There is a term “mistress psychology,” which perfectly explains why many girls strive to make married men fall in love with them. Despite the fact that the wives themselves call such girls “homewreckers,” in fact, everything is much deeper and the destruction of the family is not always the only goal of mistresses. Psychologists believe that girls who take men away from their families, first of all, strive to overcome their complexes and create a sense of their own importance.
Why does a girl develop “mistress psychology”?i
Most often, the qualities of a lover are ingrained in a girl from early childhood. For example, in kindergarten she lost to her rivals and felt disadvantaged. Then the desire to take revenge on other representatives of the same sex migrates into adulthood.
The psychology of a lover is not formed in one day. You can’t tell yourself after a difficult breakup: “That’s it, now I’ll be a homewrecker” and really become one. Many girls take this path, but quickly return to their previous worldview, because the position of the mistress is very precarious, and homewreckers rarely win.
Psychologists believe that the reason lies deeper. In this case, we are not talking about the homewreckers themselves, but about those for whom women are fighting. A normal married man may suddenly realize that his feelings for another girl are stronger than for his own wife, but he will not play to all goals at once, and will try to separate from his legal wife. However, this is extremely rare, and most often, a woman who gets into an already established couple will not replace the wife’s place, but will remain a temporary “toy”.
Such a game is painful for female self-esteem, and girls who consciously enter into it rate themselves too low, and also try to assert themselves by breaking up an already established family, but as a result they only become disappointed in themselves and finally lose confidence in their own attractiveness and attractiveness to men .
Sometimes spouses, in order to fight off their rival, try to understand the motives of her behavior. However, everything is simple here - girls who take guys away from their wives are often very unsure of themselves, have low self-esteem and are afraid of loneliness.
What are the categories of mistresses?2
Experts analyzed the behavior of all girls seeking to start relationships with married men and found that there is a so-called mistress psychology, and all lovebirds can be divided into three categories:
- A girl in love who wants to become a wife.
- Lonely and abandoned lady.
- An “adrenaline junkie” who gets into relationships for fun and for her own benefit.
Before you rush at your husband's mistress and tear out her hair, you should try to find out whether the girl knew that her husband was not free? Sometimes men themselves add fuel to the fire, allowing a lady to fall in love with them, and when everything goes too far, they cannot admit to having a spouse and perhaps even a child. Such relationships rarely last long, because the lover, upon learning that she is not alone, becomes very disappointed and ends the relationship, or begins to throw tantrums, and then the man himself gets tired of it.
The most dangerous homewreckers are those for whom relationships are a game, an adrenaline rush. Married men, especially those whose wife walks around the house “in an old robe” and with a greasy head, become addicted to a bright and beautiful girl and her life, and decide to leave the family.
Who is this mistress anyway? 3
In the times of romanticism, people would have said that mistress is from the word “love,” but modern women whose husbands have been taken away prefer another, more offensive option - “homewrecker” or “bitch.”
A very succinct and understandable description was given by none other than Fyodor Mikhailovich Dostoevsky in the novel The Idiot - “There are women who are only suitable as mistresses, and nothing else.” They are completely satisfied with the free format of the relationship, because it is convenient and easy.
The lover does not need to cook dinners, pick him up from work and even worry about whether he is spending time with another lover. Initially, a woman understands her situation and, more often than not, does not strive for more, because she is already sure of failure.
Contrary to the prevailing stereotypes in society, a mistress is not always a lady in couture clothes and thin high-heeled shoes, languidly batting her eyelashes and luring married men into her network. This is most often a simple girl or woman who works with a man, or meets representatives of the opposite sex in companies or cafes.
The decision to have a girlfriend on the side does not come instantly. Mistresses are often radically different from a homely, cozy, good and warm, but such a boring wife and that is why they are interesting.
With such a woman, he is distracted from everyday and work problems and worries, has fun, and relieves accumulated tension.
A guide for girls on what a mistress should do to become an ideal woman is in our article at the link.
