How to communicate with a teenager over 14 years old? It’s like with a friend – but friends don’t check their diaries. Teenager 14 years old

What happens to a child during adolescence

Adolescence refers to the period from 12 to 17 years. It is at this time that the child’s behavior sharply becomes contradictory, unpredictable and protest. The child’s physical and mental state, his attitude towards himself and the world around him change.

The following aspects are undergoing the most dramatic changes.

Body . During adolescence, the bodies of boys and girls begin to actively produce sex hormones. Because of this, the growth and development of the child’s body is significantly enhanced. There is a sharp growth spurt, body proportions change, and puberty begins. A teenager is no longer a child, but not yet an adult.
Mood . Hormonal surges make a teenager's mood extremely unstable. It changes dramatically for no apparent reason. Joy instantly turns into resentment, euphoria gives way to rage. Not every adult can cope with such leaps.
Relationships with parents . Adults are frightened by the changes happening to their son or daughter. Many people do not understand how to behave correctly and begin to contradict themselves. On the one hand, they continue to tell the teenager what to do in a commanding tone (“sit down and do your homework,” “be home by 9,” “clean up your room,” etc.). And on the other hand, they begin to demand from him adult responsibility and independence (“at your age I was already a candidate for master of sports,” “think about your future yourself,” etc.).

The changes occurring in the child frighten parents. They don’t know how to react to their teenager’s defiant antics, his deliberate rudeness, and reluctance to communicate. But with such behavior the child tries to hide his weaknesses, cope with awkwardness and shyness. He strives with all his might to become an adult and independent.

Therefore, dear parents, it is normal for a teenager if he:

refuses to talk about his day at school;
began to spend more time in the company of friends;
asks not to enter his room without knocking on the door;
prohibits tinkering with his personal belongings (closet, briefcase);
began to study worse;
shirks from household duties;
often changes interests (trying to draw, then take photographs, then play the guitar, then write poetry and songs, etc.);
reacts too emotionally to your comments;
begins to keep a diary (mostly girls 13 years old and older).

The teenager is not doing this out of spite or to spite you. He’s just trying to get to know himself, form his personality, understand what’s happening to him. He no longer cares about school grades or parental approval. What becomes much more important is how he looks, what his status is in the team and how the opposite sex reacts to him.

So, dear parents, be patient and show miracles of wisdom to easily survive this difficult period together with your vulnerable, vulnerable and defenseless teenage child.

Remember yourself at his age: what you were interested in, what you dreamed of, who you were friends with and communicated with, how you spent your free time from school, how you studied at school. Try to feel that state again, at least a little, to experience those emotions. You were just like your teenager. You understand your daughter or son.

This is the most important thing to understand in order to maintain a trusting relationship with your growing child. There is no need to go on the warpath with him, conclude a peace treaty and learn to communicate correctly.

Features of raising boys

A 14-year-old child demands attention and seeks support from his mother or father. But not all parents understand this. In their opinion, in order to raise a real man, you need to make him strong, independent, and able to cope with his problems alone.

The result of such a position is usually disastrous. After all, the child finds himself without support and looks for it anywhere but at home. This is fraught with connections with bad companies, immoral behavior, and this is not the worst of all that can happen to him.

In order for a boy to become a man, it is necessary to pay attention to what the upbringing of teenagers is like, the typical mistakes of parents that can cripple the psyche. Only by excluding them can you raise a boy happy, caring, understanding and courageous.

