The relevance of the problem of how to believe in yourself and your strengths appears when a person has already encountered a number of failures or he has to accomplish something that has extreme personal significance for him. And if an objective vision of your failures should prompt you to analyze your actions, reorient your actions or improve your skills, then if what is coming is of great importance, you will have to work exclusively with internal attitudes. First of all, a person needs to figure out why some matter has received super-importance in his system. It is unlikely that the question of how to force yourself to believe in yourself before an important interview does not arise for those who see this only as a conversation, but if you add the desire to become worthy in the eyes of your partner, to justify parental expectations, the lack of other prospects, then the importance of the interview soars significantly .
Understanding the reason for the high importance can help you separate the task itself from the expectations placed on it from above and give you the opportunity to recognize your family to earn differently. It is worth studying the issue and looking at examples of successful implementation of what you want by other people who have the same starting positions or other basic conditions - here you can learn a lot and in reality see that there is nothing transcendental in the goal, just as nothing critical happened to people during achievement.
The scale of the task, which with its weight simply crushes a person (living in a rented one-room apartment, making plans for your own built castle can seriously shake self-conceit and faith) can generate disbelief in one’s abilities. Break big tasks and long-term plans into small ones (not so destructive to the ego), develop a certain algorithm of action - this seriously calms you down, instills confidence, and adds strength. When you look at a list of several tasks, see the prescribed moves in case of a turn, then the whole event ceases to seem impossible. It is this purely practical approach that often turns out to be much more effective than various affirmations and other techniques of suggestion, since it reinforces your strength with actions, you see real changes in what is happening, although the same mechanisms for changing perception are involved, it’s just that in one case you convince yourself how cool you are, and in With your friend, you optimize the problem and reduce the scale of its impact.
Live your goals
Assess your goals for a year, five years, and your entire life. Be honest with yourself. Are these really your aspirations or just pictures from a fashion magazine stuck in your mind? Do you really want this or is this goal imposed by your spouse, your boss, or your environment? Maybe, instead of traveling to tropical islands, deep down in your heart you dream of locking yourself in your office and writing a program or a novel? Or, on the contrary, is it time to give up everything and exchange the corporate tie for a bungalow overlooking the ocean?
You can only believe in yourself if you live your life. You can’t waste your time fulfilling other people’s desires and respect yourself at the same time.
Why is self-confidence so important?
First, let's separate the concepts of “faith” and “confidence.” The second word usually implies that you simply have no reason to doubt. For example, you can be sure that you can easily cope with your usual work, cook soup or bake a pie. This confidence is given to you by experience and a clear understanding of what actions are needed to achieve the desired result. And usually performing such actions does not cause difficulties.
But there are tasks whose complexity and feasibility are difficult to predict. And if a person is not sure that he can cope, it is much more difficult for him to start a task and effectively work on solving it. In such cases, faith in your own strength is necessary. It was faith that helped the greatest personalities in human history cope with difficulties. All artists, writers, scientists and researchers worked without knowing in advance what results they would achieve.
There is no beaten path to great goals, and sometimes you have to move forward, armed only with self-belief. There will always be enough obstacles and unexpected turns along this path. But the entire history of mankind shows that only those who truly believe in themselves and their own strengths become great.
A prayer of thanksgiving is the best way out of an impasse
Go to church, confess, let go of grudges. By the way, grievances stuck in the soul hurt your health, especially your heart and liver. Cancer also causes resentment against family and friends.
Thank the Almighty for every moment you live. A prayer of gratitude, even in your own words, will change your whole life. You will see, and indeed, there is so much beauty around: the sky, running clouds, flowers, a river, people.
Yes, everything is fine! You just need to rejoice that God gives you the opportunity to see all this and live in this paradise.
How to get out of a deadlock
You all know what needs to be done, you read smart books on this topic, but still nothing works out for you. What to do?
- Review your aspirations. Perhaps you have taken on an unbearable burden and are now suffering. Reconsider your priorities, maybe you can moderate your ardor
- Look on the positive side of the problem. After all, it made you stronger, so it became not as scary as it seemed before.
- Perhaps you are standing at a crossroads in life. See where you should turn.
- Think about why laziness, fatigue, and blues are given to a person. This is just a defensive reaction and time for recovery.
- Recover and move forward. The main thing is not to give up.
