Not all relationships are based on pure love. Some of them were created based on financial goals. What is the point of a relationship of convenience, it has its advantages and disadvantages. Everyone has the opportunity and right to choose what kind of relationship they like.
Before starting a relationship, it is important to think about what motivates you: commercialism or love. Not only money is invested in the meaning of the calculation, but also reliability (many women are looking for a man to be behind him as if behind a wall, but the feelings in this case are superficial). Calculation is also a simple desire to start a family. But, any relationship of convenience or love should begin with at least respect for your chosen one or chosen one.
Every relationship can be called a wheel of fortune, because you don’t know what will happen in the future. We are all human, and over time, your significant other may begin to irritate you, or it may suddenly turn out that you are completely unsuited to each other. Even such a serious step as a relationship of convenience may not bring what was expected.
What are the good and bad things about an arranged relationship?i
In relationships that come from great love, it is easier to get along together, because shortcomings are accepted with greater ease. Speaking about such shortcomings, it does not mean that the partner will turn out to be deceitful and unfaithful; such a development of events certainly cannot be endured with a smile on his face.
If we compare love and calculation, then in the second case one can observe sobriety of mind, the ally is assessed without excessive emotionality, objectively. And when we fall in love, we sometimes do not see the true “I” of a person; our love and the effect of a veil before our eyes hide and soften all the shortcomings.
An interesting fact is that a woman who is not in love makes a conscious choice in favor of a person who is less sympathetic to her. Thus, she makes the calculation that he is the best father and husband.
We can also say that life with not every person is difficult. After a while, it can get on your nerves, and the calculation of this connection, by and large, may not live up to all expectations. Or justify, but not give you that satisfaction. We often hear the phrase “living in a golden cage”, this is exactly it, when everything seems to have worked out, but the effect makes you think even more. Wealthy, cared for women can become depressed because they don’t feel anything for their husband.
The importance of reciprocity in relationships is undeniable. But relationships of convenience were, are and probably will be, such is our human factor, the thirst for an easy life. But in love, it is important not to let common sense fall before emotions and feelings.
Lack of feelings does not trigger quarrels over lack of attention and jealousy. Calculation is awareness, but such a relationship should bring benefits to both in the couple. Everyone has their own motive for making this choice and their own ways to achieve it. It’s stupid to criticize such relationships; everyone chooses what they like - feelings or benefits.
Why choose a relationship of convenience?2
Happy marriages are arranged, many simply don’t believe in this, because how can you live without love?
But relationships without storms of passion and love experiences have many chances to be happy. Why is this type of relationship still popular?
Main idea:
- By abandoning the illusions of bright love, you can create a strong union despite all circumstances and eternally unsuccessful relationships.
- In a relationship of convenience, a feeling of strong love can also arise, and in a relationship of love, romance can become a formality.
- Sex does not suffer either, no matter why you chose this particular partner, intimacy can be corrected and exercised to perfection.
Some may get married for fun - without making plans for a life together, but simply to help, for example, with registration. But such a game can turn into a strong marriage. Of course, no one kept official statistics on such cases, but psychologists say that not only love relationships can be successful.
Passion means suffering
“We have been married for almost 10 years, raising two nice boys: the eldest is 8 years old, the youngest is 4 years old. I got married at 32: neither too late nor too early, at an ideal age, in my opinion. And, to be honest, on my part this is a marriage of convenience. But the calculation is in no way material - on the contrary, I helped my then-fiancée, who was 6 years younger than me, with money: she was graduating from college, and I was already working.
Why do I say that this was just a calculation on my part? Because I had the opportunity to experience both love and all-consuming passion, but nothing good came of it. The relationships in my bachelor life were different: long and not very long, for one night - everything was like everyone else. But the three young ladies made me suffer greatly - it was actually a painful experience, which I did not want to repeat at all. They were all bright and impressive in appearance: one was a stunning blonde, the other two were languid brown-eyed brunettes.
In no way do I want to say that you can’t get involved with beauties for a serious relationship, but I chose a girl of, so to speak, neutral appearance as my wife. Of course, I think she’s pretty, but I understand that men definitely won’t turn around after her. But the most important thing is that I saw and felt that Anyuta truly loved me.
