Life is a non-stop movement, becoming more complex and faster every year. Throughout the journey, a person encounters obstacles that require serious decisions and radical actions. Sometimes they divide life into “before” and “after,” killing faith in happiness and preventing you from moving on. The stumbling block may be a failed relationship, missed opportunities, or the loss of something or someone dear. Negative events leave an indelible imprint and become constant companions that prevent you from moving on with your life.
By focusing on negative aspects, a person personally puts his life on hold, forgetting that he cannot stop time. It inexorably slips away, turning the future and present into an unremarkable past. In an attempt to move to the next level and start living again, people wonder how to forget the past, let go of the pain they have experienced and move on. The situation can be resolved by understanding human psychology, which explains the reasons for the current situation.
Every day is a new opportunity
Look at each day as a gift given to you by life itself. Like a new beginning, a new chance and a new opportunity for you to create something better and new. Every new day is a new opportunity to offer more value to the world around you and reveal more of your abilities and aspirations. Every day is a new life, every moment is a precious gift. So make the best of every day and moment.
“Every day is a new beginning, a chance to do with it what needs to be done, and should not be seen as just another day to live.”
— Catherine Pulsifer
Here are some tips to help you start over and rebuild your life from scratch.
We need to close the gestalt
The word “gestalt” has become very popular in recent years; only a few people understand its meaning.
When there is a lot left unsaid, unlived, unforgiven and unclear between you - this is ballast. This means that your communication was simply at zero level. There was no intimacy and trust, and with them love and understanding.
And yes, this tail will follow you not only with obsessive thoughts, difficult memories, but also with repeated men. Until you learn your lesson and understand yourself.
To get rid of the feeling of incompleteness, you don’t need to go back - you need to get feedback from a man. Talk to him and put an end to it without any offense.
Come to terms with what happened
You failed, you made the wrong decision, you made a mistake - it has already happened. Humble yourself, no matter how hard it may be.
Embrace this moment as if you chose it, and you will be at peace throughout your life's journey. It is impossible to start life again if you are fixated on the current situation. Learn your lessons and come to terms with it.
“Even though no one can go back and start over, anyone can start from this point and start a new ending.”
— Karl Bard
Still love
Perhaps this is the only option when it’s really worth trying again. I admit the possibility that you quarreled in the heat of the moment... BUT!
In a harmonious relationship, in the very ones that are called love, the partners would not be separated by a trifle, an emotional crisis, or even a global catastrophe on a local scale.
In such relationships, a man and a woman learn to meet each other halfway, and even the most serious conflicts or problems will force development, not decline. In such relationships, no one slams the door, rolls their eyes into hysterics, and never gives up.
If you think that the breakup happened out of stupidity, there are only two possible options. Either you will develop together and bring the relationship out of stagnation, or there is no point in this.
If the feelings are mutual, you will rethink a lot. But don't fool yourself.
Yesterday is already history
“Yesterday is history and tomorrow is unknown” is the perspective and attitude you should bring to every situation. In other words, don't hold on to the past. Instead, focus on experiencing the present moment as best you can.
Attachment to the past prevents you from moving forward. So, it doesn't matter if you made a bad decision, made a mistake, or perhaps failed in achieving your desired goals. All this is now in the past. If you want to start over, then yes, by all means, learn from those experiences, but don't continue to focus on them if they don't serve you in the present moment.
“To greet the beautiful morning, we must leave the night behind.”
— Tarang Sinha
Get started now
It's never too late to rekindle your feelings, but the sooner you start working on it, the better. If you delay this moment, you will have to deal with more problems, resentments and negativity: “It is always better to take a proactive approach to solving problems in relationships and sex, but this is very difficult for many couples because they do not want to rock the boat.” However, there is a possibility that such conversations will not lead to the desired results. “Couples psychotherapy is not intended to save relationships, but to help people understand their needs and desires. Many relationships exist without intimacy, sex or love, but they can break down at any moment,” says Moyle. It could be a love affair or something more routine like being late at work or being overly involved in your hobby.
Engage in self-reflection and self-evaluation
Yes, this involves revisiting the past, but since you are no longer tied to the past, this experience will be incredibly rewarding and valuable.
Your period of self-reflection, self-evaluation and introspection will allow you to see clearly the events and circumstances that have led you to this point in your life. There are no more regrets or strong emotional feelings associated with these events and circumstances. Instead, you look back at them objectively so you can use what you've learned and start over.
Be realistic
Of course, you would like to return to those glory days when you first met and could not tear yourself away from each other. But since then life has changed a lot. Perhaps you didn't have children at the time or didn't have to work as hard to increase your income. Over time, you have discovered qualities in your partner that irritate you, because at first you did not know each other very well. Here's what Major says: “It won't be the same again because now you know so much more about your partner and what it's like to live with him or her. It all depends on what you consider being in love. There is an opinion that falling in love helps a couple get together; when it passes, a deeper, more complex and richer sense of intimacy emerges. And this doesn’t mean that partners no longer think each other is cool, interesting and sexy.”
Create a new action plan
By now, you should have a lot of clarity about the next steps you could take in your journey. You have learned from the past and through self-analysis you now fully understand what your strengths and weaknesses are. Now is the time to set some goals and create an action plan for this new beginning you are creating for yourself.
Your first goal is to set some goals. Make sure these goals are measurable and realistic. They should be effective at keeping you motivated and focused for a long time.
Got bored
Actually, this is not an excuse. Well, seriously... In order for life not to be boring, it needs to be filled, and not concentrated in one person. And the ability to fill your life is directly proportional to your development. Emotional and intellectual.
