Family or work? How to make the right choice: revelation from a twice-mom

Family and work: how to find balance

Family and work: how to find balance
What is more important: professional success or a strong family? You can combine both, psychologists say.

psychology of relationships, workaholism

We live in an era of workaholics - a time when many are more focused on professional achievements than on maintaining conservative family values. But the next step on the career ladder gives us some emotions, while family gives us completely different ones. There is an opinion that it is unlikely that it will be possible to succeed in both areas, especially for a woman. But new conditions also create new opportunities. This means that you can choose your own path.

Personal position

Irina, 34 years old: “I don’t understand how you can combine raising children with work in the standard sense. Therefore, I prefer to give private lessons at home and never take many students. For me, it’s more of an opportunity to keep myself in good shape and not forget the language (Irina teaches English. – Ed.). Yes, my best friends have great careers, but they always complain about lack of time and stress. This is unacceptable to me."

Oleg, 27 years old: “My career comes first. It was, is and will be. I tell every girlfriend about this. They don’t stay with me, they leave with the standard complaint: “You don’t pay enough attention to me.” It doesn't upset me. I hope to find someone who will understand me on this matter. Perhaps she herself will be a careerist. Or, conversely, a calm housewife.”

How can a woman combine work and family? Tips from Yamama

Choose a suitable work schedule

If you are determined to combine work with caring for your baby, first of all, you should think about a work schedule that is acceptable to you. Often young mothers choose employment with a free schedule. This gives them the opportunity to independently decide when to complete tasks and at what time to take care of the baby. Fortunately, many employers have now stopped requiring their employees to be present at the workplace “from bell to bell.” The main thing for such companies is the result and quality of your work.

Young mother Anastasia shares her experience: “I leave work early so that I can spend time with my child in the evening. After the baby falls asleep, I work at the computer for a couple more hours. Of course, this is not the best option for me. But I think it’s better than coming home and seeing my son only sleeping in the bed.”

30-year-old Margarita spends most of her time in the office. But she agreed with the head of the department that she would shorten her lunch break by half an hour. As a result, the woman returns home earlier and manages to prepare dinner before her husband and son return.

The advent of mobile communications and the Internet has provided an excellent opportunity for young mothers to work remotely. Thus, a woman can work almost anywhere and still be close to her baby, and most importantly, combine these activities effectively for each area..

Olga, the mother of a 2-year-old son, admits: “Until the child was 8 months old, I did not work and devoted all my time only to the baby. And then I started taking on small projects at home. This way I maintain my old connections, acquire new skills and earn extra money.”

If a woman has the opportunity to work half a day or several days a week, the whole family will benefit from this.

“I work from Wednesday to Friday, and my colleague works from Monday to Wednesday,” says 25-year-old Inna. “This schedule allows me to devote enough time to my family on weekends and concentrate on work on other days.”

Another option is possible, like the young mother Daria. She works five days a week, several hours a day. This gives her the opportunity to be “on the same page” with her son, that is, to adhere to the same schedule. According to her, in the morning they have breakfast together and each go about their business. They also eat and sleep at the same time. And the baby no longer asks his mother whether he is going to kindergarten today or staying at home with her.

Another young family also found a way to create a work-life balance. Valeria, a mother of two small daughters, shares her experience: “I work part-time in the evenings, so I spend almost the whole day with the children. Then my husband comes home and looks after the babies while I work. The upside is that our daughters get one-on-one time with both parents. And on weekends we’re always all together.”

Many women go to work after maternity leave and immediately discuss all working conditions with their boss, taking into account their new needs. This is exactly what 34-year-old Evgenia did: “When I returned to the office after two maternity leaves,” she says, “the director and I discussed all the nuances. I don’t stay late after work and take sick leave when necessary.”

Very often, women who have had a baby change their previous attitude towards work. For example, young mother Yulia says that she no longer feels guilty about going on sick leave. It happens that she takes days at her own expense to take the child to the doctor, or if the nanny cannot come to the baby. And sometimes - simply because he wants to spend time with his daughter.

Take care of the child in your absence

Think about where and with whom the baby might be while you work. Perhaps you can attract grandparents who would be happy to babysit their grandchildren. Or maybe you have a good nanny in mind?

A young woman named Alena gives her positive example: “We found just an excellent nanny! While our daughter sleeps in her crib, our assistant does light cleaning or does laundry. As a result, I return from work to a tidy apartment to a happy little girl. I no longer spend my entire weekend doing laundry or cleaning!”

25-year-old Alexandra admits: soon after the birth of her daughter, she realized that she could not even work remotely. All her time and energy went into her child. She had to hire a nanny who spends three hours with her daughter every morning. Then the baby sleeps for about two hours, and mom continues to work. When the baby wakes up, she plays with her mommy for the rest of the day.

Does your husband work part-time or flexible? In such a situation, you will cope just fine without outside help.