In spite of the lack of feelings 3
Marriages and relationships of convenience are created not only based on economic considerations. Despite the lack of feeling of love, in spite of life situations and failures in their personal lives, people make calculations. The situation is simple: years pass, love failures grow, and the fairy-tale prince or charming lady seems to have vowed not to meet us.
In such situations, we consider it best to have a minimum of similarity to the illusory ideal. We are going into a relationship with someone with whom it will be simply comfortable and calm about interest and there is no need to talk about it. The thought that someone can bring a feeling of comfort is more than enough for some to replace romance; such a union can be called friendship.
Precautionary measures
And of course, you need to protect yourself as much as possible in such relationships from inadequacy, violence and unacceptable restrictions on your rights and freedoms.
Never allow a man to be your only source of income. He may want to end the relationship, or you may become completely uncomfortable and want to leave - you should have the means to do this at any time. Up to the option of “running away in the middle of the night with a passport and a bank card in a handbag”! Of course, “Beautiful and Successful” doesn’t wish this on anyone – but you need to make sure you’re insured against such a case!
It’s good if you have close, trusted people whom you can turn to in case of problems, so that they can shelter you or provide you with some kind of help. And these people, just in case, should know who your “man of convenience” is and where you live with him (or where you go to see him).
And don’t let a man use humiliation, or, worse, physical violence against you! You can buy the performance of a number of services, you can buy a person’s time - but not the right to mock him, insult him, cause harm, etc. “He beats because he paid for it” is as absurd as “beats means he loves”!
Website www.sympaty.net – Beautiful and Successful. The author is Daria Valerievna Blinova, journalist-observer. The article was checked by a special psychologist Olga Yuryevna Gryzlova. More information about the site's authors Copying this article is prohibited!
Having someone nearby calms you down 4
Everyone has their own basic provisions for relationships of convenience. Uncertainty - difficulty in communicating with other people, can lead to the expectation that someone else will solve all the problems of interconnection in society. The desire to change the situation - you need to move to another city, but there is no opportunity, relying on the fact that someone else will definitely do it.
Relationships of convenience attract those people who experienced a breakup from their parents or grew up in a family where the relationship between children and parents was devoid of warmth. Children suffer psychologically from such an attitude, which leads to a complete shutdown of feelings. Then they will simply survive, calculating their moves in relationships with others.
Why are most arranged marriages official? Registration of relationships allows you to feel the fullest degree of stability and gives peace of mind about the stability of family life. The need for this comes from fear for the uncertainty of the future.
Fixation of marriage is a financial moment that is associated with the purpose of protecting oneself and/or one’s children. And in the event of the death of the chosen one or divorce, it is possible to receive an inheritance or monetary compensation.
In the human mind, marriage is security and respect. Many employers give preference to family people, with the expectation that such an employee will think about completing his tasks, and not about how to arrange his personal life.
The attitude towards arranged marriages is laid down in us from childhood; if a person knows that only a family can give a feeling of happiness, then he will look for his soul mate only by relying on common sense, and not on emotions.
Love or calculation, what you need to understand 5
Society views relationships of convenience as something low, dirty, and immoral. Love does not last long, and feelings tend to fade away. So what choice should you make? Here's what a psychologist thinks on this issue.
Marriage for love is traditional, but for convenience it raises a lot of controversy and condemnation. However, both the one and the other phenomenon are in demand in the world.
When it comes to calculations and relationships, negative thoughts immediately heat up for reasons like: “what about love?” No person can guarantee that a relationship of convenience or out of great and bright love will be successful.
It's great when first love turns into a prosperous married life. It’s wonderful when a house is rich not only materially, but also filled with a bright aura, people live in harmony, raise children, all relatives are healthy and love continues to warm the soul. But it also happens differently, when tender feelings and wonderful love are replaced by everyday life and the habit of living together, there are few who in such a situation manage to maintain simple respect for their ally.
