To tell or not: Girls about what cheating is today

Statistics show that three out of four husbands cheat on their other halves. The number is sad. Someone manages to hide an affair on the side, but often the truth cannot be hidden, and the wife finds out that her husband is unfaithful to her. A woman faces a dilemma: forgive the betrayal and save the family, or divorce her husband, so that everyone can go their own way. But it doesn’t matter which scenario will be chosen. In any case, upon learning about the infidelity of a loved one, a woman will experience extreme stress. And the main thing here is to understand how to survive your husband’s betrayal, cope with the pain and find the strength to live on. This will be discussed in our article.
From this article you will learn:

How to understand why your husband cheated
Should I forgive my husband's betrayal?
What to do to survive your husband's betrayal painlessly

The main reasons for cheating husbands

A woman is an extremely emotional creature.
When she learns about her husband’s infidelity, she immediately finds herself drawn into a whirlpool of experiences. There is anger, fear, pain, resentment, and surprise. It’s impossible to list all the feelings. They absorb the woman entirely and prevent her from soberly and calmly assessing the situation. Psychologists advise not to be led by emotions. Indeed, in most cases, betrayal is a sign that not everything is in order in the family, and in such problems, as a rule, both spouses are to blame.

First of all, you need to figure out what pushed your husband to cheat. Most often, women face the following reasons:

Sexual dissatisfaction

This is the most common reason for adultery. Male physiology is such that they not only need to have sex often, but also have variety in it. Intimate intimacy, one similar to the other, quickly becomes boring, seems insipid, and ceases to excite and satisfy. A man begins to feel a lack of adrenaline, enthusiasm, passion. Unfortunately, many women approach intimacy differently. They are quite happy with the usual sex, especially when fatigue accumulates from everyday problems and there is no strength to give all their best in bed. This creates a conflict of interest, which can lead to the fact that a man, dissatisfied with intimacy with his wife, decides to cheat in order to compensate for the lack of passion and variety.

Incompatibility of life guidelines

Each person has his own life values, ideals and priorities. If spouses share each other’s views, then mutual understanding and harmony reign in the family. In such an atmosphere, the preconditions for betrayal cannot arise. However, if a husband and wife look at life differently, they gradually begin to move away from each other. But all people need support and understanding. When they are not enough, the search begins for a person with whom you can share your thoughts and experiences. Therefore, a man is often pushed into cheating by his wife’s indifference and difference of interests with her.

The husband walks, but does not leave: advice from a psychologist

If the husband cheats, but does not leave, the psychologist’s advice will be as follows: it is initially necessary to establish the reason for the spouse’s infidelity. Otherwise, you can easily reach a nervous breakdown, going through hundreds of options in your head. The most common motives for male infidelity are:

lack of mutual understanding within the family, constant scandals, noisy proceedings and excessive jealousy on the part of the wife;
lack of diversity in the sexual sphere. A man's move to the left is often provoked by boredom and indifference that reigns within the marital bedroom;
selfishness. The subject commits adultery, justifying his own behavior by the inherent polygamy of all men, or is guided by an inflated sense of importance;
Many husbands are prevented from divorcing by the need to divide jointly acquired property. In this way, they create a completely comfortable existence for themselves with their wife and mistress.

Often men choose a “double life” due to the presence of minor children who must be raised in a full-fledged family. The opinion of relatives, acquaintances and work colleagues can be a deterrent to severing official relations. Fear of public censure often pushes people to invent sophisticated schemes designed to hide the true state of affairs from the eyes of others. Preserving your social status and dignity is definitely not more important than your own health, so you shouldn’t repeat the mistakes of Anna Karenina.

For most women, it is in the order of things to punish their spouse with intimate abstinence, which in the most obvious way can result in a search for a less prone to whims and a more accommodating passion on the side. The reasons that a husband cheats, but does not leave for another woman for good, may be hidden in the banal force of habit and reluctance to disrupt the usual way of things. Some men are unwitting hostages of the image of a womanizer, formed in their youth. According to the ingrained pattern, the alpha male must constantly prove his superiority through victories on the personal front.