The nature of a relationship between a married woman and a young guy
What motivates young people when they decide to have a relationship with a married lady, especially when she is older than him:
- lack of responsibility - a married woman will not demand anything except sex; most likely, rare meetings are enough for her;
- she is more experienced and can teach a young man the secrets of love;
- if the age difference is large, it’s worth thinking about why. Perhaps this is the son-mother relationship and receiving certain psychological benefits from it;
- material benefit when a woman provides for her lover and gives him gifts.
Almost always there are some motives, calculations , so women should still take this fact into account.
How to keep it?
The older the woman, the more difficult it is to keep a young lover for a long time. Along with the signs of age, she may also develop uncertainty about whether she remains attractive and desirable to him.
How to seduce?
Seduction is a game of two sides. Everyone must clearly understand what they want from him. Be attractive. You should give off an aura of sexuality, but not promiscuity.
There is no need to immediately show your openness and availability. Use sexy gestures: straighten your hair, look into your eyes, smile, engage in dialogue.
How to tame?
To tame means to create the habit of being nearby and fulfilling all desires. You need to start small. If you immediately make demands and show your whims, this will only scare you away.
Show wisdom and tact . Make him feel like a real man next to you, capable of feats. Be prepared to say yes when he wants to.
But there is a fine line here: you cannot always agree with everything, otherwise you will become uninteresting to him, sometimes you need to show individuality.
Become the one he can't live without . Your meetings of the day should be the highlight.
How to manipulate it?
To successfully manipulate any person, you need to know his needs, character traits, and ways of responding to situations.
In this case, a woman’s instincts, observation and experience that you gain in the process of communicating with your lover will help you.
Pay attention to any changes in mood, actions, words, what he says about other people.
- give him what he needs so much - sex, communication, emotions;
- do not demand, but ask gently;
- show your vulnerability, because sometimes you really need a man’s help.
The best way to manipulate is when a man doesn’t even know it.
How to fall in love with yourself?
Usually a man starts dating another woman for sex on the side . He has a wife whom he values and does not intend to leave. How can you make him fall in love with you?
- Be bold and confident, such qualities are valued and cause irritation.
- Be positive. They run away from sad people and gravitate towards optimists.
- Forget about complaints.
- Support, sympathize, but do not regret.
- Find a way to be together as often as possible.
- Take care of your appearance.
- Learn to listen, not just talk.
- Forget about jealousy - it is the enemy of a good relationship, you will have to learn to trust your lover and show him this trust.
To be loved, you must stand out in some way, be a person. And first of all, love yourself .
What to do if it gets cold?
Feelings are unstable, sometimes they are at their peak, at other times it is noticeable that the person has lost interest in you . What to do in this case?
- Decide whether it is really important for you to maintain a relationship with him.
- If there is no point in maintaining the relationship, try to break up nicely and calmly.
- If you want to save the relationship, you will have to find a way to make your passion return again. Here you need to find a fine line between obsession and the desire to show a person attention.
- Jealousy can bring back old feelings, but it must be used carefully, taking into account the character of the lover.
It is possible that a man simply has a difficult period in his life, problems at work, in the family, so he has no time and energy left for his mistress.
You will have to come to terms with this and not put pressure on him. Your task is to support and give peace of mind.
How not to lose?
Perhaps you have become so attached to your lover that the thought of losing him makes you feel afraid. You will have to either accept the second role, or try to make him leave for you.
Consider the fact that if he cheated on his wife, then there is no guarantee that the same will not happen to you.
Decide for yourself whether you really need it. Are you ready to be the second if he is married. Or accept the fact that you are a way for him to stroke his pride, have fun , and add variety to a boring life.
Maintain your tone, good physical shape, and take care of your appearance. By the way, it has been noticed that mistresses are usually more well-groomed, slender , and wear makeup.
This is what attracts men to them and makes them forget about their wives.
If he left his wife for you, it was because you became not only family to him , but were also more attractive.
This means you need to try to preserve your sexuality.
Husband or lover - what to do? Psychology of relationships:
Why do men look for love on the side?4
Interestingly, most sexologists and psychologists agree that men who have internal, psychological problems are most often inclined to choose mistresses instead of resolving a difficult situation with their wife.
