Nowadays you can hear the word “masochist” very often. What does it really mean and what is masochism? Most people will say with confidence that a masochist is a person who receives moral and physical satisfaction from pain. In fact, the answer lies much deeper. First of all, a masochist has a number of mental illnesses. It is difficult for such people to build long-term and harmonious relationships in society.
What is masochism
A masochist is characterized by the most humiliated self-esteem of all possible personality types. At its core, this is a person who has given himself, on a conscious or unconscious level, the title of humiliated and loser. Moreover, the principle of such thinking is based not only on the thought of the injustice of the world, but also the worthlessness of man himself. Such individuals are characterized by pessimism. Masochists experience hatred, jealousy, resentment, anger and similar feelings towards their environment.
What is masochism
What feelings is the structure of masochism based on:
- guilt;
- shame;
- fear.
Self-criticism is extremely rare in such people. A masochist often does not recognize in himself all the listed signs of his pathology. More likely, he will see it in one of his acquaintances. Therefore, insight and independent healing are not at all characteristic of them. Some collisions arise here: when a person blames himself for his troubles, but in the wrong direction; when he blames everyone around him and sees the surrounding injustice as the cause of himself.
Psychological masochism - causes.
What are the causes of psychological masochism? Experts see them in abnormal development, even in childhood. The parents of a psychiatric masochist are usually overprotective and dominant. As a child, such a person was surrounded by guardians, he felt that he could not express his opinion. All attempts to show any independence were suppressed. The psychomasochist could not show his feelings and emotions in the past - every time he did this, he experienced a feeling of humiliation.
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The Making of a Masochist
Masochism may be present to varying degrees in a person’s personality along with other psychotypical characteristics. The manifestation of pure masochism requires mandatory psychotherapeutic treatment. The latter will take place in a complex form, since masochists experience the whole range of negative emotions, so the specialist needs to work through more than one specific situation.
Reasons for acquiring masochistic traits:
- pain/humiliation;
- limitation;
- pressure, etc.
Formation occurs gradually. Therefore, most often such a manifestation (as well as many other psychopathologies) is formed in childhood. In this case, the reason may not necessarily be an unfavorable situation in the family, but also other negative experiences: communication with peers, undergoing long-term and emotionally difficult treatment, etc. Unfortunate circumstances that occur in a person’s life must be somehow explained on an intuitive level. Even a child has such a need for himself. Therefore, sometimes the situation finds a way out in masochism. That is, a person explains to himself the reason contained in himself.
Manifestation of masochism
How to get rid of masochism?
Masochism is considered a psychological addiction. Treatment of masochism requires individual or group psychotherapy. No medication can completely rid a person of the problem; they can only relieve tension and calm down. If you feel masochistic tendencies in yourself, which is manifested by frequent aggression, self-flagellation, dissatisfaction, and the desire to cause even greater harm to yourself, you will need the help of experienced psychologists.
To fully understand who a sadist and masochist is, you need to know not only what other people want, but also what you yourself want. In the life of every person, it is important not to hide your emotions, but to express them, to express them. If you feel offended, bad, cold and hurt, do not hesitate to say so. Learn to accept help from others and be aware of your own desires. This will make your life much easier and make it complete.
Categorization
Typification of masochism:
- primary type, when you hurt yourself;
- the secondary one endures when another is hurt.
Despite the fact that it is difficult for a masochist to rejoice in existence, the first type builds his life precisely around his unhappy person and comprehensively feels sorry for himself because when he suffered pain, which found a way out in masochism. The second type builds their life around the pain of other people. Codependent persons are often born from the second category. The explanation for this is the negative experience that occurred before the eyes of the masochist in the distant past with another person (with whom he deeply empathized during these negative moments).
How to recognize a masochist
Independently identifying a masochist in a crowd is unlikely to be successful for a non-professional. Despite their self-distance from what they consider to be a successful environment, such people do not shy away from the masses. They follow it because the distance should be explained by isolation (and these are characteristics of other psychotypes). Visual signs are clothing that hides the body and hands hidden in pockets (not crossed over the chest). The explanation for this is low self-esteem.
If we cite specific images as an example, then girls of this type, at the beginning of their acquaintance, seem to be feminine, weak natures that men want to take care of. However, this subsequently turns into a kind of torture for the partner. Men in this case, at first glance, are rather serene romantics.
