I don’t want to go anywhere to study, I’m afraid of people and don’t want to

Causes

The solution to this problem should begin with finding out the reasons for this unexpected behavior.

For the first time

If a child does not want to go to kindergarten just today and has expressed such a desire for the first time, parents can take the following steps to find out the reasons:

1. Don't swear, don't shout, don't force anyone to do anything.
2. Calmly and kindly ask why he doesn’t want to go to kindergarten. In 50% of cases, the answer will contain the truth - you just need to recognize it among poorly delivered speech and the inability to express your thoughts and emotions.
3. Check the temperature, throat, ask how he feels. One of the reasons is illness.
4. The other is a simple lack of sleep. Analyze what time he went to bed in the evening, how he slept, and whether he woke up early.
5. Admit to yourself whether you provoked a child’s bad mood: you forced him to eat semolina porridge he didn’t like, scolded him for not tidying up his toys.
6. If the reason is not found at home, ask the teacher what happened in the group yesterday that the child does not want to go to kindergarten today.

It is difficult for adults to understand that such isolated children’s protests can be based on the most insignificant (from their point of view) little things. The reason could be anything: I saw rain outside the window, remembered a sad cartoon, accidentally bumped into someone, or simply wants to stay at home and play with my favorite toys... If you have a trusting relationship with your child, you will certainly understand what is happening to him and why he is protesting .

Regularly

It’s a completely different matter when a child is hysterical almost every day and doesn’t want to stay in kindergarten. Here the point is no longer that he doesn’t feel well or didn’t get enough sleep. The reason is probably much more serious and requires a more thorough investigation by the parents.

Psychologists name 5 main factors.

Reason 1. Young age

It is not for nothing that the entire public is split into two opposing camps. Those who say that children under 3 years old should not be sent to kindergarten, and their opponents are supporters of early socialization. Most psychologists are inclined to believe that before this period the child’s psyche is still too fragile. She cannot withstand such a change of situation - hence the hysterics and protests.

Reason 2. Mental characteristics

A factor that concerns both those who have not yet turned 3 years old and those who are older. Determined by the individual characteristics of the child’s psyche. There are introverted, autistic, and indigo children (just not as pronounced). They feel more comfortable at home or alone. They have difficulty making contact. Can't stand noise.

Reason 3. Social maladjustment

Some children don't know how to communicate, so they don't want to go every morning to a place where they don't have a relationship with someone. They do not participate in games, are aggressive, provoke conflicts themselves, do not listen to anyone, and are not friends with anyone. And these are not mental characteristics at all, as in the previous case. Their parents simply didn’t teach them this at the time. They hid their child within the four walls of the house, like a wondrous flower, and then plucked him and sent him into an alien environment with strangers with whom he did not know how to behave.

Reason 4. Conflict

An extremely unpleasant factor that definitely should not be left to chance. Firstly, a child may be offended by his peers in kindergarten - because of his appearance, some action, an isolated incident. Sometimes the aggressor is some Vasya Pupkin - the “leader” of a children’s gang, an unquestioned “authority”, but in fact just an impudent, ill-mannered and rude boy. Less often, a child becomes an outcast from the whole team.

It also happens that the relationship with the teacher does not work out. Or she has an authoritarian teaching style, she is strict and demanding. Or she took out her antipathy or bad mood on the baby. Or he himself doesn’t accept anyone except his parents and doesn’t want to go to someone else’s aunt.

Reason 5. Lack of parental love

The most unpleasant reason is one that parents are unlikely to admit to themselves. If mom and dad are busy all day at work and spend catastrophically little time with the baby, he will realize that he is abandoned and lonely. This feeling gets worse when I have to go to kindergarten. It seems to him that he is being sent there forever. He is afraid that they will not come back for him. Hence the hysterics, tears, rolling on the floor, heartbreaking screams. This also happens in families where parents are in a state of divorce.

Psychologists strongly advise parents to carefully read these factors and apply them to their situation. Perhaps you didn’t even know about the true reason for your baby’s behavior.

The child does not walk on his own: diagnosis or reluctance

There are nuances in mastering walking skills that affect the desire to move independently. Most often, the problem is not a consequence of any pathology. The individual characteristics of the baby matter. For example, premature babies usually begin to walk 2–3 months later than their peers. Sometimes the reason should be sought in the behavior of parents and the psychological climate of the family. But you need to make sure that serious illnesses do not interfere with walking without support. Consultation with specialists will help you understand this issue.

Dr. Komarovsky states: usually the delay is not due to the fact that the child cannot walk, but to the lack of desire to do so. And the best help in this case is to leave the baby alone and wait until he wants to move independently.

If a child can stand independently without support, can walk holding a finger, this means that the child does not have any pathology - neither neurological nor orthopedic (especially since medical specialists do not find any cause for concern).
Consequently, your problem lies not in the physical area, but in the psychological area. And this is true: it’s scary to walk on your own, and it’s simply more convenient to crawl. Doctor Komarovsky

Why the child does not want to walk: reasons - table

What to do

What advice would a psychologist give to the parents of those children who sabotage their trip to kindergarten?

Eliminate the cause

First find out the cause and then try to eliminate it. If you don’t manage to do this, you’ll end up toiling in the morning with children’s screams and hysterics.

How to eliminate temporary causes:

• listen to your child’s complaints and help him solve the problem;
• at the first indisposition, undergo a course of treatment in a timely manner, excluding illness as one of the reasons for reluctance to go to kindergarten;
• ensure proper sleep: the preschooler should go to bed at 21.00, the deadline is 22.00; before bedtime - no entertainment or exciting games;
• control yourself, don’t lose your temper in the morning, don’t swear, don’t become the cause of a bad mood;
• together with the teacher, try to find out what happened the day before in the group and resolve any misunderstandings.

How to eliminate persistent causes:

• do not send to kindergarten until the age of 3;
• consult with a psychologist (or even a psychotherapist) about the mental characteristics of your child, who are different from others (we are talking about introverts, indigos, autists);
• teach your child to communicate: play role-playing games, go to visit, play on playgrounds with other children;
• delicately but persistently resolve conflict situations with “your navels” and rude teachers;
• give your child enough attention, openly show him love, do not rush to push him into the group while rushing to work;
• Convince your baby with love and affection that you will never abandon him either in kindergarten or anywhere else;
• Even during a divorce, parents must take care that it does not in any way affect the psychological state of the child.

Calm down

Finding out and eliminating the factors that cause hysterics in every second family in the morning is, of course, effective and good. But not so fast at all. And now, right at this moment, at 7.30, everyone is late for work, nervous and frustrated. And something urgently needs to be done with a child rolling on the floor in snot and tears, who flatly refuses to get dressed and leave the house.

So what should you do if you have tantrums every day in the morning before going to kindergarten?

1. Create a warm, friendly atmosphere in the morning so that the child does not think about bad things. Prepare a delicious breakfast. Smile, hug him.
2. If it is not prohibited in the kindergarten, allow him to take his favorite toy with him.
3. Give a “piece of mom” with you: put candy, a medallion, or a small toy from Kinder Surprise in your pocket.
4. Tell a fairy tale about a mother's magical kiss that protects her beloved son (daughter) all day.
5. As soon as tears appear in your eyes, distract them - tell them something funny, ask them, point to something outside the window or in the sky.
6. If you cannot avoid crying, do not shout or raise your voice. Say that you are sad about this behavior. Now I have to quit my job to stay at home. This means there will be no money for ice cream, movies and new toys.
7. Motivate: tell him that if he is smart, a surprise awaits him in the evening.
8. During a tantrum, the main rule is not to follow the child’s lead. If persuasion doesn't help, ignore it. Silently get dressed for work, pretending that you are about to leave.

If a child, not wanting to go to kindergarten, cries in the morning, try this algorithm of actions. He will calm down - stop thinking about bad things - listen to his mother and still go to the group.

“I don’t want to go to school...”

Every morning begins with a little shock: “HOW?!” ALREADY?!". Yes, it’s 07.10, and that means that’s it, we’ve arrived, we have to get up and wake up the angry child. Outside the window there is a peek. I sit on the bed and think that in the case of school they are not working. Dress up like two zombies underwater. Thank you, children get breakfast at school. Taking advantage of my condition, Masha puts another spoonful of sugar into the tea. At least I notice one. “Sugar has a lot of energy,” she says in the voice of a sleepyhead from a teapot. It takes about 10 minutes to walk to school. It takes longer in the snow. I almost always carry the briefcase. If you google this question, it turns out that, according to various sources, a first-grader’s backpack cannot be heavier than 1.5-2.5 kg with all the junk. To this end, at one time it was proposed to divide textbooks into two parts to make them easier. Divided, each part was printed in an enlarged format, on good paper, in a laminated cover. The same thing happened, but twice.

Diary - remember, it was like a thick notebook? Now this is also a hardcover book. In addition to textbooks, you need to carry all sorts of fancy things like boxes with wooden counting material. Remember the Soviet homemade cash register of numbers, letters and syllables? In general, before, not only was the water wetter, but also the cash register of numbers was easier... And there were no “printed notebooks” - a hybrid of a notebook and a textbook. One day, in a rage, I weighed my briefcase on a typical Tuesday: 4 and a half kilos...

I’m carrying a briefcase, Masha is swinging a bag of shoes and a bag of gym uniform. There are sneakers there, after five minutes she starts creaking, which makes her uncomfortable, I take the bag and carry it.