Of course, there are exceptions, however, the peculiarities of male psychology are such that he does not want to waste his time and money on mistresses if he has a beautiful, understanding wife at home with whom he has developed a warm, trusting relationship.
Weak men think about going “to the left”, not wanting to waste their energy on solving the problem. It so happens that women fight more to maintain relationships and are ready to work on them. There are men who, at the slightest misunderstanding with their wife, strive to find a person who can listen and support them, and most often such a person turns out to be their mistress, always in a good mood, loving and understanding.
At home, life is organized, there is a loved one who will not go anywhere, and in freedom there is another woman, hot and beautiful, to whom you do not need to give your entire salary, talk about raising a child and trips to visit your grandmother in the village.
The wife should be wary if boredom has set in in the relationship, living together has become very boring for both partners, and the amount of sex has decreased to the notorious once a month.
When a lover is an outlet
The psychology of relationships between long-time lovers over time moves into a state where the initial passions subside, and the man is drawn to the woman out of habit. She created a special cozy atmosphere for her lover, so he feels more comfortable on the side than in the family:
- she is undemanding;
- I am sincerely glad to see him;
- ready to listen and support in any situation;
- does not make claims and does not provoke conflicts.
Such an idyll can last for years, but on condition that the girl is silent and patient. As a result, a relationship with a lover becomes like visiting a psychotherapist who helps relieve tension, talk it out, and restore peace of mind. In the current circumstances, the husband does not consider any future prospects with this woman; he does not want to change anything, since he knows firsthand what family life is.
READ A married lover fell in love with his mistress: signs of sublime feelings
What to do if you have feelings for a married man?5
Many girls fall for the drama that is undoubtedly present in a relationship with a married man. Who doesn't want to feel like a soap opera heroine? However, you shouldn’t renounce love for a married man, because feelings insidiously arise even in those ladies who were one hundred percent sure that they would never love “this man.” As they say, love is evil, and feelings can appear even at the most inopportune moment, for example, if it turns out that a man is married.
The first thing to do is analyze the situation. Despite the fact that today people are much more relaxed about the issue of divorce, it does not end there, especially if the couple has already had a child. The mistress should think about whether she is ready for her man to go to his previous wife, see her and the child, and also pay alimony.
It is always worth checking a man’s words, because someone who wants to “go wild” can tell his mistress that he is on the verge of divorce, although in fact, there is only a small disagreement in the family and the couple is not going to dissolve the marriage certificate. The mistress can communicate with the family and friends of her chosen one in order to fully assess the situation. And if a man prevents such communication, it means he has something to hide.
If it turns out that, contrary to the man’s words, the marriage is not dying at all, but, on the contrary, is blooming and smelling, then you should end such a relationship, because it will end in disappointment and perhaps even pain.
Why is there a third wheel?
A person is always looking for a place where he will be as comfortable and pleasant as possible. Thus, he finds a job, a loved one, friends and vacation spots where and with whom he is most comfortable. However, very rarely does a person limit himself to one loved one or one friend, since it is like an entertainment establishment: in one you can relax peacefully, and in the other you can gain new ideas and thoughts. That is why a third wheel appears - one who compensates for what a person cannot get from his partner.
All people are egoists. There is practically no one who is completely devoid of this quality. And it is precisely human egoism that people - participants in the process of betrayal - play on when they try to fill the gaps in their lives, as well as get a new partner for love. So, men really like it when a woman does what they want. A mistress can very easily take a man away from her wife: she just needs to make her bad, and herself the most understanding and ready for sex and caring for a man. Why does this work? Because married women very often forget about their sexuality, since they do not consider it necessary to support it after they have married men, and they also get caught up in caring for children and being busy at work. From such a “cold”, a man seeks warmth where it can be given to him - and here a mistress appears, ready for anything. She is sexy and ready to fully devote her time to a man.