Factors influencing self-esteem
What to do in your free time at home and at work when you're bored
Before you try to figure out how to believe in yourself and yourself, you should familiarize yourself with the factors that help you gain or contribute to the loss of self-confidence:
- The attitude of parents towards the child and how the child feels around them. Some parents praise their child, encourage them, and are emotionally happy with their achievements. Others notice only failures, scold them for the slightest misdeeds and ignore successes. It is quite logical that in the first case the person will be confident, in the second - no self-confidence.
- The attitude of relatives, sisters, brothers towards the child. Some are called the pride of the family, others are described as “there is a black sheep in the family.” The former can afford to do big things, the latter become indecisive.
- Relationships with peers. Roles in the group – leader, follower, “at errands”. The same applies to groups: a class at school, employees at work.
- Social roles: I am like a woman (daughter, mother, friend), I am like a man (father, son, friend). Feeling yourself in certain roles.
Note! A person can feel more confident in the role of a friend than in the role of a son.
- Attitude of lovers. Does one partner command the other, demand obedience, or the relationship is equal.
- Attitude towards yourself. Is a person inclined to feel sorry for himself, indulge in self-flagellation, or regularly reward himself for his achievements?
Checking desires for truth
If you have a goal, strive for it. Make a plan for your actions and check yourself for the truth of your desires: do you really need it and why? Will you be happier when you achieve what you want? If yes, then this is yours, go for it! Feel free to move towards your goal, but without rushing things and without attaching great importance to what is happening.
In your life there will be exactly what you deserve, what you correspond to. Therefore, when you believe in yourself and take success for granted, it will certainly come to you, and if you doubt and consider yourself unworthy, then, excuse me, you will get what you deserve.
Tags: achieving goals, life positions, self-education, motivation, personal psychology, goals, working on oneself, self-esteem, self-organization, self-confidence
Motivation
In order for the body to be in good shape, it needs to be trained, for the brain to work well, it also needs to be given certain tasks. There is nothing impossible! The head is not needed to eat, it contains great riches, opportunities and treasures, just understand and admit it, stop limiting yourself and saying “I can’t.” Your “I can’t” is just equivalent to your “I don’t want to.” Just motivation is not enough. You have to want it! Or convince yourself that you want, that you can, that you are worthy. Thoughts can and should be changed in the right direction, otherwise laziness, despondency and blues can swallow you whole.
We'll give you tips on how to overcome your insecurities.
To understand the question of how to believe in yourself, you need to do a lot of work on yourself. So:
- The first step in this difficult struggle will be your positive thinking. Try to look at yourself under the lens of your deep self-knowledge. Look at yourself constructively, without hiding your real natural advantages. They are in every person.
- Don't just follow the example of successful people, communicate with them. Attend their online conferences where they are happy to talk about their achievements. Listen to their advice, get a positive charge of energy from them.
- Find an outlet in your favorite activity. Think about a hobby. If there is none, think about what will bring you moral satisfaction and joy, and help in self-realization. And you shouldn’t be scattered in several directions, choose one and go for it.
- Don't resist the challenges ahead. They will still catch up with you, life is cyclical. There is no need to be afraid and hide from them, give up and give up your dreams. There are no hopeless situations, there is always a way out.
- Don’t have any illusions that you will achieve everything easily and quickly. Set small goals first and slowly move forward. By achieving small successes, you will become more confident in yourself and your self-esteem will increase.
- Don't be afraid to be rejected. If you hit a setback, there will be a chance to fix it in the future.
- Get rid of fears. Do those things that you are afraid of. For example, go on skates, sign up for a driving course, jump with a parachute. Kill your fears and confidence will grow in you.
- Always have a positive attitude. Program your future for success.
- Pay attention to your appearance and demeanor. These are our complexes. If you are not happy with your figure, join a gym. No time - study at home. The main desire. Work on your manners, learn to keep your back straight, on your gaze, gestures, speech, all this can be easily done in the mirror.
- Never make excuses or blame yourself. If you have made a mistake, you need to admit it and move on, don’t delve into the past, think about the future. Tormented by guilt, you destroy your personality. Tune in to the positive and share your wonderful mood with others.
- Leave your comfort zone. You live within the framework, comfortable and cozy, which you yourself created. If you mentally erase these boundaries, your comfort zone will expand. Avoid the pitfalls of confined spaces. It will not be possible to develop self-confidence and achieve what you want in life while sitting at home within four walls, not moving anywhere. After work, visit the pool, gym, or go for an evening jog.
You can, of course, attend trainings, make an appointment with a psychologist who will tell you how to believe in yourself. The main thing is to understand that the problem is in our head.