Some argue that relationships without love are not relationships, separate people, that marriage without financial gain is a direct path to divorce. Feelings are something that comes and fades away over time. When you are young, you are ready for anything, you are in love and the proverb “heaven in a hut” seems quite true. But as the years go by, your worldview changes, your status grows along with your desires, you want a lot more money and prospects. The passion is gone, all that remains is hunger and unpaid utilities.
A relationship of convenience is stability, because all future days are prepared, everything is clear and accessible, the question of how to increase your income does not even arise before you. A woman pictures in her dreams an attractive, insightful, beloved, wealthy ally. But it often happens that such people are already married. And in place of a beautiful picture, the harsh realities of life come and you need to make a choice, either in favor of passion without an exact future, or a beautiful life without feelings.
Love is considered the most wonderful feeling; songs are written about it, films are made, and lives are dedicated to it. To fall in love means to dissolve in your betrothed, to be always together, to be enveloped in care and tenderness. Love generates happiness when it is reciprocated; if on the contrary, it generates annoyance and pain. Mutual love is harmony between two people; some consider this feeling the most valuable in life.
A sunny relationship created from love requires a lot of work, because it is not enough to just be in love, you need to maintain the passion. Working on relationships implies patience and complete acceptance of your partner. Even the greatest and most sincere love does not guarantee a life together without quarrels. A quarrel is a battle of conflicting interests.
This battle is inevitable, because you are a man and a woman, with your own views on life, different upbringing and education. In such situations, it is important to hear and listen to your partner, to rally against the problem that has arisen, and not everyone to fight for themselves. Goodbye, look for a compromise, alternatives. Love relationships are based on loyalty and trust in each other. 100% trust will bring you a long married life. And the reward for your work in relationships will be happiness and strong love.
The attitude towards arranged marriages causes criticism and condemnation, because in the meaning of the word “arrangement” we subconsciously associate it with mercantile individuals who choose an ally for themselves, not being interested in any qualities other than bank accounts.
As has already been said, a relationship of convenience is not always about finding someone with money, apartments and cars. There are cases when a woman is looking for a man who is spiritually enriched or in good physical shape to have children, she may simply want to escape from her parents.
In the same way, this is a calculation, a calculation that you will know about your tomorrow. And it is possible that love can rekindle in a relationship of convenience if people like each other, treat each other with respect and enjoy sex. Informed calculation can lead to love in a short time.
For some, relationships of convenience are vicious and they have no idea how one can live like this; for others, it’s better when there is a calculation, and feelings will come later.
We know many stories from TV series or books where the heroine married a man of considerable age who was disliked by her. There are times when a man is young and famous, and even handsome to boot. Financial wealth attracts and seduces women; they want marriage with such a man. By pushing themselves into “big golden cages”, they ensure a stable future.
Marriages of convenience are often stronger than relationships of love. There are no clarifications of relationships, everyday conflicts, romance does not disappear, since it was not there from the very beginning. Relationships of convenience and money are the key to peace, confidence and a problem-free life.
A mistake in a relationship of convenience is when a woman goes against her principles for the sake of a new fur coat, a luxury car, often this course of events ends in divorce, the husband understands that his wife only needs money and quickly closes this shop. It’s even worse when the husband understands this and uses sex as a method to get his money; from the outside it looks like domestic prostitution. A woman herself often understands what is happening to her, but the fear of being left without a secure life is stronger.
Marriage of convenience. How to calculate who to marry
Introduction
It often happens like this: we didn’t know what we wanted, we got what we had, now we’re unhappy, we have to endure it. And so in all areas - sadness and complete confusion, and the most offensive thing is that 98% of people live like this all the time! But it's time to get out of this vicious circle with the help of a powerful method that you can use in practice in order to make a choice for which you will not be painfully ashamed in front of yourself, your children, your friends and your parents.
Short-term and long-term selection criteria
Write two lists. First list: Who are you falling in love with? Second: What kind of person are you ready to spend your whole life with?
