How to become a sociable person? 5 tips and a selection of the best books on teaching communication skills

Benefits of communication skills:

1. the opportunity to achieve success in different areas of life (career, family life, creativity);
2. gaining spiritual harmony, getting rid of complexes and excessive isolation;
3. the opportunity for self-realization in all spheres of public life;

We show signs of communication skills in everyday life. But some people can be called the “life of the party,” while others are only silent.

And if you look at sociable people, you will notice that they easily achieve their goals and achieve success in life.

Sociability and self-confidence also help in business. Many employers choose talkative candidates for a vacant position, because such an employee can easily find a common language with the client, and accordingly, he will bring profit to the company.

Benefits of communication skills

A person who communicates easily in any company compares favorably with the silent ones sitting in the corner. Confidence, freedom and charm make the joker attractive to people of the opposite sex. He controls the situation, makes acquaintances easily, makes new friends and is respected.

A sociable person does not extract smart words from his memory, does not think about his gestures and facial expressions. Everything happens naturally, effortlessly. It is pleasant to talk with him on various topics; people ask him for advice, hoping for understanding and confidentiality.

People who have difficulty communicating try to be quiet and inconspicuous at corporate events and parties. They do not arouse interest among friends. Forced to spend time in splendid isolation.

Silent people have difficulty finding employment because they are unable to effectively convey information about their strengths. Even professionalism does not help, as difficulties arise in communicating with the team, which interferes with interaction in the team.

A person who knows how and loves to communicate is more likely to achieve his goals:

• enters into a marriage;
• is realized in the profession;
• participates in the social life of society;
• comes to inner harmony, easily making up for the lack of communication.

Employers choose talkative, goal-oriented people from applicants for positions. Communication skills are needed to maintain a healthy environment in the workplace, establish connections with partners, clients, and successful negotiations.

How to develop communication skills

Sociable people quickly find solutions to problems in everyday life and at work. They clearly formulate and convey to management the aspirations of the team, earning the gratitude of their colleagues.

Why develop communication skills?

What is special about a sociable interlocutor? First of all, such a person loves to communicate. He enjoys the process of communication, tries to learn something new, he meets new people, gets a positive experience and teaches his interlocutor something.

The ability to communicate allows you to successfully build life priorities. After all, flexibility, loyalty in conversation, and understanding of the interlocutor help achieve the final goal.

If you develop these skills, then you may well become a leader in any team, you will be able to achieve promotion on the career ladder, and learn to show initiative in various issues.

An interesting and sociable person is always noticed; he becomes the epicenter of everyone's attention.

Look at the entertainment TV presenters. They are always sociable and open. They understand when it is appropriate to joke or ask this or that question.

Reasons for unsociability

In order to become a sociable person in the future, it is necessary to understand the factors that make a person withdrawn and unsure of his abilities.

Factors of isolation and uncertainty

1. Psychological trauma in the past . Thanks to this, a “barrier” arises that prevents the possibility of repeating a painful experience. It can grow out of a situation where a person was ridiculed or shamed while trying to communicate. Awareness and acceptance of trauma will help get rid of the heavy burden of the past, which interferes with a full life in the present.
2. Inability to hear and listen . The reasons for this lie in egocentrism, lack of empathy for the interlocutor and excessive aggressiveness. Most often, others like such people, they want to get to know them, but things don’t go further than that. They do not know how to build strong and long-term relationships.
3. Low self-esteem. Psychologists define such people as those who really want communication and are drawn to it, but due to natural timidity are afraid to take the first step towards meeting a stranger. This fear arises due to internal rejection of oneself, that is, the logic of a closed individual is that if he does not like himself, then others cannot like him.
4. Complexes. Combines all the previous factors. Low self-esteem, selfishness, narcissism, and delusions of grandeur are equally present here. The vector of opinion about oneself is divided into two opposite branches, on one side - “I am not worthy of communicating with this person”, on the other - “he is not worthy of communicating with me.”

Types of Communication Skills

Modern psychology identifies two main types of communication skills. This is a verbal and non-verbal type.

Verbal communication

Verbal communication occurs using certain phrases, constructing sentences, and maintaining a dialogue with the interlocutor.

It is important to be able to correctly express your speech, interest listeners, and enjoy the conversation.

