Much has been said about the relationship between play and learning. You can often hear the phrase from parents and teachers: “You’re already big, stop playing, get down to serious business!” And in fact, this led to the fact that children, like adults (after all, no one would deny that they were once children), forgot how to play. But thanks to the game, we remember a lot faster, easier and with pleasure. Sometimes it’s easier to remember a rule in the form of a rhyme, or, say, with a certain amount of humor. So, in today's publication we will tell you what the three P rule is.
What is hardening?
Summer is not only a time for fruits, a season of seas and good mood. Summer is an opportunity to acquire another useful habit - to start hardening. After all, in the summer people get sick less, and there are much more conditions for hardening procedures. In essence, hardening is training the body, which allows it to learn to quickly and timely respond to changes in conditions that are comfortable for it. At the same time, endurance and performance increase, and the mental and emotional state returns to normal. But first you should know what the three P rule is.
1.Systematic development and improvement of acquired skills
Both in work and in hobbies, you need to constantly practice systematically, or rather incessantly. Even if you have worked out certain patterns and learned a skill, don’t stop and develop it further. Don’t think that I already completely master this, that I no longer need to develop. There are no boundaries for perfection . If you no longer have equals, do not stop developing in any case.
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Three P's
From the point of view of hardening, we will divide people into three main groups. The first group is absolutely healthy people who get sick no more than once a year, visit the pool, go to the sauna. The second group is people with no experience of hardening, those who get sick no more than two or three times a year, and, finally, the third group of people with fragile health.
Despite the significant differences between the groups, we note that for everyone, without exception, who decides to engage in hardening, the rule of the three “Ps” should be followed: act constantly, gradually and consistently. Compliance with such simple rules at first glance will give you the opportunity to enjoy hardening and not harm your health.
The rule of three “Ps” in hardening is important. You should know that constant exposure produces a conditioned reflex that needs to be reinforced, which is why doctors recommend starting the procedure in the summer. Gradual hardening is an important stage at which people often make fatal mistakes, after which it takes a long time to restore their health. Consistency refers to the development of a program. There should be no sudden changes in methods of influence.
Speech protection. Learning to manage aggressionYu. V. Shcherbinina, 2020
Self-analysis (reflection)
Reflection (Late Latin reflexio - “turning back”, “bending, turning”) - a person’s turning to himself, to his knowledge or to his own state; thinking about oneself, a tendency to analyze one’s own experiences[3].
Reflection involves introspection, introspection and self-correction; close attention to your speech, reflection on your own behavior and systematic work to overcome shortcomings. In relation to verbal aggression, this is reflected in Russian proverbs: “Do not condemn without reasoning”; “The master of his anger is the master of everything”; “Do not give free rein to your tongue at a feast, or to your heart in anger”; “Hold your tongue and clench your heart in your fist.”
Let us remember the well-known riddle: there is “something”. An old woman walks past, looks and says: “Baba Yaga.” A soldier walks by and says: “Napoleon!” A girl comes up and exclaims: “Vasilisa the Beautiful!” What is this? Mirror. Reflection is looking at yourself in the mirror of the soul.
The depth of self-analysis depends on the degree of education of a person, the development of his moral qualities, the presence of life and professional experience, and the level of self-control.
Reflection allows you to find answers to many questions related to verbal aggression. What exactly made me so angry in this situation and why did I suddenly start cursing? Was it possible to avoid rudeness and behave differently? How could one react to such and such an offensive statement? Are there people I know who I would like to emulate in similar situations? Why do I often become a target for insults, ridicule, and gossip? What prevents me from adequately defending myself against verbal attacks?
The reflection process can be represented as an algorithm that reveals the sequence of mental actions. A person asks himself questions and tries to answer them himself.
Reflection allows us to identify the types of people who most often become victims of verbal attacks:
1) “red rag” (defiant, provocative);
2) “punching bag” (vulnerable, resigned);
3) “black sheep” (unlike others, different from the majority).
It’s worth considering whether you belong to any of these types, because aggression rarely arises out of nowhere. A verbal attack is usually preceded by reading information about the potential victim. The sources of this information are a person’s appearance, manners, general style of behavior and specific actions.
And you don’t even have to say anything - it’s enough to look “wrong” to immediately become the object of accusations, ridicule, barbs or malicious gossip. For example, visiting a low-income family wearing an expensive fur coat; show up tanned and rested to the office with employees exhausted by the heat and work; to be modestly dressed at a pretentious party or too brightly dressed at an interview for a job or defending a dissertation... There are a lot of examples, but there is only one conclusion: a candidate for the role of a victim of verbal aggression is often identified precisely by his clothes.
A reflective approach to solving communication problems also helps to “separate the flies from the cutlets”:
• do not equate personality and action (“Now he was rude to me, but overall he is a kind and sympathetic person!”);
• find positive aspects in a negative situation (“Yes, he refuses to wash the dishes, but he warmed up dinner”);
• do not confuse the particular with the general (does he “generally”, “always”, “constantly” behave this way or “just now”?).
