Can you be friends with your ex-girlfriend?
"Let's remain friends!" - you can often hear from the lips of a guy or girl who has come to break up. Your relationship has come to an end, but your former love has managed to become a loved one whom you don’t want to lose. She knows you well, and you are used to sharing secrets with her or asking her for advice. Isn't this a relationship between friends? Many people think so. But this is simply the most peaceful option for parting; they usually ask to remain friends out of politeness, so as not to offend the other person. This will most likely not be friendship; you will remain ordinary acquaintances. Although even after the most stormy parting with screams and quarrels, you will still remain familiar, no matter how you look at it.
Therefore, it is important to understand two things here. First, what is friendship between a man and a woman? Second - why do you need it? It is worth answering these questions honestly.
Friendship between a man and a woman means that you will continue to share secrets, joys, ask for and give advice to each other. It seems to be a good arrangement, but only at first glance. Also, if your ex-girlfriend gets married, you will have to be happy for her. Are you ready for this? It’s worth thinking carefully, weighing all the pros and cons of such a friendship. After all, there are some pitfalls here.
Option No. 5 – Clarification of relationships_5
Finding out the relationship with a scandal, breaking dishes, and maybe even a fight is the most famous outcome of a breakup. This doesn't mean it's the worst. On the one hand, he is the most honest. A man and a woman will tell each other everything they really think.
Without fear of offending your partner, talk about your claims, about your grievances, about everything that did not suit you but had to be put up with, about lies on the part of a man or actions that do not give honor to a woman. By giving free rein to their feelings, former lovers will relieve themselves of some of the tension, partially let go of the pain, and maybe even part with it forever.
A man should always remain a man. After a while, an ex-girlfriend may find herself in a bad situation and seek help. You shouldn’t refuse her, after all, this is no longer a stranger. Although, if your feelings have not yet cooled down, and the question of how to get your ex-girlfriend back is increasingly ringing in your head, then the next article is just for you.
Why shouldn't you remain friends with your ex-girlfriend?
A man and a woman who were in a relationship should not remain friends, if only because it simply may not work out for them. After all, people very rarely separate without hatred, claims against each other, or without the desire to start their joint romance anew. Probably someone will want to return the relationship. But is it worth it? Is this really true? Probably no. Usually such a desire arises only in the first time after a breakup. Months, weeks, or even a few days will pass and it will fade, especially if a replacement for your ex comes along.
Also, you should not remain friends, because your new soulmate may very much not like the fact that you and your ex-woman are still communicating. If your new flame is jealous, she may think you're still having an affair. In general, if you still decide to maintain your friendship, then it is better to be honest in a new relationship and immediately tell them that you communicate well with your old friend. It’s not worth mentioning the details of the relationship, but saying that she already has a new boyfriend would be good. This way, the new girl will be calm about the safety of your relationship and will not be jealous of her ex. Perhaps it won't. But in any case, it will be better for her to find out this from you than from someone else who will simply think that you are dating two girls at the same time.
When an ex-girlfriend makes herself known
If you left a girl, this does not mean at all that she has left your life forever. She may keep up for a while or show up when you weren't expecting it. And the more you push her away, making it clear that you don’t want any relationship with her, the stronger her desire is not to let you go anywhere. If a girl has a hysterical character, all sorts of unpleasant things can happen. And if you are now in another relationship, then there will be many more problems, female jealousy is a terrible force. What may make the situation worse is the fact that most men are flattered by attention and may maintain contact with their ex by telling their current girlfriend that they are just old friends: “I can’t just ignore her. It's childish. Besides, she’s not a stranger to me.” But if you look at the situation from the outside, it is obvious that the guy is playing on two fronts at once.
Just analyze the situation. You should tense up if your current girlfriend is becoming more and more jealous and can provide clear arguments as evidence of her behavior. If you don’t take my word for it, talk to the girls you know and ask them how they would behave if they were your chosen one.
The ex can behave differently: after the breakup, the guy’s guardianship continues on her part. She is jealous of your current one, like a mother, and tries to give various advice and comments about your personal life. It seems to her that the new girl does not deserve you. This happens to those guys who just can’t grow up and need a strong “skirt”. The ex got used to the fact that the guy couldn’t take a single step in a relationship with her without her approval, and now she believes that she is responsible for the one she tamed. It’s bad to be so childish, but it’s even worse to continue to depend on your ex after meeting someone else. If you need mentoring and advice, talk to a friend or come see me.