Read more: How to learn to speak beautifully and competently

Nonverbal communication

The nonverbal type of communication involves the use of gestures and facial expressions.

Sometimes our facial expressions can say more about us than our words.

Mirror exercises can be used to develop nonverbal communication skills. Imagine that you are communicating with your interlocutor. Watch your facial expressions and gestures.

Read further: What can gestures tell us? 75 Signs of Body Language

It is impossible to learn to communicate with people in a couple of steps. Be prepared for the fact that the process of improving public speaking may take more than one month.

Read further: Oratory for beginners: exercises and rules

Signs of a confident person

When communicating, a person does not think about his verbal and non-verbal skills. However, by these signs one can determine whether he is confident in himself, which he experiences in the presence of his interlocutor.

Verbal

Verbal communication is called speech, that is, a way of exchanging information using words. A confident interlocutor can be identified by:

• tempo of speech;
• voice pitch;
• its tonality;
• rhythm;
• timbre;
• intonation;
• diction.

People who lack self-confidence speak at a fast pace because they are afraid that they will not be listened to, will be interrupted, or will not have enough time to speak. Therefore, they are in a hurry, say a lot of unnecessary words and movements. Anyone who is confident in himself will not rush and will do without empty hesitation. He definitely knows what he wants to say and that he will be listened to.

A confident person does not shout, but speaks in a loud, calm, even and firm voice. His tone is low because he is relaxed and his vocal cords are not tight. His voice sounds richer and more interesting, the sounds are clear.

Nonverbal communication

Nonverbal communication includes gestures, facial expressions, posture, and gaze. Active gestures are used by an insecure person who does not know how to control his emotions. Therefore, smooth gestures indicate calmness and confidence. Such an interlocutor’s shoulders are straightened, his posture is straight, and his facial expression is friendly.

During a conversation, a sociable, confident and open person holds his arms and legs freely (does not cross them, does not spread them wide), and smiles. He prefers to stand straight on two legs, without falling over on either of them. His gait is fast, even, firm, and sometimes sweeping. He starts his step from the heel and gradually rolls onto his toes, waving his arms.

He places his hands behind his back, his head, or holds them on his hips. He prefers to sit astride a chair, put his feet on the table, blow cigarette smoke through his nostrils, pointing his head up. During a handshake, a confident person holds his hand on top, palm down. He has it dry, warm, strong. Such a person has a direct gaze, he is not afraid to come closer.

How to develop communication skills and become a sociable person

Top tip: don't avoid communication

Are they contacting you? Don't avoid communicating with your interlocutor!

Do you feel like you are not a sociable person? Believe me, each of us can have a great conversation in any situation, but this requires time and certain training.

3 rules for overcoming your shyness or indecision

1. put yourself in the shoes of your interlocutor: silence or avoidance of conversation would not be very pleasant for you;
2. do training, try to act out verbal debates in front of the mirror;
3. Learn from the examples of good speakers. Pay attention to how a famous politician or show business figure enters into a dialogue;

Practice visualization

Imagine that you are about to meet a person you know, but you have no desire to communicate with him. Don't avoid meetings and don't close yourself off.

Residents of megacities often do not like to actively communicate. This is understandable, a big city puts pressure and oppression on the human psyche. Sometimes people really want to hide from the annoying and noisy crowd into their own quiet corner.

But the more you withdraw into yourself, preferring virtual communication to live communication, the less chance you have of developing communication skills.

We strike up a conversation on our own. Let's show our emotions!

The special talent of a sociable person is that he is not afraid to be the first to start a conversation, maintain a conversation, or come up with a new topic for discussion.

Don't show your hostility or withdrawal. Do you know interesting cases from life? So share them with your interlocutors.

But it is important to understand that your speech should be interesting to people. Carefully monitor the behavior, facial expressions, and gestures of your opponents.

Respect your interlocutor

One of the fundamental rules for acquiring communication skills is the ability to respect your interlocutor.

You should not get into a verbal spat, proving that you are right. Even if your opponent is wrong, still learn to hear him.

It is considered great disrespect to interrupt the interlocutor, attempt to shout down, interrupt the conversation, or change the topic of the conversation.

