Read the article and draw your own conclusions regarding all the words written.
Until we understand and feel what attachment is, we cannot understand how to get rid of attachment to a person or object.
Attachment can be so strong and subtle at the same time that it actually affects our entire lives.
Attachment is emotional support from a person or object in order to improve one’s own well-being.
We can only be attached to good emotions and good feelings. Many people become attached to their “soul mate ,” alcohol, tobacco, tasty and unhealthy food, and laziness. Some people become attached to the Internet and TV because they are sources of good emotions and security.
There is nothing wrong with affection or love. Therefore, there is no need to beat yourself up or scold yourself because of this . This is how it happened. You become attached, and there is nothing wrong with your attention being focused on enjoying something or someone. We enjoy life and that's completely normal.
Dependence on temporary
In life, many have had attachments, for example, to the opposite sex.
We become attached, and we feel good as long as the object to which we become attached allows us to receive from it those emotions, pleasures and feelings that we like. But absolutely every person and every object in this world is temporary. This means that it exists now and may not exist tomorrow.
And the problem is that ATTACHMENT = DEPENDENCE.
Of course, we don't want to be dependent. We don't want to depend on anything, but we still want to enjoy what is temporary. Any relationship is temporary . Money, a job, your favorite TV show, your favorite clothes, a car are temporary. Having lost it all, we are upset and want to quickly learn how to get rid of love addiction.
Sooner or later the object will disappear . Entire cities and people disappear, new ones appear. Or people simply leave, don’t want to have a relationship with a person, and new ones appear.
Everything in this world comes and goes. Therefore, initially treat everything as temporary.
What are the dangers of being in unhappy love?
Many people are not familiar with the feeling of unrequited love or destructive dependence on another person, but still, most of us have felt unrequited ourselves. Faced with such a situation, a person’s thoughts are occupied only with the object of feelings, and the heart is filled with serious passion. But the one to whom all this storm is directed does not pay any attention or openly says that there will be no reciprocity.
How to get rid of the feeling of falling in love? In this state of affairs, it is definitely necessary to suppress love, because love means building happiness with a loved one, and not endless torment.
A person who is unrequitedly in love lives in a world of his own fantasies. Consuming the mind with illusions prevents you from living fully and thinking rationally. Instead of suppressing a feeling that is impossible to share with the object through sighing, a person fantasizes more and more. Dependence on unrequited love does not allow the possibility of a new, real, mutual feeling to enter life. While one could attract happy love to oneself, a person completely plunges into an illusory world and sometimes spends entire years on meaningless dreams.
After a long time of waiting, a miracle does not happen. What starts next? Apathy, depression and deep depression. A person accumulates resentment within himself, and the feeling of emptiness does not leave him. He is sure that no one needs him. Any attempts by relatives and friends to somehow distract and entertain an unrequited lover are met with irritation and aggression. In this state, you can “chop a lot of wood” and commit actions that a person will greatly regret later. But the suffering doesn't end there. A person, instead of suppressing the feeling of falling in love, buries himself more and more in thoughts about the object of his desire and continues to build “castles in the air.”
Analysis and self-exploration
By looking carefully inside yourself, you can see the source and the place that allows you to receive pleasure .
Ask these questions right now in relation to your loved one, car or apartment.
Imagine this object or person and ask yourself:
- What will happen if this person is not there? Will I worry, suffer and be afraid of this?
- Why will I worry? Why am I afraid of losing this in my life?
The answer is the fear of losing comfort, pleasure, fear of not feeling loved and becoming lonely . This is the fear of stopping receiving the pleasures that we now receive with this person.
This happens because if we are deprived of all this externality, we will not feel so good. Our mood will fall because we are internally looking for sources of pleasure.
This happens because our society does not take care of itself. Our society has other trends, other fashions. People live by money, live by the idea of fame, popularity, security, but all this does not bring happiness, does not bring independence and peace.
This does not give anything most important to a person. And at the level of feelings, all this results in inner emptiness, depression, addiction, worries, fears of losing. A hasty search begins for a way to help get rid of attachment to a person or object.
