Many people experience excessive disappointment in life from the actions of others. People tend to hope that strangers, colleagues and acquaintances will definitely come to the rescue in difficult times, justify their hopes, keep their words and fulfill their promises, but in the end this does not happen and the person begins to understand that he was cruelly mistaken in his expectations. How not to take such mistakes to heart, and stop being disappointed in people?
Disappointment is a characteristic of the weak. Don't trust the disillusioned - they are almost always the powerless. Gustave Flaubert
Don't demand much from people
From disappointment in people, it becomes difficult for a person to live and breathe, it begins to seem to him that he is surrounded on all sides by traitors and liars, however, one should not aggravate everything too much.
The most correct solution to this problem will be only one - stop demanding too much from people , rethink some things and look at the world with a sober and sensible look.
Let's start with the fact that no one on earth owes you anything . You don’t owe anything to anyone either. We are all individual individuals, each with different character, temperament and priorities.
Smart people rely on no one but themselves. You are the main and only friend you can always rely on.
Over the years, disappointment in people grows stronger
If you look from the outside, everyone is busy with themselves, but no one has anything to do with me. As they say, disappointment in people is obvious. Is this really so?
Most likely, this is the very time when you need to wrap yourself in your own strong embrace and say: “My dear friend, I will never leave you. Rely on me, I won’t let you down.” Shake yourself up, come to your senses and lull yourself in thoughts, recognizing the presence of your own wounds, relax, see with your own eyes your own imperfection and fall head over heels in love with it. And only then will you be able to understand that your parents were exactly the same imperfect people, and could love the way they did.
They gave exactly what they had. In most cases, they gave love in the quantity and quality that they themselves received in childhood. Then, slowly but surely, attention moves from the disturbing past life to the present one with the onset of pleasant changes.
A person begins to burn with the desire to live, to make up for lost moments of past years, when he had to expect something in vain and be disappointed. After which the thought appears in our heads that everything that happened was correct, and from the pain we experienced, we were able to discover some valuable resources that we would never have known about while living in greenhouse conditions.
Why is this happening?
Before you judge others, remember yourself. You've probably promised more than once to do something or help someone, and then backed down. Surely, more than once they made all sorts of meetings and dates, and then could not attend them. Surely they have been deceived more than once, confidently believing that this is a lie for the greater good. Do you recognize yourself? Other people behave in exactly the same way.
You may be surprised, but even the closest people (parents, children, husband, wife, best friends) sometimes betray and disappoint each other. Remember one truth - all people are selfish and everyone is prone to making mistakes.
Relationships and disappointment
In a relationship with a loved one, disappointment is one of the main reasons for a breakup. Lovers absolutely always create an idealized image of a partner, endowing him with positive qualities that do not exist or are not so developed in reality. Moreover, loving people determine a person’s behavior and manner of speech, what feelings he should experience in specific situations and how to react to them. Everyone, without exception, builds an abstract ideal model of coexistence with a loved one, without thinking about how to change their life in reality.
However, such behavior, as a rule, is inherent in lovers at the very first stage of a relationship, when everything around seems carefree, painted in bright and rich tones of positive emotions. Loving people themselves in this state try to show only the best sides of their personality and diligently hide all negative and negative character traits. Disappointment in life when a couple lives together begins immediately after this stage, since no person is able to forever keep the mask of an ideal image and hide their own flaws.
What to do?
Are you haunted by the attitude of others towards your personality? Do you confidently believe that you treat other people much better than they treat you? Do you constantly feel resentment, pain, annoyance and disappointment because others do not live up to your expectations?
What can you advise in this case:
- To begin with, stop reassuring yourself in vain.
- Does a man say words of love to you? Don’t believe it, or only half believe it. Men tend to talk about love all the time, because they know that girls are greedy for romance. Don’t be surprised if it turns out that he recently told such confessions to another girl, and perhaps more than one. Do you drink coffee until the last minute in the morning and preen yourself in the mirror before going to work, thinking that the transport you need will definitely wait for you? What makes you think that you can rely on the driver? To avoid being late, it is better to leave home early, thereby avoiding worries and arriving at work on time. Have you decided to become an entrepreneur and open a trade tent with interesting (in your opinion) goods? On the day of its opening, do you expect people to rush to you headlong and buy everything? No matter how it is. You are again in vain deciding everything for people.
Even if you assume that your product is unique and interesting, they are not obligated to buy it, and people may simply not have the mood or money to buy your product.As a rule, in such situations you need to carefully and clearly consider and estimate everything, and even if it seems to you that everything is perfect, you don’t really hope for a big profit. If it happens, wonderful; if it doesn’t, you won’t be too upset and will save your own nerves.
How disappointment comes
Almost always, the reasons for disappointment must be sought in the inadequate expectations placed on oneself and the desire for unrealistic dreams. Psychologists note that disappointment mainly befalls those people who knew and know exactly what they want to achieve in life. Of course, the constructed image of the expected turns out to be unattainable in the real world. Perhaps the individual wants to achieve something that does not exist in reality. The reason for the resulting disappointment in this case may be an irrational perception of the picture of the world.
People faced with a similar problem most often tend to build situations in advance in their heads, fantasize about upcoming events, and think through the outcome of their own actions. Such people try to imagine what others might feel due to any of their actions and build a whole series of illusory chains of cause and effect. But as soon as everything planned is destroyed by reality, they begin to experience deep disappointment in others and the entire world around them.
No one owes or owes you anything
Some people tend to overestimate their self-esteem and thus expect strangers to treat them differently. They say, I’m so wonderful, beautiful, you must love me. However, in this case, there is only one piece of advice - get down to earth as soon as possible and don’t have your head in the clouds
. There are plenty of people as beautiful and smart as you, so evaluate yourself soberly.
Low self-esteem has never benefited anyone, just as much as overly high self-esteem.
Thus, if you analyze your own actions and expectations, you will understand that you yourself are to blame for personal grievances and disappointments.
Important Steps on the Path to Healing
The feeling of disappointment is devastating and instills uncertainty. It leads to many negative consequences, from loss of trust to awareness of the meaninglessness of life as such.
A person feels depressed, helpless, abandoned, unnecessary. He loses hope and faith and becomes a pessimist.
The fact that a loved one turns out to be different is regarded as betrayal and deception.
You forgave, believed, hoped, but nothing changed - and finally, your eyes were opened. Remember four important things:
1. Firstly, disappointment in one person, even very strong and painful, cannot affect your entire life.
Fight your anger, resist the surging depression, but don’t let yourself be drowned.
Crying and worrying are allowed; for some, tears help to let go of the situation.
Chat with friends, look for new hobbies, dance, hit a punching bag - any means are good when you need a distraction.
2. Secondly, revenge is the worst way out of the situation. Pain for pain, an eye for an eye - this is all unproductive nonsense that will only worsen your internal conflict.
3. Third, disappointment can be useful and sobering. It gives a lesson in life psychology .
Next time, you will not blindly trust the first impression; you will be more careful in opening your heart. Or maybe you decide to get rid of illusions forever and learn to evaluate people realistically?
4. Fourthly, you most likely noticed for a long time that something was wrong with this person. You had doubts, suspicions, but you tried to ignore them.
There were a million prerequisites for his final bad act, which became a critical point. Therefore, this is also your fault.
This is normal, we prefer not to notice what is unpleasant to us. Like little children believing in Santa Claus, we hope for a miracle: maybe it just seemed like it?
But now you have to admit that the chosen one is far from ideal, has a hundred minuses and unacceptable qualities.
Getting sober is unpleasant, you'll get a bad hangover, and you don't have to fight it alone.
How to deal with disappointment
Not everyone is able to cope with deep-seated experiences, because they often accumulate over a long period of time, and at one moment, under the influence of some negative event, they spill out and begin to interfere with the individual’s usual existence.
During such periods, a person simply does not want to live, disappointment in life turns out to be so critical that without professional help there is no point in hoping for a resolution of the situation.
Another difficulty is this: according to many people with real psychological problems, going to doctors is equated with a sign of weakness. However, it is not difficult to draw a logical chain and conclude that everything is exactly the opposite. A true manifestation of weakness can be called a refusal to accept help, provided that the person himself cannot solve the problems that have arisen, and those around him suffer from this.
The most common causes of disappointment
Often disappointment arises due to an initial incorrect assessment of a person’s character, his skills, knowledge, and talents. Key phrases in this case: “I hoped he would do this,” “I thought he was decent enough,” “I expected him to do something different.” Those. people themselves mentally sculpt images of others and can be very disappointed when this turns out to be just an illusion.
The greater the hopes placed on someone, the greater the disappointment when these hopes are not met. In this case, it is important to understand that the matter is not so much in the person himself, but in erroneous ideas about him.
Another common problem is “wrong” behavior from the point of view of the judge. This is especially true when it comes to prioritization. A boss may be seriously disappointed in a young, talented employee if he refuses to work overtime for the benefit of the company, preferring instead to spend time with his family. It should be borne in mind that each person is individual and is free to manage his time and resources in the way that is convenient for him, as long as it does not cause harm to others.
A serious reason for disappointment is betrayal. As a rule, it also becomes the most terrible, causing strong negative emotions. Treason, lies, slander, frequent deceptions, intrigues weaving behind the backs of loved ones - all this may someday become known to the victim of betrayal. In this case, it is difficult to avoid disappointment, especially if the feelings were strong.
