Nowadays, the issue of relationships, family and marriage is more relevant than ever. People are constantly in search of a soul mate, building relationships brick by brick, looking for mutual understanding and love in order to later find an unbreakable union - a family. But there is another equally important issue in this topic - pregnancy. Some are looking forward to this state, some are just starting to think about children, and others are not at all ready or do not want to have children at all.
But sometimes it happens that a woman has to terminate her pregnancy. For what reasons? What you need to know about abortion and how to survive an abortion?
Reasons for termination of pregnancy
If a few decades ago such a procedure as abortion was not at all relevant, and in some places it was even prohibited, today women are increasingly turning to hospitals on this issue. And there can be many reasons for this:
- One of the main reasons for termination of pregnancy is unpreparedness to become a mother. Most often, this problem concerns young girls whose lives are just gaining momentum. Work, study, constant employment - all this does not allow a girl to become a full-fledged mother. And besides, very often young couples are simply not mentally prepared for such responsibility, and therefore their first step is to go to a medical institution.
- The second reason for abortion is the inability to provide a decent upbringing for the unborn baby. This problem concerns older people who have just started building a career and are completely immersed in it. And as you know, raising an independent personality requires a lot of effort, time and money. Responsible couples first of all prepare the conditions for the future baby and only then make such an important decision - to give birth or not to give birth to a child.
- Another unpleasant situation for a woman is the presence of serious diseases or pathologies. Despite the fact that most diseases today can be cured or at least weakened so much that a person completely forgets about them, the expectant mother may experience serious problems during pregnancy, which can lead to miscarriage. How to survive a forced abortion? This situation is one of the most critical, because in this case, most often the woman wants to get pregnant, but cannot, and this leaves a strong imprint on the psyche of the failed mother.
- And the last, no less difficult problem is the situation when an already pregnant girl is forced to terminate the pregnancy if there are pathologies in the fetus. Of course, when serious illnesses are detected, every mother has a choice - to continue the pregnancy or terminate it before it is too late. And each person’s attitude to this issue is individual. Some people believe that a newly born egg is bound to become a full-fledged human being in the future, albeit a sick one, while others decide to have an abortion so as not to torment the child and themselves. The choice here is purely individual, but there is one fact - women who have experienced an abortion experience a huge nervous shock that is not so easy to cope with.
Why do we consider each reason for abortion in such detail? The thing is that whatever the situation, after termination of pregnancy, every woman goes through a difficult stage of life. Depending on the reason for the abortion, the girl can either calmly survive the procedure or plunge into a serious mental state - post-abortion syndrome.
How to cope with the psychological consequences of abortion
Only a woman who has experienced an abortion can understand how painful the mental anguish after it is. The decision to terminate a pregnancy is difficult for every girl. After a decisive step, a period comes when the question of “how to live further after an abortion” becomes unbearable. And the pain does not at all depend on what it was, induced (for medical reasons, by independent decision) or spontaneous (miscarriage).
A woman can be overcome by various conditions. If she is unable to cope with aggression and anger, and does not perceive what happened as reality, then it is quite possible that we are talking about the emergence of post-abortion syndrome.
The syndrome can include many manifestations:
- apathy;
- uncontrollable anger and tears;
- resentment;
- suicidal tendencies;
- a feeling of irreparable loss;
- social avoidance;
- fear of the future;
- negative attitude towards the male sex;
- fear of new relationships;
- nightmares;
- insomnia;
- drug and alcohol abuse.
PAS is often accompanied by several symptoms and can easily be confused with depression. Yet there is one clear difference between the two states. With depression, a woman understands the whole essence of what is happening and tries to forget or solve the current situation. The syndrome is characterized by impressive thoughts that nothing happened; the girl seems to be trying to escape reality. Relatives, friends and specialists can help cope with forced manifestations. The woman herself has to go through several painful stages alone with her subconscious. First of all, you need to understand that the woman had an abortion; a murder of a living child was committed, and not an ordinary standard gynecological operation. Acknowledge this mental pain and experience it through tears. The loss will affect the rest of your life and you need to come to terms with it. If someone insisted on killing a fetus during pregnancy, forgiving this person will be an important step towards getting out of post-abortion syndrome.