Pleasure from pain as fiction
The topic of pleasure from pain (emotional and physical) in the field of masochism is not so simple. It cannot be said that a masochist gets a so-called thrill from his own suffering. He has a special attitude towards painful sensations, not quite similar to the sensations of other psychotypes. Since masochism is opposed to sadism, one important difference can be identified here: the sadist experiences true pleasure mixed with gloating from the humiliation of others.
Masochism - pleasure from pain
As for the question of unconditional acceptance of pain and receiving true satisfaction from it for a masochist, this is not entirely true. A masochist is essentially a person forced to defend himself from real and imaginary enemies. He knows how to defend himself and does it. He doesn’t get into trouble and avoids direct danger, but then he does it unconsciously in a different situation. This is not an element of evil revenge, but a kind of justice in the mind of a masochist. The response to an imaginary offense in this case is natural for them. He may be unconscious.
What is the difference between sadism and masochism?
Sadism is the tendency to commit violence for the purpose of obtaining pleasure from the suffering of others. Initially, this symptom manifested itself exclusively in the sexual sphere of a person’s life, but today it has become more widespread, affecting the most banal everyday situations. So, for example, violence can be psychological, while the sadist takes pleasure in inflicting mental trauma on a person.
Unlike sadism, masochism is aimed at causing violence to oneself, but in the unconscious area such concepts are inseparable. The sadist not only derives satisfaction from the violence of the object, but also from becoming this object. In the same way, a masochist, through his suffering, seeks to punish the tormentor and evoke a feeling of guilt. A sadist and a masochist can combine pleasure and suffering. The only thing that distinguishes them from each other:
- sadism is directed towards an object;
- masochism is directed at the subject.
It's like two sides of the same coin. In this case, masochism can subsequently transform into sadism. Such people do not feel guilty and find justification for their every action. The more pronounced sadistic inclinations are, the more a person will need periodic self-humiliation - masochism. After violent aggression, the latent masochist will become submissive and quiet, and begin to ask for forgiveness for his actions.
Theme of sexual pleasures
No matter how strange it may be for many ordinary people, masochism has nothing to do with the topic of sex. We are talking here specifically about understanding the world and one’s feeling in it. The rest is just projection. That is why masochism manifests itself in love and in other types of relationships.
The theme of paired sexual interaction between a masochist and a sadist in its extreme manifestations can be significant for both people specifically in this area. That is, it is characterized precisely as a sexual deviation if it goes beyond the scope of human security and does not lend itself to understanding about standard satisfaction.
How to recognize a masochist: 3 main qualities
Such people are prone to passive-aggressive forms and manipulative actions. Such qualities appear in childhood, when a person feels internal psychological discomfort. A masochist is always offended and suffers, expecting similar actions from others.
Such people are characterized by passive waiting, accusation and punishment. They live by the principle: to experience pain and humiliation by any means necessary. Psychologists divide masochists into the following groups:
- thinking type (plays out scenes in his thoughts);
- symbolic type (the actions of such a person are difficult to predict, they are unpredictable, such a masochist expects extraordinary actions from those around him).
- masochists with traits of complete degradation (as a rule, this type of people does not lend itself to the help of psychologists).
Friendship
It is worth noting that the inability to rejoice in the happiness or success of another person, in extreme terms, can turn out to be a plus. This is due to the masochist’s increased empathy for the grief of others. Here both the first and second types can manifest themselves. It’s just that in the second case, the passion for someone else’s grief will be total, and in the first, it will be exceptional. It doesn’t matter that this is a slightly perverse experience, since grief is his element and only in it is he truly strong.
Manifestation of masochism
Yes, this borders somewhat on satisfaction. But it is rather satisfaction from the fact that a person can finally show his strengths (although essentially his weaknesses), joining in with the idea that it is not only bad for him in this world. However, this should not be confused with malicious pleasure. This is the characteristic of a sadist. Therefore, both sides reveal advantages for themselves: the one experiencing grief and the empathetic one in the person of a masochist (and somewhat in a distorted format). For a suffering person, this can become a consolation and a way of healing. But she will not delve into the motivation of the supporting masochist.
Psychosocial masochism - treatment.
What does treatment for an emotional masochist look like? As with other personality disorders, long-term psychotherapy will be the best method. Thanks to regular meetings, the masochist can analyze the mechanisms that contributed to the malformation of the masochistic personality under the supervision of an experienced specialist.
