Trust between people who love each other is one of the most important factors that influence the quality and duration of a relationship. Earning the trust of a loved one is quite difficult, but you can lose it if you stumble once. If you are faced with a similar problem and want to regain your partner’s trust, then read the recommendations of experts and other useful information.
- 2 For what reasons do they usually lose the trust of a husband or wife?
- 3 How to regain trust and win your loved one again
3.1 Video: how to create or renew trust in relationships between people
Talk about problems directly
Tense nerves are part of any collaboration: it is possible that sooner or later someone will begin to annoy you. Maybe your office neighbor chews gum disgustingly or listens to voicemails through speakers. Or maybe someone used your laptop and changed all the settings or broke the assembly and just left for lunch.
When someone on your team annoys you, talk to them directly. This approach conveys the message: “I value our working relationship, and I am willing to have uncomfortable conversations to make it even better.” And no less important: “You will know what kind of relationship we are in, I will not talk about you behind your back.” These conversations aren't always easy, but the alternative is worse.
Some people avoid uncomfortable discussions and allow their anger and resentment to fester until everything explodes. This almost always leads to destruction, the consequences of which are more difficult to understand than the initial irritation. Others avoid uncomfortable conversations by immediately reporting concerns to management. If you want to undermine trust in the team, run to complain to the boss. (As with everything, there are exceptions to this point: if the situation involves sexual or emotional abuse, violates ethics, or poses a physical threat, tell your boss.)
When people don't know how to handle uncomfortable and difficult conversations or think it's someone else's job to manage relationships in the office, trust is undermined. And therefore we need conditions that will allow us to maintain interpersonal communication.
What should people prepare for when trying to rebuild trust in their relationships?
The process of rebuilding trust will certainly not be easy or quick. If you choose to fight for your marriage or friendship, be prepared that your partner may do the following:
- anxiously express your emotions without particularly choosing your words;
- will try to hurt you as much as possible (both mentally and perhaps even physically) to compensate for the insult received from your infidelity or lies;
- will take all your words with distrust;
- will try to break off relations with you in every possible way;
- accuse you of various sins, even those that you have never committed.
Don't try to respond aggressively or hope that you will be forgiven for cheating or infidelity right away.
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Give your friend or loved one some time to analyze the situation and calm down. But don't delay the process of rebuilding trust, otherwise you will lose your love or friendship forever.
Share important information
Knowledge is power, but it gains even more power when it is shared. If someone on the team holds onto an opinion or feeling about the project and then comes back and says, “I knew right away this was a bad idea,” the rest of the team will be discouraged. If you don't like an idea or approach, say so.
Important information applies both to the task and to you personally. People tend to trust those they know and with whom they can relate. Shared impressions, common interests, and self-identity form a solid foundation on which to rely in the event of disagreement and conflict. Don't share any big secrets, but let other people know something about your life outside of work. It's hard to trust a stranger; it's much easier to trust someone with similar interests or problems.
Why should you worry about rebuilding trust in your relationship?
A relationship without trust is like a telephone that you cannot call. What do you do with such a thing? She becomes just a toy. This is the simple psychology of such relationships.
Can you understand the difference between casual dating and intimate relationships? Many define this by the feelings that one person experiences for another. For example, it could be love, affection and trust. They bind your relationship.
The path to moving to a new level in a relationship from a casual acquaintance to a friend or loved one is quite long. First you will learn more about each other. Then your relationship develops into mutual affection, and only when you can trust this person unconditionally will he or she take pride of place in your life.
Say no when you mean no.
Sometimes you just can't do one more task or favor that a colleague asks for. Most of us are programmed from an early age to please other people, so we fear being labeled "selfish" and "not a team player" if we refuse. But if you really can't do what you're asked, it's much fairer to say no and let the person find help elsewhere. If you say yes but fail to deliver, people will doubt your words.
If you can't say no, your yes means nothing.
If there is no trust, there can be no talk of close relationships.
People who don't trust their friends and spouses but stay in relationships are simply deceiving themselves and their loved ones. And indeed it is. If you have never trusted your friend or spouse, then your relationship was never real. If you have experienced this, and your friend or spouse has not made any effort to restore trust, you should cut such a person out of your life once and for all.
If the loss of trust was your fault (you cheated, lied, betrayed or broke your promises, etc.), you must make every effort to get your partner to trust you again and forgive your infidelity, betrayal or lies. Otherwise, you may lose this person forever.
Share what you know and what you don't know.
Share your knowledge, but be open to people sharing their opinions and let others shine. If you don't know the answer to a question, say so. There is nothing worse than a know-it-all who is wrong. Paradoxically, trust in your competence is also built when you admit that you do not know all the answers. Asking for help shows that you are genuine, and people for the most part love to help.
We enter a new team with a basic level of trust in all its members. This level can be low or high, depending on experience and perspective. But from this point on, every interaction is an opportunity to increase or decrease the level of trust. With all of the above, you now have the tools to build a strong foundation for developing trust within your team.
More about the book
Esther Derby
Psychology of change management
"7 main rules"
Following trust within the team, the road to change opens: cohesive teams accept them better. Esther Derby, an organizational change expert, suggests leaders use a gentle seven-step approach to change—her own methodology developed over many years of practice. Its consistent implementation will help organizational leaders to unite the team, identify and eliminate the company’s weaknesses and bring out the best qualities of employees.
