How wonderful it would be to just turn off all feelings, emotions, fears and worries.
Don't fall in love, don't be disappointed, don't be afraid of being judged. Just live for your own pleasure, and don’t take anyone into account. Don't think about what once was and what will happen tomorrow. Get rid of sad memories once and for all, and never again return to thoughts of painful breakups, humiliation, unhappy love. You need to be able to live in this world, you need to learn not to take everything to heart, to protect yourself from all this pain and vanity. Fortunately or unfortunately, not everyone is born with a cold Nordic character. Actually, there are not so many such people living in this world. One of the most outstanding owners of this character was the famous Soviet intelligence officer Stirlitz. Such people easily subordinate emotions to reason, and always, regardless of the circumstances, maintain external calm and equanimity. Whether he suffered the biggest defeat of his life, or won a crushing victory, you are unlikely to see even the slightest change in his behavior. Only a glance can give it away. Perhaps you are one of the few who can boast of such a unique super-power? Well, you're very lucky.
But even if you are not distinguished by restraint, or are even a very impressionable and vulnerable person, you can develop certain qualities in yourself. So how do you become an insensitive person?
Learn to say "NO"
How often do people ask you for help? How often do you answer “No”? Perhaps you are one of those people who, at the first request, will drop everything they are doing and will solve the problems of colleagues, acquaintances, and friends? Then everything is bad. You urgently need to change your life!
Learn to say “No” if it is not beneficial for you. Learn to refuse, even if the person really needs help. After all, it's not your problem, right?
But there is one more point to consider. Suppose you did help the person, what next? Perhaps you will experience strong positive emotions from the fact that you did a good deed and helped a person. But do you need it? After all, it is possible that feelings will cause attachment to a person, or the person will be very attached to you. Such “joy” is of no use to a cold-blooded person. Mind your own business, and if it is not beneficial to you personally, always refuse help.
We act on the contrary
You don’t need to graduate from the Faculty of Psychology to understand what it takes to develop the character of a tough, purposeful lady who is alien to the emotionality typical of ladies. After all, you just need to create the image of an average woman and then do everything exactly the opposite.
Relationship
An ordinary woman will admire her man and talk about her love for him, write and call several times a day, take care of him, court him, worry about quarrels, etc.
When thinking about how to become cold, first of all reconsider your attitude towards the opposite sex. Don’t show that a man has touched your heart and you need him, don’t call or write to him first (and don’t always answer his calls and letters). Let him know that you are not going to cook/wash/clean for him or that you will only do it of your own free will, at a time convenient for you. Make your own appointments at a time convenient for you. Avoid quarrels and showdowns - cold women do what they want without stooping to the level of scandals. Don't show him your weaknesses. Allow yourself to flirt with other men. And most importantly, don’t be afraid to lose it. At the same time, in the intimate sphere it would be better to show the exact opposite character, otherwise the man will leave you before you show him all your audacity and independence.
Friendship
A cold lady rarely has friends, since not everyone can stand her character. With those with whom you decide to maintain relationships, be as discreet as possible. Don't be frank. Have clear beliefs and principles and do not deviate one step from them. Don't help, don't do favors, don't communicate when you don't want to.
Cultivate selfishness
An insensitive person should not care about anything. Stop paying attention to the events that happen in the lives of friends and loved ones, stop taking part in improving their personal lives, and so on. Again, this is none of your business. In the end, you will be indifferent to everything, you will develop an egoist in yourself, the world will revolve only around you.
It will be difficult at first, but conscience and shame will quickly leave you. Do only what benefits you, make contacts only if you need them, look down on people and go over their heads. Nothing should stop you from achieving your goal. Especially if it’s someone else’s problem. This doesn't concern you.
Not everything is given
Just take your time. First, think carefully about whether this is how you want to rid yourself of emotions. They are often more difficult to restore than to eliminate. By the way, not everyone is given the gift of being insensitive.
Remember: few people experience a true absence of emotions. Usually cruelty and composure are in a person’s blood. If there is a predisposition to these traits, then solving our today’s issue will be easy and simple. Otherwise, you will literally step on your own throat and your internal structure.
Often sympathetic, kind people think about how to become an insensitive person. And not vindictive. They will have to work very seriously on themselves. As practice shows, such people are not able to really bring the idea to life. Only for a while. And then there will be a feeling of guilt inside. But true composure does not allow this.
Suffer again and again
It’s worth mentioning right away that this method works differently for different people, and can either make you insensitive and indifferent, or send you into a protracted binge.
It is not because of a good life that people are looking for opportunities to become cold and insensitive. Do you agree? After all, something or someone probably touched you to the core? Apathy towards the source of pain and suffering appears immediately. But this state should be prolonged as much as possible, returning to memories again and again, experiencing everything again from the very beginning. Don't try to forget everything, suffer. Over time, your sensitivity to the situation that hurt you so much will become less and less. And what was the cause of suffering a month or two ago will today make you feel completely indifferent. Over time, you will get used to this state, and it will become completely natural for you. And if history repeats itself in the future, it will no longer hurt you.
By the way, have you ever thought about the work of a doctor, or a morgue employee? What about the fate of the military? They face pain and suffering every day. They literally immerse themselves in them and quickly get used to them. Over time, many people get used to the pain and no longer notice the suffering of other people. With such work, you will definitely no longer be touched by tears, prayers, or the suffering of others. This is one of the most effective ways to become an insensitive person.
How to become cold-blooded?
A very important skill for any person is the ability to remain calm, no matter what situation he finds himself in. All negative emotions and experiences, such as panic, fear, anger, can completely deprive you of your strength, giving nothing in return. Those who do not know how to maintain composure and manage their emotions very often become victims of stress and nervous breakdowns, which over time can transform into a chronic disease. And vice versa, those who are able to keep their nerves in check are able to achieve success in all their endeavors, know how to build harmonious relationships with others, and always cope with all planned tasks on time.
- How to become calmer
- How to become more serious
- How to stop worrying
How to become calm and how to learn to manage your emotions? There are many tips for this, which psychologists have worked hard to create.
Tip #1.
Regardless of the situation you find yourself in, first of all try to soberly analyze it and give it an adequate assessment. It may turn out that under the influence of emotions you are blowing the most ordinary fly into an elephant. Direct your thoughts in a positive direction. Make yourself think that you are stronger than circumstances and the problem is not as terrible as it seems at first glance. This will help you get rid of unnecessary worry.
Tip #2.
When faced with any problem, first try to solve it on your own. Only if you can’t do it, share this with others. Very often, when you begin to talk about an incident with horror in your eyes, your interlocutors begin to react to it in the same way as you, and you, looking at them, become convinced of the complexity of the situation, even if it is not as terrible as you thought so at first.
Tip #3.
When faced with a difficult situation, try to imagine it as a heavy knot that gets even more entangled when you are nervous, and unravels when you calm down, thereby giving you a chance to unravel it.
Tip #4.
In the question of how to become cold-blooded , it is very important to learn how to control your facial expressions, gestures and movements. Don't fuss, don't run from corner to corner and don't shout. Maintain external calm and equanimity and, without noticing it, you will actually be able to calm down and make the most correct decisions.
Tip #5.
It is very difficult to maintain composure if your body is exhausted and you are tired. If you haven't gotten enough sleep or are feeling hungry, your behavior can easily become irritable. Try to make your body always feel comfortable. A healthy lifestyle and moderate physical activity can help in this matter.
Tip #6.
Remember that breathing is a powerful tool with which every person, no matter what situation he is in, can pull himself together. A person under the influence of emotions and experiences, as a rule, breathes intermittently, not rhythmically, in small breaths. Try to breathe deeply, deeply, and you will see for yourself that your thoughts will begin to come into order and you will calm down.
But do you need it?
But think carefully, do you need it? Is the game worth the candle? Perhaps you were offended, touched to the quick, or acted wrongly? But is it worth becoming insensitive just because of this? We often think about this when we feel bad. But when we really feel good, no one thinks about how to get rid of the feelings that overwhelm us? No one is trying to suppress pleasant memories, is they?
Perhaps it is better to just reconcile and forgive your offenders. Time cures. Look at everything differently, from the best side. Look how much good there is around, how many good, pleasant people, how many opportunities to change your life. Don't go to extremes right away.
Do you need coldness?
Before you become a cold person, think carefully about this. You may have been hurt, brought a lot of pain, but by becoming insensitive, you decide the joys only for yourself. Try to let go of the situation and forgive the one who offended you. Look at the world with love, bless all the good things you have and smile. After all, you have you, and together you will definitely cope with all adversities and be happy. It just takes time, the wounds will heal, and joy and happiness will come into life.
How to become insensitive and cold?
