Why men love but don’t marry: reasons for behavior and options for further development of relationships in such a couple

The number of men who say: “I won’t marry after 30, I don’t want to” has only been increasing in recent years. Why is this happening?

Psychologists have long identified several of the most common reasons and examined them in detail. And here a lot depends on the type of character of the man, his financial capabilities and even self-confidence.

I want to allocate my time based on my own needs

Avid bachelors get used to spending time in nightlife establishments, coming home in the morning, without reporting to anyone. After marriage, this becomes impossible, so some males simply do not want to lose the opportunity to have fun at any time.

But if a man falls in love, and this happens, then, of course, he does not think about how burdensome marriage can become for him, but quickly formalizes the relationship. This can happen to anyone.

Why don't men want to get married?

Soon no successful man will go to the registry office. Trends of modern society.

“I live well alone. Why do I need a woman who will get on my nerves?”

“Why doesn’t a man marry me?” This request breaks all records. Women come with him to trainers, psychologists, and all sorts of experts. And even to my own mother. “Ma-a-a-a-ma, why doesn’t he, such a bastard, marry me? Sob sob.."

And if you listen to trainers, some psychologists, experts and, of course, mom, you can understand that they are sending all women in the wrong direction.

And the direction is as follows: “Well, maybe he’s just an infantile friend of yours. Afraid to take responsibility. Afraid to grow up and become a real man.”

Or: “Perhaps he doesn’t see you as his wife. You need to work on yourself, let him know that you are suitable for this role.”

Or: “So, urgently give an ultimatum! Tell him: “Enough! Either we go to the registry office, or we break up!” (Definitely a losing situation). This means that he must realize something there and blah blah blah. Yeah, screw it up. At this moment he realizes that it’s time to send you to hell.

Today I turned to Zen to read an article by a famous blogger who covered the topic “A man, fat, stupid, good for nothing, makes a bunch of claims against Her, the woman. And he says that he never considers her as a partner for going to the registry office.” To which she received a host of supportive comments from other women. "Oh! He doesn’t want to, thank God!”; “It’s good that we don’t meet his requirements!”; “Yes, the man has become completely shallow these days. But he has a lot of ambition and claims towards us women!”

Girls, excuse me, but how do you explain the fact that not only “fat and stupid” individuals of the opposite sex do not want to get married? That now many quite worthy, wealthy men are also not eager to go to the registry office.

Or do you ignore this fact because it is inconvenient for your consciousness?

Or do you attribute everything to some special reasons that the coaches tell you about?

Well, objectively speaking, we cannot say that a man has enough responsibility to achieve something in life, but at the same time he turns out to be incapable of being responsible for a woman!

No, the reason is different.

Men began to understand that it simply makes no sense for them to be responsible for modern women. That the burden of this responsibility will be greater than the profit they will ultimately receive.

They also do not agree to be responsible for those who will not treat them with respect. Who will blow their minds all the way. But many women want to arrange themselves in such a way that they are fully responsible for them, but at the same time they are given the opportunity to exercise free will. (It looks something like this: “You’re a man, you should provide for me. But I’m a self-sufficient woman, if I decide to go to a bar with my girlfriend, you don’t tell me!”)

Are you smart?

Pay attention to how many communities there are now on the Internet of men who do not want to get married anymore. Under no circumstances, no matter what the women there tell them, they do not intend to get married again. Never!

And if you think that these communities are grouped with men who are nothing of themselves, I will have to upset you.

No. The trend is that many men are beginning to “see the light.” A man may have experience of divorce behind him (because his wife lacked something). This wife of his could have stolen a fair share of his property. And now she's blackmailing him as a child. She tells him how much and how often he must pay her in order to see his child more or less regularly.

"Grandma s..ka grandma"

If a man has not yet managed to get a wife, he still has eyes to look around. And on the sides he can see his former classmates who once told him, “Well, why aren’t you getting married? It’s time for you to get married!”, they are now sitting on the beans. They sit and silently envy him, who is unmarried.

Most men do not want to get married because marriage legislation is entirely on the side of women. And because lately there have been too many divorces initiated by these same women.

All. We've arrived. The guys realized the following fact. A young, attractive, wealthy man is much more comfortable living alone. For your own pleasure. He will always find a girl with whom he will satisfy his needs. He might even let her live with him. But as soon as she starts to blow his mind, she will immediately kick her towards the exit. This girl will kiss the back of the door even if she gives him an ultimatum: “Either we get married, or I’m leaving!”

Therefore, most of the information is about: “Why doesn’t he marry me?”; “How to get him to marry?” and so on, simply outdated. Coaches and experts only tell you what you want to hear.

You can dance around a man with a tambourine in order to convince him to go with you to the registry office. But there is already an unshakable attitude in his head: “I will not get married. I don't need these problems. Go and breed another sucker."