The goal of constructive dialogue is to find so-called common ground with the interlocutor.

Watch your facial expressions, because your movements and facial expressions should show your disposition and complacency towards your opponent in the conversation.

What to do if the interlocutor himself does not respect you and is rude? Learn to respond correctly to rudeness.

Read more: 10 methods for responding to rudeness

Exercises to develop communication skills

Communication is the basis of not only personal relationships, but also work ones. Communication training is useful for negotiations, team building, maintaining self-confidence, and successful sales. Communication is the foundation on which the success of any business rests.

Communication exercises and trainings are aimed at removing internal barriers. They teach confident communication skills, self-presentation, the ability to manage the flow of a conversation, find compromises, and negotiate. Collective trainings create a friendly, warm atmosphere of support and trust, which is necessary for the group to work effectively.

We have selected selected exercises to improve communication skills:

"Tell about…"

Goal: development of confident communication skills.

Each of the participants takes turns taking any object that belongs to him and asks him: “Tell me about your owner.” During the training, participants can ask questions from any field of activity.

"East market"

Goal: honing business communication skills, analyzing strategies for achieving goals

Each participant writes their name on 5 stickers. The leaves are rolled up and sent to the box. After this, everyone in turn must draw out 5 pieces of paper, and then each participant in the training must return the stickers with their name to themselves by any means.

The first one to collect a complete set of personalized stickers is declared the winner. The following is a discussion of the strategies used.

"In other words"

Goal: developing the ability to adequately convey the same idea in different words.

Participants are divided into groups of 3-5 people. After this, the presenter tells one player from each team a phrase consisting of 5-7 words. Each participant must convey the meaning of the phrase in other words to his colleague (not a single word should be repeated).

“For that guy”

Goal: training confident communication skills

Participants are divided into pairs. Everyone tells each other about themselves, after which badges are exchanged. After this, one of the pair members sits on a chair, the other stands behind him. In turn, each player is asked questions from any field of activity, the one standing behind must answer all the questions, regardless of whether he knows the exact answer or not. Finally, the person sitting on the chair must say the percentage of correct answers.

“How similar we are!”

Goal: development of contact skills

Participants are divided into pairs. Each pair must find and write down common traits and characteristics of each other as quickly as possible. Afterwards, each participant must choose another person and also find common characteristics with him. The winner is the one who first finds five common features.

After the stage of searching for common features and characteristics, a discussion begins:

• Was the exercise easy or difficult?
• How quick and easy was it to find commonalities with other participants?
• What helped you establish quick contact?

Exercises to develop communication skills are a powerful tool that helps you visually improve your ability to communicate in the shortest possible time.

The main secret of communication skills

Do you know what the main secret of communication skills is?

This is a kind of magic elixir, thanks to which you can become a communicative person.

Everything is extremely simple. You need to enjoy communication. You should not force yourself to smile insincerely at your opponent, the person will feel false.

Know how to win people over

You need to start any business with a smile and a good mood. You must enjoy active communication. We ourselves shape the world around us. And we also create a social circle ourselves.

Treat people the way you would like to be treated yourself. And you will see positive, smart, interesting interlocutors appear around you. This rule applies to all areas of social life. Be it work activity or the sphere of personal relationships.

Tune in for the good

Never set yourself up for an uninteresting, sluggish and boring conversation, even if you have one.

Include imagination, the power of persuasion, and a good mood.

Learn improvisation, which is the pinnacle of achieving a high level of communication skills.

Try to interest your interlocutor with non-verbal gestures, switch his attention, and do not load him with too much unnecessary information.

Definition and signs of sociability

CONTENT:

Among strangers, a person often withdraws. He thinks about how to choose the right words, express his thoughts clearly, so as not to leave a negative impression on the interlocutor. It is much easier to conduct a dialogue with old acquaintances who understand perfectly. But this is not enough for communication skills.

Communicabilis translated from Latin means amenable to communication. People with this property are able to contact others in different situations and maintain friendly or business relationships.