Attachment to a person, what kind of feeling is this?
Attachment to a man (woman) how to get rid of it
Welcome to my blog. Relationships between a man and a woman. Attachment to a person..why.? Don't underestimate attachment and how to get rid of attachment
Much has already been said and is still being said about feelings, about love and all that. And today I want to write about such a feeling as attachment. . But not just about attachment, which will still exist and even should exist in people’s relationships in order to contribute to the preservation of their relationship.
And we will talk about deep (painful) attachment, when a person cannot imagine his life without another person. He constantly thinks about him, feels loneliness, and he is always missing something when he is not around - namely, he is missing this person now, and he is missing so much that life simply loses all meaning, heavy sad and obsessive thoughts, and at times it manifests itself , even unjustified aggression and guilt directed not only at oneself, but also at the object of affection.
You can fall in love, love someone for a year, two, five, many years - at least for the rest of your life, if this is possible and he (she) deserves it. You can live together, have children, make plans, make trouble, solve some common affairs, problems and all that - all this is great, except for one small “ but ”...
And this “ but ” is how you feel in this, what you feel, what sensations are inside and how it affects you. Does life, with a person dear to you, evoke joyful emotions and harmony, or something else, some kind of unpleasant sensations associated with this person. All this can be somewhere conscious, and somewhere not even at all. And these sensations can be caused by “ emotional attachment ”
We are all predisposed to attachment to a greater or lesser extent. Attachment even arises to things and objects, but this is nothing compared to attachment to someone , a deep emotional attachment. This feeling arises for good things, for things that cause joy, positive thoughts and feelings.
You quickly get used to good things and easily become attached to your loved one. Love and affection are very similar at first glance, and even sometimes merge into one whole. Both walk side by side.
But still, this is not the same thing, and if love is a sincere feeling that does not require anything in return, although of course you really want to be loved. Attachment is a largely selfish feeling that has little to do with love, but is very similar to it.
Affection or love.
Love and affection for a person, over time, can develop into a deep, selfish attachment . But here it is no longer love, but affection that will play the main role. Such attachment can over time completely suppress other feelings, including love.
When you want to be with this person all the time, no matter what, can he be there now, no matter what he is doing that is important for himself or for the family. Does he want to be with you right now? Maybe he’s having a good time with his friends, he’s having fun, watching football and drinking beer, or she’s having a bachelorette party.
You still need his attention, so that he (s) is nearby, you are angry with him and maybe with yourself, you climb into his soul, and this is much closer to affection, not love.
There is a desire to control the behavior of a loved one, to control all his actions and all this only to please himself, his loved one. It’s not at all far from a sense of ownership, when you start to think that a person belongs to me and only me, but this will never happen anyway, forget it.
Attachment reveals more of a person’s self-centered nature, a sense of self-importance and self-gratification, rather than a sincere feeling of love for both oneself and others. Here the question already arises of where more energy will be directed, towards love or affection, and this entirely depends on the person, his nature, stereotypes and understanding.
When affection begins to predominate in a relationship, that is when various claims begin, accusations are made and all sorts of conditions are set. This is no longer sincere love, but conditional love, that is, built on conditions.
And when a sincere feeling is not enough to cover everything negative in a person (something in his behavior, words, actions and habits), then disappointment and even hatred are not far away. With such selfish attachment, discord in the family and a break in relationships can easily begin.
Why is love not affection?
A lover rejoices at the achievements of another, even if he is not around and the person is sad, but he wishes his beloved only good things and accepts long absences, understands his desires and takes into account his opinion. Wishes happiness to the dear one no matter what, and is even ready, if it happens, to completely let him go, if only the person is happy - this is pure love, love without any conditions.
A lover can love ten times more and yet demand nothing in return and experience no deep affection. There will be affection, but not painful and controlled.
How to get rid of attachment
When something unpleasant comes to mind, obsessive thoughts about a dear person, thoughts that make you think you are dependent on him and cause unjustified desires, you can tell yourself that “life today may not always be like this and people who right now, - at some point, it may happen, they will not be with me or they will not be at all.”
