How to improve family relationships: 5 tips for getting out of conflict

In this article we will tell you how you can avoid conflict and what methods exist for this.

In any relationship, be it business or personal, conflicts always arise. For some they happen more often, for others less often, but in any case they happen. Those who work with people usually encounter conflicts most often. The most unpleasant moment in any such situation is negativity, and there are also aggressive attacks. Of course, it’s easier not to get involved in quarrels at all, but sometimes this simply cannot be done. What to do in this case? How to behave? Let's find out.

How to avoid conflict - 10 points: rules

To understand how to avoid conflict, use special rules. You shouldn't use them all at once. Start small. Choose one and master it. The main thing is that the rule eventually becomes a skill. You will understand this when you start using it without a reminder, automatically.

How to avoid conflicts?

Learn to hold back . Look at the situation from the outside. Think about something positive, like watching a movie. Yes, I feel sorry for the main character, but he is him, and therefore you can objectively assess the situation.
Don't beat yourself up . Think about why you are so worried about what happened and sort out your feelings.
Choose a time to talk . Never talk to an irritated, hungry or drunk person. You will just quarrel once again and no constructive dialogue will come out.
Eliminate causes, not consequences . Think carefully about what caused the conflict. Discuss this particular moment, not the quarrel. This will allow you to solve problems much faster.
Don't remember the past . Focus on the current situation. If you constantly cling to the past, the conflict will be very strong. Well, reconciliation will definitely not follow.
Don't accumulate problems . As soon as a problem appears, solve it immediately. Don't wait until there are a lot of them. If the problem is already closed, then do not return to it again.
Don't hold grudges . If you are offended, then say so calmly and without hysterics. Don't carry anything with you. As soon as you speak out, you will feel better and the resentment will go away. Actually, this is how you prevent the start of a scandal.
Don't insult anyone . This is very important if you want to avoid conflict. Remember, any insult is the cause of a new quarrel.
Don't be sarcastic or ironic . Often it is not even the words that offend the interlocutor, but the tone in which they are spoken.
Don't throw a tantrum . Hysteria is a form of human manipulation. Although this is a very effective weapon, the problem will still not be solved, even if you achieve your goal.

If you constantly have to be in an environment where conflicts constantly occur, you simply must master conflict-free communication skills.

If you can't be friends mentally, you can be friends tactilely

This means that the lack of mutual understanding does not exclude physical contact. In each of us, no matter what, there remains a “puppy” attachment to our parents, which means we need affection on a biological level. Approach this moderately selfishly: do not deny yourself hugs and kisses from your parents. At least later you won’t have to regret the missed opportunity. You may not become closer psychologically, but hugs that children need (regardless of their age) are beneficial. Surely parents won’t mind this either.

In the phrase “you can’t refuse love,” everyone puts their own comma. Based on personal experience, I understood a simple thing: no matter how difficult it is sometimes to understand each other, the physical presence of parents in our lives is like a light in the window of a house. And no matter what happens between us, the valuable thing is that this fire is still burning.

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How to avoid conflicts in the family: ways

Important qualities against conflicts
In a family, conflicts are very unpleasant. After all, you have to quarrel with loved ones. How to avoid conflict with them and maintain harmony in relationships?

There are several rules that will help you avoid conflict:

Be interested in each other

To make your relationship happy, you should always try to get to know your loved one better. Be interested in everything - interests, hobbies, work, and even just how your day went.

You should learn not only the person's strengths, but also try to learn about his weaknesses. Anyone who is busy only with themselves or their problems cannot fully communicate with people, much less with their own spouse.

Listen to each other

This is a very valuable quality in a relationship. Everyone can speak and listen, but not everyone can hear. For example, when a husband is tired at work and comes home, and his wife dumps all the news on him at once, then there will be no mutual understanding in such a family. The man will be alone with his thoughts.

In this case, the wife should first allow her husband to speak and only then talk about her own affairs.

Talk about what interests your husband

The golden rule of conflict prevention
In addition to the ability to listen, it is important to understand that you are interested in what the interlocutor is saying. And even more important is to understand it.

Don't criticize each other

Often it is criticism that becomes the reason for conflict. After all, if we ourselves begin to criticize, we receive the same thing in response. Remember that no one is perfect. Think about it, you also have shortcomings. If criticism can take place, then only in a positive format, and it is definitely important to look for something to express praise for.

Don't order

Nobody likes a commanding tone, because it reminds of responsibilities, and after all, marriage is a union where both people are equal. Therefore, orders cause resistance. To avoid this, formulate a question or request from the order.

Learn to admit mistakes

If this is done on time, then many quarrels and conflicts simply will not begin. The ability to understand and, most importantly, recognize one’s own weaknesses is a sign of a mature person. It also helps to manage conflict situations.