After acceptance and forgiveness, it is advisable to repent before God yourself and confess. A conversation with a priest is sometimes the best incentive to start a new life. But this does not mean that there will be no place for the lived situation in it; it will now go parallel with the woman along her entire path. At the same time, the attitude towards the situation should change, awareness and acceptance of what has been done should lead to new positive phenomena, strange as it may seem. We are talking about those actions when a girl does charity work, becomes a mother for an abandoned child from a maternity hospital, helps the poor, etc. Everyone chooses their own further mission, which helps to compensate for a sinful act.
Professional help from a psychologist or psychotherapist includes the following:
- help the woman admit what happened and react correctly, mourn what she did;
- convey to the woman that the injured child still remains part of her family;
- help in forgiving those involved in abortion;
- receive forgiveness of yourself from God and the child;
- offering options for replacement.
The “Letter to a Child” technique is a great help in psychological practice. After all, many women for whom pregnancy was desired talk to their baby. Usually such a conversation is interrupted at 21 weeks, when ultrasound and tests show pathologies incompatible with life. Therefore, a woman will be able, through a letter, to pour out all her bitterness, resentment and repent before the unborn child.
The “Event Diary” technique promotes living through everything that happened, which helps to more effectively “pull out” all the pain and resentment from a woman, and get over her grief. After all, not every person is capable of a frank conversation with an outsider, even a psychologist. This form of monologue in the form of creating a diary of events throws out all the feelings and helps convey what has accumulated through written speech. A psychologist does not have to read everything that a woman describes; those moments in the description of which she shows emotions are enough. Close people can provide support during difficult times. Usually, due to post-abortion syndrome, a woman is not able to accept the situation and does not agree to the help of a specialist. Here begins the main role of friends and family, who are obliged to insist on their own in every possible way and facilitate psychological intervention. Professionals know how to get a person out of psycho-emotional stress faster and more correctly.
Post-abortion syndrome
Post-abortion syndrome is a mental disorder that can lead to deeper consequences - depression and apathy.
The symptoms of this disorder are quite easy to recognize. These include:
- Intrusive thoughts that can lead to anxiety and nervousness.
- Reduced performance, causeless fatigue.
- Reluctance to be around people, desire for solitude.
- Decreased appetite, sleep disturbance.
- Decreased libido.
Please note that these are basic symptoms that may mask more serious problems.
What could be the consequences?
One of the common consequences of post-abortion syndrome is the emergence of conflicts in relationships. Often, a woman who has had an abortion develops hostility towards her partner, especially if the decision to terminate the pregnancy was dictated by the man. But even if the decision was made jointly, without pressure, this problem can still manifest itself.
The cause of conflicts may not necessarily be a problem in female psychology. Oddly enough, a man in this situation may also be susceptible to post-abortion syndrome. This does not at all mean that your partner is weak in spirit. Psychologically, a man is also susceptible to experiences, but unlike women, the male half of humanity tries not to show their emotions.
Thus, sometimes the problem of post-abortion syndrome can be an unexpected phenomenon for both women and men, which can lead to problems in relationships.
Now let's move on to solving the question of how to survive an abortion.
Intimate talk
First of all, you need to let go of the moral situation that happened. Be it intentional or forced abortion. This may seem strange, but you need to talk to your unborn baby. How to do it?
You can use ultrasound images or simply imagine the fetus in your mind. Don't be afraid to be frank. At this stage, it is very important to let your emotions and experiences out. You can ask for forgiveness, tell why you decided to take such a step or what forced you to do this. Say everything that's on your mind.
This may take a lot of time, and maybe even more than once, but this method perfectly helps to cope with depression in the first time after the operation.
For the female body, it is especially important to maintain a daily routine. Pay attention to your lifestyle. Try to watch your diet, eat more foods containing vitamins, and spend more time in the fresh air. Try to go to bed on time and overwork as little as possible.