If the husband has been repeatedly seen flirting with other women, or there have been proven facts of infidelity, most likely the vector of his behavior will remain the same in the future. Therefore, you should seriously think about breaking up with your unfaithful spouse, otherwise marriage risks turning into constant stress and permanent wear and tear on each other’s nerves. Forgiving previous infidelities will not lead to anything good, and maintaining such relationships is highly discouraged. This is exactly the situation when, in order to improve your life, you need to leave your comfort zone for a while.

A woman who tolerates her husband’s going to the left loses both self-respect and authority in the eyes of her unfaithful husband. With a high degree of probability, it can be assumed that the husband will take advantage of this situation for mercantile purposes and begin to manipulate his wife. Almost any adequately thinking psychologist will advise a woman to break off all diplomatic relations with a cheater and find the courage to file for divorce.

Options for how women cope with their husband's infidelity

Every woman is looking for her own way to survive her husband’s betrayal. It will depend on the specific situation.

To understand where to start when planning further actions, you need to answer several questions:

Is there evidence of treason, or is the matter limited to suspicion?
Did the husband himself admit to infidelity, or did the information about it come from other sources?
Does the husband know that his wife is aware of his infidelity?
Has your husband's relationship with another woman already ended or is it still ongoing?
Was it a one-time betrayal or a long-term contact?
What does the husband say about his future intentions?

The answers to these questions will help the deceived woman determine her place in the current situation.

There are only four possible scenarios:

The man realized that none of the existing relationships could make him happy, and he left both his wife and his mistress.
He doesn’t leave his wife, but he doesn’t break off his relationship with his mistress. A love triangle is created, each of whose participants lives in constant stress and somehow tries to change the situation, pursuing personal gain.
The husband leaves his wife for his mistress. In this situation, the question of how to survive betrayal and the departure of your husband is most acute. First of all, you need to calm down and believe that the best is yet to come.
The husband left his mistress, returned to the family and begs his wife for forgiveness. Then there are two ways. The first is that the wife forgives her guilty other half, and they start all over again. The second is that she rejects her husband’s apology and files for divorce.

How to deal with your husband's cheating

Even if you don’t really believe in polygamy among men, it still exists. That is why they simply... do not understand what treason is. Yes, they don't understand. Why is that? Men are simultaneously aware of both their desires and obligations to their significant other. So, if he got married, then he must fulfill his duties, namely, provide for his family, raise his wife and children, and also make sure that everyone is happy. And if his wife and children are not happy, then he takes the blame for it upon himself.

But desires are simpler: either I want it or I don’t want it. And if a husband has a desire for another woman, he does not connect this in any way with the family. This is completely different: I just wanted to. Believe me, men have a huge gap between social obligations and banal sex. Moreover, they are confident that even if they cheated, they can still be trusted. After all, this is not a betrayal, but simply a physical release like going to football, a glass of cold beer in the heat, or driving fast. And the emotions during a goal by your favorite team and possession of a female body are approximately the same.

The same applies to resort betrayals. Husbands perceive this as a game that has nothing to do with real life. They just want to feel young and daring. Thus, a man’s infidelity does not mean that he no longer loves you or has grown cold.

Another thing is psychological and spiritual betrayal. If he fell in love with someone else, it’s up to you to decide whether to continue fighting for this man or not. Again, usually husbands will never leave such a familiar wife even for the most luxurious mistress, and these relationships may not affect family life in any way.

What should you do? First of all, try to find out everything about the other woman and about their relationship with her husband: how long it lasts, what feelings he has for her. This will tell you how to feel about betrayal in this case.

But it’s better to throw a tantrum in private; the man shouldn’t see it. After letting off steam, try talking to your spouse. Listen to him calmly. Let him tell you exactly what happened and how. If he no longer has any feelings for you, and he lives with you only out of pity, you can calmly file for divorce. A person who doesn't value you shouldn't be around you.

If you decide to continue the relationship, you will have to come to terms with the fact that a man has just such a basic instinct. Still, they are simpler than women and more driven by instincts than we are. And one more very important point. In any case, forgive your husband - something terrible has already happened and you won’t be able to turn back time. But living on without forgiving will be very difficult.