Praise each other

How to prevent conflict?
People always express dissatisfaction, but they forget about praise. You can idealize your partner a little and talk about him as if he is your ideal.

Get into each other's shoes

We often do not notice what is happening inside our partner. For example, a wife spends the entire evening preparing dinner and thinks about how her husband will like it. And he comes nervous, refuses to eat, or picks at it and pushes the plate away. The wife will consider her husband inattentive and will be offended. But troubles could happen to him at work, too. Ultimately, both will be offended because they did not understand each other.

Always put yourself in your partner's shoes to understand him. Look at the situation through his eyes.

Do not quarrel

A quarrel will never solve the problem, but will only make it worse. No, there is no need to remain silent, but there is no need to openly object either. When we tell a person that he is bad, that is what he considers himself to be. It becomes unpleasant for him and he closes himself off from all words. So, even if you are right, never blame anyone or swear.

Smile more often

Having a fight with someone who is always smiling and friendly is very difficult. A good mood is contagious and you will definitely be reciprocated. Kindness allows you to defuse the situation and relieve tension.

How to get out of a conflict situation with parents?

A bad relationship with our mother or father poisons our lives. It is almost impossible to stop thinking about this, because a person needs the love and understanding of loved ones not only in childhood. If a problem exists, then it must be solved. How to improve relationships with parents and no longer argue:

Understand that all parental actions have positive intentions. Instructions and condemnations from a father or mother are most often the result of their concern for their child. This form of communication, of course, is not entirely correct, but they simply do not know how to do it any other way. Try to perceive them more loyally and ask a specific question: “You want to support me now, and not piss me off, right? Let's try to have a more positive dialogue."
Thank you for your concern. Often parents lack positive assessment of their actions. Say that you are grateful for everything they do for you. What do you see, how mom and dad take care of you. It is possible that there will be fewer tense moments and total control in your life.
Accept that for your parents you will always remain a child. Stop proving your maturity by starting a riot on the ship. Conflicts between parents and their children often happen out of nowhere. You won't change your mom and dad's attitude if you argue with them. To reduce their worries, show that you are a truly responsible and serious person.
Talk less about your personal life. If you don't like it when your parents constantly interfere in your life, just introduce them less. Sometimes it turns out that you are in a bad mood sharing your experiences, and this is followed by everyday questions about the situation. Prevent this, don’t say too much to your parents: they know less, sleep better.
Call and come often. As adults, we no longer need parental warmth as much, and we forget to show attention to loved ones. Naturally, this causes concern among parents: they feel undeservedly forgotten and abandoned, and begin to swear over trifles. Many people are concerned about this question: “I have a bad relationship with my mother, what should I do now?” To solve it, start small: communicate with your mother as often as possible and inquire about her affairs.
Find out what exactly parents need to be happy. Sometimes asking a simple question and getting a clear answer to it is much easier than being lost in guesswork. How to improve your relationship with your mother? Find out from her what she is not happy with and what she would like to change. This way you will reach a compromise faster.

How to avoid conflicts at work: ways

How to avoid conflict at work?
There are also situations when quarrels arise at work. How to avoid conflict with colleagues and is it really possible to do this at all?

There are several ways to behave in a conflict situation:

Rivalry . When both or one side perceives the dispute as a battle. This method is very tough, because often people prove their opinion to the last. If a person goes for this, then it is unlikely that he will stay in the team for a long time, because a lot of energy goes into war.
Device . This is how people behave who find it easier to forget about their own interests in order to simply maintain peace in the team. This strategy allows you to resolve minor disputes. If you need to conduct important negotiations, then when using this technique, partners will lose respect. Moreover, such behavior does not always come from the heart.
Avoidance . A person simply moves away from the argument, hoping that it will subside on its own. Minor problems will, of course, be resolved, but serious problems will have to be discussed.
Compromise . Learn to negotiate. This will help you not only avoid conflict, but also achieve what you want, even if not in full.
Cooperation . Both sides win here too. A wise move, but it's not for everyone.

As we can see, there really are ways to resolve conflicts and avoid them at work. But you must understand that the best way is still to talk with the enemy. Yes, it may be unpleasant, but it will help solve many problems.

Causes of conflicts

Even the most experienced parents are unlikely to be able to completely avoid conflict situations. But behaving correctly under the circumstances helps move the relationship to a new level of trust.

Let's first figure out what could cause possible misunderstandings and quarrels.

Authoritarian parenting and parental dominance in relationships with the child. This refers to a style of parenting when adults impose their views on a child, deprive them of choice, and force them to behave in a certain way. Such upbringing excludes a trusting and respectful attitude towards the child.
Too soft upbringing. Here we are talking about the other extreme. When adults raise a child in conditions of permissiveness, they do not know how to resist his desires and whims and set restrictions. Under the influence of overprotection, the child grows up spoiled and selfish. But one day, going outside, he realizes that these rules do not apply outside the house. Not all people are ready to indulge his desires. This can also turn the child against their elders.