Short-term criteria. First list. Falling in love, we have fallen in love many times throughout our lives, it was a fleeting feeling of slight euphoria, high spirits. You liked someone at first sight. You could pass by and think - how handsome (beautiful), I would fall in love with him (her). Sometimes one glance is enough, and this person has “hooked” us with something - his gait, his demeanor, his deep gaze, his infectious smile, his manner of dressing or speaking. - What a man! What kind of woman - this is how she should be, that one, he, that one. Stay for a minute, remember the faces that attract you, remember the people who made you look around and hold your gaze (thought) on this person a little longer than your work, decency requires... Who are they, those same ones? Remember (think of) three people who made your heart beat a little faster, and write down - what are they like? What unites these people? Maybe a hairstyle or some special look, or maybe their infectious way of laughing, or feeling like a real man/woman... Write down these qualities. Let there be 7 (±2) such general qualities, maybe more, at least 5. Write it down. This is the first list.
Long-term criteria. Second list. What kind of person are you ready to spend your whole life with? And if you are already married or married, it doesn’t matter if you are already living happily ever after, also write everything that comes to your mind, a little distracted from reality. Just write down everything that comes to your mind. Thought - it can’t be like this, there are no ideal people, well, I’m not ideal, what should I demand from others... Put all these thoughts aside for a while, they will help a lot, but then... and now write the answer to the question - with what you are ready to live your whole life as a person, thought, it doesn’t happen like that, it’s only in fairy tales, but we live real life - behind this there are also positive benefits that are important for us, and they are important... What kind of person are you ready to live your whole life with, who is he / she is that ideal man/woman. Describe his/her character qualities, what he/she is like, what he/she definitely does for you or others, just write down the stream of thoughts that flows from your head, without judging anything... So, get started!
Now take these two lists and compare them. What might happen:
- The two lists are completely different.
- The two lists are similar, almost identical.
- The first list of qualities flows into the second.
- Something in between these three options.
Criteria
What to do about it? I will describe mistakes that happen in relationships and describe options for resolving these issues. It is quite possible that you already know all this on an intuitive level, but do not have enough awareness or words to embody it. I will give you a system from which to build on and make your decisions. A system that makes it possible to critically evaluate what is (or is not) now in a relationship and from which it will be clear where to move in order to get the desired well-being, harmony and peace in the family. The same can be said about relationships in general. Criteria are a system of choice: employees, partners, company - where to work, business to do, friends, bread, in the end. How to make the right choice and be confident. If something has changed in your life, or you have changed, maintain relationships with your partners in the family and at work. Criteria are what our choice is based on. Choosing anything - from the tea you buy in the store to choosing the husband/wife with whom you want to live your whole life. I’ll digress a little and talk about logical levels for those who are not familiar with this system, so that I can then return to the criteria with a three-dimensional vision of the entire system. Let me remind you (you can read more about the system of logical levels in the book by R. Dilts “Strategies of Geniuses”, vol. 1.).
Logical levels. Let me remind you: our behavior is determined, dictated by the environment in which we are currently located: the gym - doing exercises, the art gallery - viewing and observing, the office - working at the computer, writing plans and reports, interacting with employees, talking on the phone, the dining room - we eat and so on. These simple actions add up to more complex skills, abilities - the ability to plan, make decisions, coordinate your actions, enjoy art, the ability to communicate and negotiate, manage yourself or other people, organize processes, and so on - we have many skills and abilities that we are used to have long been considered their inalienable qualities. But nevertheless, these are complex skills that we have learned, for example, memory, or creativity, or the ability to make decisions - these are skills that consist of small, very simple actions. Separately, the topic of strategies - creativity, planning, decision making - is taught in many NLP courses, but I won’t go into more detail now. In turn, the skills and abilities we have are determined by our values, or what is important to us. Values are why we do this or that business; values determined our desires to develop this or that skill. A person for whom success is important will most likely develop planning, management, communication skills, and a person for whom creativity is important will develop other skills, and so on. Let's stop the story about Logical Levels here. You can read more in the book by the developer of this model, Robert Dilts, or in NLP Practitioner classes. This is sufficient to understand the further selection process based on criteria or values. There is a good saying to illustrate the Logical Levels model: “If you sow an action, you will reap a habit; if you sow a habit, you will reap a character; if you sow a character, you will reap a destiny.”