Reflexive control of verbal aggression involves an element of creativity in the analysis and assessment of one’s own and others’ behavior. So, reflecting on a problematic situation (we had a fight, were rude, offended, slandered, etc.), we first find ourselves in the role of a writer
and
an artist
(we mentally write a story and draw a picture), and then - in the role
of an architect
(we create a behavior plan for the future).
How does this happen in practice?
First, we describe everything that happened to ourselves. Moreover, it is very useful to imagine the situation in a figurative form, for example, in the form of some kind of symbol or vivid metaphor. Most often, verbal abuse and offensive attacks are associated with natural disasters (hail, thunder, fire, flood). A hot-tempered person is compared to a tiger, a treacherous person to a snake, an unpleasant person to talk to a toad, etc.
At the same time, we outline the situation itself in as much detail as possible: we restore the maximum number of details and furnishing elements; we remember the gestures, postures, and facial expressions that accompanied the speech; we reproduce specific statements (who said what, asked, answered, objected, etc.).
Then, based on the analysis, we create an alternative model of speech behavior. To do this, we think through communication strategies, select words and expressions that will allow us to avoid verbal aggression or adequately repel a verbal blow in similar cases.
Very often, just thinking about a situation allows you to change your attitude towards it. After all, thinking is a kind of “roundabout” of a problem: looking at it “from above” and “from the outside.” Being indignant or offended, we are in the thick of passions and find ourselves at the mercy of negative emotions. By reflecting and analyzing, we “rise above the fray” - we step back and distance ourselves from negative experiences.
“No one calls for silently enduring insults, but immediately because of this, overestimating all human values, putting down the very meaning of life - this is also, you know... luxury. More valuable to yourself, as they say. Prudence is not a thing from a knight's chest, but it is safe. Yes, sir. You can disagree, you can smile condescendingly, you can even smile contemptuously... Go ahead. When you brandish yourself with theatrical swords, when you are kicked out of everything with a bang, when despair overwhelms you, come to us, the prudent ones, to drink tea.”
These reasonings of the hero of Vasily Shukshin’s story “The Resentment” well illustrate the position of a reflective person. Prudence is a quality accurately named by the writer that allows you to correctly assess life situations and act on the basis of informed decisions.
There is one more important point. Reflecting on our behavior, we often come to the conclusion that the cause of an aggressive state, a hostile reaction, may be low self-esteem, turning us either into an aggressor (“The best defense is an attack”) or a victim (“I’m weak - I’m easily offended ").
The basis for low self-esteem may be a negative internal attitude
[4] - initial lack of confidence in one’s own abilities and capabilities. On the one hand, such an attitude determines self-programming for failure, lack of hope for success, and a premonition of failure. On the other hand, a person expects aggression from the outside, predicts threats against him, and prepares himself to experience resentment.
Why do negative attitudes arise? The famous psychologist Yu. M. Orlov explains their presence or absence by a type of thinking - pathogenic
or
sanogenic.
The main features of pathogenic thinking [29]:
• separation from reality, destructive fantasies (for example, when thinking about an insult, a person involuntarily begins to anticipate the punishment of the offenders and involuntarily develops plans for revenge);
• accumulation of negative experience (the offended becomes touchy, the aggressive becomes even more aggressive);
• lack of reflection, complete involvement in the situation (inability to be “above the quarrel”, “to rise above the fray”);
• lack of desire to get rid of negative experiences - resentment, jealousy, fear, shame, dissatisfaction (“cultivating” these feelings within oneself);
• unawareness of mental operations that give rise to emotion, and, as a consequence, inability to control one’s states.
As we see, pathogenic thinking forms negative behavioral attitudes and corresponding forms of speech. Pathogenic thinking can be defined as anti-reflective: self-reflection is replaced by “self-criticism” - collecting negative memories, cultivating doubts, fears, and grievances.
This kind of thinking is unconstructive and destructive. According to the correct statement of Aristotle, “the bow string cannot be kept constantly taut - it will spoil.” If a person who is accustomed to thinking in this way is also internally inclined to be rude or sarcastic, he will most likely behave aggressively. If such a person, on the contrary, feels dependent on circumstances and incapable of resolving conflicts, he will often become a victim of verbal attack.
The pathogenic type of thinking is easily recognized by the following characteristic judgments.
All people are cruel and thick-skinned - nothing can get through them.
I really want to solve this problem, but I know for sure that I won’t succeed.
I am tormented by past grievances, I often remember my offenders and dream of taking revenge on them.
I often have to resort to rudeness, but I never consider myself guilty - people themselves run into trouble.
I like to dream about how great it is to be strong and influential so that others will fear me and obey me unquestioningly.
When I am offended, I cannot calm down for a long time; I go over in my memory many times everything that was said to me.
I rarely think about how to behave in a given situation: if I am attacked, I respond in kind (or: I usually get lost and don’t know what to answer).
In a quarrel, I do not choose expressions and give out the first thing that comes to mind - let the person think for himself before attacking me.