“My husband and I have part-time jobs on different days of the week,” says 30-year-old Olga, “so we don’t need a nanny. We are both building careers, going out regularly, and the children spend time alone with each of their parents.”

If your child has already grown up and is ready to go to kindergarten, then the issue of employment will be successfully resolved as soon as you find a good institution for your child.

Alina, mother of 3-year-old Sofia, describes her day this way: “I work from 9:00 to 13:00, and my daughter goes to kindergarten from 9:00 to 16:00. Therefore, I have three whole hours for household chores, shopping, or just time for myself.”

Do you have a very hard time being separated from your child? Take the advice of one mother who was also in a similar situation. When she couldn't leave her daughter with a babysitter and go to work, she found her own way of self-soothing. According to her, you just need to remember the situation when the baby was already in kindergarten or with a nanny and then met her absolutely happy after work. According to the woman, it became much easier for her to part with her daughter, knowing that the baby would be under reliable supervision and would have a good time.”

Plan your daily activities and don’t put them off until the weekend

To find a balance between family and work, you need to manage your household properly and not put off everyday issues until the end of the week. How can we make sure that mom doesn’t spend her whole weekend cleaning and cooking?

Many women, out of necessity, invite a housekeeper for a few hours or ask for help from other family members.

“I use cleaning services once a week,” says 32-year-old Anna, mother of three children. “This way I save time, which I can spend with my son and daughter.”

If your children are old enough to help you at least a little around the house, you can take into account the experience of 36-year-old Zhanna. She involves her school-aged sons in cleaning the apartment. He explains to them this way: if they all quickly redo household chores together, they will have more time to play together with their parents. She also tries to solve all everyday issues during lunch or on the way home, for example, going to the store or the post office. As a result, her weekends are practically free.

An unexpected solution was found by 25-year-old new mother Tatyana: “I manage some kind of outsourcing in everyday life: my nanny buys groceries while I spend time with the children.”

It turns out that it is very important to plan all your tasks, do them consistently and not put off all tasks until the weekend. 27-year-old Sofia thinks it's not that difficult. “I try to clean a little every day and throw dirty laundry into the machine on weekdays without waiting for the weekend,” she says. “It’s much more pleasant for me to spend Saturday and Sunday with my son!”

Another woman shares her own planning experience. This morning she writes two to-do lists on paper. The first consists of tasks that need to be completed as quickly as possible. The second one includes minor issues that need to be resolved, but not necessarily today. According to the young mother, when she takes turns crossing off her tasks from the list, she feels especially satisfied.

Take into account the recommendation of Marina, the mother of a 2-year-old baby. “Gather everything you can before the workday and prepare it in the evening,” she advises. – These could be things for the child and for you, a work bag, food for a snack and other little things. Don’t go to bed until you’ve washed the dishes and put everything in place that will be needed in the morning for breakfast.”

And, of course, all mothers try to use the latest household appliances. In the 21st century, they significantly simplify the life of every family!

“If you haven’t purchased a multicooker yet, be sure to buy it! – advises Yaroslava, mother of two sons. “If it weren’t for this miracle machine, I would have to order food every day.”

Find time for your family and yourself

According to psychologists, it is very important for children that their parents spend quality time with them. But a woman should also not forget about herself - proper rest and pleasure from your favorite activities will fill you with positive energy, which you will share with your family.

How can a young mother who also works relax? 28-year-old Natalya shares her experience: “To establish a balance between work and family, I first adjusted the routine of my children,” she says. – My 2-year-old son goes to bed at 19:30, and my 6-month-old daughter at 18:30. I only see them for a few hours after work, but I have the weekends to catch up. And on weekdays I can relax in the evening, prepare for the next day and go to bed early.”

For many women, physical exercise helps them take their mind off household chores. 25-year-old Olga says that she runs in the morning and manages to do exercises before the whole family wakes up. According to her, this way she can find time for herself and, thanks to sports, she can easily cope with stress at work.

But young mother Tatyana acts a little differently. “A sports club with a children’s room allows me to take time for myself,” the woman notes. “I can even calmly take a shower after class, tighten my body and increase my self-esteem.” She also admits that she sometimes takes a nap in the car during her lunch break at work. Tatyana claims that even a short nap fills her with energy and relaxes her.

Housewife and mother of two children Alice happily shared her discovery. “I stay at home with the children and take care of the house. Last year, when I began to feel depressed, a friend invited me to go horseback riding. I’ve never done this before,” she adds. “But I liked it so much that now my friend and I try to go to the equestrian club once a week. A new hobby lifts my spirits and gives me strength for homework and activities with children.”

According to the observations of psychologists, it is easier for all family members to understand each other when everyone has their own hobby and personal space. As 35-year-old Angelina said, she and her husband have different hobbies for which they regularly allocate time. Sometimes spouses review their schedule and decide together whether each of them has enough time for themselves and whether it is enough for joint entertainment together and with children.