Manifestations of conflicts

How can you recognize when a situation is starting to get out of control? Let's look at a few warning signs and situations that can lead to difficult consequences:

Reluctance to talk to each other.
Indifferent attitude of parents.
Excessive control from adults.
Lack of communication between parents and child.
Disrespectful attitude towards the interests of the child.

How to avoid conflict: tips

Avoiding conflict: a diagram
Today it is becoming increasingly difficult to avoid conflicts. Often you have to gain wisdom and patience in order to live peacefully with others. How to avoid conflict so that you don’t have to quarrel with anyone and not offend anyone?

There are some tips from psychologists:

It is important to anticipate and accept conflicts . You must calculate all possible risks in advance, because conflict often causes stress, which is harmful to health.
Try to avoid getting into the center of a conflict . Sometimes people begin to intervene in someone else's conflict in order to help. This is actually incorrect behavior. Other people will figure out their own relationships and find solutions, but if you intervene, you may end up being guilty.
Be kinder . When they try to take you out, treat the person as kindly as possible, instead of starting a conflict with him. There are many conflicts in life, and therefore it is important to find a way to deal with them. Kindness is the best defense against negativity. In addition, dispute resolution skills are highly valued.
Be a peacemaker . Those who love peace try not to get involved in conflict. If peace and love reign in your heart, then you are invincible. Peacekeepers never show harmful emotions. They are always calm. Even if you don’t have such a skill, you can always develop it.
Take a walk . When a conflict is brewing and you clearly see it, then go for a walk. You need to take your mind off the stress and calm down. When the emotions subside, you will be ready to talk without shouting and reproaches.
Get rid of drama and negativity . Try to avoid situations where someone gets angry or dramatic because they are the main people who destroy self-esteem and dignity. By the way, they can have a big impact on your mental state. For some people, adding drama to a situation is like air. Just exclude people from your surroundings and you will begin to perceive the world normally.
Avoid provocateurs . This is one of the most effective methods of conflict prevention. There are a lot of people around who are only too happy to make a fuss. If you meet such a person, then under no circumstances pay attention to provocations.

Conflicts and quarrels always cause stress, and this can have a bad effect on health. So try to always behave kindly and not get involved in arguments with people just like that.

The second model is concessions

In this case, you should not confuse this with a situation where it is better to remain silent if your partner is overly emotional.

Concessions, especially from women, are the key to long, strong relationships.

Sometimes it's better to give in than to let little things ruin your relationship. But by repeatedly choosing the tactic of concessions in situations when your partner is clearly wrong or you believe that he is wrong, you thereby develop in a person the qualities of a tyrant and a despot.

Children often find themselves in the role of a despot, whose parents, trying to give them a cloudless childhood, indulge their whims.

When dealing with the second model of behavior, do not forget that your partner’s interests are important, but you also have your own. And there is no need to sacrifice them for the sake of someone’s despotism.

A relationship will never be harmonious if one of the parties suffers and constantly gives in to the will of the other. Even if you have already spoiled your loved one with constant concessions, it is never too late to say no. You just need to do this gently so that the person can adapt.

What to do for men whose fathers were not proud of them in childhood

I must say, this useful knowledge works especially well in the case of men who, all their lives, have been yearning to hear the magic words from their fathers: “I’m so proud of you, son.” Men who were not admired by their dads as children tend to experience severe deprivation; and those who had it, with bated breath, want to relive those sweet moments of childhood, although, unfortunately, they cannot be returned. That's why, if someone wants to see a grown man cry, you just need to ask him to talk about his father.

One patient I remember in particular, a rock star—let's call him John—achieved great success in life primarily because he desperately wanted his father's approval. But nothing—neither “golden” discs, nor money, nor public recognition—could force him to openly express pride in his son. In our sessions, I recommended that John become a father to his father and, accordingly, a grandfather to himself, but he was too proud to take this advice.

And then his father had a stroke. And John was called to look after him. For several days he spoon-fed the once strong man, and his son's heart began to soften. One day, while helping the old man get dressed for his seventy-sixth birthday party, John said, “Well, you’re another year older, another year wiser.” “A year older, yes, but with wisdom it’s doubtful...” the father sighed sadly.

John was shocked to the core. His father had never uttered such self-deprecating words in his entire life. And at that moment, watching the old man fiddling with his shoelaces, John remembered that his father was raised by brothers and sisters; that as a child he was more deprived of his father's love than John himself. And when my father finally finished tying his shoelaces, he said, “Great, Dad, I’m proud of you.”

The old man's eyes filled with tears. And he whispered the words that meant more to John than all the Grammy Awards: “I’m proud of you, too. You are a good son".

First we are children to our parents, then parents to our children, then parents to our parents, and then children to our children.

Milton Greenblatt, MD