Spend time with your loved one and among friends as often as possible, do not isolate yourself. As soon as you return to your normal lifestyle after an abortion, you will notice that anxiety and nervousness recede, and your life is filled with color again.
Help from a loved one
Every woman knows how important it is to support her loved one every day. What can we say about such a situation as abortion, which in any case represents an intervention in the female body, which can become a great stress. Even if you have a medical abortion, the drugs used usually have a strong effect on the hormonal balance of the woman's body, which is why the disorder may occur.
In such a situation, conversation and support from a loved one, be it your spouse or just a loved one, is needed more than ever. It’s great if your other half understands the gravity of your situation and strives to be there for you. But don’t be afraid to engage in dialogue on your own.
Talk to your loved one. Explain that you need support and need to speak up. Talk about your fears and what worries you. Study the stories of couples who have experienced abortion, talk to people who have gone through it. Spend more time together, change your surroundings for a while - sometimes it’s enough just to take a walk in the park or visit a place of cultural recreation.
A heart-to-heart conversation with your man will be more beneficial than a dialogue with a friend or relative. After all, it is with this person that you are most closely connected, and he is also involved in this situation.
How a psychologist can help a woman who has had an abortion
It is difficult to imagine a woman who, after surviving an abortion, does not experience feelings of guilt, fear and remorse. If the girl’s physical condition can recover within a few weeks, then the psychological aspect of what happened can worry the patient for quite a long time and even lead to serious mental disorders.
This is also due to the fact that hormones are imbalanced for a long time, and the woman’s emotional state is unstable.
If the father of the child, having learned about his partner’s pregnancy, remains on the sidelines, the woman finds herself in a hopeless situation. If a man is happy about pregnancy, a woman goes for an abortion in the rarest cases.
But when he tells a woman, “Pregnancy is just your problem,” then abortion becomes the woman’s only option. Experience shows that the union of a man and a woman often falls apart after an abortion, which is incompatible with an impeccable partnership.
Often a man leaves a woman only because he cannot bear her torment of conscience. I don’t know a woman who could overcome the negative consequences of an abortion on her own.
Many experts on this issue agree with this idea, for example, Susan Stanford, who described post-abortion syndrome in great detail, Karin Struk and others. We have come to the conclusion that the only way to overcome the consequences of abortion is through Christian forgiveness.
And we openly talk about this to women, encouraging them to trust the shepherd, so that through God’s forgiveness they can start their lives anew. Studies conducted in Germany show how much trouble PAS can bring: 80% of women suffer from the mental consequences of abortion.
Every modern person should know that human life begins at conception and from that moment until natural death is inviolable. We have no right to kill a person.
The Lord forbids us this in one of the Ten Commandments given through Moses to all people, which have no equal in the moral directives of mankind. It is these commandments that people need to follow in their sexual relationships in order to avoid numerous abortions.
Women destroy children in their womb because they feel abandoned by their partners. This is the result of a study by the Institute of Psychosomatic Medicine, Psychotherapy and Medical Psychology and the Technical University of Munich.
In most cases, men feel relieved after a woman has had an abortion. Mostly, they are not at all aware of the consequences of abortion for a woman, and they try to forget about it as quickly as possible.
Here is the result of surveys conducted by psychologist Helga Reder: in 80% of all cases, the initiator of an abortion is a man who does not want to commit himself to a child. Men also indirectly influenced a woman's decision through "avoidance of problems associated with pregnancy, avoidance of responsibility and emotional disengagement from the partner."
For women, this, of course, is an insult that entails a loss of self-confidence. In such a situation, abortion seems to them to be the only option.
Men “comfort” women with the fact that they can have a child later.
Gynecologist
The first doctor you should go to is the specialist who performed your operation, or your gynecologist. Why is it necessary to start with it?
The most common cause of post-abortion syndrome is a hormonal imbalance. Because of this, sometimes a woman herself cannot determine how to survive a medical abortion and why the anxiety does not leave her. In this case, a course of prescribed medications and vitamins will help normalize the condition of your body, which can only be prescribed to you by a specialist after studying the tests and characteristics of the female body.