And one more important point. Many experts on relationships between men and women believe that the wiser the wife, the less important her husband’s fidelity is to her. In addition, if your husband is haunted by the feeling of guilt for cheating, he will treat you more carefully than before the adultery. Just give the man freedom and he won’t run away!

What is your goal?

If your goal is to very quickly create many different men around you who will give gifts and flowers, then please pretend to be, provoke, play, manipulate, be in such a sexy image. But if your goal is a long-term happy relationship, if you don’t need a bunch of men, you only need one, but cool, or several men, from whom you choose one, but who will see you as a person, a woman. Which will manifest itself as a man in actions, deeds, then you need to learn to use your inner strength, gentleness. Strength is caused by strength, caused by softness. And here you will need to dig into yourself and learn to accept yourself.

To summarize, I can give you some steps that you can apply now. One of the manifestations of gentleness, one of the manifestations of female calmness - try to speak less than a man. Try to speak half as much as a man, try to just listen to him.

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Of course, you can sit and wait to see how your spouse will behave and what decision he will make. But you can't let other people determine your destiny. Therefore, first you need to understand yourself and understand what you want. Then the dependence on the will of others will be destroyed, and you will be guided only by your desires and plans. Looking deep into yourself, you may realize that one of the following statements is close to you:

I want to stop all contact with my husband, separate forever and start my life anew;
I love my spouse, I’m ready to forgive everything and return to my previous relationship;
for certain reasons I cannot leave my husband, and I don’t want to, but I dream of taking revenge on him;
I will stay with my husband so that he does not go to his mistress;
I must review the past and understand where I was wrong and mistaken, so as not to repeat the bad experience and regain control over my life.

No one can decide for a deceived woman how she should live next. There is no single right way out of this situation. The wife whose husband cheated must decide for herself what words to say and what to do in order to reduce internal tension and return to the comfort zone.

Confidence

The question of how to calm down after your husband’s betrayal is very relevant. First, try to regain trust in him. If you see that he sincerely repents of what happened, this is a very good sign. Don't be afraid to make mistakes twice. This fear can significantly slow down the process of your complete truce.

Every person has the right to make mistakes. Convince yourself that your husband had the right to try another option. There is no need to punish him severely for this. Try to cope with your ambitions and allow your spouse to atone for his guilt. Don't check it or control it. This will prevent trust from being born again.

How to survive your husband's betrayal: to forgive or not to forgive

Not every woman knows how to survive her husband’s betrayal and save her family without losing self-respect and inner dignity. The fear that infidelity will happen again can eat away at your soul and make it difficult to get your life back on track. The difficulty is to sincerely forgive your spouse. At first glance it seems easy. After all, the worst is already behind us. The husband broke off relations with his mistress and returned to the bosom of the family. You are happy that you did not lose your other half. You are filled with joy. It seems that a bright, cloudless future lies ahead.

But after a few weeks, you begin to imagine how your husband made love to another woman. This thought does not leave your head and prevents you from enjoying life. You begin to take a closer look at your husband: does he miss his former passion? Over time, irritation and anger build up. Sometimes you feel like you hate your spouse. Sooner or later, hidden negative emotions will spill out in the form of a scandal.

So a couple who has experienced betrayal and decided to save the family becomes a hostage to the situation. The wife begins to suspect her husband of new infidelity, follows him, controls his every step. This makes a man terribly angry, because he loves his wife, even though he has stumbled, and hopes for understanding and forgiveness. Mutual reproaches and quarrels begin, which do not contribute to the improvement of relationships.

It's all about loss of trust. Forgiveness is not as difficult as learning again to trust a person who once betrayed you. Living in anticipation of the next deception destroys the psyche. Therefore, a woman who is thinking about how to survive her husband’s betrayal must first understand whether she can forget about the betrayal and trust her husband. If a wife wants to stay with her other half, but feels that her soul has not yet forgiven her, then it is better to either take a break in the relationship to calm down and work on herself, or discuss this problem with her husband and make a joint decision on what to do next.

After all, if this is not done, then with suspicions, scandals and accusations the woman will destroy the warm feelings of her husband and make him regret his decision to save the family. Or it will push you to new betrayal.

Often women forgive infidelity under the pressure of the following circumstances:

the family has small children;
the spouse depends on her husband financially or does not have her own home.

A man, feeling the helplessness of his other half, can take advantage of this and cheat regularly, confident in his impunity.

What to do if you become aware of a woman’s betrayal?2

Women are family creatures by nature. Therefore, her “buckwheat jump” is either an unconscious event or a way to find a new partner. Most representatives of the fair sex consider it impossible to have sex without an emotional factor (love or other feelings). A man who finds out about his woman’s infidelity needs to think about it and, before sorting things out, analyze the situation in the family/couple.

The girl will not be able to combine two young people as partners. Sooner or later, she will say goodbye to either her lover or her husband. And this choice will depend on the spouse. If the relationship with his beloved is important to him, he must understand what she is missing.

You can find out this by talking. But don’t ask directly: “What were you missing that you were jumping on other people’s beds?”, but approach the question subtly. For example, ask what she would like to do on the weekend. Perhaps she lacks vivid impressions or a romantic atmosphere with her other half.

Another effective way: offer something new in bed. More than half of women cheat due to lack of orgasm, variety in intimate life, and insufficiently frequent sex. They are embarrassed to tell the man about this, and make up for what they need on the side. Having seen what interests a girl, you need to pay attention to it: prepare an unexpected surprise, give pleasure in sex.

A universal answer for males to the question “How to treat a woman’s infidelity?” — analyze your “shoals” and try to change them.

What you should definitely not do after your husband cheats

When thinking about how to survive your husband’s infidelity and betrayal, immediately eliminate from your behavior what you should never do:

Making scandals and hysterics will only complicate an already difficult situation.
Even if you love your husband very much, do not forgive him right away, otherwise he will sense your weakness and perhaps cheat on you again.
Your life is your choice, make decisions based only on your own opinion.
Finding out intimate details of his affair from your husband will not bring you peace of mind, but will only aggravate your mental pain.
Get to know and sort things out with your husband's mistress. After all, your spouse is not a weak-willed puppet. He is responsible for his actions, so you only need to ask him.
Don't make any decisions influenced by emotions. Having calmed down, you can change your point of view and regret your actions.
Cheat out of revenge.

If you can’t restore your peace of mind, try doing what you love. Chat with friends, spend more time outdoors, do everything possible to calm down and regain a sober view of what is happening.

Of course, sooner or later you will have to make a final choice. If you are ready to forgive your spouse, let him know that this decision was not easy for you and he will not have a second chance.

When a family has experienced betrayal and managed to emerge from this ordeal with honor, psychologists advise spouses to change something in the relationship so that there is an effect of novelty and there are no more temptations to take sides.

But if you have not yet made your final decision and are still thinking about how to survive your husband’s betrayal, listen to yourself. What feelings push you to make this or that choice? Love for your spouse or fear of loneliness? Willingness to forgive or fear of losing status and material well-being? The answers to these questions will help you get to know yourself better and decide on the right direction for your future life.

Perhaps you will prefer the option of forgiving your spouse not because you love him, but because you don’t want to change anything and depend on him financially. Then it will be your conscious choice that will help keep the situation under control.

But no matter what you do, the scars on your soul will remain and will hurt for a long time. Whether you keep your family together or go on a free voyage, the experience you have experienced will still remind you of yourself.

