How long does love last and how long does it go through?

How long does love last?

How long do you think love lasts? One French writer called his novel “Love Lives for Three Years.” Is it true?

The “bouquet-candy” stage of a relationship usually lasts three years - a period of passion and love. When the heart beats faster, the future seems radiant, lovers are focused on each other, and a lot is forgiven to the partner. And it seems that it should always be this way.

But no. The spiritual extravaganza fades away, and somewhere in the depths a spark of... true love begins to flare up. It can be very difficult to feel it only after violent passions and vivid experiences...

True, mature love develops and is realized gradually. And to reveal it, the internal development of a person is necessary. Immature people most often do not discover this gift in themselves. It is the spiritual immaturity of the partners that ultimately leads the union to cataclysms.

How to stop loving a guy

Help yourself forget him. Don't look at his photos, don't read his messages, don't remember the rosy moments. Nostalgia will make you completely depressed, and this will not end well.

Think about the fact that at that moment when you sadly remember his eyes, he is having fun with his friends. Perhaps he even found himself a new passion. You don’t want to suffer while he is already happy without you?

Start a new life. Now you have every chance to make it even better. Think that you are not alone, but free. And since you have freedom, use it. Call your friends, go with them to some nice place. Don’t close yourself off; now you could use people who can improve your mood.

A very effective way to forget your ex-boyfriend is to find a new one. Think about it, but if you're not ready for a new relationship yet, then give yourself some time.

How long can “mourning” last after breaking up with a significant other and how to speed up the healing process is told by family psychologist, interpersonal relationship consultant, director of the dating agency “Me and You” Elena Kuznetsova.

Broken boats of love

Psychologists know that almost a third of people suffer from problems in relationships - mistrust, suspicion, addiction, betrayal.

The art of love has been practically forgotten by contemporaries (I do not mean the sexual aspect of love relationships). This is the ability to accept and appreciate the feeling sent by God without the desire to consider a partner as your property, without conditions and expectations that this relationship is given forever. Even those who have separated from their partner are usually given the chance to meet a new suitable person. That is, it was never about one single half.

However, if people did not “cling” to their life partners with a stranglehold, then there would be much fewer problems in relationships and separations. At the same time, women are especially afraid of changes in their personal lives.

And it is women - the guardians of the hearth and family comfort - who most often make fatal mistakes in relationships. Including in everyday life.

Duration of long distance relationship without meetings

We can immediately say that long-distance relationships without meetings have no future. Yes, it's romantic and sweet, but there is no chance that it will develop into marriage. The fact is that to maintain a strong relationship you need joint recreation and sex. But in this case there is neither the first nor the second. Of course, sometimes couples continue to communicate for a long time (from 1 to 3-5 years), but as soon as they meet a nice person in the real world, everything stops. There is only one way out - meetings at least once or twice a month, then there is a chance that the couple will find a way out of the situation and become a family.

"Thresholds" of family relationships. How to pass them

Relationships in a couple are a matter of only two people. There is no need to let strangers into this space, even if they are relatives and friends. Especially if they perceive your man negatively, and this even applies to children - tactfully, gently, but do not allow the child to get between you and quarrel with you. And don’t conflict with your husband’s family.
Discuss all the problems that arise in the family: money, related to relatives, exes, friends, as well as your worries and doubts, etc.
Try not to focus your attention on your partner’s annoying habits: eating on the go, not washing the dishes, etc. Otherwise, the internal accumulating tension may one day “explode”, and starting with a trifle, develop into a huge scandal.
Try not to perceive your home environment as a once and for all given fact - it relaxes, “blurs” your view, not allowing you to see that something has changed in the relationship. Again, communicate more.
Neither partner should consider their desires more important than the needs of the other. Suppression and domination destroy the family. Relationships require careful handling.
Let go of the past. Do not constantly remember what has passed, do not compare what was and what is. Live in the moment.
When making decisions, consider the interests of all members of your family.
Create conditions so that each of you has the opportunity to be alone at home (say, in a separate room), discuss what is important to you while respecting personal boundaries.
Idealize your ideas about life together less - this way you will not be disappointed.
Show your feelings more often so that your loved ones understand that you care about them. Try to avoid reproaches, claims, and demands. Show your love right now - later it may be too late. And “turn off” the critic in yourself when thinking about your partner - you can always find something to complain about, only this destroys the relationship.

First love: how to part with dreams

Most people experience this trembling, unique feeling of first love, which is stored in memory for a lifetime. She comes to the young and young to show that a person is emotionally developed and capable of love. It rarely happens that first (youthful) love ends in a happy marriage. But then one of the partners always finds himself in the abyss of difficult experiences after a breakup. It is so difficult to let go of a loved one and forget everything connected with him and everything that was experienced with him. If there was love, sympathy and the desire to love and be loved inherent in youth (and this is not love), then this feeling after parting will pass quite quickly. It is enough not to see the object of your dreams for some time and not to cherish your resentment and desire for revenge. What if this is a real feeling? When will love end after a breakup? How can you help yourself survive disappointment and get out of this situation with the least losses?

First , accept the fact that your loved one does not respond to your feelings. You can’t buy love and, as they say, you can’t force love.

Secondly , do not try to get rid of your worries as quickly as possible. Will not work. Need time. Our feelings and emotions live according to their own laws. Give yourself a realistic time frame for suffering and experiencing the situation.