On Friday the bag was replaced by skis. I immediately carried the skis and boots. But the gymnast encouraged through Masha that “if the weather is unclear, bring both skis and uniform.” Fuck her. If the weather is unclear, I won’t take anything. I'm a sleepyhead too, I want to go to the teapot...

Lord, it’s the middle of the day, and I really want to sleep... This mode is completely not for me. And in the evening after work, the second shift is checking lessons. At first I approached this liberally: don’t you want to do your homework? No need to. Explain yourself later. But the recent “sadness” and “hormone” showed that this is the wrong method. You need to look into the lessons. But it's no use. When Masha says: “How to write a yacht - with a green square with two antennae?”, I can only intelligently ask: “What?”

Instead of learning to write and read, first graders dissect words. I don’t know which of them is interested in the fact that the word “yacht” is represented by five squares, some of them are green, some are blue, there are also red ones and somewhere on top there is a bell, and perhaps something else, but I’m just afraid to go deeper. Because I want to sleep from morning to evening and don’t want to go to school.

But there are also joys. At our school there is a “flight class” - some kind of simulator, and children are taken there as an after-school program. The idea is that by the end of school they will be able to fly an airplane. Yesterday Masha sadly said that, yes, she went there for the first time, and her fighter fell and exploded. The girl had a busy day. The fighter was killed during an after-school program. This alone is worth getting up at 07.10.

Excessive demands

Even the most loving partners can destroy harmony through excessive demands. Therefore, if in your relationship there is pedantry, big claims, sarcasm and other negative manifestations of hidden aggression, this is a very alarming bell. A person from whom too much is demanded feels extremely uncomfortable. This can lead not only to an emotional mental breakdown, but also to deterioration in physical health. This is why it is very important not to allow your significant other to behave this way. It is also worth controlling your behavior and not allowing your chosen one to suffer.

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How to help a child and teach him to walk without support: advice from psychologists

The correct behavior of parents will help a child develop the ability to walk independently. If the baby does not want to move without support at all, and doctors have not identified any abnormalities in him, do not worry. After all, in this matter the norm is individual for everyone. Don’t rush, don’t swear, don’t force, but rather ensure proper physical and emotional development, try to teach walking using the advice of psychologists.

1. Imitation and curiosity are characteristic of children. It's worth taking advantage of this. Get your little one interested, let him want to get up and go to reach a beautiful and bright toy. Look for opportunities to spend more time with him in the circle of peers or older children who already walk well and even run.
2. Do not deprive the baby of independence and ensure freedom of movement. Yes, you feel calmer because he sits in a stroller during a walk. But this will only prevent him from learning to walk.
3. Don't try to restrain him from falling and don't panic if this happens. Without mistakes, nothing can be learned.
4. Do not overuse walkers. Often a child is simply too lazy to move without support, because it is already comfortable for him: he does not need to strain his muscles to come up and take what he wants.

If you interest your baby, this will help provoke him to get up and take at least 2-3 first steps

What to do if your baby suddenly starts to be afraid to walk

Some children, having taken their first steps on time, suddenly begin to experience fear of moving independently. What should parents do in such a situation? Psychologists advise not to panic and not to focus the child’s attention on the problem. There is no need to force him, but you can help him cope with his fear.

1. The main thing is to calm down, not to scold the baby, not to show him your own anxiety, as this can provoke a lack of self-confidence.
2. It is important to devote enough time to the physical development of the baby.
3. Encourage your little one to walk, get him interested in a game or something else that will force him to take steps without support. Try to create a positive emotional field around a problematic topic.
4. If you often take your child for a walk in the company of peers, this will help overcome his fear.

Don't get carried away with baby products like walkers or reins. Some pediatricians, including Evgeny Komarovsky, believe that the balance of benefit and harm when using these gadgets is not always justified. In addition, a child often develops a fear of walkers: he is afraid of such an unknown and large toy or perceives it as a punishment.

Constant presence of children

Some couples forget that they are spouses and partners first, and parents second. Remember how it all began: you fell in love with each other, and then you had children. This is not about not fulfilling your parental responsibilities. The key is to balance time with your kids and alone time with your significant other. We must not forget about romance, care and tenderness towards each other. Then not only you, but also the children will be happy and comfortable in your family.

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What does it mean to work conscientiously?

How to do something that is no longer enjoyable? How to give all your best at work if no one sees or appreciates it anyway?

And the psyche of such people and the entire body as a whole are programmed for full dedication at work, conscientious fulfillment of all obligations, bringing any work to the required, ideal condition.

Working carelessly is not for them. If they have done their job perfectly, they feel happy. And they need so little... Give them the opportunity to feel needed, finish their work calmly and receive the honor and respect they deserve. Even the size of the salary is not that significant. What is more important is stability and a sense of being needed. Therefore, the thought - I don’t want to go to work in the morning - pops up in their minds when they encounter injustice and do not feel recognized.