The topic of relationships between men and women is as old as time. At all times, people have strived to get closer to the solution to why the opposite sex has such an attractive force and how to learn to better understand each other. When creating a couple, each person finds something important for themselves in this union, or, on the contrary, experiences disappointment from unjustified expectations and unfulfilled hopes.
Psychologists note that men and women understand the value and meaning of relationships differently, and accordingly, their opinions on what is most important may often not coincide.
A man should be a breadwinner, a woman should be a muse
This stereotype has destroyed the happiness of a large number of families, imposing traditional views on marriage on people, forcing them to be ashamed of their true essence.
But what if a woman likes to be a commander, she easily earns money, makes new connections?
While her man is an ideal housewife who loves to tinker with children, grow tomatoes in the garden or cook breakfast.
This will be an atypical family.
But, if everyone is comfortable, if everyone is happy with their role and contribution, why adapt to the majority, make excuses, apologize?
How to choose a behavior model?5
If such a man is smart, then when communicating with a younger girl he will see her childish naivety and amusing stupidity. Even when he talks about serious things, and a woman behaves like a child, then honor and praise him for his delicacy and benevolence.
With eye contact, he is able to secretly find out everything about a lady that shows her “liceiness”:
Commercialism. The problem is not the cake he bought for her - only rednecks do that. We're talking about desires. If the target has its own price list and brand, this indicates a financial attitude towards the representatives of the stronger sex.
Promiscuity. Actions, appearance and makeup can “scream” about a girl’s behavior. Pumped up lips and large silicone breasts covered with a piece of latex obviously indicate that the girl is not a modest person.
Intelligence. If a woman talks only about herself and her purchases, then her mental development is immediately visible.
Loving people understand each other perfectly
Of course, if partners have lived side by side for decades, they will understand each other just by the movement of their eyebrows, since they have been through too much.
But for young unions, such cohesion is a utopia: the spouses lived in different families, received different upbringings, and may have different habits, values, and expectations.
No one can know how another person will behave, what he thinks, what he feels?
You can make guesses based on your own experience and be wrong.
That is why it is better to voice your desires, explain your reactions, and talk.
It will be a long time before you figure out each other's secret.
Is it worth starting such a relationship?6
It is worth considering not only your age, but also by year separately, since the older a person is, the less the difference is felt. For example, a girl is 17, a guy is 23 - this is an abyss, and a lady is 37, and a man is 45 - then this is only a minor hole in the path that can be crossed.
Talk to your significant other about this problem on the first date so that no negative psychological reactions arise in the future. Understand that there is a difference in years, and it significantly affects your future life. Think about how to build relationships correctly and how to be in them. It is important to discuss and discuss these problems together.
If you are just choosing a person, then try to keep the age difference small. After all, it will simply turn out that it will be necessary to simply fulfill requests. And this is more of a relationship-contract: a man provides stability, for example, and a lady needs the presence of her wife in the house - after all, this is the custom, many believe. This applies to those for whom the advantage is emotions, not material wealth.
You didn't know who to ask about sex with an older man? Read about it with us!
Quarrels in happy unions are very rare
Life is not like a fairy tale, where the romantic line ends with the phrase “they lived happily ever after.”
The real world is full of problems - we work a lot, we face troubles, personal crises.
This affects relationships: in a fit of bad mood, you can inadvertently offend your significant other, lash out at them due to lack of sleep, stress or poor health.
It is important to realize in time that you are wrong and not be afraid to ask for forgiveness.
As long as you understand the value of your relationship, problems can be solved, and no quarrels are scary.
Well, sometimes it’s better to just remain silent, allowing your partner to let off steam without taking his aggression personally.
True love is when you don't need anyone else
Always be together, communicate non-stop, have the same hobbies - this is an idyll!
It’s not like spouses who are drawn to socialize on the side, to relax in different companies, who do not get along at the same desk.
The catch is that having different interests or wanting to take a break from each other is normal, as long as you want to return home, share important news with your partner, and brag about your achievements.
Love does not imply suffocating affection.
There must be some kind of development, social life, the opportunity to gain energy in solitude.
So that even individually you can be full-fledged individuals with your own history.
What to do if your partner violates your boundaries
Recognize the problem
Often we don't even realize that someone has crossed the line. We normalize what is happening, despite the discomfort we experience, find the problem in ourselves, not in our partner, and complain to our friends about how bad everything is. You can check whether your boundaries are violated by the following signs:
- You are afraid to express yourself, express your opinion and refuse. You feel shame and embarrassment. Example: do not voice that it hurts you in some position because your partner likes it.
- You justify yourself and your partner. Example: when a man convinces you to have anal sex, and you follow his lead, because “everyone does it” and “apparently, there is something wrong with you.”
- You prioritize solving your partner’s problems, not your own. Example: you do everything to make him achieve orgasm, but you don’t care about your own pleasure.
- Afraid of loneliness. Example: you compromise your principles out of fear that your partner will leave you if you refuse.
- Depend on your partner's opinion. Example: you try to live up to an ideal image that has nothing in common with you.
Talk about what's bothering you
Don't be afraid to voice your feelings. Gather in a quiet and calm environment, tell your partner about your experiences and dissatisfaction. Only without strong emotions: your goal is to remind you of your boundaries and ask them not to violate them.
