How to improve relationships after cheating? And are they possible in principle?

A man's infidelity is perceived in our society as a normal phenomenon; infidelity is explained by polygamy of the stronger sex. The spouses fight, but then make up and live their old lives. But a woman’s betrayal shocks her partner. Guys don’t know how to behave in such a situation, whether they should break up or forgive their loved one. What to do if the girl cheated?

First of all, understand the reasons for your beloved’s action. Infidelity can be triggered by various conditions. Depending on the situation, infidelity can be divided into casual and regular.

Understand the reason for betrayal

No matter how much you want to blame yourself for cheating or, on the contrary, no matter how much it seems that everyone is to blame except you, the first thing that needs to be done is to understand the reasons for this action.

Psychologists identify 7 reasons why girls can cheat:

Alcohol. Drunken infidelity is one of the most harmless, but at the same time stupid, infidelity. Girls, losing their heads from drinking too much alcohol, simply do not control their body and mind. In this case, the blame also lies with the person who took advantage of the girl’s position.
Treason - revenge. With this type of betrayal, the girl does not ask questions like “I cheated on my boyfriend, what should I do?” After all, this was her plan.
Flirting. Contrary to popular belief that only men are polygamous by nature and addicted to flirting, women can also become overwhelmed by attention.
Treason in office. Many girls live at work, without seeing their loved ones day and night. It is unspent tenderness and love that breaks out on a free and very attractive colleague.
Dissatisfaction. When her personal life falls apart, something happens completely different from what it was at the beginning, the girl finds solace in the hands of others.
Boredom. This reason is very similar to dissatisfaction. Missing past emotions, the girl tries to arrange them on her side.
Love. Unfortunately, you never know if it's really her this time.

Having determined the reason why the girl cheated on the guy, we can safely say how to proceed.

Having found out the reason why a girl cheated on her boyfriend, her next step should be confession. Often girls try to hide this fact. This always results in paranoia, nervous disorders, depression and other unpleasant things, from which relationships with your significant other deteriorate at a rapid speed. Ultimately, the guy either guesses or finds out everything in another way, and this has a sad outcome.

Do not forget that all people are different, and for some it will be a very difficult test to forgive betrayal, while others will listen and accept you.

Is it possible to forgive a girl for cheating?

Whether to forgive a girl’s betrayal is a decision made on the basis of the guy’s semantic values and his emotions, as well as the very desire of the culprit and her behavior. If betrayal is unacceptable in your picture of the world, then efforts to forgive and boundless love will not help. All the same, the memory of what happened will constantly break into your life. Having noticed large differences in formal and internal values, the best option would be to refuse to renew the relationship, since the discrepancy in basic aspirations will give rise to eternal conflicts and dissatisfaction.

Forgiveness cannot be formal, for the sake of preserving the relationship or with the desire to manipulate the girl’s guilt. When you forgive a girl for cheating, you agree to forget. It is impossible to remind and shame a girl with this periodically; in the end, such a relationship will fall apart.

If the relationship is dear and the feeling of love is strong, the girl regrets what happened and wants to improve the relationship, then you can think about resuming the relationship and forgiveness. It is necessary to establish compensation in order to understand how much the girl is ready to change and what she is ready for for the sake of your relationship, which now definitely requires correction. This could be a request to change your habits or establish a family status on social networks, you can demand a joint vacation or meeting with friends only together. In general, the requirements should contribute to a qualitative change in relations.

When forgiving a person, you will need to rebuild yourself and conduct a serious analysis of former relationships, methods of interaction, wishes and your own contribution to the situation that occurred. You will have to change a lot in the relationship and yourself, avoiding the previous reactions and patterns of behavior that contribute to such a crisis. Without these changes, the situation will repeat itself as soon as emotions subside. Some couples can only maintain a relationship this way, feeling the need for each other only after a loss.

Listening to the advice of friends and family is pointless; they are determined by the desire to help you and protect you from unnecessary suffering. Making superhuman efforts, defending pride and not forgiving, many remain unhappy all their lives, constantly waiting for that girl. It is important to feel your inner decision and if you have already forgiven in your soul, then there is no point in fencing yourself off, but you need to talk through what happened and prevent a repetition. If, from the motives for forgiveness, only social desirability and fear of loneliness emerge, and everything inside protests from distrust of the person, then it is better not to pretend to forgive.

In many ways, an analysis of the girl’s motivation for cheating helps to make a decision about forgiveness. If this happened on the spur of the moment or the girl adheres to a culture in which such manifestations are recognized as the norm, then only a guy with similar principles can forgive. If, in the process of finding out the reasons, it turns out that the guy is also partially to blame for what happened, then it makes sense for both of them to change in order to preserve the relationship.

