How to become relaxed and liberated? 11+ tips

The main reasons for shyness

In modern society there is a stereotype that liberated young ladies always go to nightclubs, meet all the men in a row and generally behave like ladies of easy virtue. But that's not true. You can be a modest and moderately shy girl and at the same time pleasantly surprise others with self-love.

Glossy magazines and intrusive commercials urge you to give up your complexes, love yourself and become more confident! Compliance with all these principles guarantees success in any field - from matters of the heart to the professional sphere. But in fact, following all these recommendations is quite difficult.

The thing is that girls who behave this way have a psychological barrier. This obstacle is extremely noticeable, as it acts as a kind of block of consciousness. It does not allow you to take any adequate actions in terms of meeting guys/men or making friends.

The degree of modesty also plays an important role. Some girls begin to experience difficulties during dates when there are no topics to talk about. And some representatives of the fair sex even find it difficult to say “hello” to their old friend or smile at the guy they like.

There are many reasons for shyness. Here are the main factors that hinder normal social life:

• lack of confidence in your own appearance: acne, thinning hair, bad teeth, excess weight - all this can hinder self-confidence;
• negative experience of taking initiative in communication (many girls stop communicating when one day they receive a refusal or an opposite reaction from men);
• experienced childhood trauma (toxic parents often instill in their children, especially girls, unhealthy communication habits, as a result they become “downtrodden” and are afraid to talk to strangers);
• belonging to a certain psychological type of personality (people are different, conditionally we can all be divided into certain psychological types - active and passive, positive and negative, it also happens that passive behavior is the norm for a girl, and she just wants peace and quiet).

These are not all the reasons that create obstacles to normal social life, but they are basic.

Double work

All these methods help to suppress one’s own emotions for a short time, but they cannot solve real problems and overcome the “aftertaste” of stress. They also require volitional effort, which is often lacking in an exhausted state. These and other popular methods for maintaining self-control should only be used as an aid. You need to seriously work on yourself together with a specialist. And finally: do not rush to sound the alarm after a nervous breakdown. Most of the time we just allow ourselves to lose our temper. If you “fly off the rails” quite rarely, do not engage in self-flagellation. The ability to occasionally throw away self-control can earn you the glory of being an original or simply a sincere living person with his own weaknesses. And this, as a rule, evokes sympathy in people who are aware that they themselves are far from ideal.

How to become more relaxed when communicating with people?

You can communicate with people confidently by following a few simple principles:

1. Self-discipline. To develop it, you need to do yoga as often as possible and perform a set of simple physical exercises. After all, sport allows you to relax spiritually and physically. The main thing is to do it in moderation, avoiding grueling workouts. It’s not for nothing that they say that “a healthy mind in a healthy body.”
2. Dancing. Dance classes will help you get rid of major tensions and gain a lot of freedom. This approach will bring maximum pleasure to life, as will lessons in theater and public speaking, which will allow you to correctly select intonation and timbre for a specific situation.
3. Correct thoughts. You don't have to worry about what people think of you or what you look like. The main thing is to tune in to receive positive emotions from the communication process. You just need to smile more often and regularly repeat the name of your interlocutor.
4. Useful experiments. You need to “sort out” different behavior patterns with different people and companies. You should make new acquaintances for the sake of interest and see what comes of them. This will make you understand that each person is unique and interesting in their own way.
5. Facial expressions and gestures. You need to try to use mirror behavior towards your interlocutor. You can repeat his gestures, facial actions, and some words. This will help you be on the same page with him and feel comfortable.
6. Soulful communication with yourself. To do this, you need to sit near the mirror and communicate with your own soul. Maintaining a positive attitude and monitoring changes in feelings is important.
7. Ability to be an interesting conversationalist. It is not necessary to listen and remain silent all the time. You can ask leading questions, make clarifications, and talk about yourself. You can even set the tone and topic for the conversation, the main thing is that it is interesting to everyone. Expanding your horizons and improving your vocabulary will help with this.
8. Observing other people. This gesture will make you understand that no one is perfect. Other people can also be modest, vulnerable, have complexes and face difficulties.
9. Finding flaws in yourself. You need to find those moments that you would like to correct in yourself. Think about what you are not happy with and what you would like to change. The main thing is not to criticize yourself “from head to toe,” but to find adequate shortcomings and ways to eliminate them.
10. Understanding your essence. There is no need to try to play other people's roles and put on masks. It is important not to be ashamed to be your true self, which will allow you to become an interesting person and gain attention in conversations with other people, attracting them like a magnet.