Thirdly , do not try to immediately throw out of your memory the person you loved. The more effort you make, the longer you will remember it. Mentally thank him for the feelings he awakened in your heart and let him go. But put away all things that remind you of him, and hide the photographs.

Fourthly , don’t blame yourself for a relationship that didn’t work out. Don't make any claims against yourself. You just allowed yourself to fall in love with the wrong person. As they say, “he is not the hero of your novel.”

Fifthly , do not ask your loved one and do not beg to regret and come back. Pity has never been the basis of a happy relationship. Don't become obsessive or pursue the object of your passion. Don't lose your self-esteem. Value yourself.

Sixth , do not rush to start a new relationship in revenge until your favorite image is before your eyes, and the pain of loss has not released you. You risk ending up in the same situation, choosing a similar object for adoration and getting the same result, that is, stepping on the same rake and getting hit in the same place. Give yourself time to change.

Seventh , do not become isolated in your feelings. Share your experiences with friends and loved ones. Speaking up and listening to others' opinions can help ease your heartache.

So, does teenage love go away after a breakup? Of course, but the memory of her remains and the desire to relive these trembling feelings again. And this is just a memory of love, but not love.

Overcoming crises

I have written more than once about the relationship crises that married couples go through. These are age-related crises of each partner, when one wants change and novelty, family crises in changing circumstances (the birth of a child, death of relatives, forced moves, etc.) and crises in the development of life together.

At such moments, it is important to maintain the couple’s internal unity, respect and tenderness for each other. And not to succumb to erroneous emotional reactions, usually formed in childhood, such as: the habit of feeling sorry for oneself (usually accompanied by reproaches to others), the desire to take responsibility for “problems” in relationships (based on feelings of guilt, for example, because that feelings have cooled), withdrawal from the partner (due to fatigue, etc.).

Duration of marriage

If you are interested in the question of how long the love between a man and a woman who have registered their union lasts, then psychologists believe that over the years the intensity of passions gradually decreases, the relationship begins to be consumed by everyday life and family problems. At the same time, tenderness and trust can be strengthened, people learn to seek compromises, and try to get used to each other. True feelings can last for many years and will not cool down until old age. At the same time, it is important that true love is accompanied by mutual understanding, trust, mutual respect, and friendship. This feeling is no longer based on surges of hormones, but on strong affection for each other.

Millions of happy couples who have lived together for more than a year refute the conclusions of scientists about feelings in the heart. Love is a manifestation of special feelings, an attitude towards a loved one, it is a long-term work that requires self-sacrifice, grows over the years like a child, sometimes gets sick, requires treatment. This feeling is achieved with some effort. That's why people who get married should want to show feelings to each other, understand what lies ahead for them, why they are doing it. If relationships last for many years and love does not fade, it means that people know why they live, what and who is important to them.

I have a clear example of love that lasted until old age and did not break under obstacles and difficulties. This is the feeling that connects my grandparents. Today, my grandmother is no longer alive, however, until her very last day, everyone admired her love with her grandfather and devotion to each other. And this despite the fact that feelings were born at a young age, and my grandmother was waiting for my grandfather to return from the army, after which they got married and managed to celebrate their golden wedding. And now, when the grandmother is no longer alive, the grandfather continues to cherish their feelings. He did not look for a new wife, does not even think about it, to this day he honors his grandmother’s memory and cherishes their strong love.

Nuances of the male psyche

Of course, any woman needs to know about the peculiarities of men’s perception of relationships.

If a woman usually strives to constantly be close to the object of her love, then men still do not put love relationships in first place (especially after the end of the “bouquet-candy” period). And this is natural: a man realizes himself primarily in society, he must think a lot about work, career, finances, although he does a lot for the sake of his family. And this must be taken into account. There is no need to make a scene because your partner is paying less attention, just finally focus on your development. A self-sufficient woman is always interesting to a mature man.

And men also face a serious life test - a midlife crisis - a time when they reconsider their values and achievements. And this process can be quite painful. It is at this stage that men begin to complain of boredom, the monotony of life, and are looking for novelty and “shake-ups.” At the same time, some representatives of the stronger half of humanity go to great lengths, while others simply want to retire, somewhat distance themselves from their surroundings and immerse themselves in themselves. All this needs to be taken more or less calmly and wisely.

Difference from love

There are several important differences:

What attracts. When falling in love, a person’s physical characteristics are attracted, and love implies a craving for personality and internal qualities. Physical attraction is also there, but fades into the background.
How it develops. Falling in love develops quickly, but love develops slowly. It is impossible to love a person without getting to know him.
Interest . When falling in love, it flares up and then goes out, love speaks of more permanent feelings.
Impact on humans . Falling in love plunges a person into dreams, he ceases to be responsible. Love reveals the best qualities of a person and causes the desire to become better.
Breakups . Time and distance will lead to the disappearance of love; a person will quickly forget the object of adoration. True love will last even at a distance. People will love each other even if they separate for a while. The feelings will become even stronger, intensify.
The basis of feelings . If this is love, a person cares only about himself, dreams of his own happiness. If this is love, a person strives to make another happy. He gives more than he receives.

An important detail that many people forget: there is no such thing as love at first sight, there is only falling in love. In any case, it will take time for love to be born. Falling in love is the first step on the path to true love.

How to distinguish love from infatuation? Find out from the video: