Anger regulation is the process of learning the signals that indicate you're becoming angry and taking actions that can calm you down, help you cope with the situation, and help you think more positively. This does not mean that you need to suppress anger or keep it inside. Feeling angry is a completely normal and natural emotion if you don't know other ways to react to the event. Well, the science of anger regulation can help you manage your reactions differently.
Here no one will convince you to hide or suppress anger, demonstrate other emotions instead, switch to something more positive, or ignore this feeling. This is the science of how to perceive everything that happens to us differently. Many people have attacks of anger that are completely uncontrollable, which can lead to very disastrous results. What happens if, say, you suddenly lash out at your boss? Unjustly yell at your child or spouse? If you restrain yourself every time you want to show violent discontent, it will accumulate until one fine day it bursts out in multiple volumes.
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Analyze the consequences
Focus not on what made you angry in the first place, but on what consequences the outburst of anger will entail. Are you upset by your child's behavior? Find a way to clearly explain this fact to him. Do friends or family members say things that make you feel angry? Calm down and have a constructive dialogue, set clear boundaries of what is permitted.
Remember that uncontrolled anger can have more serious consequences. In fact, the consequences are almost always much more devastating. Take a deep breath, remember self-discipline and look for a more rational solution.
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Smells
Don't be offended right away. Many women are not very responsible about hygiene and personal care. But the smell of a man is always most pronounced. And, to be honest, guys more often forget about basic procedures. I came home from training, went to bed to watch a review of a computer game, and didn’t have time to visit the bath. Well, what can I do, I’ll go on a date like this. Let him love me with all my advantages and disadvantages. Then such an attitude towards one’s body begins to form a bad habit of rarely washing.
Girls smell stronger than men. This is due to the fact that nature created such a format. Look at the animal world, where males often attract females with a pungent and noticeable aroma. In the world of people, such a principle rather scares and enrages, rather than being a stimulus to the emergence of sexual desire.
Forgive and (maybe) forget
The ability to forgive is very rare these days. By allowing anger and aggression to be present in us every day, we become more unhappy and worsen our own perception of life. Everything around you begins to seem hostile and pessimistic.
If you can forgive someone for making you angry, do it without hesitation. For you, this will be a good indicator that no one can shake your inner harmony; for others, it will be a reason to respect you as a person who is able to react adequately and remain calm and cool in any situation. These qualities, for example, are extremely valued in any job.
By understanding that many of the things we take offense at are actually insignificant little things, we can learn to forgive and forget. Let go, take care of yourself and your mental health on your own.
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Tips for dealing with aggression and irritability
- No matter how paradoxical it may sound, there is no need to accumulate irritation within yourself and suppress it. Emotions will not disappear anywhere, they will accumulate and find a way out in the form of a nervous breakdown, imbalance and psychosomatic illnesses. It’s not for nothing that they say that all diseases are caused by nerves.
- Learn to accept people as they are. After all, unjustified expectations are often an irritant. This doesn't just apply to your family, friends or colleagues. First of all, this concerns yourself. To avoid disappointment from unachieved goals, set yourself realistic, achievable limits. Learn to accept and love yourself.
- Think positively and learn to take only joyful moments out of any situation. You may ask, how can you think positively when there are only problems around? Whether it's a problem or an opportunity is up to you to decide. Any situation can be turned in your favor. About 4 months ago I watched the wonderful film “Polyanna,” I recommend it. He will teach you to see the positives and benefit from any situation.
- Rest often and you will get rid of fatigue. As we have already said, the cause of irritation can be heavy workload. If on weekends you relax with your family in nature or at the theater, and on weekdays you get good sleep, then you will work more effectively and get more done. In addition, you can divide household chores among all family members. Then you will have more time for communication and relaxation. Don't forget to leave some time for personal space.
- Take care of your health. Both physically and mentally. In addition to fatigue and lack of sleep, irritation can be caused by loneliness, psychological trauma, or depression. The reason may lie deep in a person's soul. In such a situation, the most important thing is to realize that there is a problem and begin to solve it.
Improve your listening and hearing skills
The ability to listen is extremely important for anyone who is in constant contact with other people. When we know how to listen carefully, remember and not interrupt the interlocutor, this helps build trust and respect for you, people love when they are given the opportunity to speak.
By demonstrating to others that you can listen, you show that you:
1) are not indifferent to what is happening;
2) the thoughts and emotions of your interlocutor matter to you;
3) you have at least basic empathy skills.
Sometimes the person who lashed out at you, provoking your anger in response, just needed to be listened to.
Woman's anger
Very often, a woman is subject to stress and overwork at work, rudeness on the street, and family troubles at home, and as a result, a very minor irritant can easily lead to an attack of anger, and the woman will easily lash out at her loved ones, in particular her child. And if a woman’s hormonal levels are not yet in order, then it’s not far from attacks of aggression.
How to let go of anger? First of all, it is necessary to normalize hormonal levels. Hormones play an important role in the life of any person, especially women. Violation of the level of hormones in the female body leads to a bad mood, dissatisfaction, weakness, weight gain, fatigue and, ultimately, anger.
There are also external signs due to disturbances in the woman’s hormone levels. This is dullness, brittle hair; dry and flaky skin, brittle nails, menstrual irregularities, gastrointestinal dysfunction, decreased intelligence and memory. A woman during such a period is marked by irritability and depression.
If you notice all of the listed signs in yourself, then in order to let go of anger, you should normalize your hormonal levels. Disturbances in hormone levels are determined after certain tests are performed. If necessary, an endocrinologist prescribes medications that normalize a woman’s hormonal levels. This process is accelerated by the following actions: proper nutrition, adherence to a daily routine, staying in the fresh air, mandatory physical activity, eliminating bad habits. Be sure to include seafood, fruits (persimmons, bananas), garlic, eggplant, and spinach in your diet. Eat enough animal protein, don’t forget about oil (olive, flaxseed, sesame).
To produce serotonin, you need to eat cheese, dark chocolate, beans, eggs, lentils, and tomatoes. Make it a rule that raw vegetables and fruits should always be in your diet. Adequate rest at night is required, and moderate physical activity (yoga, running, swimming, fitness, dancing) is required during the day. Reduce your coffee intake and avoid alcohol altogether. With your therapist, select the multivitamins and microelements you need.
Constant anger and irritation can be relieved by listening to meditations. According to adherents, regular exercises balance the psyche, relieve tension, aggression and attacks of anger. If irritation does not occur due to a disease, then it is possible to cope with this condition by avoiding contact with the irritating object, as well as eliminating irritants. An integrated approach will definitely help control a woman’s emotionality.
Practice relaxation techniques
The American Psychological Association considers the technique of taking deep breaths and visualizing calming landscapes to be the most effective. Here are some tips for doing it:
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- You need to breathe deeply with your diaphragm. Breathing coming from the chest will not relax.
- Repeat to yourself: “I’m calm,” “I’m not angry,” “everything is fine.” Such self-hypnosis helps the brain reprogram reactions to positive ones.
- Bring to mind images that are personally calming to you. It could be a view of the ocean at sunset or a winter night landscape from the window - whatever you like.
- Stress-relieving practices like yoga, tai chi, or meditation can help you relax your muscles and let go of all negative thoughts.
Cognitive restructuring
One of the most effective methods. This refers to the moment when you consciously change your thoughts by understanding what motivated the people who angered you or what caused the events that triggered your angry outbursts. For example, you ran into your favorite coffee shop before work to drink a cup of aromatic cappuccino. But suddenly a visitor in front of you in line begins to complain about poor quality service, becoming more and more agitated. In another situation, you would start to get angry, realizing that the sunny morning mood has disappeared without a trace, that this cappuccino will no longer please you and that, most likely, the scandal will drag on for a long time and you will be late for work. However, look at the situation from the other side: as a rule, only deeply unhappy people start making scandals for any reason. No matter what happens in the life of this visitor, there is absolutely no use in being angry with him. The maximum that you can do is to sympathize with him in your soul and smile when he passes by: what if you manage to cheer him up even a little?
Learning to deal with anger will bring a lot of good into your life. You will feel more cheerful yourself and will wean yourself from getting irritated with or without others. We advise you to practice applying all these methods in practice. Good luck, and may peace be the basis of your life!
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Anger reasons
The cause may be various diseases. Chronic anger has been linked to high blood pressure, skin conditions, headaches, and digestive problems. At the same time, this emotion is associated with some personal problems: crimes, deviant behavior, physical or emotional attacks, expression of aggression.
Many actions are committed out of anger, which people later regret. One of the reasons people suppress anger is fear of rejection. If a person is angry, then the likelihood that he will be rejected by those people towards whom the emotion is directed increases. And this fear of rejection very often appears stronger for a person than any other fear.