Behavior is determined by values and criteria.
The lower logical levels are determined by the upper levels. In other words, our behavior is determined by our values and criteria. Which loaf of bread to buy (environment) is determined by those values that are important to me - health, or success, or art, or diversity and freedom, or pleasure and enjoyment of the taste of life. To exaggerate greatly, for health I choose grain breads, and for pleasure I choose soft, fluffy white French bread. Next are the options, what if I want to combine both values - this is the art of making a choice. The art of choosing a husband/wife, the right employee, a dream apartment, etc. I choose a white and rich French loaf and give up my health (relatively speaking!), choosing the ability to enjoy life. Or I choose stale, crisp, unleavened thin bread without yeast or sugar, denying myself the pleasure and opportunity to treat myself to something tasty, because I think that’s the right thing to do, and that’s what nutritionists advise me to do. Or, to spite my mom (dad/husband/boss/god), I prove that I can live without her advice, and make my right choice! So how can you make the right choice so that at the end of your life you will be absolutely happy, without having to sacrifice anything, for example, yourself and your secret desires.
So, our choice of a partner (anything) is determined by a set of our criteria and values. Criteria and values are laid down by our parents in childhood, by the community in youth. Our actions support or violate our values when we go to the gym - we realize something important to ourselves, for example, we think it supports our health or beauty or speaks of success - this will be different for everyone. Or vice versa - we don’t go to the gym, realizing such values as comfort, pleasure, relaxation, freedom of choice and independence from public opinion.
Criteria conflict. Sometimes this can cause an internal conflict, when health begins to compete with pleasure, and we begin to reproach ourselves for eating something wrong, or cheating on our wife/husband, but did not want to do it at all. They changed it because they wanted to realize something important for themselves that we don’t have in our current family or don’t know how to get it there. A conflict arises - I love my husband, the stability and support that my family gives me is important to me, but I don’t know how to get in the family... (substitute your secret desire) and he is like that !!! And I begin to reproach myself, since both criteria are important and it begins - ... Then it’s time to go to a specialist. It’s the same with work - you don’t like the work, but it’s stable, but you want creativity, but they don’t pay. This is where recruitment begins. You need to find a value that is not being satisfied for various reasons, and offer yourself (your product) as a way to realize the value - for example, you have always dreamed of how to be useful to society!
How to recognize a wolf in sheep's clothing, your future wife, and choose an employee?
Other people's behavior supports or violates our values. If someone gives flowers (behavior), then... he is (what?) caring, attentive, appreciates me - my value is realized - care/attention, for example. If he comes on time (behavior), then he respects me, values my time - my value - respect - is realized. If he drives an expensive car, then what kind of guy is he? He knows how to make money, you can rely on him, he will be able to feed and protect me and my children - a real man - I fell in love! I’m definitely going to get married and give birth to children for him! Well, you can immediately see that he is a real man!!!
Mistake #1 . Let's look at it below. If someone raises their voice at me, my value is violated - respect! If I got sick, and he never even called, my value is violated (what value is violated for you?...). If I get out of the car, and he, like an idiot, gives me his hand, then my value is violated... (substitute yours). If he kisses me on the first date, then my value is violated... And so on. Our behavior may violate or realize our values. Our behavior may violate or support another person's values. Behavior is determined by a higher logical level - values/criteria. A single value—stability, for example—can support many different behaviors. It is important!!! This is important when choosing a partner. For example, you hire a person, and it is extremely important for you that he is a responsible employee so that he can be entrusted with tasks that are extremely important to you. How to determine this quality on the first date, first interview, excuse me. You can’t ask directly - are you responsible? Will you be a good husband/wife for me? Almost every resume says: responsible, sociable, reliable and home-oriented, etc. But you have a serious task - you make a choice for the rest of your life, so as not to make a mistake... (well, there is still hope...). So, you have your first interview, a crucial moment - and you spill coffee, of course, because you’re worried, on yourself - and then... And then watch how the person will react... Instantly... Thinking for a long time about reputation... Rudely... Laughs. He will apologize... But you never know what else a person can do... he may get confused at such a crucial moment, it’s not every day that bosses spill coffee on themselves, and in such a place!... At this moment you risk seeing the person’s natural reaction. I’ll make a special mention about the ability to see people/situations as they are, and not as you want them to be, the ability to deceive is a separate art - about that another time... And now about how to make the right choice and not make a mistake. I have always been interested in the question - how to draw a conclusion from external signs that a person has inside, for example, if a person has large ears, this means that he will listen well, and the length of the nose determines the size of the big toe of the right foot. Among such systems there are some very interesting ones, but this is more of a help, but not always a way to make your life easier when choosing. What is your choice based on - on facts - physicists will say, on the heart - lyricists will say. The ability to listen and hear yourself - metaphysicians will say. Everyone chooses their own unique path for themselves, depending on the lessons that the soul wants to acquire in life, and the talents that are given to everyone.