How to get out of depression after an abortion
Not all women are depressed after an abortion.
But for many, grief from the loss of a child becomes a real psychological wound. Sometimes such conditions are called post-abortion syndrome, which is informally classified as a type of post-traumatic stress disorder. For some women, sad memories of an abortion come again and again, for others they are “muffled” by the mind to get rid of the pain.
In the first case, the woman often suffers from “triggers” (visual memories and sounds reminiscent of the abortion), nightmares, and thoughts caused by the abortion that increase her grief. But in the second case, suppressed emotions of grief can greatly harm everyday life through depression, anger, and irritability. This is sometimes called “emotional toxicity” (Peter Frost).
7 Signs of Emotional Toxicity:
- There is constant protection from someone or something;
- The perception of the surrounding reality changes;
- Biased criticism of everyone and everything;
- Life is ruled by uncertainty;
- The person does not feel like himself;
- Blocking emotions prevents you from moving forward;
- Inability to get rid of things that cause suffering.
All of the above may not be realized by a person. Patients do not connect what is happening with the psychological wound after an abortion. It is more difficult to understand cause and effect when the consequences appear after 10-15 years.
Sexologist
And the last specialist you need to contact is a sexologist. Since abortion is a serious decision for both partners, problems in sexual life often arise on this basis. One of these problems is decreased libido, in other words, lack of attraction to each other. Moreover, this disorder can manifest itself in both a man and a woman, so both of you should contact a specialist.
The doctor can prescribe medications that not only allow you to return to sexual activity, but also to sort out family problems that arose after the operation. Contacting a sexologist will help you find the answer to the question of how to survive stress after an abortion.
The effect of abortion on the mammary glands
Abortion affects not only the pelvic organs, but also the mammary glands. Hormones during pregnancy stimulate the production of lactocytes, the glandular cells of the alveoli. Abortion does not immediately stop this process; it continues, but uncontrollably. The result is the development of apoptosis (self-destruction of glandular tissue cells) and proteolysis (destruction of the lactocyte membrane).
Dead cells accumulate in the alveoli, immune system cells (phagocytes) remove them, and the alveoli “stick together.” The breast becomes very dense and painful, the process of decay of the epithelial cells of the mammary glands causes the development of tumors.
After a medical abortion, the breasts hurt longer and more severely, but if the pain does not go away within 10 days, you should immediately contact a gynecologist and undergo an ultrasound of the mammary glands. Breast pain is caused not only by hormonal changes, but also by other problems after an abortion. For example, this is how the body will react to the decomposition of the remains of the fertilized egg in the uterus, as well as to the development of an introduced infection.
A consultation with a gynecologist-mammologist is necessary if, some time after an abortion, a woman produces colostrum from her breasts. Its production is stimulated by the hormone prolactin. Prolonged and heavy discharge is a consequence of serious gynecological diseases, the development of which can be provoked by abortion.
Can't delay
The last thing worth saying about this problem is that many, for some reason, do not want to see a doctor and try to cope with the problem on their own until the last minute. But do not forget that if at the first stage of anxiety you were unable to overcome it on your own, then you should not delay contacting a specialist. The longer you wait, the deeper the roots of the problem will become, and it will be much more difficult to correct them. Don't be afraid to visit specialists. The sooner you seek help, the sooner you can return to your normal lifestyle.
When to contact a specialist
Attempts to cope on your own or with the help of loved ones will only be effective at the stage when the woman feels guilty, but her psychological state remains under control. If fears appear, sleep is disturbed, signs of clinical depression and other symptoms of post-abortion syndrome arise, then a psychiatrist will be needed.
More often, emotional, sensitive ladies face problems. If depression or behavioral disorders develop, it is impossible to cope with post-abortion syndrome only through conversations with a psychologist. Without special drug support, it will be difficult for a woman to normalize her condition.
In terms of the number of suicides, women suffering from the development of post-abortion syndrome are in 2nd place after alcoholics. Only specialists can help prevent such an outcome.