Being the most comfortable and attractive for your partner is the main trump card that men fall for. And here the question arises: whose fault is that there is a third wheel in the relationship? One half of the people will answer that the traitor himself is to blame for this state of affairs, the other half - that his partner pushed the person to cheat. But tell me, please, how can you force another person to cheat if he doesn’t want it? If a man or woman did not want to cheat, then they would most likely simply separate to find new partners for love. But those same people who are more selfish by nature choose the easiest way to satisfy their desires - secret betrayal. It turns out that betrayal is a consequence of the selfishness of the cheater himself, who puts the satisfaction of his desires above the good of his relationship and the love of his partner. Another person cannot force anyone to cheat on himself. It turns out that betrayal becomes the sole decision of the cheater himself.
Don't forget that all people are selfish. It’s just that everyone’s selfishness is different. Some agree to cheat in order to satisfy their ego, while others try to be honest with their partner, including themselves, destroy relationships and look for that person next to whom they will be comfortable in all plans.
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What does a mistress need to consider?6
When the euphoria of the first meetings is left behind, harsh reality comes into play, for which you should prepare in advance. Every girl who decides to become a mistress must understand that the game will take place according to the rules of a man.
The dates will last extremely short, and there is also a high probability that after three or four meetings the man will completely end the relationship with his mistress forever, cutting off all ties.
But the most difficult thing for a mistress is to constantly be in a state of anticipation. Most often, she cannot call and write herself, so as not to get burned, which means she will have to wait for a call and letter from the man. When he deigns to make himself known, then communication will take place.
In addition, the mistress will inevitably be tormented by the question of whether the chosen one will leave his family for her. Most likely no. That is, the relationship is doomed to failure from the very beginning.
By following the advice of a psychologist, you can build a correct and harmonious relationship with a married man. First of all, it is worth preserving the candy-bouquet period as long as possible, because this is the best part of the relationship.
You should not tell your friends or strangers about your beloved man, because they may intentionally or accidentally reveal his secret. In addition, a woman who hides an affair from her friends proves to a man that she can be trusted, and he relaxes.
A mistake that many inexperienced girls make is that they begin to criticize their lover’s wife. Even if he claims that she is terrible, there is no need to reduce the conversation to a discussion of her qualities. It’s better not to remember her at all, but to shift the emphasis to the mistress herself. You also don’t need to become better than your wife, or like her. A man chooses a mistress to move away from a boring image and experience new feelings.
Manipulations to keep your lover close to you
Sometimes small manipulations can be helpful. The main thing is not to overdo it, trying to cause jealousy. Manipulation is based on a man’s desire to conquer a woman and make her his. If he feels that a woman is slipping away from him, he will direct all his strength to hold on. So what can you do:
- Change your appearance - hairstyle, clothing style, makeup. The man will begin to suspect that such changes occurred not because of him, but because of a competitor. This will make him jealous. A psychological technique is also involved here - men’s love for variety. The new image creates the feeling that the girl is different.
- Change meeting times. Everything must be done to avoid appearing predictable. To show your character, you can unexpectedly cancel a meeting without explaining the reasons. Calls and messages should be left unanswered. On the other hand, you can appear suddenly, meeting him halfway from work or coming to an establishment that he often visits.
- Temporary ignore. You can try to disappear from sight for a while and not get in touch. A good moment for this technique is when the man was rude before or forgot to wish you a happy birthday. He may assume that this is a breakup and get nervous.
- Flirting. This technique should be used with caution. It is effective, but dangerous. This needs to be done wisely. For example, a man came to visit and found flowers in the apartment from an unknown admirer. First you should create jealousy, and then, before the man goes to extremes, appear innocent.
In everything you need to observe moderation so as not to inadvertently alienate a man with your indifference and frivolity. Any mistake can cause a rupture. You need to proceed from your lover's reaction. If it is as expected, then you can continue. If he reacts too violently and unpredictably, then it is better to stop.
Advantages of a relationship with a married man for a mistress7
A relationship with someone else’s husband can be positive for a mistress, since, first of all, a woman retains her independence and freedom, and for many modern ladies this is important. At the same time, they get a permanent partner for sex.