Just to assume, to allow such an option, no matter how unpleasant it may be, it is not at all necessary that this should happen. This way you can learn to look at everything more simply and, most importantly, it will be more correct, because this is life. This attitude will only be a concern for your mental health . It is also important to understand that attachment only harms the preservation of good relationships.
You must always not only remember that no one is immune from disappointments, partings and everything else, but also assume and even sometimes imagine that another life is possible, and no matter what happens there, life goes on. With such thoughts, it will be easier to accept whatever happens to you and whatever thoughts and feelings come to you.
When they asked one old, but wise and cheerful man, “If you could go back to the past, how would you live then. What is the most important thing you have learned in your life, and what do you wish you had known for yourself when you were younger? He answered, “Treat yourself and life easier.”
Another, no less important point in the issue of attachment to a person and which follows from one another is the “feeling of jealousy”, you can read about it at the link.
Best regards, Andrey Russkikh
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- The shortcomings of a person or the beginning of a relationship, who is next to me.
- Neurotic tendencies of a person that interfere with living and building relationships
- What should a wife be like?
- Hug a woman to sleep
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Letting go of attachments: stop taking your condition from outside
Outwardly people can be very rich, but internally they are very empty ! I'm not saying to throw away everything external, let it be - it doesn't bother anyone.
Just stop boosting your mood with external objects and paraphernalia.
For example, the idea of a guy having a girlfriend makes him feel better every day. He needs to stop thinking about the fact that he has a girlfriend from the very beginning of the day. as much as possible from the idea that you have something in this world . Find a small moment in your head that allows you to enjoy and discard it. You just stop thinking about him. You just stop enjoying it.
Do it all little by little, not all at once. It's like a diet.
You will feel worse at first . But it is necessary. Throw away attachments from your life, no matter how hard it may be at first.
Live by the idea that you are already okay . You keep throwing away and removing attachments from your life.
You have a loved one, but you should not extract emotions from him in order to improve your fortune.
Over time, you will learn not to think that you have it. At the same time, you will not be afraid of losing it. Ultimately, you will be able to get rid of love addiction. You no longer need to suck out fortunes from somewhere, because your condition is already better . Thanks to self-development, you find the reasons why you depend on something, throw them away - this increases your inner state, your inner self-esteem. You begin to love yourself more and be more independent.
Become an ideal partner
So how to learn to behave correctly? What to do to ensure peace and harmony reign in relationships? Here are some tips:
- Be financially independent. You must have your own source of income. Even if you live happily ever after and die on the same day, and this source is not useful for independent survival, it will always remind you of freedom of choice. Your man will always know that you stay with him because you yourself want it, and not because otherwise you will die of hunger.
- You should not only have work, hobbies and friends in common. And what will be left for you in the event of a breakup? Donut hole?
- Always learn. No, I don’t encourage you to get three higher education degrees and a doctorate (although that’s probably not bad either). But it is simply necessary to develop, to learn something new in various industries, from cooking and interior design to the latest developments in nuclear physics and genetic engineering, so as not to turn into a whore, whose whole world comes down to TV series, manicure, knitting blouses, cooking borscht and meeting my husband from work in a starched apron.
Why condition is not the main thing
“Happiness is a state , and a person has no control over the state.
Freedom is an understanding that you can come to by chance and desire.
When you are free, you cannot be unhappy, and you are no longer interested in experiencing happiness - since this will be just another feeling against the backdrop of your freedom.
Therefore, freedom is much more fundamental and limitless than any happiness.
And it is precisely this kind of freedom that is happiness.”.©
Attachment is the habit of receiving good things from outside. But wealth shouldn't be your priority. The condition is always changing and always different. You shouldn't depend on it or get too hung up on it.
Conditions come and go . You don't have to take it from outside, take it from within. The condition should not be based on external factors.
Greater mutual understanding in the relationship between a man and a woman: psychology for building harmonious and happy relationships for both.
Vibrational attraction and love at first sight: an article about why we fall in love and how people are attracted.
How a guy can forget his ex-girlfriend if you broke up - reliable tips.