So, let’s summarize all of the above and remind you what actions you should not do if you find out about your husband’s infidelity:

There is no need to listen to the advice of friends and relatives. Rely only on your opinion. And under no circumstances turn to magicians, wizards, witches and other charlatans for help. People close to you wish you well, so they may pester you with advice, and pseudo-healers will be only interested in your money.
Do not stoop to the level of an absurd hysterical woman; you can completely lose your husband’s favor by arranging scenes of jealousy, scandals and hysterics for him.
Maintain your self-respect and dignity. Having learned about your spouse's infidelity, do not try to communicate with his mistress, do not track them down, do not collect compromising information. Do it not for their sake, but for your own sake. Over time, the intensity of passions will subside, and you will be proud of your fortitude, endurance and strength of character.
There is no need to threaten your husband's mistress, spread rumors about her, or turn her relatives, colleagues and friends against her. Your spouse may begin to feel ashamed of your behavior, which will drive you further apart.
You should not appeal to your mistress’s feelings of pity, tell her that the children will be left without a father, and you are already on the verge of suicide. You will put yourself in a bad light, you will humiliate yourself, you will beg. As a result, the husband will be ashamed, and the mistress will feel her power over you and your spouse.
Don't think that after your husband cheats, the world will collapse. No, life will go on as usual, there will still be a lot of good and just as much bad in it. So don't get too hung up on your situation. Give yourself time to come to your senses and start taking action. A wise person will gain invaluable experience from the ordeal that will form the basis for a future happy life.

In any case, remember that you are not a victim, not a dumb doll who has no right to his own opinion and actions. Make decisions, live by your values, just be yourself. A man, seeing your generosity, self-sufficiency, ability to maintain dignity and a positive attitude in any situation, will never want to lose such a woman.

About time bombs

If the relationship between husband and wife in a Christian marriage is compared with the relationship between Christ and the Church, then the question arises: how is cheating possible here? However, betrayal is not uncommon. The wife may lack warmth, love and understanding, the sparks in the relationship may fade, but you want to feel alive and loved - there are many reasons that explain cheating even in a Christian marriage. And what kind of striving for ideal is there...

The call to conform to the images of Christ and the Church sets a high standard. They apply only to people who consciously perceive their marriage and try to build it in a Christian way. Alas, this cannot be said about every marriage.

In Christianity there is also an understanding of the family as a small Church, that is, an organism in which the Lord is present. Christ said: where two or three are gathered in My name, there I am in the midst of them (Matthew 18:20 ). This is also said about the family. But in order for this to happen, the husband and wife must understand and share this attitude towards marriage. When there is a completely understandable, conscious desire between them to imitate God, to ensure that the relationship between them develops in the right way, it seems to me that such a marriage generally has many reasons to be strong and happy, and can also avoid the temptations of betrayal. If people do not initially view their marriage in this way, then the likelihood of family destruction is much higher. In family troubles there is always some kind of mutual guilt... Undoubtedly, in the relationship between a man and a woman in marriage, love can become scarce.

In general, the world in which we live is a world of entropy, impoverishment and dying. If people do not preserve their love and somehow do not try to increase it, then it will become scarce. And impoverished love is always looking for some opportunities to warm up its feelings, because... a person cannot live in a dead state, he needs a feeling of life, he needs to love and be loved.

And here the question is only one: how much do the spouses themselves understand why they started a family, for what kind of relationship, for the sake of which they live in the same house and sleep in the same bed, if they sleep in the same bed.

Photo mariko2

For some, such a model - a family as a small Church - seems an unattainable bar. And for some it’s a verbal cliche. In both cases, the question arises whether it is necessary to strive for this.

And there is nothing special about this bar. Any good family is exactly like that, and it does not need to specially build anything within itself. It is not necessary to set such a task for yourself on the principle of a business plan - “to build a small Church.” It’s just that in order to be a family in this way, you have to work, you have to give your all all the time - this applies to both husband and wife. You need to peer into a person, hear what he needs and what he lacks.

By the way, Christians have one serious problem here - their attitude towards intimacy. There are Orthodox families today in which intimate relationships are viewed with extreme suspicion. They are initially thought of as sinful, unacceptable, as a kind of indulgence in human weakness and fornication. The Apostle Paul wrote: if they cannot abstain, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to be inflamed (1 Cor 7 :9). So they enter... But marriage should have a different basis. The Apostle Paul had no experience in this sense. He was a virgin, did not start a family, and was rather lenient about marriage. But that was just his personal attitude! And he, nevertheless, says amazing words about marriage: the wife has no power over her body, but the husband does; Likewise, the husband has no power over his body, but the wife does. Do not deviate from each other except by consent <…> and then be together again (1 Cor 7 :4-5). That is, he does not just justify - he gives Christians freedom in marital relationships.

And here, of course, one cannot help but say that a suspicious and sometimes even perverted perception of intimate intimacy on the part of some clergy can destroy any marriage. People who receive spiritual guidance from such priests think that there is something sinful about intimate relationships and enter into them simply because they cannot resist the sin. But this is a complete misinterpretation of meanings! This is a horror that places an enormous burden on the consciousness of modern Christians. They approach the beginning of their religious life with fear and trembling and deeply perceive everything that is told to them. The advice of such a priest can destroy the relationship between husband and wife, create a terrible wall of alienation between them, and prevent the fullness of joy with each other. This attitude separates people and leaves them with severe psychological trauma.

If intimacy between spouses is allowed only out of condescension towards human frailty, and not for joy, then this is a time bomb.

A man remains a man, and one day this mine explodes. And then the person doesn’t want to hear anything anymore. He flies into some other space, does not understand himself, he is captured by relationships on the side, and he suddenly sees: life is here, here, and what was there is the fulfillment of marital duties.

It is unacceptable for anyone, including a confessor, to influence the intimate life of spouses. The husband and wife have their own small Church, and they themselves will deal with this issue. Christians know very well what chastity is, what sin is, and what depravity is. They can determine the boundaries of their intimacy themselves.

Advice from a psychologist on how to survive your husband's betrayal

Psychologists have long been trying to help all participants in a love triangle understand themselves and make the right choice. To do this, they developed special recommendations, including how to survive your husband’s betrayal.

If a wife is faced with her husband’s infidelity, she must remember:

Your ideas about your husband are not the man himself.
If you have come to view your spouse as a constant, an unchanging part of home life, then know that there are probably places where he plays other roles. Perhaps your husband is different from the picture that you painted for yourself, and he comes home only because it is convenient for him. Your spouse may also perceive you as something needed in the household, someone who will feed you, do the laundry, and clean up.
When you get married, you do not take on a spouse for life.
The life of every person, including your other half, belongs primarily to himself. Everyone has the right to make a mistake and to realize this mistake. It will depend on you what your spouse considers a mistake - living with you or having an affair on the side.
If you decide to save your family and stay with the person who betrayed you, forgive him completely and irrevocably. Do not remember the past, do not reproach for past grievances, do not mock, do not torture yourself and him, otherwise you will make your husband regret that he chose you.
Do not immediately try to take revenge on your spouse with the same coin. Any woman can find a partner for casual sex, but he will not be a consolation and will not ease the mental burden. By cheating, your husband pushed you into the mud, by going to the side you will gain a foothold in it, instead of quickly getting out and washing yourself off.
Take care of your health. Strong experiences provoke the development of gynecological diseases. This is how the body reacts to stress, resentment and humiliation. You owe it to yourself to be strong and not give up, so try to be out in public more to take your mind off sad thoughts.
Whatever decision you and your husband make, try to remain friends. This is the wisest and healthiest decision.

Of course, relationships after betrayal will no longer be the same. But it depends on you in which direction they will change. Perhaps the difficulties you have experienced will deepen your connection with your husband and teach you to better understand each other.

Such a turn of events will only be possible if a woman, having lost her usual way of life, learns to soberly assess the new reality. The following advice from psychologists will not only answer the question of how to survive your husband’s betrayal, but will also help you cope with emotional tension.

If your other half has left the house, get rid of all the things that will remind you of it. Redirect that love for your husband that still lives in your soul to yourself: go shopping, go for a massage, admire your reflection in the mirror.

The following actions will help to overcome emotional tension and calm raging feelings:

shopping is the best antidepressant for a woman;
jogging in the park (or any other sport) will cause increased production of endorphins, which are responsible for a good mood, and fresh air will saturate the brain with oxygen;
hobby, favorite pastime;
reading literature stimulates the imagination and distracts from pressing problems; cheerful music, dancing;
hen-party.