Why can't you share this with your friends?

You shouldn't discuss this with your friends. You never know what actions they will take.

“I cheated on my boyfriend,” A. admitted to her friends, “I feel very bad, what should I do?” Of course, A. hoped for support. But one of the friends silently left the cafe, while the second said that A. had time before dinner to confess to her beloved that she had cheated, otherwise she would tell everything herself. In the evening A. returned home alone; the guy’s things were no longer in the apartment. And six months later, one of her friends updated her status on social networks that she was marrying her ex.

Therefore, if a girl cheated on her boyfriend and doesn’t know what to do, psychologists strongly recommend not writing to her friends.

I cheated on my beloved guy...

I do not know what to do?

I really don’t want to hide this from him, but I’m very afraid that he will leave me and hate me. He loves me, but from love to hate there is only 1 step. And I don’t want him to take this step at all. He is dear to me. I'm not looking for any excuses for myself. It seems to me that love forgives any betrayal. I would forgive. Maybe he will forgive too. I don’t have to say anything, but my conscience is very tormenting me. He doesn't deserve such lies.

How it was

Somehow it all happened by chance... I was at a friend’s party - a bachelorette party. We decided to get together because we had not seen each other for a long time due to domestic problems. And we didn’t take our boys to have a heart-to-heart talk.

I was deceived a little about the bachelorette party: a friend set me up. Her brother liked me for a very long time. He’s nothing, of course, a boy. But mine is better.

In short, he stomped over to “dilute” our group of women. At the same time, he diluted the wine and beer quite well, which made us all swim. Me especially. And that was all he needed.

I vaguely remember what happened at night...

But I remember that we did it... He woke up very happy. And I…. Lord, how I blamed myself for what was happening! I got out of bed, quickly dressed, grabbed cigarettes with a trembling hand, and lit a cigarette by the window. Tears blurred my eyes. He came up to me and hugged me. I removed his hands. I was offended by him, even though he didn’t know that I had a boyfriend. Although I doubt that anything would have changed if he knew about it.

Vera made us coffee. Silently, looking down, she called us to breakfast. I shook off the ashes, which slowly fell onto the edge of the windowsill. The tears stopped flowing. The thought of coffee cheered me up. How I adore him! He always cheered me up. We went to the kitchen. I didn't look at the phone display because I knew what I would see on it. I would be very upset, I would cry again... I didn’t want to completely ruin the mood for myself, Kirill, and Verochka. I was terribly angry with Vera, but I also understood her. She had long dreamed of me dating her brother. She never liked my MCH. She said that we were not a couple at all.

I love my boyfriend! I love very much!

I really want to tell him everything. But fear gets in the way. Selfish! How could I let this happen? He probably doesn't find a place for himself. He called all his friends... What did he say to his parents?.. I’m afraid to think what happened while I was having fun here.

How to confess to cheating

Psychologists call confession in writing the most effective way.

Having identified the problem, formulate it in a letter to your loved one.
Describe your condition, what you are experiencing.
Be sure to include the two main words “forgive me” in the letter.
Write to your loved one about how much you love him.
Don't blame the guy for everything, start with the part where only you are to blame.
But you shouldn’t write only about your own guilt - this is your common problem.
Tell him your desire to maintain the relationship.

Re-read this letter, put it aside and try to reproduce all this in person, in a calm environment. If you can’t say out loud about the betrayal or you are afraid of an inadequate reaction, leave this letter and give the man the opportunity to understand and accept everything he reads.

You can't forgive - where to put a comma?

Men experience betrayal more difficult, some even become depressed. What to do if a girl cheated on you? How to survive the betrayal of your loved one?

First you have to pull yourself together, calm down and force yourself to accept the situation. What happened, happened. There is no way to fix this.

Don't drown the problem in alcohol - it won't help.

Switch to other activities : plunge into work, communicate with friends, take up a hobby. If this does not help, seek help from a psychologist.

Does it make sense to restore the relationship?

After you calm down, try to soberly assess the situation .

If the girl repents and wants to return. Ask yourself whether you can forgive your unfaithful lover. Some men succeed.

However, to forgive does not mean to forget:

Will you be able to have sex with her like before?
Will you constantly suspect her if she stays late at work?
Will you be able to refrain from bringing up memories and not mentioning them during every quarrel?
Are you able to trust the traitor as before?

If you are not sure that you can forget about a girl’s infidelity, it is better to forget about the relationship. Otherwise, your life together will turn into hell .

Male and female infidelity, are there any differences?