How to raise your own self-esteem
How to forgive yourself for mistakes in the past - advice from a psychologist
The ways in which men and women learn to believe in themselves differ. Modern times have a detrimental effect on the worldview of different sexes. Previously, responsibilities were strictly divided, today they are mixed. Still, there are a number of factors that separate the level of self-esteem of different people.
Female psychology of self-confidence
It is important for women to believe in their strength and themselves, otherwise their life becomes a mere existence. If nothing is done, the matter will end up in the clinic. Considering that the fair half of humanity senses the outside world more subtly, the emotional component is very important.
Women's self-doubt makes a person's life unbearable
It is believed that women with low self-esteem stand out in society because they attract bad people. These may be men and "friends" who take advantage of the victim's kindness. Such women are not able to refuse requests from close people, believing that this is the only way to receive recognition and love. They don’t ask, they don’t know how to ask, preferring to do everything on their own, hiding behind the word “independent.” He considers good deeds addressed to him as a dirty trick.
Male psychology of self-confidence
Many works and articles are devoted to how a man can gain confidence and believe in himself, since this is a very important issue. The self-esteem of the strong half of humanity is influenced by the following elements:
- Social status, namely a stable position in society, authority, influence;
- Professionalism in career;
- Successes that help you grow, failures that bring useful experience and wisdom;
- Popularity among women.
It is believed that a man’s self-confidence and discipline come from childhood. If parental attention was adequate, in sufficient quantity, moderately strict, with manifestations of affection, this will allow a man to grow up to be an independent man.
Note! Support is important throughout life, because a person is constantly faced with injustice, deception and betrayal.
Excessive criticism in this regard seriously undermines self-esteem. More precisely, self-esteem is lowered by:
- Indecisiveness, fear of beginnings;
- Dependence on the opinions of strangers;
- Constraint in communicating with the opposite sex;
- Tendency to apathy.
How to believe in yourself when you give up
Self-confidence can slip away from time to time due to various factors: criticism from others, another failed attempt to realize what was planned, a series of bad luck, or the inflated significance of what is happening. But there are situations when you give up and everything that pops into your head concerns only how to quit everything, and not how to believe in yourself and your strength, because objectively there is no strength left. Depressive and apathetic states, moments of crisis suck all reserves from the energy reservoir, leaving no opportunity to move on. Often the problem is not solved for so long that there is no strength to continue, but there is also no resource left for care. All this concerns issues of rethinking and finding motivation. It is the presence of meaning in one’s life and a motive for every action that gives a person new opportunities, fills him with energy and turns on imagination for other ways of achieving.
You'll have to do some soul-searching to find out whether your hard work is still your true goal. All set goals must be periodically reviewed and adjusted to stay on course. Well, what's the point of investing in a relationship where they cheat on you for the purpose of further marriage? What is the point of continuing to draw up a methodology for a project that has not been launched for a year, but continues to require development from you? Why go to visit those who have long ceased to be your friends? It’s easier to choose a goal once, but only when it no longer corresponds to your changed internal attitudes, the energy will not be supplied to achieve it. Your subconscious will begin to choose erroneous strategies, trigger various somatic diseases, and in other ways prevent the fulfillment of what has ceased to be your true desire.
Try to consider your life globally and as broadly as possible, seeing all the relationships that exist at the moment, imagine the future. Such an analysis helps in understanding how much the goal that you are striving for and trying to raise your motivation from scratch will please you when it is realized. Look for the larger meaning of your life, rather than short-term stages of satisfaction, after achievement, which are covered by emptiness and hopelessness. When you focus on such a lifestyle, over time a psychological defense is activated that does not allow you to achieve what you have chosen, because after achievement there is no joy expected, emptiness and meaninglessness await, and while you are endlessly struggling in attempts to achieve, life seems to be filled with meaning. Therefore, it is necessary to distinguish between meanings, values and goals: the first makes you live and feel energy, the second sets the choice of paths for implementation, and the third shows the direction.
When you reconsider your life, it does not give quick results, so it would be good to have the support of loved ones at this stage. In principle, this is a great strategy when you are not coping, and sometimes it is the delegation of some responsibilities that allows you to breathe new life into a frozen event.