A masochist who is accustomed to proving the futility of his situation can make treatment difficult, since it is aimed at freeing him from feelings of resentment. An experienced therapist will cope with this situation and help the patient free himself from “forbidden” feelings and regain his pleasure in life.
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Hello! This is a blog on psychology, in which significant attention is paid to the topics of psychological violence - abuse, narcissism, relationships, personal crises, taking responsibility for one's life, increasing self-esteem, existential problems. The cost of consulting a psychologist is 3000 rubles/hour, in person (Moscow, Maryina Roshcha metro station), or via Skype About us/Make an appointment
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Love
A masochist has a very difficult situation with love relationships. Often, all their relationships end with a reproach towards the other half. Some relationships can last a long time and lead to family and children, but a couple usually does not experience satisfaction from such a union after a long period of living together. It is very difficult to adapt to a masochist. An example is a woman who lives not her own life, but the life of her children. Such people may be sincerely invested in a relationship, but remain victims. At the same time, the thesis that the world revolves around their grief or the grief of another person (depending on the type) does not disappear anywhere.
Although the other half must fundamentally understand what she is getting into by marrying such a person, since the manifestations of his personality are revealed early. A common pattern of relationships looks like this: a masochist begins to invest in the relationship and after a while demands a response in return. In an amount acceptable in his opinion. Again, in his opinion, he does not receive the treatment he deserves and from that moment begins to press for pity. Sometimes in an aggressive (but not overly) manner.
Aggressive form of manifestation of masochism
The positive for the chosen one is that masochists are not very prone to cheating and constant parallel relationships. Usually these are faithful people who remain in their familiar conditions. Even if they hate them. They are more likely to be characterized not by volitional withdrawal from relationships, but by continuing to live with constant dissatisfaction with others.
Psychological masochism - symptoms
A person susceptible to psychological masochism may complain of problems in relationships. Torments others with an eternal feeling of resentment. When the environment tries to make him realize that the world is not so bad or minimizes the masochist's problems, he may react with anger and subconsciously provoke an attack. Thus, the masochist proves how hopeless his position is - he has just experienced a feeling of resentment and rejection. What is psychological masochism? Such a person's symptoms best reflect the criteria for a personality disorder.
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A person suffering from psycho-masochism:
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- he can't help himself, he rejects people who want to support him
- he usually makes choices that lead to failure, although he sees other options
- this provokes people to attack, after which he experiences the well-known feeling of defeat and humiliation
- cannot tolerate feelings of satisfaction and satisfaction, rejects situations that may be associated with them
- he can't handle success, he reacts to guilt
- it attracts accidents
- he helps others but cannot take care of himself despite having sufficient resources
- he sacrifices people who don't expect it and rejects those who are good at it
Interesting Facts
This is not an active schizoid type or choleric person. His actions cannot be certain. Such individuals are not truly strong. They could have experienced truly great adversity, and yet the fact of their existence cannot be taken as strength of spirit. By their nature, they have become truly weak emotionally and often even physically.
The lack of a positive charge results in their physical emptiness. If we talk about a 100% masochist type, and not a personality diluted with other psychotypes, then he often has no interest in additional activities and hobbies. He only has enough strength to lead a measured life, moving from home to work. There are not enough internal resources for anything more.
Physical emptiness of masochists
However, at work they can become indispensable specialists, dedicating themselves to it as much as they would to a person in a relationship. At the same time, their measured performance will be accompanied by the same dissatisfaction and, one might say, “whining.” This is not a completely apathetic person. The correct definition is pessimist. From time to time, a masochist goes through stages of involvement in something, and throughout his life he simply conscientiously treats his responsibilities. But he always has enough strength for negative emotions. Without excessive aggression and without the desire to humiliate others, like a sadist.
Forms of masochism
Often the concept of masochism includes the idea of special sexual behavior in which a person receives pleasure from violence and enslavement. Moreover, a pronounced masochist strives to be really beaten or receive other physical influences, as well as humiliation.
There is still debate whether such preferences are a mental disorder or a full-fledged human choice. At the moment, “sexual masochism disorder” can be diagnosed in the case of repeated and intensely repeated desires to receive pleasure in the process of violence for six months. At the same time, significant violations must be observed in social, professional and other areas of activity.
American researchers tend to identify the “self-harmful principle of masochism disorder,” which manifests itself as the desire to harm oneself. A person rejects help and people who treat him well, tends to get involved in deliberate adventures, “run into trouble,” and evaluate himself and his achievements extremely low.