Reasons for female infidelity

It is incorrect to consider infidelity the exclusive prerogative of men; women’s infidelity to their husband has the same right to exist, the only difference being that women are guided by other motives and actually cheat less often (although this is precisely the case when quality exceeds quantity). Since the emotional side of communication is more important for a woman, it is unlikely that she will cheat with the first person she meets at the call of her body (which is more understandable to men). A woman will go for emotional intimacy, spiritual contact, betrayal will be more reminiscent of a second family than a fleeting affair, and it will be almost impossible to catch her in this, because guided by concern for the peace of mind of all participants in the triangle, she will very carefully cover her tracks.

Neither stress relief nor excess alcohol will push a woman to cheat if she loves her man, but when there are no more feelings, and then she unexpectedly falls in love, this is a good reason for the woman herself to destroy her previous relationship. This is the most common reason and the most terrible from the husband’s point of view, since there is practically nothing he can do here; people’s feelings cannot be forcibly corrected and cannot be brought back.

To prevent female infidelity in marriage from happening because of a new love, you will always have to be proactive and support the feelings and interest of your companion. There is no need to stop courting after you put on the ring and put the stamp, because someone else will continue to compliment your woman and help with heavy bags at the entrance. Because of such everyday trifles and men's self-confident relaxation, women cease to feel needed, and having received a simple look of admiration in another place, they will want to return there.

But some women do not act on such romantic convictions, but prefer to have a lover solely to satisfy their intimate needs. Those. you are completely satisfied with her as a partner in life and communication, but something is not going well in the intimate sphere, and most women know how traumatic it is for a man to hear criticism or dissatisfaction addressed to him on the topic of dissatisfaction in bed, so they choose to protect your peace of mind, satisfying your hunger on the side.

You should not discount the fact that women endure grievances for a long time, and if, in her opinion, you have not apologized or repented enough, then betrayal may well act as a weapon of revenge, most often for your betrayal, so that it is equivalent and you can feel the same pain. There is no need to talk about the continuation of such relations; everything will be more like a cold war, without the possibility of returning trusting interaction.

Among the not so frequent, but still occurring reasons that push to betrayal are boredom, the desire to feel the romance of the initial period of a relationship, an example taken from the parental family, the desire to get the desired position or promotion. Frequent or long separations can push you to cheat, but it’s a question of how your communication is organized - some couples, living nose to nose, manage not to give their partner due attention, and some, staying online for months, take the relationship to a new level knowledge and depth.

Still, remembering that feelings and intimacy, and even more so relationships, are practically inseparable for a woman, half of the reasons can be prevented if you do not let the interaction take its course and continue to give your woman a feeling of need and love, and by noticing the immediate signs of impending betrayal (in women it rarely happens spontaneously, just like love) turn on quickly. At the initial stage, any husband is able to beat a new admirer, because he is better aware of the weaknesses and tastes of his beloved.

How to protect your relationship from cheating

It is better to try to prevent infidelity than to later rack your brains over how to survive your husband’s infidelity. A woman should respect her other half, treat her as a person and not as a household environment, respect her interests and listen to her desires and needs. In the family you need to create a comfortable and sincere environment in which you want to be. All decisions regarding home, children, etc. must be made together. If something irritates you or doesn’t suit you, you don’t need to remain silent and endure. Discuss the difficulties that have arisen with your spouse and decide how to deal with them. For couples who are working to improve their relationship, psychologists have developed the following recommendations:

Find a hobby or interest that both partners will be interested in and do it together. This could be tennis, Argentine tango, painting lessons, foreign language courses.
Agree that each spouse will have personal time when you can calmly go about your business and not be afraid of being disturbed. It would not hurt for each person to have his own personal space, where other family members will not have access. It may be a shelf in a closet, but one that no one else will look at. To maintain trust in the family, it is very important to follow this rule, and not secretly rummage through the belongings of household members.
Periodically arrange romantic meetings outside the home. In a new environment, spouses can feel renewed.

Thank you for reading this article to the end.