Opinions on this matter are very different. Some say that by nature all people are polygamous, while others are sure that this is all due to lack of upbringing. Of course, we will never know the truth. However, it is worth noting that there are couples who, by mutual agreement, have other partners on their side.

Men really need self-affirmation, and they find it in bed. Grown men are looking for young fans.

Women find self-affirmation in something else. And under the guise of female infidelity, huge problems are usually hidden. This is probably why many people separate male and female infidelity.

Another difference is in accepting the fact of betrayal. If a woman feels a blow to her feelings, then a man feels a blow to his self-esteem. Therefore, most often, male infidelity is forgiven, but female infidelity remains beyond the understanding of a man.

Regular infidelity

Cheating on a regular basis cannot be forgiven, but it can be explained by the character, upbringing of the girl, and her moral principles. The habit of being faithful in the family and relationships with a loved one is laid down in childhood, when a girl watches her mother and father. If the father cheated on his wife, or vice versa, the daughter often saw scandals, then most likely she will repeat the example of her parents.

In addition to her upbringing and negative past, the following situations can push a girl to regular infidelity:

A woman fell in love with someone else, but is afraid to leave the guy. She may be unsure of her relationship with her lover, leaving her current partner in reserve until she makes a final decision.
The guy doesn't pay attention to the girl and cheats. Then infidelity occurs out of desperation or out of spite.
The husband does not satisfy his wife in bed. Dissatisfaction with intimate life with her husband pushes a woman to look for a sexual partner on the side. In such a situation, most women prefer to keep their family together.
The woman has low self-esteem. The husband does not give compliments or gifts, the relationship has cooled down, but the wife wants to feel desired, beautiful, young. The lover gives her these emotions.

Regular betrayal is very different from a single, accidental betrayal. It is thought out, purposeful, and the woman definitely wants to hide it from her permanent man.

It is almost difficult to forgive such behavior, and it does not matter what the cause of infidelity was: a man’s inattention or a girl’s stupidity. It is extremely rare for a couple to return to normal family life after exposing a large-scale deception.

Tips for girls

If you feel some kind of discord, some wrong feelings for the other guy, or have stopped receiving proper attention from your significant other, talk to him. The only thing that will 100% protect both parties from betrayal, disagreements, and troubles is conversations. It’s not necessary to sit down in the evening like in a movie and discuss who is dissatisfied with what. If you can’t say, write. The most important thing is to convey the idea, but how is completely unimportant.

Learn to say “forgive me.” This applies to people of any gender. If a quarrel occurs, do not bring it to an end. It’s better to stop in time and say “I love you.” It is conflicts and cooled relationships that lead to betrayal.

Tips for guys

The girl feels remorse because she cheated on her boyfriend. What should a man do in such a situation?

Try to accept this information as calmly as possible. You have the right to be angry, upset, hurt, and any other emotion. But it will be better for everyone if you accept this as calmly as possible, because nothing can be changed.

If the girl was able to explain to you the reason for her action, try to understand whether there was a reason on your part. Don't blame yourself completely, but don't put all the blame on the girl either.

Unfortunately, there is no universal answer to the question of how to forgive the betrayal of a loved one. But if you love each other, you should try to mend the broken cup.

Is it possible to forgive

Most representatives of the stronger sex take a categorical position regarding female infidelity: under no circumstances are they ready to forgive a girl. However, when it comes beyond “reasoning on the sofa” and concerns a loved one, the solution to this problem no longer seems so clear-cut.

In order to make the right decision regarding whether to forgive the betrayal of your beloved girl or not, you first need to understand the reasons that pushed her to this act. If you have not lost the ability to conduct a constructive dialogue with her, then ask what exactly made her take such a step. If a girl herself confessed to cheating on you, then she, most likely, has already thought about her action and will be able to give you a more or less clear answer. Most women who find themselves unfaithful to their boyfriends use the following arguments as excuses:

Conflict situation. When a relationship with a young man is in crisis for any reason, a girl may seek solace in the arms of others. To be fair, it should be noted that men no less often avoid problems in the same way. Women are simply more emotional, and if they feel remorse, it is much more difficult for them to keep cheating a secret.
Domestic scandals. They happen quite often when young people decide to live together. At such a moment, a new stage of the relationship begins, and lovers are often not ready for this. Every couple faces everyday squabbles to a greater or lesser extent. Both partners need to make enormous efforts to get along under one roof. However, if the girl is a rather childish person who is not ready to sacrifice anything for the sake of a relationship, then an easier way out of this situation for her will be to find another man.
Attention deficit. Indifference will hurt any girl. She needs her loved one to prove his affection to her through care, gifts, or simply spending time on her. If a man ignores this fact, believing that his girlfriend is not going anywhere anyway, then one day he will join the ranks of cuckolds.
Fading passion. Of course, relationships even between a man and a woman who love each other very much cannot be constant fireworks. There come moments when the decline in sexual desire is perceived as the fading of love. Therefore, a girl can begin to look for bright emotions on the side.
Losing respect for the guy. If for some reason a man loses weight in the eyes of his companion, then this greatly affects their relationship. The main problem in this case is that with the loss of respect, sexual interest also goes away, since for women these two concepts are inextricably linked. Therefore, in such a situation there is a high risk of betrayal.
Cruel treatment of a girl. If you periodically allowed yourself to raise your voice, be rude, or raise your hand to your companion, then know that sooner or later she may find solace and protection in the face of another man. In this case, it will be difficult to blame her for anything.
Jealousy. Psychologists say that individuals prone to manic jealousy are themselves very predisposed to cheating. It’s quite simple to explain: a person knows about his vices and suspects them in those around him. Although sometimes it happens that the guy himself gives reasons for jealousy in order to stroke his pride. And this, too, could end with his girlfriend cheating on him.
Treason as revenge. If a guy betrayed, then pain and resentment will live in the girl’s heart for a long time, even if she has forgiven him. Not everyone can withstand this, so many representatives of the fair sex prefer to repay their unfaithful half in the same coin.

Of course, this is not the entire list of possible reasons for female infidelity. However, in most of these illustrative situations, one pattern can be traced - the guy, one way or another, makes a number of mistakes in his relationship with his beloved girlfriend, which ultimately leads to betrayal. If this fact is taken into account, then there is hope, subject to the repentance of the unfaithful, to restore the relationship and return the old love.

When answering the question “Is it worth forgiving a girl’s betrayal?” There are several factors to consider. Firstly, was this a one-time betrayal or has your companion been leading a double life for a long time? If the first, then you can refer to a momentary darkness or something like that. If the girl was systematically intimate with another man, deceiving you, then the likelihood that this will not happen again is extremely small.

Secondly, you need to consider under what circumstances you learned about the betrayal. If the girl herself confessed to everything, not wanting to deceive you, then this indicates that she feels remorse and wants to earn your forgiveness. If you learned about this from a third party or followed her, then, of course, you need to think a few times before believing her excuses.

Third, do you love her? If your attachment to a girl is so strong that you cannot imagine life without her, and your significant other, in turn, deeply repents, then you should try to maintain the relationship. In this case, the principle “You can’t mend a broken cup” does not always work.

When making a decision, determine for yourself whether you can truly forgive your companion without remembering her offense at every opportunity and without taking it out on her. If you feel that such a task is beyond your strength, then it is better to break up with the girl without torturing yourself or her.

If nothing works out

“I cheated on my boyfriend, what should I do?” — young girls ask this question every day. Older women ask this question in relation to their husbands. Men rarely think about cheating as something shameful. If your relationship has reached a dead end after cheating, and even family therapy sessions have not helped, perhaps your happiness was simply not there?

Of course, not everyone can achieve happiness after betrayal. However, after so many years of psychologists studying the issue of betrayal, we can say for sure that there are chances, and rather big ones. Therefore, grabbing your bag and leaving is the wrong way, although it is the easiest. If there is at least a drop of love, tenderness and care left in your heart, in your soul for your guy, then try to return your feelings and ignite them with renewed vigor. And this is not so difficult to do when the realization comes that what was wrong in your life. Good luck!

How to behave after the incident

Young people who decide to forgive an offense and continue dating make characteristic mistakes that reduce the chances of a full-fledged relationship to zero:

mention of what happened in the form of reproach, jokes, praise of one’s own resourcefulness;
aggressive mistrust, manifested in assault;
scandals and hysterics of a man expressing doubts about whether the incident that occurred was the only one or will not happen again;
an obsessive desire not to leave the girl unattended for even a minute.

READ How to get your husband away from his mistress and save your marriage

Betrayal has changed the relationship, but forgiveness is intended to smooth out possible conflicts due to the ability to forget about what happened. To better visualize this, try to think about the woman's previous partners, because when the relationship began, it was normal to perceive the fact that they had one - everyone has a past. Try to transfer this situation into the category of something that happened before the current feelings appeared.

If you can’t do this, then don’t torture yourself and the girl and honestly admit the impossibility of forgetting and forgiving. Relationships with a loved one who once betrayed you can collapse. By committing such an act, the girl should have understood the consequences, so don’t blame yourself. Let me leave without quarreling and shouting. The experience gained by both will help you better understand yourself and your feelings, realize the unacceptable behavior and prevent misconduct in the future.