, he began to realize that he was under prolonged stress due to the fact that he was afraid of the director’s reaction to the results of the meetings. Every time, talking about the results of the negotiations, Valery felt fear and indecision. After a couple of months, he began to experience physical manifestations of stress:
- sweaty palms;
- there was uncertainty when communicating;
- breathing and pulse increased.
Although the department’s sales volumes were quite satisfactory to the employer, Valery began to regularly play out in his thoughts options for conversations with his superiors, look for a bunch of failures and errors in his work, and exaggerate mistakes. By the time he met with his boss, the young man found himself in a completely broken state and was unable to negotiate.
Of course, the head of the company could not allow a weak-hearted employee to represent the company in important negotiations, so Valery had to return to his previous position. This relieved him of the need to notify management about the progress of work, but had a significant impact on wages.
A woman (Anna, 41 years old) has been making efforts for many years to grow into a successful PR manager. Her career was slow and difficult, but she eventually landed a good position in a successful advertising agency. At this point she encountered the manager of a department who is best described by the colloquial expression “tyrant.”
The new manager liked to suddenly call employees “on the carpet” and reprimand them for any minor mistake. The boss made demands on each employee. He wanted everyone to be regularly “in touch”, including on weekends and holidays, constantly ordered a variety of information and reports to be put on the table, changed internal regulations and introduced penalties.
Over the course of a year of working at the agency, Anna, who never doubted her professionalism, became nervous and nervous. She began to experience chronic anxiety and panicked when the phone rang.
Having changed her workplace, Anna hoped that now everything would be fine with her nerves and life would get better. But everything turned out wrong. The new company followed international standards, had sound rules and an easy reporting system. However, the results of the nervous tension experienced for a long time did not go away. Anna continued to be afraid of every phone call, worried, planning holidays and weekends out of town, feeling the invisible presence of a stern tyrant leader in her life. The woman's condition progressed:
- she began to sleep worse;
- memory and performance decreased;
- high fatigue, close to asthenia, appeared.
There are 2 known patterns of the appearance of phobic anxiety syndrome . If in the case of Anna the factors of his origin are obvious, then in the situation with Valery the difficulty in relations with the boss cannot be directly linked to any specific events. These conditions are similar to a similar problem known as manager's syndrome.
How not to be nervous when talking with your boss. Reasons for fear of the boss
To get rid of fear, you need to look it straight in the eyes, having first determined the cause of your fear. People do not have the courage to take such an action, which allows them to get rid of regular panic attacks. It is not surprising that many continue to live with fears, because they cannot learn to control themselves, suppressing negative emotions and negative energy in the subconscious. It is important to gather your strength by taking the first step towards a bright future - to find out the reason for your fear of your boss. Practicing psychologists who help employees overcome their fears identify the following common factors:
Lack of self-confidence and cowardice, preserved from childhood, are the sworn “enemies” of employees who do not dare to communicate with their boss. Conversations with the boss, projected on the subconscious level of the employee, invariably end in tears. It is not surprising that an employee upset by his social and psychological failure prefers to avoid contact with his manager. However, fear of the boss is only an unconscious projection of the employee, added to other phobias and fears. Regularly presenting a specific scenario in which the employee does not receive approval from the boss. An employee who applies for a salary increase or career advancement is faced with a lack of understanding from the boss, who has a different opinion about the professional and personal qualities of the “subordinate.” Constantly re-creating such a conversation materializes the employee's thoughts into reality, contributing to the development of fear of the boss. The unpredictability of an upcoming event is the main factor that worries a phobia-prone employee. It is impossible to reliably predict the development of events that will take place in the boss’s office, so the employee prefers to remain blissfully unaware. The stability inherent in the current time takes precedence over possible prospects, the implementation of which is questioned. It is not surprising that most employees refuse spontaneous decisions, content with everyday routine. Fear of the boss can be caused by misunderstandings in the team, where a talented employee is subject to regular pressure from other employees. If a specialist goes to the manager to ask the boss for a salary increase, thoroughly arguing the relevance of career growth, then the boss may agree with the master’s proposal, depriving other employees of bonus money. Threats from colleagues who perform their duties much worse are another significant factor provoking the development of fear of the boss in a person’s subconscious. Often, the fear of dialogue with the boss gives rise to unjustified risks that are present at the time the demands of a talented employee are voiced. Before the conversation begins, a person has a stable job, enough money to live on, and everyday constancy - the main material regalia of an ordinary employee. If the conversation with the boss does not work out, then there is a risk of being fired and losing regular income, jeopardizing the well-being of your family.