Young girls who are just studying at university most often have lovers in order to get money and opportunities, this is how mistresses behave, everyone receives some benefit in this relationship.
The main thing in this matter is not to undercut too much and agree only to good, high-quality gifts, as well as moral support.
Sometimes those girls who have their own husbands also become mistresses. Most often, they intend to break up with him and are looking for a new partner.
The main reason why girls agree to meet with married men is the desire to increase their self-esteem, to feel desired and sexy.
If both lovers are married
An outside relationship involving a married lover and a married mistress is characterized by a connection that does not complicate life.
READ How to take revenge on your lover: effective ways to take revenge
This state of affairs is beneficial for many reasons:
- Both partners meet solely for sex. They realize and understand this, which eliminates the need to invent any excuses or justifications.
- There is no need for courtship or long conversations, as this takes a lot of time.
- The atmosphere in such couples is calmer, as there are no misunderstandings or quarrels.
- Partners have no desire to destroy each other's legal family, while a lover free from marital ties may demand a more serious relationship. Marital status eliminates such difficulties.
- In such relationships, partners will do everything possible so that no one suspects their connection.
- It is easy to end such a relationship. In this case, there will be no scandals, tears or complaints.
But when both lovers are not free from marital ties, such an amorous conflict can lead to a far from peaceful ending. If one of them decides to move to a new level of relationship, it could end in the destruction of both families. In this case, there will be more affected parties.
Why does a man need a mistress?8
The most common reason is the lack of joy and novelty in the relationship with his legal wife. When a romance becomes monotonous, it turns into an obligation or duty, and a man strives to feel newness, excitement and interest again. If the wife does not support her husband's desire, he looks for what he needs on the side.
Cheating for males is a way to escape from boring bustle and excite feelings.
The second reason why men decide to cheat and have mistresses is falling in love. Sometimes the feeling arises completely spontaneously, and the guy himself cannot understand how this happened. However, if strong feelings arise for another woman, it means that not everything is all right with the spouse and separation is most likely inevitable.
In his mistress, a man looks for support and support, passion, feelings that are missing at home. It’s interesting that men even cheat on their beautiful, smart and interesting wives. Of course, there are always two people to blame for betrayal, and if there is no psychological contact or trust between the spouses, then the relationship will come to an end. Sometimes, if the wife is beautiful, the opposite mechanism works - the man cannot open up to her and leaves for a simpler woman.
The men themselves, in chats and conversations, write that either “a mistress is sex and a thrill, and a wife is a woman with whom you give birth to children and build a family.”
Who are you, homewrecker?
Wives always imagine a woman from the cover of magazines in lace lingerie, stiletto heels and stockings, with long hair and sharp claws, greedily looking at a simple worker from a factory. Reality breaks all stereotypes. Often this is an ordinary woman with a neat hairstyle, an ordinary figure and sad eyes without sparkle. Why sad? Yes, because there is no happiness. There is no one who will warm you for at least an hour, there is no man in the house and not even a hint of his presence.
Of course, there is always the described category with greedy eyes, but they are one step higher and do not look at a simple guy and family man with 20 years of experience. The moral side of a relationship with a married man should be lowered immediately and not brought up, arguing “how could she do this insidiously.”
There is a connection, it happened, and you need to figure out how the perpetrators of the love triangle themselves treat their mistresses and who has a better chance of continuing the relationship. The mistress herself may be even more unhappy than the wife who finds out about the betrayal. She has no happiness in her life, only work and maybe children, but sometimes there are none, just a cat. And suddenly, like a bolt from the blue, He appears.
The one she dreamed about at night, or someone simpler, willing to have sex and a relationship, no, that’s what’s important if there’s no one. He comes to her, caresses and hugs her, spends time in bed, discusses exciting topics and goes back. Often he doesn’t say anything, doesn’t promise anything, is silent and looks guilty, because he’s leaving for the legitimate one. The beautiful story of “living happily ever after” falls apart every time the door slams and loneliness reigns in the room again.