Eliminate all negativity from your sight, stop at least temporarily communicating with people who do not believe in you and your success. Take risks and loudly declare your desires, because perhaps realization is somewhere very close. If you are looking for a job, tell everyone, maybe even strangers, but nice people, if you are confused in finding the right product, then start looking in places and countries where you have not been before or which for some reason you were afraid to trust. Such risky experiments often give a positive result, because if you didn’t find something, didn’t receive it, didn’t finish it with where you are now, it might be worth changing the external scenery.
Where does self-doubt come from?
Self-doubt is quite easy to acquire in a world of inflated demands, caustic comments and unjustified hopes. You can create illusions that all problems are from childhood. Of course, many parents can unconsciously influence their children’s self-esteem by criticizing their appearance and behavior. In later life, the little person encounters teachers and mentors who place excessive hopes on the child, friends who betray trust, bosses who give him a lot of work and short deadlines. All this unsettles, tires, interrupts the desire to strive for something. Therefore, it is important to think about how you can begin to believe in yourself.
Not sure - half defeated
This suggests that uncertainty interferes with life, because of it we continue to sit in an unloved job with a strict boss, receive pennies instead of decent wages, and endure boorish attitude from more successful colleagues.
The list of problems can be endless, plus, we end up with a shattered nervous system, against which all diseases appear. Uncertainty is our enemy, which gives rise to many complexes, and they subsequently play against us. Therefore, we will understand in the article how to believe in yourself.
How to help someone believe in themselves
Helping a person may not always be in the nature of solving his problems or directly participating in it. There is a huge range of situations when intervention in a person’s life through active actions only creates the appearance of help, but in reality causes harm. So, out of compassion, you can do your child’s homework for him, making his evening easier, but in the end he will not develop, you can take care of your loved ones, while depriving them of independence, a husband can completely take care of the family, depriving his wife of choice - the list can be endless. If you see that a person refuses to implement something because of thoughts that it is difficult or that he is unworthy, then you do not need to offer him something ready, but it is better to help him, becoming confident, to achieve everything on his own. The moment you do everything for him, you seem to confirm his lack of faith in his own strength, and then doubts take on a stable form.
To help a person believe in himself, you need to leave pity and evaluation, attempts at moralizing in the background. Focus on support, which can manifest itself in completely different ways - you can make it clear that you are always there and agree to any proposal, show the importance of someone else's opinion by asking for advice, show interest in the ideas expressed. Such methods are not aggressive, but create a background of their own need and importance, sharing the same values, which further pushes for a broader idea of what was planned. But support does not always look like passive contemplation and agreement, and if you feel that your friend has energy, then it is quite possible to act actively and with pressure, taking you to new places, introducing you to useful people, providing thrills. For many, such a shake-up is useful because it shows that the world around is alive and interesting, and if you start interacting with it, it will happily respond. In addition, if a person has any illogical beliefs about what is happening, then you minimize their influence by taking upon yourself to organize the first step, which is precisely the most scary (remember, dating and interviews are more frightening than dating and work).
When you communicate with a person who has lost faith in himself, avoid comparisons, even with the goal of supporting and showing how much better he is, because by doing so you trigger the comparison mechanism itself, which is contraindicated in this state. Try to talk about his qualities from yourself (“I like your dress”, “today we had fun”, “you painted a beautiful picture”). Your praises should not look like flattery or take on exaggerated forms, the very sensitive psyche of a person who has lost faith will quickly react to falsehood, so really say what you think, while criticism can and even should be given, the main thing is to choose the right form that helps the person use even your shortcomings.
Set realistic goals
Even talented and truly successful people sometimes don’t feel like they are because of excessive perfectionism. Objectively, a person jumps about a hundred meters above his head. But for strange reasons he remains dissatisfied with himself and constantly criticizes his achievements. Is it any wonder that the desire to move on disappears? To regain faith in yourself, remain realistic and stop raping your soul with unattainable ideals. Geniuses are not born, just as lucky people can make mistakes. Failures in life are not a reason to give up on life and fall into pessimism. Keep it simple, move more easily, enjoy what you have.
Here are some practical exercises
So, some examples:
- "The intercom rings." You need to go to the door of any entrance of the selected house and call the first apartment you come across. Do everything to be able to enter.
- "Acquaintance". You need to, while walking down the street, meet the first person you meet and start a conversation.
- "Learn to say no." Let this manifest itself in small things first. For example, you are asked what time the meeting will take place, at seven in the evening? And you answer: “No, at eight.”
Psychologists offer many trainings on the topic “How to believe in yourself and gain confidence,” you need to choose the best ones and work on yourself.