Psychological correction
Often, when working with anxieties, phobias and combined disorders, working with a psychologist or psychotherapist is sufficient.
The specialist conducts several sessions of cognitive behavioral therapy with the client, identifying and eliminating those thinking patterns that cause or “feed” fears. In the described case with Valery, this is what happened. The psychologist, after conducting 8 weekly sessions, was able to identify the cause of constant anxiety in his relationship with his boss: as a child, the young man played basketball, was the tallest on his team, and the coach had unreasonably high hopes for him. After each game, the mentor scrupulously “sorted out” all the athlete’s mistakes, and Valery developed a stereotypical reaction to the manager’s criticism, which consisted of a feeling of guilt for the success or failure of the entire team.
Having worked through several standard situations with a psychotherapist when he began to panic, Valery was able to comprehend the emotions that he was experiencing. He realized that most of his anxiety was unfounded and caused by past experiences rather than by the current situation. As a very disciplined person, he completed all the psychologist’s homework, monitored his reaction to criticism or external assessment, and did special exercises.
In two months of painstaking work on himself under the guidance of a psychotherapist, Valery was literally transformed. Now he remembers with a laugh the panic that gripped him in front of the manager’s door, and gladly accepts praise and bonuses for successful negotiations.
In the situation with Anna, everything turned out to be much more complicated . Working with a qualified psychologist provided only temporary relief; anxiety and fear manifested themselves again and again, so a medical examination was required. It was discovered that as a result of the stress the woman had been under for a long time, she developed depression. Fortunately, the disease was diagnosed at an early stage. And although the causes of phobic and panic disorders were obvious, cognitive behavioral psychotherapy could not provide a lasting effect. The patient needed to be prescribed medication .
The treatment continued for six months and ended successfully . At the same time, Anna worked with a psychologist, developing new stereotypes of interaction with colleagues. She was able to establish contact with her immediate management, realized that the results of her work were highly valued by her superiors, made several proposals for new schemes for cooperation with clients and earned an unexpected, but quite significant increase in salary.
It’s scary to even imagine what could have happened if Valery and Anna had listened to the advice of relatives and friends, similar to the statements “there’s nothing to be done”, “such is life”, “don’t be a wuss”, or, worse, “pull yourself together” and “get drunk and forget.” None of the above should be done under any circumstances.
How to stop being afraid of your boss. I'm afraid of the boss: what should I do?
In order to stop flinching every time you see your boss, Sympaty.net offers you some tips that will help you with this.
- Work on increasing your own self-esteem, psychology books will help you.
- Just as diligently improve your professional level. Do your job at the proper level and soon, before you even notice, you will no longer be afraid of your boss.
- Portray independence. No matter how strong the trembling in your knees, always behave confidently in front of your boss. The boss, seeing the confidence and independence on your face, will perceive you as such and will talk to you as an equal. Over time, you will not feign confidence, but feel and radiate it, and you will forget about your fear.
- Behave with dignity, do not curry favor with the boss.
- Find the strength to argue with your boss when, in your opinion, he is wrong. This will require significant willpower on your part, but this way you will sooner stop being afraid of your boss.
- You don’t need to take all attacks from your superiors personally. Often such attacks are dictated not by a bad attitude towards you personally, but by his internal problems.
- It is imperative to demonstrate high-quality work done, and not to hush up your role in completing a particular task. It's good if you are praised in the presence of your boss.
- Write a letter to your boss, expressing everything you think about him. Psychologists say that this technique is quite effective in combating this kind of fear.
- To learn to control your condition, special breathing and meditative techniques can help with this. Having mastered them, you will be less afraid, and over time, your boss will completely stop making you feel afraid.
- Get enough sleep. Fears are more prevalent in those people who sleep little or poorly.
- Well, the most radical advice that may be useful to those whose boss believes that he has the right to insult his subordinates: the Civil Code has an article on causing moral damage - study it carefully.