Therefore, parents should not:

Take the whip method as the basis for education. Nothing good will come of this. By prohibiting a child from everything that his peers have access to, you can give rise to anger in him towards the whole world. In addition to the respect that parents want to instill in him, they will receive hatred and fear. Freed from such guardianship, the boy can go to great lengths to make up for lost time. There will be no positive memories of youth to look back on in old age.
Show excessive care, take care and protect the boy from everything and everyone. This mistake is made by mothers of children who have single-parent families. In this way they try to add the love that the child did not receive from the father. If you don’t stop in time, and this needs to be done before the boy turns 14, then instead of raising a man, you will be able to make the child dependent on his mother, who solves all his problems, deals with offenders, and decides his fate.
Resort to comparison. During adolescence, all children are different. Some people withdraw into themselves, while others become open to everything new. A mistake parents make is constantly comparing their child with their peers. Such attacks can shake self-confidence; the child will begin to imitate the standard and lose himself. In no case should you compare your child; on the contrary, he needs to be instilled with faith that everything will work out for him, he will overcome difficulties, receive an excellent education and become a successful person.
Contradict yourself.
If a father teaches his son to protect girls, to give in to them, but he himself offends and beats his mother in front of his eyes, then the teenager will transfer this model of behavior to his family in the future. The same applies to the teaching of morality, talking about how stealing is bad, while, for example, bringing something from work is illegal.

To raise a son to be a man, you need to show him, using the example of his dad, what he should be. All other arguments will be in vain. After all, they do not correspond to the example that a teenager observes every day.

Rules for communicating with a teenager

Your baby has grown up, he begins to demand respect for himself, and your authority is rapidly falling. Therefore, it’s time to learn the rules of communication with a teenager so as not to lose contact.

No moralizing or falsehood

To the routine question: “How are you?” thrown over your shoulder, you will receive, at best, the same routine answer: “Everything is fine!” This is no longer a 5-year-old kid who was ready to talk non-stop about everything: about his childhood affairs, plans, thoughts, dreams. A teenager's sincerity must be earned by showing him attention and respect.

In addition, most often, instead of words of support, adults rain down long moralizing lectures on the teenager, peppering it with phrases like: “But I’m your age...” or “You didn’t listen to me, so you’re suffering!” Agree that this completely discourages you from continuing communication.

Teenagers are very sensitive and vulnerable. They are angry with their parents for their selfishness, cold indifference, hypocritical moral teachings and sense falsehood very well. The child needs your support, not boring lectures.

To start a conversation, put your phone aside and close your laptop. Nothing should distract you. Look your daughter or son straight in the eyes with tenderness and love, but do not glare at him, otherwise he will suspect something is wrong. Be natural.

Don't interrogate with passion

Many teenagers withdraw into themselves and try not to tell their parents anything or ask them anything. A growing child tries to demonstrate his independence in this way. Prove to yourself and others that you can solve problems yourself. Although in fact during this period he needs his mom and dad even more than in childhood. But fearing misunderstanding from adults, he remains silent and does not ask for advice.

The worst thing you can do in this situation is try to force your daughter or son to talk to you, get angry at him, pester him with questions and surround him with annoying attention. You will definitely receive a heated rebuff. Tension between you will increase, and all this will result in conflict. Trust will be lost. Now he will definitely only go for advice to friends who already mean a lot to him.

If you want to maintain a trusting relationship with your child, learn to respect his personal space and desires. Doesn't want to communicate? Don't force him and don't be offended. Just say that you are always ready to listen to him.

Share your news and plans

You can talk to a teenager on almost any topic. Discuss with your son or daughter your boss, money issues, interesting incidents at work, etc. This will help you not only maintain contact with your child, but also unobtrusively educate him. By discussing various events with a teenager, you will be able to form the right opinion in him and express your positive and negative assessments. If as a child you read bedtime stories to your son or daughter, now move on to real life stories.

Share your plans with your teenager and ask him for advice. This way he will take an active part in your life, learn to make decisions and take responsibility for them, and empathize. Let your son help you choose a new phone, and your daughter help you choose an office outfit. Just be restrained in your assessments. You shouldn’t tear to smithereens what your child has chosen for you. Remember that a teenager is just learning to make decisions.

Learn to actively listen

“Communicate with the child. How?" – this is the name of the book by Soviet and Russian psychologist Yulia Gippenreiter. This is one of the most interesting books about parenting that I have read. One of the techniques proposed by the author is called active listening. It helps well in situations where a child behaves badly or does not comply with your request. This method is very effective when working with children from 4 to 10 years old. But it also works with teenagers. It is important that they hear you!

Instead of asking questions: “When will you finally clean your room?” or “Why don’t you listen to me?”, you just need to say your guess about the reason for bad behavior in an affirmative form.

To make it clearer, I will give an example. For example, a child refuses to clean up the room. Instead of questions and orders, you need to calmly say: “You don’t want to clean up because you’ve been asked a lot at school and you’re very tired.” If you have correctly identified the reason, your son will indignantly confirm this (“Oh, screw it! They asked so much that you don’t want anything at all! There were also 6 lessons”). Surprisingly, after a little time the teenager will still clean his room. He saw that you are not indifferent, you understand how difficult it is for him, and that means you love him.

If you didn’t guess the reason, and your son continues to lie calmly on the bed, ignoring your words, then wait a pause and express the next version of his reluctance to clean up.

When I read about active listening, I didn’t believe that this method worked. Then I decided to try it on my eldest daughter, who refused to put the toys back in their place. It worked! Now I always try to actively listen to my children, but not in order to force them to fulfill my request, but to understand the reason for disobedience and help them cope with it.

Caution - teenager

Library » Educational psychology, Counseling and psychotherapy » How to communicate with a teenager

Introductory part. Adolescence is a difficult and short period. To get through it “without casualties or destruction,” you need to know its features. Be smart and patient.

- Difficult?

- Very!

- Exactly. Who said that being a parent is easy?!

This is the most difficult and responsible work on earth. So, watch out - teenager!

1. To avoid losing trust.

If no one comes up from your computer or responds to your request; if the spirit of freethinking has turned into a spirit of free action and you are completely ignored; if in response to your proposals you hear grins and counter-proposals; if your actions cause sharp criticism, advice - indignation, recommendations - opposition, then your child has grown up. On the way to growing up I became a teenager. This is inevitable, but it has to be taken into account. Therefore, the rules of life need to be changed, otherwise a game will not follow the rules. This is a completely different conversation.

Growing up had to happen at some point. Some parents are luckier, others less so.

The most protest, unpredictable and contradictory behavior arises from twelve to seventeen years of age, with deviations in both directions.

A child’s awareness of his individuality occurs unexpectedly for everyone. And, unfortunately, it is not always painless. Against the background of rapid physical and hormonal changes, one day he does not recognize his appearance, then he is surprised at the motives of his own behavior and train of thoughts. This is a difficult condition.

Rarely does self-revaluation change upward.

Sometimes it ends in self-alienation, depression, neuroses and complexes.

Teenagers experience these conditions extremely painfully. Sometimes it comes to suicide attempts.

Attitude towards yourself is a very subtle and vulnerable feeling.

Even in adults, self-esteem fluctuates from plus to minus every day, but what can we say about a teenager who does not know what to expect from himself. And with what - it’s better not to bother.

During age adjustment, a person, without recognizing himself, gets a “pig in a poke.” Associated with this are seemingly causeless fluctuations in mood, desire, motivation and point of view.

A teenager often “out of the blue” becomes confused, depressed, gloomy, irritable, aggressive or angrily cheerful. These changes occur spontaneously - without his active participation. He really doesn’t understand what’s happening to him, why his mood has deteriorated and everything has become irritating. What do you want and what to expect from yourself in the future.

During this period, communication problems, fears, complex complexes, underestimation and overestimation, doubts, obsessions arise, which often accompany a person for many years.

Parents need to know all of the above so as not to complicate an already difficult period. You need to behave correctly: not to be indignant and offended, but to become especially attentive and tactful.

Phrases like “I heard from a boor”, “our mustache is like dirt under his nose”, “my son has become as lanky as a pole”, “nobody will marry you with acne”, and so on are strictly forbidden.