These dances with a tambourine no longer work

If a man is about 30 or over 30, he is no longer a fool. He understands perfectly well that before the wedding a girl can pretend to be white and fluffy as much as she likes. But after the corresponding stamp appears in her passport, she will take hers.

And you can endlessly criticize men in the comments about their masculine unsuitability and “unrealness.” Men have already developed immunity to these phrases. They laugh out loud at women when they try to tell them what they, dear ones, owe to the fair sex. And at the same time, about the fact that “only a real man is able to take responsibility for a woman!”

This is such a sad trend.

The institution of family is collapsing. Soon we will all disintegrate into atoms, and we will be every man for himself.

What should women do in this situation?

Nothing (and my answer is apparently very different from the answers of female happiness coaches).

We are unlikely to directly influence this trend. The women who drove men to violent opposition to marriage have already done everything they could. Let's say "Thank you" to them together.

Men's movements are actively expanding. Information spreads inexorably. And more and more worthy (as they say) men are beginning to bypass the registry office.

Although, undoubtedly, someone still wants to get married (in men's communities these guys are called “Alens”). Their number is decreasing, but not yet close to zero. So grab it, grab it while it lasts! And if you managed to grab it, try to prove by your own example that not all women are mercantile bitches.

There are women who still really need a family

And pressure on a man from his environment and established norms and foundations can also come to your aid. Something like: “A person needs a family. A person should not go through life alone.”

If your man does not find the strength to reject social pressure, you will “push him through.” He will marry you. But whether he subsequently joins the community of ardent opponents of marriage or not will depend on you, his wife.

So what should women do in the end?

Start living for yourself. Just live, work, develop. Take responsibility for your life. Stop convincing men to marry you (since there is no point anyway).

If you live with the idea of getting married, you are in a very vulnerable position. You can constantly run into men who, in principle, do not intend to get married. This will ultimately drown your self-esteem, and ultimately you as a whole.

We women have been given free will and are now enjoying the fruits of it. And we cannot say that “I want to be a full-fledged member of society and make decisions myself, while I need someone to take care of me, for someone to be responsible for me.” So let's act wisely. If we move away from the habit of consumption, perhaps men will look at us differently. Perhaps over time the situation will level out.

(I foresee comments here: “Why do I need a man then, if I can do everything myself?” The answer to this question will be individual for everyone. But if you yourself are not a mistake, then you will talk to a man from a completely different position. Then the rules of the game will be different and the attitude towards you, accordingly, will not be as a “kept woman”, but as an equal partner).

Assess the situation wisely. Not from the side of the usual female thinking (“they are all low-grade infantiles”), but from the side of men. Give yourself the trouble to think about the reasons for this phenomenon. This is more effective than hammering the usual position in the comments on women's blogs.

I hope that I was able to convey my point to you. Share your opinion in the comments!

Analysis of the situation

Surprisingly, even living with a woman and having children from her, some male representatives do not seek to legitimize the relationship. Maybe they see this as unnecessary formalities? Let's think about what an official marriage gives:

psychological awareness of unity due to a common surname;
material obligations and guarantees (only children can apply for alimony outside of marriage);
rapprochement at the moral and legal level.

In a broad sense, marriage affects two areas: psychological perception of oneself and relationships, and legal issues. What legal subtleties does an official marriage hide?

only close relatives are allowed into intensive care; they are the first to be called in other difficult situations;
children, spouses and relatives become each other's heirs;
only close relatives make decisions for the spouse in case of his incapacity, unconsciousness, etc.;
it is easier to adopt children from a spouse’s previous marriage;
in case of divorce, each spouse can claim the children, otherwise they are given to the mother;
a mortgage can be taken out for a family if one partner does not have enough income;
It’s easier to travel abroad or get a visa in case of business trips for your spouse.

From a legal point of view, one marriage certificate replaces a lot of paperwork and trips to government agencies. This saves time, effort, money. But, as you probably noticed, official marriage imposes great responsibility on each spouse. Yes, after all, life changes after the conclusion of a union, and not so much in everyday terms, but in social and legal terms.

It is probably this responsibility and intimacy that men who do not want to enter into an official relationship are afraid of. While there is no paper with a stamp, you are strangers to each other, even if you live together, even if you are parents of children, even if you know each other well. When entering into marriage, each partner becomes a reflection and representative of the other, his right hand, guarantor. This is the first person the state, relatives, and friends will turn to if they cannot contact their spouse.

Everything said is reflected in the consciousness of a person, his psychology. These are not only legal subtleties, but also a reflection of a person’s attitude towards himself, his partner, and the world. I think fear of responsibility and commitment prevents men from proposing. But let's think about what else could be an obstacle, where this fear grows from.

Afterword

According to statistics, in 2020, half of the couples lived in an unofficial marriage, and every third child was born out of wedlock.