How to regain trust and win your loved one again
Regardless of the reasons for the loss of trust, try these basic tips:
- take your time and be patient. It is impossible to quickly regain the trust of a loved one. Be prepared for the fact that it may take you a long time to reconcile;
- do not try to make peace with your partner when he is in an excited state and cannot adequately perceive your words. Give your loved one time to think it over, let off steam and calm down;
- In order for your partner to hear you, remorse for your actions must be sincere, and not demonstrative. Admit your mistakes, apologize to your partner, tell your loved one that you understand the pain you caused him;
- convey information to your partner in a calm and tactful manner;
You should convey the necessary information to your partner calmly and tactfully
- Don't wallow in your own guilt and try to forgive yourself. Your energy should be aimed at restoring relationships, and not at destroying your own inner world. Remorse is useful to a certain extent, but excessive self-torture takes a lot of strength from a person.
In this situation, you need to be patient and give your partner time. Agree with him that it won’t be possible to fix everything quickly, but you are ready to wait and give time. Admit your mistake, apologize, demonstrate understanding and calm. Tell your partner that you sincerely want to be with him and ask for forgiveness for the pain you caused.
Olga Krivitskaya, psychologist
https://www.intex-press.by/2018/02/02/otnosheniya-kak-vernut-doverie-partnera-posle-izmeny/
You can also try to “cover up” your partner’s negative emotions with bright and positive impressions. Such tactics, of course, will not restore trust, but will prepare the ground for further reconciliation. This method works especially well for the fair sex. That is why often guilty men give their loved ones expensive gifts or surprise them with other actions. Positive emotions help smooth out the pain and resentment of the victim, and also make him feel needed and loved.
A huge bouquet of flowers or other amazing gift will soften the pain and anger of an offended woman
However, with such tactics, the character of the partner should be taken into account. If your loved one is a strong and capricious person, then attempts at reconciliation on your part may cause him to experience a wave of sadistic aggression. “You’re not trying hard enough” - this could be the answer to your efforts and efforts.
Video: how to create or renew trust in relationships between people
Love and trust help save you from pain
The inner core helps to survive suffering, that is, self-love, self-confidence. But at the same time, a person who deeply believes in his own strengths and capabilities, who trusts himself, will also be trusting of the people around him, the world as a whole. People who trust themselves perceive other people as a reflection of themselves.
Fears towards people contribute to the kind of behavior that a person fears most.
If we trust ourselves, we are confident that the people around us have only positive qualities. And if we don’t trust, and our soul is filled with fears, then people will be forced to behave in accordance with our worst expectations.
Self-confidence is the ability to listen to your own inner voice.
Those who cannot believe in themselves and their own strengths never listen to their inner voice and act on momentary impulses. Gaining momentary pleasure from something seems to satisfy our needs. This helps us attract people and decisions into our lives that we don’t need at all. Their importance is only imagined, because we are afraid to listen to our true desires and understand what we really want - what job to work at, what people to communicate with.
We bring into our lives with our own hands something that completely coincides with our thoughts, erroneous desires and expectations.
What should you do to get your loved one to trust you again?
Let's consider a situation where you have really broken trust in some way, but you don't want to do that in the future, you repent and want to continue your close relationship. How to regain the trust of a loved one?
You have a difficult conversation ahead of you - you need to sincerely tell what happened, for what reasons you committed a questionable act and why you do not want to repeat it. Of course, say that you love and don’t want to part, that you are ready to correct mistakes and make the relationship better, more interesting, more trusting...
It is clear that it is difficult to be sincere and tell everything “in spirit” if a betrayal has occurred - but try to explain that you really consider the betrayal to be a mistake that you do not want to repeat, and the current relationship is of great importance to you.
It happens that the reason for mistrust becomes some situation that is quite common and acceptable for you, but for your boyfriend it is dubious and highly undesirable. For example, you think that sometimes you can go with a company to a club and relax there without your boyfriend (of course, without cheating on him), and in his opinion, unfree girls should go to clubs only with their “halves”, otherwise this is a reason for jealousy – after all, dating and flirting usually take place in clubs. In such cases, you will have to choose - either accept his vision of the situation and not do anything that will be difficult for this man to accept, or tactfully, gradually explain your views to him until he agrees with your opinion.
The influence of trust on relationships in adulthood
Love has a twin brother. Its name is trust.
If in the early months of his life a child develops a distrust of the world around him, he will not be able to trust a person and build relationships when he grows up.
We are used to drawing a parallel between our trust and the attitude and actions of the people around us. At first, we sincerely convince ourselves that the person will not betray us or give us a reason to suffer. We look for positive aspects in him that would serve as proof of his devotion. We subject every action to the most serious scrutiny in order to draw one single conclusion - whether this person can be trusted. One step to the side is enough and we immediately decide that in no case can we trust him, we cannot open our soul and heart to him, otherwise the result will be suffering and pain.
Trust depends on our ability to experience pain and recover from suffering.
The ability to experience pain depends on only one thing - whether we have grown spiritually, whether our Self has become an adult, whether we have gotten rid of childhood beliefs. When building relationships, we are afraid of the possibility of suffering pain, and this prevents us from opening up to a person and trusting him. When a person consciously matures, learns to endure pain and move on with life, he will be able to trust his partner, because he will no longer be alarmed by the possibility of pain. He will simply stop being afraid of her.
Adults who love penetrate each other's souls, but do not grow with each other. Therefore, if suddenly circumstances arise that bring pain, you will not have to tear yourself to pieces, tearing another person out of yourself with blood.
Trust in your loved one is the ability to interact, and not turn your partner into a means of getting your needs met.
Trust consists of many details. For example, if in our souls we trust ourselves, then we can overcome and survive the pain of humiliation or betrayal. Our self-love, self-acceptance is an island of salvation in the ocean of pain, injustice and rejection of us by those around us. Love for yourself, your inner world, is the saving light at the end of the dark tunnel of suffering.