How to make the right choice?
- You need to have a conscious set of criteria 7(±2) of what you want. For example: I want a car that is safe, economical, comfortable, roomy and beautiful, and that is inexpensive, and that does not get stuck in traffic jams. (Whoever, like a real NLPer, found two errors in the wording - congratulations! - whoever hasn’t yet - I’ll describe it later, or come to the NLP Practitioner course).
- The criteria must be sensory based . For each criterion, you need to have a set of behavioral signs by which you will know that this criterion is being implemented. A set of sensory-based criteria, that is, verified through a system of senses - you can see, hear, touch, smell - check sensory (sensually). For example: white rich yeast bread fulfills the criterion of pleasure, but violates health. White, buttery, yeasty - sensory obvious verifiable signs, facts, if you like; pleasure is the criterion (or value is the most important criterion). You have a criterion - an economical car - what are the signs that you will ask the car salesperson to determine this? If you don't know much about cars, you will go to a specialist and find out from him what you need to look at, what you need to know about your car to determine its efficiency, reliability, etc. (for fuel consumption, for the speedometer, for the price... - what exactly are the signs that determine efficiency?). It’s the same in relationships - he’s kind, smart and caring - knowing the criteria is not enough to go and look for a husband/wife/employee/partner/apartment. It is important to understand: how will you understand that this is the person you can rely on, that he/she is kind, smart and caring, responsible and cheerful, will meet all your expectations, that he/she is the one? For example, if evidence of intelligence is a diploma, evidence of kindness is being touched by cats, and evidence of care is that he wiped your tears at the moment when you got drunk at a disco and remembered your ex. Is such evidence enough? A! I understood! We still need to check what he’s like in bed - and then everything will be decided! Well, of course! Is it enough for him to have a big car and be a hero in bed so that you can rely on him? Or are some other specific signs needed? For example, be with this person in a difficult situation or watch from the outside how he solves non-standard situations at work, if possible. So that there is no need to organize a mother’s illness a year after marriage in order to convince himself that he is caring and thinks not only about himself. Think about it. Determine, write down 7 (+-/2) criteria - what the most important thing should be in him, in her - my favorite car (apartment, bread, employee, wife), what I can definitely do without, and what is extremely important in family life (you wrote about this at the beginning of the article - list No. 2 - long-term criteria). And define for each of the criteria at least five (5), and preferably more sensory evidence - how will you know that a person has this quality, that the values that are important to you are truly realized in this person. Sexuality - in order to see a person’s sexuality, you can look at how he moves, what he smells, how he dances, how he reacts to the touch of others. Stability - how is it determined for you how much a person can build long-term relationships - see if he has friends with whom the person has been friends for a long time, how long a person stays in one place of work, whether a person knows how to maintain long-term relationships. And so on for each criterion that is important to you. You can think, you can ask, you can rewrite. If you simply guess the number of calories by the color of the bun, and its reliability by the color of the car, I’m afraid you may be mistaken, you need some more reliable signs and preferably several signs confirming one criterion.