Adults who have already forgotten their adolescence and do not want to understand what is happening allow themselves to let go of a whole bag of vulgarity. They impose ideas of inferiority on the child, as if he is to blame for the fact that the skin on his face has become problematic, hair has appeared, his voice has broken, and his nose has become swollen.

Dramatic changes in the character and appearance of a child have a good reason and do not concern only him.

It is categorically impossible to leave a person alone with himself during adolescence. As in other periods of life, of course, too.

Therefore, if you notice that the child has changed externally, do not be surprised by the internal changes. What would be more surprising would be their absence.

Be attentive to your child and change with him yourself.

Listen to our advice, which comes from extensive experience communicating with both teenagers and their parents.

As a result of a survey of thirty Moscow schoolgirls aged thirteen to sixteen, we learned that 60% of respondents (18 people) believe that it is better not to tell parents everything, otherwise there will be unnecessary moralizing.

30% (9 people) answered that they used to tell their mother a lot, but now they try not to tell anything.

Only 50% (15 people) of respondents said that in a difficult situation they would turn to their parents for advice, the remaining 50% answered without hesitation that they would only turn to friends.

Only 30% (9 girls) continue to consider mom (8 girls) and dad (one girl) best friends, 30% (9 people) said that they never considered their parents friends. The remaining 40% (12 people) said they were not sure if their parents would be able to understand them!

Parents: attention - trust in you is falling! Change!

Children from wealthy families shared their opinions with us. What can we say about the rest?!

From this we conclude that adolescents require increased informal and constant attention.

Our recommendations are as follows:

1. A teenager does not tolerate baby talk and falsehood. If, standing with your back to him, talking on the phone or doing “work picked up from work” in the evenings, you ask him “how are you?”, then you will hear the same answer - from over your shoulder, empty and meaningless.

A specific, friendly, open and sincere period in a person’s life ended at the age of five to eight, when when asked “how are you doing” he talked about things, about thoughts and plans. Now you can dream about sincerity and earn it in return with sincerity, attention and patience.

2. Don’t be offended by the teenager’s inattention and constant busyness. First, look at yourself. How much time do you devote to him? Secondly, friends for a teenager really mean a lot, if not everything. His friends now have more trust than you. Know this and accept it as an axiom. Otherwise, you will fly into the same percentage of parents who have lost trust completely.

3. Do not ask about anything with partiality, irritability or judgment, especially when you feel tension and resistance in response. Wait a little while for your emotions to calm down.

Make it clear that you are sincerely interested in how the game ended, who won the casting, and what color your friend’s shoes are. Your crown will not fall if you condescend to your child's interests, even if they are not interesting to you.

4. Talk to a person better less, but better: slowly, calmly, restrainedly and with respect. There is no other way - you will “break the wood” of mistrust, which the teenager will not clear away. This will be your “logging”, which will completely crush the remnants of trust.

5. Share your plans with your teenager. Let him criticize you and give naive advice, but he must learn to participate, empathize, make decisions and be responsible for them. Let you become a “guinea pig” and show up to the boss’s party in an acid-colored sweater! But your daughter chose it for you!

6. Ask a person how he feels not only when he gets sick. Many processes occur for the first time in a teenager’s body, talk to him and find out what worries him. Even if six months ago you received a negative answer to your question. Changes happen all the time, so questions need to be updated too. The girl cannot help but be bothered by her swelling breasts, and the boy cannot help but be bothered by his morning emissions. Tell your child what it is. He should learn the physiological details of a maturing organism from you, and not from a “consultant in the back alley.” The same applies to sexual life, which will someday begin, whether we want it or not.