Everyday masochism is more emphasized by sociologists than by psychologists. It is believed that it consists of choosing partners who suppress a person. At the same time, a person perceives such an attitude towards himself as a manifestation of positive qualities. For example, “he hits and doesn’t listen to my opinion because he is a real strong-willed man.”
Female masochism was highlighted separately by many researchers and psychologists, in particular, Sigmund Freud and Helen Deutsch. Its meaning is largely explained by a certain female given, biology. For example, a girl’s sexual life begins with pain at the first contact; Menstruation and childbirth, as well as feeding children, have a masochistic character of pleasure through pain. Therefore, Deutsch emphasized women's biological and physiological predisposition to masochism, as well as the likely associated higher incidence of social masochism. Being a woman, from her point of view, is normal - to be a little masochistic.
How to deal with a masochist
If you want to be friends and enter into a relationship with a masochist, you will have to accept him for who he is. You won't be able to change this deep-rooted structure on your own. It will also not work to charge you with your own positivity while being in a relationship with him for a long time. A masochist is capable of such adoption of emotions for a short time and from an unfamiliar person (who has not yet managed to disappoint him).
Take note!
The main line of behavior is constant encouragement. Emotional shocks and humiliation are unacceptable. That is, you will have to constantly be tolerant of pessimism and expect that even when given encouragement, the masochist will also respond pessimistically.
It should be remembered that the main positive criterion for a relationship with such a person is fidelity. Loyalty to the situation he is in and the person he is with (unfortunately, to himself).
Fighting a masochistic personality type
Often a masochist does not see flaws in his psyche, but those around him suffer greatly. Therefore, first you need to recognize this problem. Often such people come to a specialist, being simply overly tired of their unhappy life. And only at the reception it becomes clear that the problem is not in those around them and not in the fact that they are losers. It's about their perception of current events. Having understood their problem, people do not always have the desire and resources to change (again due to their masochism, which seems like a vicious circle).
Fighting a masochistic personality type
If you want to overcome such a routine, you will have to work long and hard. The main line of therapy is the emergence of self-confidence. Not the revival of something recently lost, but its cultivation. Which is extremely difficult against the backdrop of such a large list of negative emotions and views.
Most often, a purely masochistic view of things is less common than its mixture. For example, with hysterical or schizophrenic. Such people are more inclined to independently and speculatively assess the situation happening to them and want to correct it. In this case, the results of therapeutic treatment will be more successful.
Is it necessary to fight this phenomenon?
This is the most difficult question. As a rule, however, relatives of masochists are determined to fight it when:
- a woman once again finds herself in an atmosphere of domestic violence;
- they are frightened by coffins, wreaths, whips and other paraphernalia that excites their relative;
- desires begin to significantly affect a person’s social contacts;
- when a person is constantly found to have serious physical injuries.
That is, when manifestations of masochism are pronounced. And also when it is in the nature of illegal actions.
There are also situations when people themselves want to fight masochistic tendencies because such addiction does not resonate with their sexual partners and threatens the integrity of the family. Or in the case when such thoughts and fantasies become obsessive and interfere with normal functioning and work.
But, in a number of other cases, masochism remains an acceptable form for both partners, and they do not want to correct this feature. Perhaps in this case it is not worth fighting him.
Real reviews
Valery Vinogradov
I am not a 100% masochist and I do not undergo treatment anywhere. But I have these traits mixed with another type. Hysterical, if I'm not mistaken. In general, such a hysterical masochist is, of course, an explosive mixture. I do not envy myself or others. But at least I realize that I have these problems. I just justify myself with my positive traits. After all, we all belong to one type or another. If you don’t have a clinic, then you can live.
Ivan Sergienko
I am a man and a true masochist. And it sounds really obscene somehow. They distorted the meaning of the word. Although, in its direct sense, nothing particularly pleasant. Both in theory and in practice. In general, you still need treatment. It is extremely difficult to rebuild, but it is possible.
Is masochism a disease?
Some psychiatrists believe that masochism may be a personality trait , but the vast majority tend to consider it deviant behavior, or masochistic personality disorder, although there is no established diagnosis of masochism.
However, the situation can change radically, because such a perversion greatly interferes with a person’s life and work and complicates relationships with people .
Causes of masochism - problems with parents, psychological trauma, deviations