I have a whole bunch of negative experiences accumulated in my soul - at least organize a museum!
I don’t know why I’m so irritable (hot-tempered, jealous, touchy), but I’m too lazy to think about it.
Sanogenic thinking, on the contrary, helps reduce intrapersonal conflict, reduces tension in communication, and allows you to control emotions, needs and desires. It is very important, notes Yu. M. Orlov, that sanogenic thinking “quenches the negative charge contained in memories of situations in which a person experienced suffering.”
The main features of sanogenic thinking [29]:
• reflection, which allows us to separate our “I” from situations and images with negative emotional content;
• specific representation of experienced mental states and, consequently, their control;
• broadening one's horizons and internal culture;
• understanding the origins of stereotypes and cultural behavior programs;
• high level of focus and concentration on objects of reflection.
Thus, sanogenic thinking is positive, creative thinking, focused on living in peace, harmony, harmony with oneself and the people around you.
This type of thinking can be identified by the following judgments.
I often think about my attitude towards other people and their attitude towards me.
It is always important for me to understand the causes of conflicts, quarrels, grievances and understand my own and other people’s mistakes.
I don’t like it when something is imposed, I’m used to thinking and making decisions on my own.
I try not to concentrate on negative experiences and look for opportunities to get rid of them.
I can think for a long time about my own behavior and relationships with people, and look for optimal solutions to problems.
In acute situations, I try to choose my words especially carefully and predict the responses of my interlocutors.
I am interested in learning something new about human characters and the behavior of people in different circumstances.
I like to analyze my statements and actions and compare them with the actions of other people.
I closely follow what is happening in the world, I try to keep abreast of the main events.
I like to observe other people, note mistakes in their behavior, and take successful moments into my own arsenal.
Refusal of pathogenic and development of sanogenic thinking is a direct prerequisite for overcoming the tendency to verbal aggression and minimizing its expectations from the outside.
Five types of procedures
In hardening, the rule of three “Ps” is used. We discussed what this means above; now we should move on to practical exercises.
- Firstly, this is the simplest way - morning air baths, which should be taken outdoors in light clothing for 15 minutes.
- Secondly, it is rubbing off in the morning with a damp towel.
- Thirdly, this is dousing, which is better to start in the summer. The water should be 34–36 degrees, and every five days the water temperature should be reduced by one or two degrees.
- Fourthly, this is a contrast shower. A person should stand under hot water for several minutes, and then under cool water. The number of such alternations should not exceed 5–7 times.
- And finally, the fifth type of hardening procedures is a cool shower. In this case, you should remember that the temperature of the contrast shower should be slightly lower than room temperature; while standing under such a shower, do not forget to knead your body with your palms.
But no matter what type of procedure you are involved in, remember the rule of the three “Ps”, which should be followed regardless of your level of training.
Principle #3: Before you parent, educate yourself.
The essence of this principle is that children become like their parents. They read and absorb, like a sponge, all the information from their parents, adopt their lifestyle, behavior, presentation in society, everyday life, character traits (both good and bad). Any of us knows these patterns. But parents forget about this and want to “fashion” their child into a real person, practically without flaws, practically ideal. Forgetting about yourself. This is completely wrong!
English proverb about the example of parents
Only by objectively assessing your essence, analyzing your strengths and weaknesses, patterns of behavior and your life principles, can you become a teacher for someone. First you need to know yourself, remember what principles of upbringing your parents adhered to. Children are able to copy the behavior of their mothers and fathers to the smallest detail. They also adopt habits and relationships in the family.
Children copy their parents in everything
Advice to parents: never sort things out in front of your children. Being in an atmosphere of quarrels and scandals, the child also grows up as a conflicted person, believing that this is quite normal.
What not to do
And yet every woman sometimes doubts her actions. When she is overwhelmed by romantic thoughts, sensations and emotions, she is able to plunge headlong into the pool, without looking back at other people’s opinions and someone’s stupid prejudices. If there are strong feelings, the mind tends to become dull, turn off for a moment, giving free rein to the emotional component. In a fit of passion, what is called love often happens - something that is directly related to it, namely passionate attraction, sexual desire and the sexual act itself. But it also happens that a girl doubts her choice, her intentions, her actions. To trust a man or not? Will he call after a wild night on the third date or will he disappear from her life? Will their three-day story continue or will the girl again be left alone with nothing?
Very often women are frightened by these very questions, this uncertainty and this unknown. Here we can only advise you to trust your instincts and your beliefs: if you feel an emerging attachment to a man, feel mutual affection and warmth from him, look into his eyes and, as they say, drown in them - why not indulge in your desires? Take action. Those who do not take risks may be left with nothing. However, if on a subconscious level you feel some kind of barrier between you and a young man, if a shadow of distrust of him creeps into your feelings, it makes sense to abstain from sexual intercourse and wait a while, paying attention to how the man will behave further . Believe me, yours will not leave you. And if the guy didn’t call you after you “ignored” his sexual assault on the third date, then this man is not your man.