What to do? An ex-girlfriend can manifest itself in your life in different ways - from seemingly safe “friendly” communication and advice, to a cold war with intrigue, hysteria and meanness. In any case, you need to protect yourself from any contact with her. It also happens that you cannot ignore a person completely - an option with a joint child - but you can strictly outline certain boundaries beyond which you do not allow her to go. She should not interfere in your current life and relationships.
Remember that your ex knows you well, remembers and understands your reactions, which means at some point she may want to play on old feelings and try to seduce you. Therefore, do not let her create delicate situations that can be interpreted in two ways, try not to spend time with her alone, especially if she suggests discussing something in her apartment late at night. Having a child together requires only one thing: to be at peace with his mother. But this should not make your current woman jealous.
If your girlfriend really reacts sharply and often to your communication with your ex, be sure to seriously work through this situation - perhaps you really are devoting a lot of time to a stranger. Are you sure that she doesn't have a goal to get you back? If not, then draw firm boundaries and reduce your contacts.
What not to do in friendship with your ex-girlfriend?
1. The first main rule is to never call your ex-girlfriend a diminutive name or cute nicknames like “bunny,” “pussy,” “sweetheart,” and so on. Your ex-love will perceive such treatment from you as something more than just friendship. Also, do not write or call her too often, once a week will be enough to maintain a friendly relationship.
2. The second main rule is never drink together with your ex-girlfriend. Stick to this point at least for the first time, when your feelings have not yet completely faded away. You know what alcohol leads to.
3. Don't have goodbye sex with your ex-girlfriend. Before the start of a friendship, it will be inappropriate. This means that you are not yet ready to break off relations with this person as a woman, therefore, there can be no talk of any friendship.
4. Do not say such expressions: “I don’t deserve you”, “You are good”, “Find someone else, you will be better with him.” Never say something like that. But then what should we do? You need to talk to your ex-girlfriend differently. Otherwise, she will simply think that you are putting all the responsibility on her for ending your relationship. But you can't do that to your friends.
How to stay friends with your ex-girlfriend?
If the breakup was your initiative, then find out from your current girlfriend (if you, of course, have not yet broken up with her) how she feels about friendship between a man and a woman after the breakup of their relationship, in what cases she considers it acceptable. There is no need to ask about this directly. Ask her questions indirectly. What does it mean?
You can find a film in which the characters broke up but remained on friendly terms. For example, this is the series “The Big Bang Theory”. Watch a movie with a girl, and then casually ask how she feels about this outcome of events. There is another option. Tell about your friends (you can talk about fictional acquaintances) that they broke up some time later, but continue to be friends. Test the waters and you will see how to proceed and how to deal with your ex-girlfriend.
There is another option that both partners want to end the relationship, but cannot decide to tell each other about it. This is, of course, the ideal situation. With it, the chances are very high that you will remain friends immediately after breaking up, as soon as you clarify all the nuances. But you still need to be able to feel this moment and tactfully express your feelings.
Is there a future for a relationship with an ex?
It depends on a combination of factors. It is important for what reason the breakup occurred. If a guy cheated on his girlfriend, most of the blame for the breakup will lie with him. Then he should convince her that he has changed, and this will not happen again.
The main thing is a sincere intention to keep your promise.
Relationships in which there was physical violence or fighting are usually called toxic . After this, partners often don’t want to hear about each other. Starting their personal life with a clean slate will be much better for them.
If the breakup was the fault of the ex herself, it all depends on two factors: whether she wants to return, and how great the guy’s desire to forgive her. There is no need to talk about renewing a love relationship if the girl herself does not talk about it and she is quite happy with her new life.
When the cause of a breakup is minor minor conflicts , domestic troubles or a financial issue, both people who want to try to restore their love have to work on the relationship. A strong couple is always the result of cooperation between two people who do not consider it shameful to meet each other halfway.
Unsuccessful relationship with ex
Ex-girlfriend as an alternate airfield
This option is not suitable for honest men, because you will have to deceive your ex-girlfriend. The meaning of this strategy probably doesn’t need to be explained to anyone. Relationships are maintained so as not to be lonely until someone better comes along on the horizon to be your beloved wife. The ex-woman should be on a short leash, even if she already has a new man. Cruel, isn't it? This strategy really works, no special tricks are needed here, everything is extremely simple, although it seems dubious.
How to keep a girl as a backup option?
In order for any girl, not just an ex, to become a transit point, you need to do everything exactly the opposite of the first strategy. This will make her think that you still have some feelings for her.
1. Remind your ex-girlfriend about yourself more often. Not only calls or messages, but also go somewhere together, for example, for a walk or to the cinema. It would be a direct hit if you invite her to go to a place that is special to you. For example, this could be the nightclub where you first met. At the same time, do not forget to call the girl affectionate nicknames. Even if she was the initiator of the breakup, she will still think about the correctness of her decision. Especially if you dedicate poetry to your ex-girlfriend. It doesn’t matter whether you write them yourself or copy them from the Internet, she will appreciate it.
2. Meet your ex-girlfriend on your turf from time to time. You can invite her to your home to watch a movie alone or to a party with friends and alcohol. We all know what alcohol leads to - sex. And this is what is needed to maintain a relationship. Intimate connection does not allow women to forget the time when you were together. After several such meetings, the time will come when the ex-girlfriend will be the first to remind you of herself. If your ex-girlfriend suddenly calls you, don’t hesitate to pick up the phone, maybe she has an interesting offer for you, there’s no need to overprice yourself.
3. Congratulate your ex-girlfriend on your memorable dates. Of course, you may not remember them, but you can get any information in a conversation. As if by chance, feel nostalgic: “Do you remember, once upon a time, you and I...”, and she will most likely say exactly when that was. Usually girls remember dates. Then you can save a reminder of this wonderful event in your phone, and then offer to celebrate it somewhere. The result, as they say, will be obvious.
4. Say that you would make a great couple. Remember your disagreements, what you quarreled about. On occasion, tell your ex-girlfriend that if it weren’t for them, everything would be fine with you. This technique with the particle “would” gives hope that it is still possible to correct the mistakes of the past and start the relationship anew.
What does an unfinished relationship lead to?
First of all, having sex with ex-partners is not so bad if it is accompanied by honest expression of intentions on both sides. You already know what your loved one loves and what they hate. There is no need to waste time and energy on courtship and foreplay; a meeting can be scheduled even during a lunch break at work. Plus, memories of previous bright days linger longer in the memory than discontent and resentment. During sex with your ex-girlfriend, it may even seem like breaking up was the stupidest of ideas.
However, there are much more reasons to refrain from meeting those women whom you have already once placed in waste material. Let's talk about each of them in a little more detail.
- Inability to build new trusting relationships. This applies to such a subtle moment when you don’t put much meaning into sex, and your past love still cherishes the hope of a reunion. In this case, she makes every effort to show her superiority over other women. Cunning and tricks are used. You may think that this is a harmonious family - she listens to you, understands you and even accepts you in her bed. At the same time, it does not demand a report, as it was before, and does not create scandals. As a result, the same binding and attempts to take control will still begin.
- Danger of infection. It’s great to trust, but it’s also better to check. You think that she is faithful to you, just like during the classic relationship. But this may not be the case. Therefore, you should not discard thoughts about safety and protect yourself.
- Inhibition of personal development. To find a person with whom you want to build a strong, full-fledged family, we all need to pay attention to our personal development. Often, by entering into regular intimate relationships with an ex, a man stops growing personally. There is a woman whom he suits. There is no need to put in effort and work on yourself. Thus, negative motivation is formed. This has a detrimental effect on relationships with the opposite sex, and even on professional activities.
- Emotional swing. Even when you've discussed that sex is now your only point of contact. You don’t interfere in each other’s lives and exist completely separately. All the same, an emotional shake-up occurs, because it is absolutely impossible to completely abstract from the time when you belonged to each other. In any case, someone will start to be jealous or worried. It is very difficult to hide negativity for a long time.
The conclusion is this: if you really want to and this is the best option so far, then do it. The main thing is to discuss all possible pitfalls in advance and define personal boundaries; sex with an ex-boyfriend or girlfriend is definitely not always easy. Our advice is that you shouldn’t drag around the burden that you once decided to leave in the past.
What not to do if your ex-girlfriend is an alternate airfield?
1. Don’t lie that you don’t have anyone if you’re already dating a new woman. Otherwise it will backfire on you. For example, you are walking with your new lover, and suddenly you meet your ex-girlfriend. Awkward situation, right? At best, you will only lose your ex-girlfriend. At worst, you won’t have a relationship with any of them if your ex-girlfriend tells your new one about your adventures. And some girls are like that, yes.
On the contrary, if you are honest and do not hide the appearance of a new girlfriend, you will only benefit from it. Firstly, your ex-girlfriend will be jealous. Especially if you tell her how good your new lover is. Secondly, you can hint to your ex-girlfriend that your relationship was wonderful. Let your ex be aware of your new relationship, tell how you two spend time together, but say that everything was wrong for you and you miss the times when you were together.
2. Never introduce your ex to a new girl. The consequences can be very different. Your ex-girlfriend may think you're just friends since you're introducing her to her. Sometimes there are comical situations. The girls will talk and unite against you, and you will be left with nothing.
Only sex with an ex-girlfriend: why not an option?
No matter what the girl says, sooner or later sex with you will not be enough for her; she will begin to claim the role of your friend or even wife. And here it doesn’t matter whether you discussed this moment with her or not. Such relationships will eventually end, it's a matter of time. Maybe a few weeks will pass, or maybe a few years. Nobody will give any guarantees.
What not to do if you only have sex with your ex-girlfriend?
Don't talk about your new passion if even your ex-girlfriend knows that you are dating someone. Your ex-girlfriend most likely already has doubts about your relationship, and in this way you will only increase her doubts about this, and she will decide to end the relationship. Or she may become very jealous and will do everything to eliminate her rival. And she will definitely find words for your new woman, how and what to write. Your ex-girlfriend will be offended that she is not suitable for the role of your life partner.
It’s up to you to decide what to do with your ex-girlfriend: be friends with her, have only sex, or not communicate at all.
Question:
Hello.
A little about myself and my ex. We have an age difference of 8 years, we lived in a civil marriage for 4 years, we have an apartment, a car, I earn average money, but it was enough for us. Everything with us was measured, we met with friends once a week. Yes, we lived a rather boring life and, accordingly, there were not enough bright sensations. In terms of sex, it’s also not very good, in the last year and a half, the desire for her has weakened, on average we spent once or twice a week in bed. I understood that we had an age difference and she needed entertainment, so in the first two years I was patient with her going to clubs. At first they went together quite often, but later he kept her company less often. I couldn’t come to terms with her partying in the middle of the work week, because of which I couldn’t go to work the next day, I couldn’t understand this, to what extent I had to not control myself, that knowing what the party would lead to, I could still continue.
I tried to reason with her, talked to her, but it was all useless, she seemed to agree with everything, understand that this path leads to degradation and again everything is in a circle. But time passed and I thought that with age my brain would start working, I was no longer a teenager, but my behavior did not change.
Recently it has become even worse, about a year ago at another party I found some drinking buddies and now it’s no longer clubs, but just drinking at night has become more frequent, before once every month or two, now it has reached 2 times a month, binge drinking on weekdays .
Over the course of this year, her “friends” have already turned into binge alcoholics and seem to be dragging my ex along with them. He cited them as an example of what her behavior would lead to, but as usual during a conversation there was agreement/understanding, but in reality she seemed to think that this would happen with someone but not with her. My attempt to break off relations with her new acquaintances failed. In general, time passed and it became worse, the behavior did not change with age, and after another binge and a useless conversation about the dangers of drunkenness and the consequences, I gave an ultimatum, next time to pack my things.
The next time unfortunately happened 
Now almost 3 months have passed since the breakup, I found another girl, but my ex is still calling. She never got a job, she says that she has lost the meaning of life, she doesn’t want to live anymore, she loves me and promises to improve.
I feel sorry for her, because... If you leave her alone, she will eventually drink herself to death and turn into a homeless person. In general, it was convenient for me to live together with her, except for the spree, everything suited me about her. Now, dating a girl, I think that it’s probably not my thing, or I’m just used to my old life.
Now the thought of resuming the relationship pops up, but I’m afraid that she is not able to improve and after a while she will go out again, but I don’t want to waste time checking again, it’s time to have children. So I’m thinking about what to do, give it another chance or not think about her self-destruction and stay with the new girl and build a family.