Look at the child's back - few people manage to overcome slouching. Come up with a set of exercises together to unload your back. These exercises won't hurt you either. It's better to do them together. All the best must be demonstrated by personal example. We often demonstrate the worst. The child most often takes out poor nutrition, bad habits, and foul language from the family. To avoid washing dirty laundry in public, try to live in such a way that it doesn’t exist! It’s difficult, of course, but what can you do! We became parents voluntarily.

7. Praise the person more often. For the little things, for the intentions, for the decisions. Of course, you need to criticize. But we don’t need to be taught this. But you often won’t get any praise from us, as if there’s nothing left of us. It is not right.

Support him. Believe me, life is easier with support and approval.

Remember yourself: if your mother smiled after you, then you moved mountains. The cases when reproaches and accusations were thrown at you were remembered for the rest of your life and remained a heavy aftertaste on your soul for the rest of your life.

8. Give the person a light massage at night. Not everyone has the skills professionally, but with light, gentle movements you can independently relieve tension in the neck and back muscles, relieve headaches and emotional stress. At first he will refuse and shudder at your touch, because he is already unaccustomed to it. But try to get “permission”. A person should not forget the warmth of your hands just because he has grown up. Your warmth will warm the soul and allow the child to grow up calm, kind and happy.

Being parents is the hardest job in the world, and no one forced us to do it. We ourselves decided to have children, the children did not ask us about it.

Therefore, be tolerant and loving as when your child first appeared. The teenage period is not long, it will certainly end. Having matured, a person will definitely appreciate your wise behavior and will be grateful for your sensitivity.

2. Talk to your child, talk.

Until recently, my daughter cooed in the evenings from her room, kitchen, and living room. There was a ringing in my ears from her constant soundtrack: retelling school adventures, thoughts about the film, the topic of a new essay, the arbitrariness of teachers and everything in the world. You didn’t have to listen, because she shared her thoughts loudly and literally followed on your heels. It was important for her to dump everything that was filling hers with everything on your head.

The logic of a child: why learn something if you don’t share it with your mother, first of all, with your friend second, and with all of humanity third.

Then summer passed, Dasha turned fifteen years old. Hormonal changes, which began at the age of thirteen, appeared to have taken place by the age of fourteen and a half, but unexpectedly Dasha changed. She was stubborn before. But not to persuade her to go to the theater, call her grandmother or enroll in a course - this has never happened. There were always arguments, methods of persuasion or pressure worked flawlessly, and even if protests arose, they did not influence actions in any way. After some arguing, Dasha agreed to everything.

At first you didn’t pay any attention when she refused a small task. Firm, confident and categorical. There had been verbal refusals before, then, grumbling, she went and did it. And now, for a reason unknown to you, on the day of the performance she said that she would not go anywhere, she would lie on the sofa. She is not interested in the fate of the ticket, because she did not ask to buy it.

She won’t attend language courses either, because she doesn’t want to. You never know what she wanted a year ago!

Let grandma be offended that they didn’t call her. No one was going to offend her.

And such statements rained down one after another! On all fronts! Your plans for your daughter’s education no longer concern you; intentions do not matter; etiquette, education and rules of decency were not written for her. She’s not interested in the teachers’ opinions; she doesn’t care about grades. Time can be wasted. And so on. Receiving such “slaps” every day, you gradually begin to understand that the situation is out of control, you lose your temper, because the obedient, positive, open girl is no longer there. There is a teenager who is frowning, lost in his thoughts, and who is no longer interested in living the way he lived yesterday. He doesn’t know how to live further, so he won’t do anything for now.

And this is not the worst option, because such a person is visible and at least it is known where he does nothing.

Such changes catch many people; this is not an uncommon situation.

Now you are warned about this, which means you are armed.

We will share useful information on how to find the keys to a door slammed in your face.

No need to pester with questions. If on your tenth “why are you silent”, they answer you “I want and I am silent”, this question, like Dasha, can be temporarily left alone. We need to find the best moment. He will definitely be found.

Even a healthy person’s mood is never stable.