How can a working mother spend quality time with her kids? 24-year-old Ekaterina recommends: “Try to devote your whole weekend to children. “On weekdays, I spend very little time with my daughter,” the woman admits, “so I like to relax with her all weekend. I don’t make any more plans for Saturday and Sunday, except for the most important events of my loved ones.” She also says that when she comes home from work, she immediately turns off the TV in her room. She and her husband like to lie on the floor and play with their daughter while she is awake.

Relax and always remain calm

Experienced mothers assure that in order not to be torn between home and work, you need to be able to rest and do it as often as possible. And even if this is not always possible, you should never be nervous about trifles.

Mother of three children, Christina, believes that there is no ideal balance between work and family. Therefore, you should not waste all your energy on unattainable goals. After all, you can spend your energy in a more efficient way. She says that she no longer tries to do absolutely everything. Some days she devotes to taking care of herself - going for a massage or to a beauty salon. Sometimes children play on their own or watch TV, so she needs to do something at home. The woman adds: “I am a good mother because I was able to accept such situations!”

Many successful mothers have proven by their examples: it is very important to turn a blind eye to some things and accept everything with a smile. 26-year-old Yana describes her understanding of the balance between home and work: “I once thought that I would cook a lot and deliciously,” she confesses, “so that my husband would never forget that he is a man. And at the same time I will become an exemplary mother. How wrong I was! I learned to relax and stopped being perfect in everything. And now I’m absolutely calm if there are toys lying on the floor at home and a bunch of dirty dishes in the sink.”

Conclusion

Young mothers are not always able to quickly find a balance between family and work. We told you about many situations that will definitely help you set your life priorities correctly and have time to do what you love. Many women change their profession, hire help around the house, and adjust their child’s daily routine before learning to combine their personal life and career. But if a mother still manages to find time for herself, her husband and children, this gives her a feeling of inner harmony. Such a woman is happy always and anywhere.

Work and life: the mistakes we make

Most of us combine work and family quite successfully until our careers begin to take off. In this case, both men and women begin to make the same mistakes, which ultimately affect the quality of family life:

• complete immersion in work (“Leave me alone, I’m busy!”) and neglect of household chores;
• refusing sex with a partner citing fatigue;
• reluctance to delve into the partner’s problems, disruption of the emotional connection with him (her);
• attempts to “pay off” loved ones, especially children, with money and gifts instead of attention to them;
• refusal of proper rest, including family rest.

Woman and career

A career for a woman is not only a way to earn money, but also an opportunity to confirm her status in society. Work or business allows you to realize yourself in your favorite field, increase self-esteem and regularly receive new emotions. But often husbands themselves stubbornly insist that family is a woman’s main career. This happens due to the fact that next to a successful and equal wife, a man ceases to feel like a protector and provider. He begins to perceive his beloved as a competitor with whom he must fight. As a result, first excitement appears between people, then negativity, and in the most advanced cases, negative emotions develop into hatred or envy.

Career women cannot devote much time to their chosen one. But the stronger sex is very dependent on feminine energy, which is expressed in the form of affection, attention and care. If you deprive your husband of energy supply, it is quite possible that his personal ambitions will greatly decrease, and problems will begin at work.

Pros of a female career:

• the opportunity to become financially independent;
• self-affirmation through recognition of colleagues;
• the opportunity to do what you love and/or find interesting;
• communication with people and a wide range of emotions.

Disadvantages of a female career:

• family problems (conflicts with husband due to jealousy, professional envy, etc.);
• lack of personal time;
• inability to pay enough attention to children;
• chauvinism on the part of men;
• overwork.

Consequences of an unsuccessful combination

Some try to do 100% in both areas, focusing on the “glossy standard,” but being torn between work and home means not succeeding anywhere. In the best case, one party will suffer at the expense of the other - usually the personal part of life that suffers. At the same time, fatigue accumulates in a person, which makes him absent-minded, irritable and even aggressive; anxiety appears, performance potential decreases, and health problems arise.

Personal position

Anton, 35 years old: “My father always worked very hard and was never at home. I firmly decided for myself that my son would not grow up like that. My career is important to me, but I don’t have meetings in the evenings and I also spend weekends with my family. In my opinion, constant overtime is a sign that you are using your time inefficiently and planning it incorrectly.”

Turn loved ones into allies Family can be your support and support in any, including maximum, employment. The main thing is not to lose sincere contact with those who are dear to you. Even in the case of children, much is determined not by the quantity, but by the quality of time spent together. Working women who are captives of the image of a “bad mother” especially need to remember this.

Relax with pleasure Nothing restores strength like the vacation of your dreams. If you have the opportunity, do not save either time or money on it. Only after real rest do you gain the necessary energy - both for work and for full communication with your family.

Why is the balance between home and work so important for a woman?

According to psychologists, properly distributed time between your favorite activity, your significant other and children is the key to harmonious relationships between all family members.

If a woman is in demand at
work and goes home with pleasure, she:

• less tired and stressed;
• has the ability to manage personal time;
• is able to make decisions and perform her duties efficiently;
• feels healthier and happier.