A cold person very rarely shows emotions, so you will always need to control them. You should always have the same facial expression. You should also not develop your eloquence; your speech should be dry. Try to communicate with people less often, use a certain set of phrases in conversation. Talk less, listen more: this way you will spend less vital energy, and to others you will seem like a stern person.
Return to past suffering
When a person decides to become cold and insensitive, most likely someone has touched him to the core. Of course, he immediately became apathetic. To prolong this state, you need to constantly return to the pain you experienced. As a result, over time you will show less and less of your feelings and emotions. Subsequently, you will get used to this state, and it will become quite normal for you.
Immerse yourself in misery
Have you noticed that people working in hospitals and morgues know how to distance themselves from pain and suffering, they simply get used to it. You can get a job like this and experience people's suffering. Over time, you will get used to the pain and will not notice it. You won't even notice how much you've changed. You will no longer be touched by the tears, pleas, lamentations of others, you will not care.
Don't pay any attention to anything
To become a cold person, it is enough to simply not pay attention to events and people. You should not care what happens to your loved ones and friends. Of course, at first it will be difficult, but you can always concentrate on yourself. In this case, you can even cultivate an egoist in yourself. This will be the best solution, then the whole world will revolve only around you. Look down on people, do what benefits you, go above and beyond, no matter what.
Refuse to help people
You shouldn't help people even if they need your help. After all, this is not profitable for you, and besides, this way you will bring benefits to people, which means you will experience positive emotions. But you don’t need them, because it awakens feelings and attachment. This is of no use to you, since you are a cold person, this should not be characteristic of you.
Living in such a world is scary
And each of us - from the president to the homeless - is afraid. Afraid involuntarily. At the cellular level. And already depression - the child of fear - according to world statistics, has taken first place and supplanted the most formidable killers of humanity: oncology, cardiovascular, bone diseases.
Fear becomes triumphantly invincible.
But! If one of us has not yet gone crazy, is not put on a chain, is not tied hand and foot in a psychiatric hospital... More than that. He was not mentally exhausted. And he wants to wake up in the morning, happily jump off the tired sofa, pull back the curtain, look out the window and smile at the world!
And start your day with this smile. And finish it with the same smile.
But - alas and alas! - this simple natural desire is inaccessible to him. Because vague fears, anxiety, uncertainty, expectation of failure, in the end, many years of fear of the boss’s door, with whom - finally! - solve a pressing issue...
And, if you are a novice copywriter, a specific fear will be added to such fears: fear of your own “I can’t”, of the customer, of the absence of a customer, of cruel, soul-sapping competition, of failure, of the ridicule of copywriting masters, fear of your dark, unsuccessful fate ... And this fear - like the bite of a poisonous asp - paralyzes the mind, will, and action. Generating even more intense fear.
Most of your reactions are normal.
The title of this chapter is the most important golden rule you need to understand to begin with. Many people lack the awareness that they are, in fact, completely normal and that their reactions are completely natural.
In an attempt to become a cool-headed person, you may lose your strengths. Why do you want to become calmer, cool down towards people? You are tired of worrying, but your spent nerves indicate that a certain person is dear to you and you are worried about your future.
For example, you often express your dissatisfaction with your husband, but doesn’t this mean that you are showing yourself at this moment as a caring woman? Don't your experiences at work show your responsible attitude and professional approach to business?
Being cold-blooded about everything can cause you to lose all interest in life. Will she become completely different, deprived of benefits, advantages, brightness? Think about it, sometimes reconciling and accepting yourself as you are is the best solution available.
Next time, at the peak of an emotion, think about whether they are normal and what positive qualities they indicate. If you want to become a little calmer, I can offer some useful tips from psychology.
How to achieve dispassion
We continue to introduce readers to the instructions of the wise confessor Archimandrite Sofian (Bogiu).
– How to achieve dispassion?
- Avoiding passions! That is, we need to make a decision that we will change. This is what the holy Apostle Paul says: “If anyone steals, do not steal from him.”[1] To get rid of passions, prayer is necessary. Pray, repent, try, repeat again. Confession is also necessary after this penance, that is, so that you do something so that you can atone for or destroy this evil. Penance is needed because you collaborated with evil before, and you need to decide not to repeat evil again and little by little break away from it and enter that zone that is saturated with spiritual ozone.
The demons become very jealous when they see you starting to pray. You got rid of them, and they want you to belong to them. You need to always be accompanied by prayer - this way you can protect yourself from temptation. They act in secret, and the One who protects you, that is, God, who uses His means, also acts in secret.