It depends on the amount of hormones in a person’s blood. The hormones arrived - the mood increased, after two hours they were used up, the mood from elevated becomes even, then slightly lower, then a new release of hormones occurs into the blood, which again improves the mood.

This is a natural daily cycle (there are also seasonal, age-related, and so on). Some adults either do not notice the cyclicity or notice it, especially in states of fatigue, pain or anxiety. Other adults, on the contrary, are so affected by mood changes that they begin to suffer from it. They develop cyclothymia (from the Greek κύκλος, “circle” and θυμός - “spirit, soul”) - a mental disorder in which a person experiences mood swings between vague depression (perceptibly low mood) and hypomania (excessively elevated mood for no reason). Such people cannot do without the help of a doctor.

During adolescence, distinct cyclical fluctuations in hormone levels appear.

Dasha did not withdraw into herself on her own, she became loaded with internal experiences. A hormonal storm occurs in her body, which the girl prefers to experience quietly and alone. In a few hours she will definitely feel better and be more accommodating. Do not be offended by dry treatment, but watch the child. Start a conversation on abstract topics. The thing that irritates her most in the world right now is herself. So talk about... the dog, the movie, or yourself. Ask for advice about your figure or your taste. Here you risk hearing unpleasant things about a “stupid” skirt and a vulgar haircut. But it’s better to hear this from Dasha than from someone else. Be patient, even if you are told to “take it off immediately.” Now you are solving a global issue - restoring contact lost due to the fault of nature. Let your taste be patient, you will have time to put on a “stupid” jacket.

Or talk about nonsense. Believe me, Dasha needs you. She is not looking for loneliness, she just finds it difficult to communicate. This will definitely pass, just be there and don’t be silent. Speak, Speak.

Dasha will appreciate your intelligence, tact and unobtrusiveness.

Talk to your teenager as if he were an intelligent person whose opinion is important to you. A person will not tolerate falsehood, because he has just come out of childhood - where there were no lies, intrigues, or cynicism.

A teenager enters adulthood without immunity from lies, intrigue and cynicism. He does not yet know how to act in a difficult situation. Therefore, he either does not act at all, or behaves, in our opinion, inappropriately. This is due to inexperience!

How often do we see teenagers boldly discussing serious topics, gesturing widely and knowing everything in the world. They feel like adults, try new behavior, try to fit in with someone and look for themselves. The search will be crowned with success if the person is not judged during this period, but is spoken to as an equal.

Serious - if he is serious. Playfully - if he found something to joke about, philosophically - if he philosophizes. By the way, sources of information are now available to everyone. Children can pleasantly surprise you with their knowledge.

Of course, it is worth stopping foul language, aggressive tendencies, excessive emancipation and vulgarity. Everything is the same as in adults. A teenager is an inexperienced adult.

In the animal world, a baby becomes independent only when it has learned everything from its parents. So we must teach the child everything we know. Previously, it was difficult to evaluate it. So talk to him, talk.

Don't be surprised by unexpected interests.

If they are not too financially expensive, do not contradict the general line of your upbringing, and do not entail risks and injuries, support them and show sincere interest. Maybe you yourself will like the idea of going down the river in a kayak or learning to play the drums. Welcome everything that does not bring spiritual ruin, addiction to alcohol and psychoactive substances. What will make your relationship transparent and trusting. The main thing is contact. Talk to your child, talk.

Of course, it’s difficult to do without prohibitions, because teenagers have no sense of danger. They are fresh from childhood, where straws were laid out in front of them everywhere. But avoid shouting, hysterics and insults. If you feel like you can’t hold back, go to the bath, wash your face with cold water and catch your breath. Everything you shout will be used against you. Therefore, brace yourself.

But if you couldn’t restrain yourself, you said too much - apologize. So that a person also understands that one must be responsible for words and actions. There is no shame in apologizing. It is possible to repent. You need to be yourself and not offend others.

Talk to your child, talk.

You also have difficult days, when you have no strength to talk, when cats are scratching at your soul and the world seems stupid and cruel. Share your condition with Dasha:

- Dan, this happens to you when...

“It just happens, Mom,” you will hear in response from a person who had previously been silent for two weeks, snapped and formally denied.

Remember: not a single word you say with love, attention and care will go unnoticed. A smart, subtle and inexperienced person is growing up next to you. If you don't add additional stress, your teenage years will go smoothly.

Talk to your child, talk.

What to talk about with a teenager

It is much easier to communicate with a teenager if since childhood you have allowed him to talk about everything, reacted calmly and correctly and talked about yourself. Listen to your child more, give him the opportunity to speak out, and be sure to discuss the following points with him.

Himself . Be interested in the child’s condition not only when he is sick. A teenager’s body is developing rapidly, and many processes occur for the first time. Talk to your child about his well-being, behavior, dreams, goals, and physiological changes. About everything connected with him.
Relationships with the opposite sex and sex . He should learn about this from you, and not from friends “from the back alley.” Sex life will begin sooner or later, no matter how much you want it. You should not entrust education in matters of sexual relations and contraception to someone else, thinking that the teenager will somehow cope on his own and find out everything. Otherwise, it will be a shock for the mother to become pregnant with her daughter at 16 years old. Your task is to protect your child from possible problems and risks associated with the onset of sexual activity.
You . They did not expect? But in vain! It is during adolescence that a child stops idealizing his parents. Now he begins to evaluate them critically. Share your thoughts, doubts, mistakes with your teenager, talk about your good and not so good experiences. You are no longer an indisputable authority for the child. Now you can become either his best friend or his enemy.

How to communicate with a child friend?

What does a child friend mean? Is he really supposed to be your friend? It's unlikely that this will work. But at the same time, you are obliged to speak to the child in the same words and with the same intonation as when communicating with your real adult friend.

Imagine that you come somewhere with a friend and live in the same hotel room. And so he didn’t make the bed in the morning, and it annoys you.

How will you tell him about this? You will try to do it more gently so that he doesn’t get offended in response and tell you to go to hell. And you order your child to remove this bed without thinking about how he will perceive it. But this commanding tone will offend him just as much as it would offend your friend.

Let’s say that until the age of five your child is not a “king,” from five to fourteen he is a slave, not a “student,” and after fourteen he also does not become a friend. What will happen then? He will run away from you. Do you know what this approach is called? Mockery, emotional aggression towards a child.

Until the age of five, a child who is treated this way cries. From five to fourteen years old he will be offended, silent and closed. From the age of fourteen he will begin to snap, and you will consider that adolescence has begun.

Recommendations for parents

A teenager is no longer a kid with whom you did everything together: walked, played, read, etc. Now your child is growing up, and he has his own interests, hobbies, and friends. He is becoming more and more independent. To continue to get along with your son or daughter, I suggest you follow these guidelines.

Become a role model

What could be better than a satisfied and successful parent?! Don't get hung up on the child. Find time for yourself and your interests. The atmosphere in the house will become calmer and friendlier, and your teenager will follow your example.

Accept your child for who he is and support him

Teenagers have many complexes related to their appearance. Don't laugh at him, just help him. Want to dye your hair? Take me to the hairdresser. Want a tattoo? Invite him to make a temporary one. Any prohibition you make will be perceived as a signal to action. Both externally and internally he remains your child.

Knock on the room

This way you will let your son or daughter know that you respect his personal space. He will feel significant, which is very important in a difficult transition period.

Instead of blaming and reproaching, explain your feelings

For example, the usual: “You haven’t done your homework again!” replace with the phrase: “Your attitude towards studying upsets me.”

Don't raise your voice

Shouting is not an argument. On the contrary, when you scream, the teenager begins to feel that he is right, realizing that you have no arguments. Your menacing tone will make a stronger impression than a wild scream. Even if he is rude, don’t lose your temper! Maintain your composure at all costs. This is one of the most effective ways to help win an argument.

Apologize if you do mess up

When tension increases, it is best to disperse to different corners of the ring. Both the parent and the teenager will cool down, calm down and think about the situation. Well, if you couldn’t restrain yourself and you said too much, apologize. Learn to negotiate correctly.

Share his hobbies with your teenager

Now is your time to explore the wonderful world in which your son or daughter lives. Watch youth TV series, sports competitions together, listen to music that your child likes. Perhaps his tastes will seem wild to you, but remember yourself at this age. Did your parents share your interests? And also communicate with your child in instant messengers and social networks. In the virtual space, the conversation is easier, more relaxed and simpler than in personal contact.

Keep an eye on your child so you don't miss anything important.

Unfortunately, some parents are faced with the fact that their teenager becomes difficult, completely out of control, starts smoking, drinking alcohol, drugs, breaking the law by getting involved with bad company. Here you are unlikely to cope on your own. It is better to seek help from a psychologist. Better yet, try to avoid such situations.

Another good reason to take a teenager to a psychologist is prolonged depression. He constantly sits in the room, is not interested in anything, does not know how to make friends. This condition can easily provoke suicide. This cannot be done without the help of a professional. Be sensitive and attentive parents! No one knows your child better than you!

I understand that there is a lot of information, and it is unlikely that you will be able to remember all these rules at once, so to reinforce the material, I advise you to also watch a video from a psychologist. She explains in a very interesting and accessible way the main points in communicating with teenagers.

Control his life - or let him go?

One of the most accurate ideas a mother can have is that she is, after all, not responsible for her son. Call it providence, fate, luck, or God, as I do; but there is something that controls your boy's life. We do not choose the time of his birth and death, and we only partially control his life between these two events. Most people live with the illusion of more control over many aspects of their lives than they actually have.

You let your child go free, and this process begins at the moment of his birth. It is then that you realize that you are powerless and cannot fulfill your most ardent desire - to completely protect him from pain and fill his life with only pleasant things.

He needs to be released into a world where he might be in trouble. And you start to let go. You let his father and siblings mess with him. Neighbors take your son to school, and a nanny looks after him in your absence. You let your son choose his friends and girls. Now he is already learning to drive a car, and a stranger explains to him the parking rules. How is he coping? You do not know. Just hope it's good.

It is believed that a good mother should delve into all aspects of her son’s life - control his studies, sports, dating, friendships - and all the decisions that the son makes. Of course, you need to “keep your finger on the pulse,” but you should not always take an active part in everything. Raising children is 10% control and 90% free-floating.

It is very important to loosen control over your son in a timely manner. There are three reasons for this. First: without this he will not become a man. He will grow up, but he will remain an eternal teenager if you don't let him go. The second reason is that you will not be able to form a normal relationship with your adult son unless you create a certain distance. And finally, you will both be more emotionally balanced if you maintain this distance.

I am sure that you have before your eyes an example of friends who constantly interfere in the lives of their children as if they were still living with them. Maybe your parents were also overly involved in your life, and you know very well what that is. This won't happen if you let your son go.

How to improve relationships with your teenage daughter or son.

After you have taken off the mask and recognized your right to experience a negative emotion, the next task is to admit that he feels bad too. However, you shouldn’t be zealous here either. How many mothers whose children go through this difficult age are torn between aggression and guilt. Guilt is also an aggressive emotion, a sort of “wolf in sheep’s clothing,” and it certainly won’t help improve relationships.

It is important to know that, despite the troubles that befall a teenager, despite the fact that he is now going through a very difficult period, this torment was chosen by him even before incarnation and he will definitely, having gone through this, discover something valuable in himself later.

Be sure to find something in your favorite teenager that you can completely sincerely and honestly admire, even if it’s just socks put away or a plate washed once. Only honesty works with children.