Be honest, avoid general language and argue your position. Instead of “I don’t like this,” explain why you don’t like your partner’s actions. For example, he likes to have sex outside the apartment - in nature. What do you think is wrong with this idea? The possibility of being caught by other people, physical discomfort, fear of catching some kind of infection.
Compromise, don't overstep yourself
How to distinguish between these two concepts? Let's take the example of outdoor sex. The fear of being caught is easily eliminated: find a truly deserted place. Physical discomfort can be corrected by preparing the appropriate “equipment.” If having sex on the ground is uncomfortable, and the bark of a fallen tree rubs your skin, get some bedding, such as camp foam. With fear of catching an infection it is more difficult, but also solvable. Choose a relatively clean place, take the same bedding, do not have sex in bodies of water - in general, you can estimate the possible risks and options for eliminating them. It's a compromise.
If the problem does not have a mutually beneficial solution, but you still fall for your partner’s persuasion, this is no longer a compromise, and subsequently you will experience discomfort.
While in a relationship, you, like your partner, are responsible for them. There is no longer “I”, there is “we”. Although, of course, a share of healthy egoism should be present - these are just your boundaries. Even the sign of a family union - connected rings - implies that there is a common zone and a zone of personal comfort. So, both partners must not only take into account each other’s personal boundaries, but also find common ground and some compromises. And here you need to understand, is it really them? If yes, great. You're in a relationship and you find a solution that doesn't disturb anyone's comfort. If you step over yourself, this is a harmful practice that will not lead to anything good.
Oleg Alexandrovich Zubkov
Don't be fooled by offense
If a person does not get what he wants, he gets offended. This is a protective mechanism of the psyche and a type of hostile manipulation. After all, why are we offended? In order to cause guilt. In such a situation, the offended person is right by default. This means that the other party to the conflict should feel guilty and apologize.
This is how the game begins, where both people play certain roles. The offender receives a reward for the apology, and the offended person receives psychological satisfaction.
Oleg Alexandrovich Zubkov
What to do if your partner is offended:
- Understand that this is manipulation.
- Distance yourself, do not enter into conflict and under no circumstances try to provoke a response.
- Wait until the resentment passes, because sooner or later it passes.
- Continue the dialogue in a calm atmosphere, find out why the offense occurred, and find a compromise solution.
- Contact a specialist if this solution is not found.
There are no other options. If a compromise is not found, and psychotherapy did not help or they do not want to go for it, the relationship will come to an end.
Personal boundaries in sex are a really important thing. And this is not only about the physical and psychological discomfort that you experience due to their violation. The ability to stand up for your beliefs is essential to building a healthy relationship with the right partner. Isn’t this what we all strive for one way or another?
Caring for each other is an indicator of true intimacy
On the one hand, caring for comfort is an important part of relationships.
On the other hand, you yourself must want this, and not be guided by some obligations, regulations, raping your soul.
This approach is wrong and leads to family breakdown.
When a woman feels obligated to please her husband through force, feed him hearty meals, give birth to children, even if she is not at all ready for this.
Or when a man pushes himself into three jobs to provide for his family financially, but in the end loses interest in his beloved and burns out.
The beauty is that you don't owe anyone anything.
Either there is a desire or there is not. True love comes from the heart, not from the mind.
You yourself want to be support and support.
Women's point of view
Women, unlike men, seek self-realization . This is the purpose of the fair sex: to see a reflection of themselves in their chosen ones. It is important for them to succeed not just as a person, but as a wife, lover, mother. Many of them imagine success in life solely through “belonging to a couple.” This is why society has a persistently negative or pitiful attitude towards single people who have not found a husband or friend. They are labeled as “old maid” and seem to be excluded from public life. On the contrary, having a life partner seems to raise them in their own eyes and make them more successful.
An important quality that reflects the view of most women on relationships is the desire for stability . The notorious confidence in the future haunts beautiful ladies. Men can sneer about this for a long time, but the facts are eloquent: women want a stable relationship that gives them the opportunity to make plans for a future together.
The reliability of the chosen one and the ability to rely on him in difficult times are also very important for women who experience melancholy, mixed with despair, from the need to always be strong in everything. Sometimes even iron ladies want to feel fragile and defenseless, to feel male care and attention.
If men strive for emotionally stable unions, then many women see them as a volcano of passions. They are incomprehensible and offended by the apparent male coldness, while they would like maximum emotional return , warmth and expression of feelings. To get their chosen one to show emotions, they like to throw tantrums and stormy showdowns. Men find this behavior unacceptable. Meanwhile, there is a proven way to avoid female scandals and accusations of callousness - to show attention and sensitivity .
You don’t notice others around your person
This is a popular misconception that causes conflicts in families.
The secret is that love does not require you to wear blinders; fidelity is your own choice.
You will always notice other, smarter and more beautiful, impressive and successful applicants.
This is how human nature works, reflexes do not go away.
But if you really love, then you know how to separate momentary desire from genuine intimacy, remaining faithful to the one you chose at the very beginning.
Interest in others does not make you want to cheat on your partner.