It is impossible to get rid of passions in one day. That is, so that after one confession I already become a saint - and that’s it. Getting rid of passions is a cleansing process that is not painless.
For example, the Venerable Mary of Egypt, who was a great sinner in Egypt, with the help of God ended up in the Palestinian desert and there took upon herself very severe ascetic deeds. When she found herself in the desert, she began to struggle with herself and with what was around her. In Egypt she had all sorts of dishes, music, youth, banquets, all sorts of different sins. In the desert she had nothing: she had only sand, stones and the blue sky above her head. It was cold at night, and the hot air burned during the day, she had nothing to eat, and she suffered as much as she indulged in passions. She lived in passions for 17 years in Egypt, and it took her 17 years to free herself from passions.
When someone sent by God, Elder Zosima, a holy monk, came to the desert and spoke to her, Saint Mary of Egypt, answering him, rose 2 cubits (1 meter) above the ground - so she was transformed. This liberation from passions lasted for a long time, equal to how long she spent in passions. Grace acts very quickly, instantly, but time is needed to free oneself from passions; an internal struggle is needed, a struggle with oneself, with passions, with external passions and unclean spirits.
– Father, would you like to tell us about Christian mysticism?
– A person who frees himself from passions enters this pure, spiritual zone, however, even here he will encounter some temptations. In the monastery of Suchev and
The staircase of St. John Climacus is depicted on the northern wall. To the right of the stairs are depicted angels (52–54 angels) with crowns in their hands. On the left are demons with tridents and various hooks. And ascetics climb up the stairs; some reach the top (there, in the blue-gray heights, stands Jesus Christ and the angels with Him), and there is a door there - the gates of heaven. Whoever rises, the angels crown them with a crown, and they are received in this heavenly upper room in the highest.
On the other side (on the left), demons are pulling them down with hooks, and there are some who have almost reached the gates of heaven, but fall into the abyss. That is, there are all sorts of temptations, so evil that they can overcome you.
Here I have the life of St. Macarius the Great, and it tells about one incident. A certain person, very trained in the Christian life, the mystical, was making a journey, with him were Saint Macarius and some other people. And this citizen, who set off on a rather long journey, this Christian (after all, he was a Christian) all the time quoted from memory huge texts from the Holy Scriptures, from the Old and New Testaments, from the Acts of the Apostles, from the lives of the holy Apostle Paul and other saints, so He amazed everyone with his memory and zeal.
Then they came to one city, said goodbye there, and this citizen, so well informed, fell into some very vile passions. All the knowledge that he had in his mind could not help him, because the Christian life to a very large extent is an experiential life, lived not only intellectually, but also with the heart, with your whole being. He was a man with an excellent memory, possessed extensive knowledge and must have gone through the passion of exaltation and pride, because he knew a lot. Pride led him to his fall.
So on this staircase of St. John in Suchev and
That is: these people rise brilliantly, following a very bright path, but because of pride they tear themselves away from God and fall. So, at the very beginning of your spiritual life, place a very serious emphasis on humility.
The Savior says this: “Learn from Me, for I am meek and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls” [2], that is, if you have humility combined with your feat, then you will win, and if you do not have humility, you are always subject to falling. This is spiritual, mystical life, lived in the Holy Spirit - life in struggle, in great attention, in true humility.
There are people who are very sinful, you think they are very humble, but they are full of pride inside. Humility must be humility of the heart, internal; it means a lot in our spiritual life - if you have it, you will reach the top of the stairs from the Suchev Monastery and
tsa, if it is not there, you will fall into the abyss.
– How to find a pure heart, peace in the heart?
– Trying to be sincere, always be honest with yourself, have a pure, sincere heart, without contamination, admit your sins, as the psalmist says in the 50th Psalm: “My sin is taken away before me.”
When you realize the sin in yourself and do not forget it (after all, if you forget it a little, you will immediately begin to be proud), if you do not forget it, then you keep yourself in humility, and humility helps you keep your heart pure. And don’t hide, don’t defend yourself when you’re a sinner, and repent purely, and not for the sake of one appearance, while in fact remaining different.
The Holy Apostle Paul was a great persecutor of the Church, but after his conversion he was filled with spiritual gifts, ascended to the third heaven, and spoke with the Holy Spirit. He was endowed with great gifts, and yet it was from him that we got this word: “I am the first of sinners”[3] .
Even though he was forgiven, he did not forget about it. If we observe this custom, we will also observe this humility, as well as purity and peace of heart.