Even when in a relationship, self-sufficient people need personal space and time for themselves.
If after your breakup life has become bland and uninteresting, do not return to the relationship. Look for ways to develop.
And don’t be led by emotional hunger when IT suddenly pops up in your messenger with an offer to meet for coffee. Because (there is a high probability) in the morning you will find yourself in his bed in even more irritation.
Change your thinking and habits
So, perhaps, having decided to start your life again, you have set fantastic goals for yourself and you could very well create an effective plan of action to achieve them. However, this does not guarantee that you will complete these steps. Now you need to work on developing the necessary mindset and habits that help support these actions.
The goal you are striving for requires certain things from you. It requires you to become a certain type of person, working toward a certain set of standards that will help you achieve that goal. If you fall below a certain level of performance, it will significantly hinder your progress. Therefore, you must describe what this new goal requires of you in order to make it a reality.
Lonely old age and forty cats
Old age with forty cats a priori cannot be lonely. Just one cat and you already have company. :) But it’s better to meet her with both a cat and a worthy man?
Now no jokes. A self-sufficient person never feels oppressive loneliness. This is such a vicious circle: you use time for your benefit and people come into your life for your benefit.
Think of the relationship as a living organism. Your personal inner happiness is exactly 50 percent of his immunity, like the happiness of your partner, a kind of strengthening vitamins.
Vitamin deficiency - and the system already fails. And it will be very difficult to make up for the losses.
That is why do not get involved or return to relationships based on a lack of personal happiness and confidence, they will always be inferior.
When new fans aren't stacked at your feet or languishing in line, banish the idea that your ex "wasn't so bad."
Work on your self-esteem, honey.
He doesn't let go
Your ex could be manipulative. If you broke up badly, but he keeps establishing contact and gives hope - be careful. When he appears, then suddenly disappears, then appears again to remind of himself, he is playing.
This is pure manipulation and even emotional abuse.
You think that he loves you and cannot forget you. He promises to improve and gently comments on the photos in your profile, and then everything repeats.
While you are being fooled, you are depriving yourself of the chance to move on to a new life.
I've already walked around
“He knows me so well, and we’re used to each other - what more do you need? Not everyone loves to the grave”... This is not a reason to come back, dear.
There are girls who are “tired” in life. They believe that there is no point in straining, wasting time, registering on dating sites, sorting through profiles, going on unsuccessful dates, if they can quickly return to the old ways.
Forget it! Don't go back to your ex for the illusion of a relationship. And carefully re-read the previous paragraph.
How to start living again
“I’m starting a new life on Monday!” Sound familiar?
How to train yourself to play sports.
Irina Shreiner
Read more
First of all, you need to decide on your desires. Starting a new life, a person is able to move in a variety of directions, because before him lies a sea of opportunities and a variety of choices. In order not to be dissatisfied with the result again, he needs to understand what he wants to get from life.
Decide on your goals and desires and start taking action.
On your path to new happiness, you may encounter several obstacles. The first of these is incorrect internal settings. Figure out what stereotypes are ingrained in your mind and are preventing you from realizing your wildest dreams. Some of the statements come from childhood, and you have never questioned them, perceiving them as axioms. Now is the time to rethink your entire life, look at why you made mistakes, and get rid of harmful thoughts.
A person starting a new life should have a light heart.
Therefore, you need to let go of the past and forget all grievances. For the last time, analyze your past actions, learn useful lessons from them, draw appropriate conclusions and put them in the archive. Mentally seal the past in a large chest and promise yourself not to return to it unless absolutely necessary. Let go of all the grievances that lie like a heavy burden on your heart. Whoever hurts you - family, friends, colleagues, strangers or yourself - forgive them with all your heart. Understand that others have their own motives for acting in a certain way.
Conduct an audit.
Determine what you will take with you into your new life and what you will change. The categories that you need to consider include personal qualities, profession and occupation, social circle, place of residence, lifestyle. What makes you dissatisfied should be changed. At the same time, it is important not to be afraid of innovations and to trust yourself more.
Create space for new life.
To do this, you need to get rid of the junk - in your head and around you. You have already dealt with thoughts and attitudes in the first step. The time has come for external changes. Clear your home of junk you don't need. Understand that it interferes with your life and does not allow energy to circulate. Clear out the clutter of things you haven't used for a long time and see how much easier it becomes for you. Transform your apartment, renovate and rearrange.
Consider whether there are any aspects of your job that you are unhappy with.
If you go there like hard labor, perhaps you should change your field of activity. Don't be afraid to learn something new, explore new areas. You can change jobs at any age, the main thing is to have a great desire and make some efforts.
If you are burdened by failures in your personal life, you need to start working on your relationships.
When you don’t see a way out of the current situation, you should change your partner. Just before that, honestly answer yourself whether your relationship has a future, whether you have done everything possible to save it, whether the person next to you is right for you. If you show sincerity in your internal conversation, you will receive a guide to action and a chance for personal happiness.
Nostalgia for the past
How often have you had nostalgic sex with your ex? Confess in the comments.
We met by chance, drank, kissed, woke up in the same bed... This is a legitimate reason to start all over again.
Our brains tend to remember the good and forget the bad.
If returning to forgotten love seems like a great option to you, remember the reasons for the breakup. Ideally, you will feel better immediately.
But the temptation to repeat some bright moments from the shared past will certainly arise. Remember: the past exists not only for the sake of memories. This is an experience that you need to use for a happy future.