Hello, my name is Yaroslav Samoilov. I am an expert in the psychology of relationships and over the years of practice I have helped more than 10,000 girls meet worthy soul mates, build harmonious relationships and return love and understanding to families that were on the verge of divorce.
More than anything, I am inspired by the happy eyes of students who meet the people of their dreams and enjoy a truly vibrant life.
My goal is to show women a way to develop relationships that will help them create a synergy of success and happiness!

Breaking Bad

There is such a point of view: if your marriage is on the verge of divorce, feelings have faded, there are not enough emotions, start a short affair on the side - you yourself will see how your relationship will sparkle with new bright colors... Such advice can be found today on the Internet and in books. They claim that it is effective. What do you say?

I don't know anything about new paints.

When they tell me about betrayal in confession, I always meet with disaster. This is a catastrophe of colossal proportions, when the soul... you know, is like scorched earth by napalm. A person comes completely dead, absolutely insensitive, understanding nothing.

Like after a nuclear explosion. Because a nuclear explosion is energy, light, colossal heat, there is a lot of bright and unforgettable things in it. But after it everything is dead, complete devastation. In confession I encounter this result - a scorched heart and feelings. I don't know what about new colors...

Why do you say that a person comes senseless and dead?

There is the famous TV series “Breaking Bad,” which shows how a person gives himself the right to commit a crime, gets involved in sin based on some more or less lofty considerations, and how this sin then affects everything around him like a cancerous tumor. There, the hero himself is sick with cancer, and he seems to be healing. But the business he started begins to grow and devours the entire space of life around him. This is a very clear example. He shows well what a person becomes, bound by sin, who at the same time tries to break free. He is tormented by his conscience - there is a scene with a fly, in one of the episodes it flies constantly and does not give the hero peace. But it turns out that he is already deeply in trouble, and not only himself - he pulled his wife and everything that surrounds him along with him. And it seems like he has an excuse: he has cancer, he needs money for treatment and his family... A person who lives in such a state, in captivity of sin, will constantly look for an excuse for his action. He can't live without it. He needs some external event or some higher goal to which he could appeal and explain why he is doing this. Moreover, he himself feels bad from the endless search for justification. The most serious condition.

Do you often encounter this in confession?

Any priest in his pastoral practice encounters this quite often, alas.

Photo mariko2

But there is, for example, such a position: when a person cheats, he does not commit any crime, this is not corruption, not murder, he does not harm anyone. Of course, if he loves his wife and the wife finds out, it will be unpleasant. As for the rest - what's wrong with that?..

Honestly, I don’t know any examples of a person betraying and no one would know about it. Firstly, because betrayal still becomes known, and at the most inconvenient and unexpected moment. Secondly, the person himself, his conscience, always knows about betrayal, and God always knows. It's enough.

And with the question “what’s wrong with that”... It is clear that the basis of any relationship - in marriage, friendship, in the relationship between parents and children, between man and God - is loyalty and trust. In practice, this means: you can count on me, I won’t let you down, I will always lend my shoulder. When we say “I believe in God,” we understand that this is not only about recognizing the fact of the existence of God above us. In this sense, as the Apostle James wrote, demons believe and tremble. Faith in God is a matter of trust and fidelity in the relationship between God and man.

The other side is meanness and betrayal, when you know something very personal about a loved one, entrusted to you as a secret, and you betray this secret.

Adultery is a betrayal of the secrets of love: the most intimate things about your wife or husband are revealed to you, and you neglect it.

If people love each other truly and seriously, they have no need to cheat. If a person wants to change, is looking for a reason or justification, and this is normal for him, then he must state: I don’t love anyone but myself, I just use all other people.

For example:

With fanatical workaholism, where work is the first wife;
In a codependent relationship with one of the parents, where, for example, the husband is attached to his mother in such a way that he trusts her more than his wife and strives to share news with her first, he can talk to her on the phone for hours, neglecting time together with his wife ;
With an all-consuming hobby that “takes away” from the family, for example, a strong passion for motorcycles, cars and evenings spent in the garage, fishing, hiking or extreme sports;
In close communication with friends, who replace family, accept you with all your shortcomings and support you.