Important! You don’t need to immediately strive from being a loner to become the life of the party. You need to act gradually: first communicate with new interlocutors one-on-one, then involve new people in the dialogue. It is advisable that these are familiar people who also know how to maintain communication.

Full eclipse

If timely release of steam at will is useful, then what happens to us when emotions completely escape our control and cloud our reason? When there is a real loss of control over oneself, a person experiences a special psychological reaction. The culmination of emotions is accompanied by a rapid heartbeat, darkening of the eyes, a sensation of brain explosion, followed by a feeling of weakness. If this happens to you regularly, then you need to seriously take care of your nervous system - you have overloaded it with something! Do you feel unable to cope with this problem on your own? In this case, contact a psychotherapist, he can help.

How to become more relaxed when communicating with men?

There are ladies who communicate with members of the opposite sex easily and freely. They know how to interest and delight with their rich inner world. But not everyone has such abilities. On the contrary, most women do not have them.

The most important secret to easy communication with men is no modesty. Of course, some part of it should be present, but only the smallest. There is no need to behave excessively timidly; men are not attracted to, but, on the contrary, repelled by such women. The reason is simple: after communicating with such a young lady, any normal man will think that she is not interested in him and will stop trying to communicate, finding a more interested interlocutor.

Some girls withdraw into themselves due to complexes. If a young lady grew up in a family where there were only women, and made friends exclusively with girls, there is a high probability that as an adult she will not be able to fully contact men. In this case, there is a way out: you just need to stop looking at the guy as a potential partner, communicating with him as a friend. In this case, looseness will be beneficial and, perhaps, simple friendship will develop into sincere love.

Another reason for constrained behavior may be that the girl is in an unfamiliar environment. Therefore, you need to go on a date to places where you can relax and not worry that something will go wrong.

Some representatives of the fair sex are convinced that the best way to combat excessive modesty is to drink alcohol. If you drink alcohol at every meeting, the young man may get the impression that the lady has bad habits. No self-respecting man would consider such a woman for a long-term serious relationship.

Another common reason for excessive constraint is the lack of any information about the guy’s character. A lady, not knowing who she is dealing with, can become tense, confused and behave as if she had completely “swallowed her tongue.” To avoid such awkward situations, it is worth finding out as much information as possible about the potential gentleman, which will allow you to build a full-fledged dialogue.

Strong argument

The advantages of the ability to maintain composure in critical situations are obvious: you do not commit actions that you may later regret. But there are more disadvantages to controlling emotions, albeit hidden. If you constantly hold back your emotions, unexpressed aggression slowly drains your nervous system. As a result, the accumulated negativity can take the form of some kind of disease, reduce vitality and commit meanness towards you. So if a person always keeps a tight rein on himself and does not know how to relax from time to time, then this is not at all a virtue that should be envied. Too good is bad. Hypercontrol forces us to be too demanding of ourselves, and, as a result, of others, sometimes forcing us to take it out on the weaker and more defenseless, leading to muscle tension and pain (especially the head, neck and back). Some psychologists believe that drug and alcohol use is also a problem for those who do not know how to properly relax and relieve stress. Conclusion: do not overplay both hypercontrol and justifying your own nervous breakdowns, which can develop into habitual behavior.

How to become more relaxed in bed?