Signs of a sociable person:

• open to others, initiates dialogue with strangers;
• confidently expresses his point of view;
• inspires trust, is flexible, makes compromises;
• ready for public speaking;
• quickly adapts to unfamiliar surroundings;
• pursues a specific goal from communication;
• knows how to manipulate the interlocutor, changing the topic, directing the conversation in the right direction;
• easy to train, devotes time to personal growth;
• charming;
• thinks broadly, arouses interest among people of different age groups;
• communicates in bright, figurative language;
• doesn't talk too much, knows how to listen.

To become interesting to others, you need to have a sense of humor, give positive energy, and lift your spirits.

Effective practices

If you stop crossing your arms over your chest and start speaking in a calm, firm voice, a person will not become confident. Only effective work on yourself will relieve embarrassment, raise self-esteem, and help you become self-confident, sociable and interesting.

READ Feedback and its impact on the quality of communication

Learn sign language

When you want to communicate with your interlocutor, you should show him your readiness and openness to him. To do this, it is important to know which gestures you can use and which ones to refuse. A glance at the phone or watch, crossed limbs indicate unsociability, unpreparedness for dialogue. If you want to develop a conversation, it is better to smile, look at your opponent, put down your gadgets, and straighten your back.

Open the mind

It will be easy to carry on a conversation if you have a broad outlook. You can talk about hobbies, travel, relationships, films, books, technology. The more diverse the topics of conversation, the more interlocutors a person will have. Personal development occurs through attending courses and trainings, watching educational programs, communicating with others, traveling, and reading books.

Accept yourself

During a conversation, an insecure person thinks about how he looks and worries about it (I’m probably shaggy, maybe my tie has come loose), is afraid to say what he thinks, and is embarrassed. In fact, anyone can dislike something. And everyone has their own opinion and it has the right to exist.

To accept yourself as you are, you need to stop analyzing the dialogue that once took place. Constantly thinking about the words spoken develops insecurity. If a person is open, it is easier to communicate with him. This doesn't mean you need to give away all your secrets, but it is important to be honest.

Self-esteem and personality development are influenced by upbringing. In some families, they deliberately raise a person who is convenient: he listens to adults, studies well, does not argue. This actually leads to communication difficulties in adulthood. The ability to make contact with others also depends on the type of temperament. Cholerics and sanguine people are more talkative than phlegmatic and melancholic people. It is also more difficult for introverts to find an interesting topic for conversation than for extroverts. Accepting yourself and realizing your problematic traits will make it easier to work on self-improvement and acquire communication skills.

Start revealing yourself

To begin to liberate yourself, it is useful to practice conversations with strangers (fellow travelers on the bus, consultation in a store). If you do this every day, then the awkwardness will gradually disappear, first excitement will appear, and then a habit. A conversation should be started with colleagues and classmates to discuss the upcoming test (is everyone ready, is there any excitement) or meeting (topics of reports, are reports ready, have programs been written).

At a party, you should approach or sit down with a stranger and also try to start a conversation. For example, ask whether your opponent comes here often and whether he knows everyone. When it is difficult to choose a topic for conversation, you can talk about the weather, sports, news.

It is recommended to go to lunch with colleagues and chat with classmates after classes instead of standing on the sidelines with your phone. If the invitation to join comes from them themselves, then they definitely need to agree. If the company is uncomfortable or not fun, you can always leave it earlier.

READ Telephone conversation: features and methods of remote communication

It wouldn’t hurt to attend clubs with similar interests: chess, dancing, yoga, painting, language learning, where you can find like-minded people with whom you can find a common language.

Think through a conversation plan

To make it easier to establish contact and improve its quality, it is worth considering the upcoming conversation with your opponent. First, determine its purpose and write it down. Then make a list of beliefs, objections, problems that bother you the most. Options for solving them should be indicated next to them. After this, put down the notebook and stop elaborating and thinking, it is important to let go of the situation.

If you are planning a meeting where there are a lot of strangers, it will be useful to make a list of topics that you can talk about. Usually these are: family, leisure, plans.

Overcome the fear of “no”

Man is designed in such a way that he is afraid to hear the word “no.” Being afraid of him, he misses many opportunities in life: the desired position, meeting a beautiful girl or guy. Even if something doesn't work out, it doesn't mean a loss. On the contrary, such situations are the acquisition of valuable experience.

Thus, communication is a valuable skill that allows you to build a successful career, have a family, friends and like-minded people. To become more self-confident, you need to start working on yourself.