It's the same with employees. If you are looking for an employee for a key position and it makes sense for you to take a long and responsible approach to the choice, do this work. Write down the criteria that are important for this position, and write down verifiable characteristics for each criterion that confirm this competence (if this has not already been done in your company). When you choose a car, you consciously approach the choice and know exactly what you need to look at - mileage, engine condition, geometry, etc. Also choose a specialist - after all, this is the person who will earn money and reputation for you. Relying on intuition is a great way to go, but it's also good to have facts to back up your assumptions. Learn to understand people - it will pay off handsomely. If you once got divorced, or had to fire an employee, or regretted the money spent, the wrong choice made, devote some time to this system. If you once made a mistake, you know the price of making the right choice. The criteria of what is important to me, what I want, is not a question that should be answered quickly. This is a question that is worth spending time on, analyzing your experience, collecting information about the experiences of other people. Identify the qualities that are truly important to me. The art of selecting partners is one of the qualities inherent in the leaders of successful companies, as Jim Collins writes about it in his book “Good to Great.” Managers of successful companies could spend a long time choosing the right employee, but when this choice was made, the employee remained for a long time; in their companies, there was also staff turnover, but in a different form: either the employee quit within a few months after being hired, or stayed with the company for a long time. It’s interesting to me that the leaders of great companies were also happy in their families - they knew how to make the right choices that should not be regretted. This is a certain strategy of the mind. If you have once learned the formula for how a certain type of problem is solved, then it no longer matters to you what the components are - an employee, a wife, bread or a car. The ability to make choices is a skill demonstrated in different areas of our lives.
So, you need to write down the criteria by which you will choose anything, for example, bread in the store, you can start training with it, and for each criterion write sensory signs, how will you know that this criterion is being implemented.
- Healthy bread is: without sugar, yeast, made from rye flour (for example).
- An economical car is...
- A good apartment is: ...
- Promising work is:...
- The responsible employee is:...
- A reliable husband is:...
- A caring wife is:...
It looks something like this:
Criteria (for lyricists): What is important to you in a relationship?
What is important to you in a relationship? Your ideal spouse, what qualities do they have?
Sensory signs (for physicists):
Describe examples of situations in which this criterion may apply:
Criteria (for lyricists):
The ideal employee for this position, what qualities does he have?
Responsibility-
Communication skills-
Ability to plan -
Sensory signs (for physicists):
How do you know that the applicant corresponds to the declared qualities, what qualities does he have? Requirements?
Responsibility-
Communication skills-
Ability to plan -
What is my dream campaign? What evidence will you need?
If it's easier for you to start with a car, fill out this table:
What car are you going to buy? How will you know it's Her?
respectable
reliable-
charming-
Or maybe you choose tea/coffee in a store, tell us about that, how do you choose coffee?
Coffee should be: How do you know it's It?
natural - for this I first of all look at the composition of the product, it must be free of impurities, flavoring additives and aromas
Errors in formulating criteria and sensory signs:
- There are too many criteria, but not enough sensory signs (almost all are suitable).
- There are a lot of sensory signs, but there is only one criterion (no one fits).
- The criteria are outdated, do not take into account the future, rely only on past experience (only your dad/mom would choose this).
- Criteria conflict. Two/two buns are suitable at once, but for different reasons: one is healthy, the other is tasty, I mean bread. You have to choose who to marry and who to write down as your lover.
What relationship mistakes should you learn from?
- Short-term and long-term criteria are the same. Code name "Assol".
- Short-term and long-term criteria are different. Codename "Treason".
- The criteria are low sensory. Codename "I knew it..."
- The criteria are outdated. Codename “Mom Told Me...”
To be continued.
When did the relationship of convenience appear?6
This phenomenon is historically determined. When did agricultural and pastoral communities begin to operate? Where there was a surplus of something that could be accumulated, saved and passed on to your family.
How to live a successful life in a relationship of convenience or love is up to you. Don't deceive yourself, what won your heart? Intelligence, goodness, prospects or money?
Love is, first of all, reciprocity, to cherish this tenderness and work through all mistakes. Every day our life presents us with alternatives and new roads, choosing one relationship or another, you yourself are responsible for them.