To do this, you should adhere to the following rules:

• Rule #1 is to love your own body. To do this as quickly as possible, you should look at it in the mirror as often as possible. Even if your legs don’t grow from your ears, and there are no model parameters, you need to love and accept yourself in your existing image. After all, men often look not at a lady’s appearance, but at her attitude towards herself.
• Rule #2 – self-care. It is important to buy beautiful sexy lingerie that hides imperfections and highlights positive aspects. A pleasant smell will be a good addition to the image. Therefore, you should regularly use aromatic lotions, special balms, and perfumes.
• Rule #3 – no excessive effort. You don't have to go out of your way to become relaxed in bed. After all, if there is a loved one nearby, the girl will be able to relax automatically, she will feel free and desired.
• Rule #4 – open conversations. It is important not to be afraid and regularly ask your loved one what he would like. You need to tell him about your own preferences. If there is a spiritual connection between people, such sincere dialogue will make it stronger.

Got something to lose

To maintain composure when you want, you need to be able to lose it competently. The nervous system relaxes when you have sex, sleep, or play sports. Some people find it helpful to relieve stress by riding roller coasters and watching horror films, while Brad Pitt's character and his comrades, for example, got rid of their problems in “fight club.” But in general, any shaking methods are good, the main thing is not to get stuck in a state of constant stress. Don’t accumulate situations in which you want to hit someone, but you, as a cultured girl, don’t do it. It is important not to convince yourself that you are calm and nothing special has happened, but to express anger and work out the physiological reaction to stress. A caustic remark can make a loudmouth so angry that he swallows his own tongue. Master this art and you won't feel like you missed a beat if you respond in a calm tone. You shouldn’t prohibit yourself from other civilized forms of expressing aggression. You can challenge an unpleasant person to some kind of duel: beat a sports or intellectual game, do a project faster and better. Some experts also advise: if you realize that aggression has accumulated, try to use it for peaceful purposes, for example, extract from your boss a salary increase for your colleagues and subordinates. If you don’t have the opportunity to respond to the offender, relieve emotional stress in other ways: work out in the gym, hit a punching bag, just go for a run in the park, or at home do exercises that are difficult for you. Physical activity tends to weaken the effects of stress hormones. Anything that relaxes the muscles also helps a lot: massage, yoga, bath or sauna.

Breaking stereotypes and habits

An adult is squeezed into the strong psychological grip of public morality, norms of behavior, all kinds of stereotypes: what life should be like, how one should dress, what one should talk about, etc., etc. It’s funny that the easiest way to fail is to try strictly follow any of these stereotypes, and the first thing successful people advise is to get rid of them.

Start doing things that are unusual for you, change your image, experiment with clothes and hair color. Start a conversation in a way you would never start, do something you would never dare to do, regularly say affirmations and you will soon find that your fears have disappeared without a trace - you can stop being ashamed of yourself.

Affect effect

Do not confuse loss of control over yourself with a state of passion. This is a complete loss of control, an acute and rapid defensive reaction, which is accompanied by an extraordinary act. A person can save himself or save his neighbor in an extreme situation, showing the world unprecedented physical strength. Or he can inflict serious bodily harm on an opponent who is physically much stronger than him. Sometimes completely healthy and mentally stable people fall into an affective state, for example, if they find themselves in icy water or see the death of a loved one. After this, a sharp loss of strength occurs, the person falls into prostration, partially or completely forgets about what he has done.

Understand yourself

So, if you see the need to combat your shyness, that's a good thing. But inner freedom is unattainable without introspection. Think about what is the hidden reason for your uncertainty; it’s good if the answer to this question is found on your own.

If nothing works out, you should seek help from a psychologist. An individual consultation is ideal, since if you yourself don’t understand what you want, online communication is unlikely to help you. A competent specialist reads information about your personality not only by what you say, but also by your appearance, clothing and other non-verbal factors. All this is noticeable only during a personal meeting.