How to improve relationships with loved ones and others, advice from a psychologist

On what principles are your relationships with other people based?

On control, manipulation, expectations - manifestations of a horizontal type of relationship? Or is it based on trust, freedom of choice and respect – vertical relationships ?

Horizontal relationships create suffering, while vertical relationships lead to harmony.

In this article you will learn what characterizes horizontal and vertical relationships and what will help you learn how to build relationships with people based on the vertical - based on love and trust .

How to improve relationships with people around you

Each of us has our own character, we are well acquainted with our pros and cons, but in public we try to appear better than we really are. Situations are different and sometimes they force us to lose our temper.

At such moments, it is very difficult for us to hide our uncontrollable anger and direct it in the right direction. Behaving uncontrollably and thus causing offense to people we interact with every day - friends and colleagues - does not bring us a good mood. You have to immediately look for ways to improve relationships.

Understand yourself first

Maybe the cause of all conflicts is in yourself? Before you try to build relationships with people, look inside yourself. You should know everything about yourself, both advantages and disadvantages. Be objective towards yourself and if you can easily put up with small weaknesses, then you need to get rid of serious shortcomings that interfere with your life.

Take charge of your health, nutrition and fitness. Love yourself with all your flaws. Think about your emotional state. Cultivate self-respect and confidence in yourself and your abilities. Don't try to seem like an unhappy and lonely person. Live an active and interesting life.

What are you giving to the relationship?

Nobody requires any material costs from you. But if you want to have a relationship, you need to maintain it. That is, waste energy, time, emotions on them. It doesn't matter what exactly we're talking about. About saying good morning to your neighbor, or going out with a friend once a week, or spending time with your kids.

The more effort and time you spend, the greater the return you will receive and you will not have to urgently decide how to improve relationships with people. You can't expect much from a relationship in which you don't invest anything. And the more time you spend with family and friends, the better the quality of these relationships will be.

Be honest

Don't hint at what you don't like. Honesty is the key to open and high-quality relationships. It is completely in vain for us to think that everyone already knows about everything, our loved ones know about our love, our friends know that we are nearby. Everything needs to be talked about, and as openly as possible.

If you are offended or upset, there is no need to hide it. This, of course, will not save you from conflicts and disputes, but it will definitely reduce them to a minimum and teach you to seek compromises and solutions to problems. Honesty must be complete and absolute, otherwise family relationships will not improve. Even if it concerns your mistake. Apologize and things will only get better for everyone.

Learn to listen

If you don’t know how to establish the right relationships, learn to listen and hear. Do not rush to express your opinion, take the trouble to first listen to the other person’s point of view. Don't rush to conclusions, which often leads to misunderstandings and poor judgment. Learn not to interrupt your interlocutor, no matter who it is.

Understand your desires

Another important point: decide on your desires and voice them. Regardless of what you want, you must understand that other people simply cannot read your mind. There is no point in demanding from them something that has not been stated before.

What to do if you have already fallen into conflict with loved ones?

first, get into a resourceful state, take care of yourself
if you feel guilty for what you said or how you said it, find a way not to apologize, but to admit that you were wrong and compensate the person with something pleasant.
If you feel anger, then most likely it hides your powerlessness and helplessness to change something. The first step is to admit your weakness. And then it will be easier to push away from it. Perhaps by asking for help or asking for advice.
if you feel that you can’t cope on your own, ask for help, there are many specialists ready to help, including for free. This is fine.

In the modern world, we don't do a lot ourselves. For example, we do not treat our teeth ourselves. Yes, it is our responsibility to clean them and take care of them, but if the situation is more serious or we need a check-examination of our suspicions, we go to a specialist. So it is with the psyche.

Total. There are no ideal recipes and never will be. But the simpler the tools, the more likely you are to use them in practice. These little pluses to your resource state will work in a cumulative effect and lead to constructive results.

How is the relationship between two people?

Of course, it is best to make sure that you don’t have to make peace, and that there are no upset or offended people among your surroundings, but we don’t always succeed in this. Stress, irritability and our pride are to blame.

Sometimes a simple apology and admitting your mistake is enough to improve relationships with people. Sometimes a chocolate present or a beautiful bouquet of flowers will act as a means of reconciliation after a quarrel. But in any case, you need to admit your guilt, apologize to all participants in the unpleasant moment in which you had to play the leading role and try to resolve the situation.

If you quarreled with a whole group of colleagues, then the logical solution would be to buy a cake or order pizza for the office. Indeed, in order to restore a friendly and warm atmosphere, it will be necessary to create conditions so that your apology and attempt to correct the situation are correctly interpreted and accepted by the entire team.

Eliminating the consequences of quarrels

If your level of stress at work and your attempt to prove that you were right led to you quarreling directly with your manager, then you should start your next sentence with an apology.

In this case, you can refer to anything you want to forgive. It’s good for this option, if the boss and business partners took part in the quarrel with you, the option of publicly apologizing is suitable.

In trying and actively searching for an answer to the question of how to improve relationships with people, you should be consistent. If you make scandals every day and then also vigorously apologize, then this style of behavior at work will not bring you anything good.

It can even do harm, becoming an excellent reason for your boss to start cutting your salary and then fire you altogether.

Correcting errors

To establish normal relationships after a quarrel or a small misunderstanding, you need to smooth out the unpleasant situation. An admission of your mistake, an apology, or simply a present as compensation for the inconvenience and nervous stress caused will do.

We will compensate

If we are talking about an offense that you inflicted on a person completely without meaning to, it is worth publicly apologizing, saying that you regret what happened and offering something to atone for guilt.

This could be a set buffet table, a sweet table, or inviting the person you offended to a restaurant for lunch. A gift in the form of dinner for two is also suitable (we give a certificate).