Family psychologist Aina Gromova notes that the institution of marriage is being broken all over the world. Among the reasons, she names a change in social thinking: having children “for oneself”, approved by society, the cult of sex (several partners outside of marriage is not condemned), the independence of women, the satisfaction of men with an unofficial marriage (they get everything that they get in a civil marriage, but are not responsible).

As we see, these reasons apply equally to men and women. Recently, women even more often do not want to get married. Some men, on the contrary, know very well what kind of family they want, what kind of woman they want to see next to them. Talk to your partner, maybe you don’t yet fit his image of a wife in some way.

How to behave as a woman

Be yourself, and not act out a role for the sake of getting a stamp. It is important to talk, solve problems, talk about your desires and fears. A couple of confidential conversations will help you understand the reason for your reluctance to get married. There is no need to be afraid that a frank conversation will lead to separation. Even if this happens, there is nothing to worry about - you will save energy and time for yourself and your partner.

Constantly talking about a wedding, demanding it, forcing a man is not the best tactic. Together you need to find the reason for your reluctance, argue why this is important for you, find out what your partner is not happy with, what doesn’t suit you. The further plan of action depends on the reason. For example, psychological trauma requires work with a specialist.

Psychologists say that a year's delay in marriage is normal. A man adapts, analyzes the future, the benefits of marriage. Every person thinks about his own benefits. This is fine. But a delay of more than a year should be taken as an alarming signal. It is better to discuss general life prospects in the first year of cohabitation.

There is also an opinion that women with unhealthy self-esteem get stuck in unofficial marriages for 5-10 years. They are driven by the attitude “if he gets married, I’m good, and if he doesn’t, I’m bad.” Such women find themselves in the role of a victim, investing a lot in the relationship and receiving nothing in return. If this is your case, then you need psychotherapist sessions.

What if he refuses family ties?

All methods have been tried, but your loved one is still not eager to propose. There are 2 exits left. Accept the state of affairs and hope that he will change his mind. Psychologists advise in this case to let go of the situation, relax and stop worrying. And think, why do men get married? Answer: when they feel the love and respect of their other half. Give him them generously, sooner or later he will want you to always be there.

A good marriage rests on the talent for friendship. F. Nietzsche

If the situation categorically does not suit you, sort out your relationship and think about whether this man can give you what you want. If not... Do you need them? But don't rush to conclusions. Give yourself and him time to think. You can offer the man to break up for a while (if only you are ready for a complete break in the relationship - this is very important). And only then make a decision.

Do men want to get married? Today this question often worries girls' hearts. Psychologists assure that representatives of the stronger sex need care, warmth, understanding, and family more than women. But she should become a reliable support for him, an island of comfort in the restless ocean of life. And if you convince him that the marriage will be exactly like this, the man will rush to propose without talking.

Financial risks

Modern men often complain about women's commercialism. Indeed, most girls, realizing their dreams of princes and a carefree life, start affairs exclusively with successful men. After analyzing the mistakes of millionaires who lost part of their capital, wealthy men drew conclusions. The “masters of life” are no longer in a hurry to offer their beloved their hand and heart. Fearing divorce and division of property, they prefer to live with their beloved without registration, from time to time showering their chosen one with gifts so that she forgets about the cherished proposal. If this is the only thing stopping the gentleman, then a well-drafted marriage contract will help solve the problem.

Different ideas about family life

What to do if a guy doesn't want to get married? In some situations, the reason must be sought in views on family life. It often happens that a woman is focused on her career; accordingly, she does not want children or has not yet seriously thought about this. The chosen one, on the contrary, wants to get married and have children. With such opposing views on a joint future, doubts arise about the correctness of their choice.

Most loving men tend to wait. Therefore, until the last moment he will hope that the girl will eventually accept his point of view.

Do you want to get married?

So, you are waiting for a proposal, but he is still silent... But you want to get married. What to do? First, decide, do you need it? Sometimes the desire to get married turns into an obsession for a woman, which overshadows her true aspirations. Parents hint that they want grandchildren, a happy friend shows off a ring on her ring finger, colleagues (safely and firmly married) sigh and regret... Under such pressure, it is no wonder to passionately and immediately want to get married. Be able to separate real desires from those imposed by society. Imagine that you will live with this person for many years, he will become the father of your children, make a list of the pros and cons of marriage... Have you changed your mind? Then read the next chapter.

Family replaces everything, so before you start one, you should think about what is more important to you: everything or family. Faina Ranevskaya.

Parents' experience

Why don't young guys want to get married? One of the most common reasons for the fear of ringing oneself is childhood trauma. Men who had to observe regular conflicts between parents at a young age are afraid of a repetition of such situations in their family. Therefore, they are not always in a hurry to start their own. But it's worth noting that this doesn't always happen.

If a girl is faced with such a problem, then she will have to realize the complexity of the work that she has to do in order to build the most trusting relationship with her partner. Moreover, sometimes you will have to prove that family relationships can be happy and prosperous.