Don't spare money on apologizing to those people you offended. Believe me, if you don’t apologize in time, you will have to correct much more serious consequences.

Moreover, this method of apology with compensation will serve as an excellent lesson for you, and the next time you will think well when you have a desire to assert yourself or offend someone.

A good lesson in the form of putting yourself in the place of the person you offended will help you improve relationships and next time avoid making mistakes that can cost both you and the offended person dearly, causing unnecessary nervous experiences.

Emerging problems

Harmony and respect do not always reign in the team. Most of us have encountered one or another problem in relationships with colleagues at work. Let's look at them one by one.

Envy

Envy in a work team is always unpleasant. People may start to envy you because you:

deserve a promotion;
received a salary increase or bonus;
an attractive woman or a confident man;
happy in family life;
and for many other reasons, often completely unexpected.

Informer in a team

Another trouble is the appearance of an informer. One of your colleagues reports you to your superiors. Talks about your mistakes, mistakes in behavior or inappropriate appearance.

If you encounter a “rat” at work, then accept 2 basic rules:

stop talking about your personal life, watch your words, because they can become known to the boss at any moment;
use the informer for your own purposes: spread rumors through him that you are extremely devoted to your work and the boss personally, that you work hard and take part of the work home, that you spend your evenings thinking about upcoming meetings with clients, etc.

Put the boor in his place

Among colleagues there are sometimes outright boors or rude people. They insert their sarcastic comments and try to hurt you. Such people are usually ill-mannered and do not have good manners.

In no case should one remain silent in response to rudeness. This way you will open the way for him and allow him to mock you. Here are the correct behavior options:

use irony in response to his attacks;
make statements into jokes;
talk to the boor one-on-one, firmly urge him to remember politeness;
do not argue with him, but agree - so that your answers are completely absurd, this will confuse the ill-wisher and moderate his enthusiasm;
analyze your behavior: maybe you yourself are giving rise to rudeness;
in the most extreme cases, record boorish attacks on a voice recorder and take the recording to your boss, demanding that action be taken.

A thief among his own

Unfortunately, theft can be encountered in any job. Identifying an attacker is not easy because there is usually at least minimal trust between colleagues. And it is morally difficult to suspect the person working at the next table.

Installing hidden cameras in your office space will help you avoid repeated theft. If property has been stolen from a personal locker, it is recommended that you and your colleagues chip in to install an alarm system.

Another method to catch a thief is bait. Make an agreement with one or two colleagues whom you trust 100%. Place your wallet in a visible place and leave it unattended. A hidden camera will allow you to record the theft. You don’t have to buy a special one—any camera will do, even a mobile phone camera.

If a co-worker annoys you

There are people who are not easy to be around. For example, a colleague:

regularly complains about life;
talks loudly and laughs;
touches things on your desk;
tears paper all the time;
constantly slurps while eating;
he smells like cigarette smoke.

What to do if you are uncomfortable with a colleague's behavior? First, talk to him, explain that loud conversations interfere with your concentration, and the smell of tobacco causes allergy attacks.

If it's all about some individual characteristics of a person, try to accept them. You cannot change a grown man or woman.

Conflicts

In any team, conflicts occur from time to time. Psychologists give useful tips to help you avoid unpleasant situations at work:

Find out and memorize your terms of reference. Give a firm refusal if someone tries to force you to do something you don't have to do.
Avoid discussing personal matters and problems with colleagues. What you say may one day turn against you.
Don't be too reserved. Communicate and maintain relationships with colleagues. This way you will get to know them better and be able to build a good relationship.
If someone offends you, insults you or finds fault with you, try to understand the motives of this person and find a special approach to him. It is unlikely that you will become friends, but try to coexist peacefully together.

Energetic vampire

Sometimes at work we fall into the clutches of energy vampires. They could be colleagues or superiors. There are two main types of vampires:

“Sunny” is an aggressor who wants to cause negative emotions in you: such as resentment, confusion, fear. To resist him, do not fall for provocations, just run away at the first attempts of the vampire to cut off power to you. If it is impossible to escape, laugh and joke, it always helps.
“Lunar” is a whiner who complains, talks endlessly about his problems, depriving you of energy and optimism. To avoid falling into the trap of such a vampire, try to stop communicating with him. If this cannot be done, answer him the same way he does: complain about life and talk about any, even the smallest problems as if it were a universal tragedy. The vampire will tuck his tail and run away on his own.

If a coworker stops communicating with you

Most likely something happened. Perhaps he harbors a grudge against you or is preparing an intrigue against you. The best thing is to talk to a colleague one-on-one. Ask why he avoids communicating with you?

If a colleague ignores your questions, it is better to leave him alone and keep any interactions to a minimum.

At the same time, pay attention to the behavior of other employees. Have they lost interest in you? Perhaps a colleague does not say hello at work.

Maintain and strengthen connections with other colleagues so that if something happens you are not left without protection. It’s worse if all your colleagues don’t want to communicate with you - this is already a full-fledged boycott, which requires a special approach.

How relationships develop at work

In everyday life, our life consists of relationships. Everywhere we are surrounded by people with their own problems. In any situation, you need to know how relationships are established so as not to feel guilty or irritated.

At work, we sometimes encounter not only a friendly attitude, but also injustice. How to behave so that such relationships do not interfere with your career or personal life.

To have good relationships in a team, you must always be responsible for your actions and words. If you are new to work, try to avoid unnecessary provocative questions. Don’t rush to dump details of your personal life on your new colleagues.

To improve relationships with people, try to restrain your emotions until you get to know the new team better. Observe more and draw conclusions. Do not take part in gossip and discussions of your superiors.

Ask more authoritative colleagues for advice. If you cannot change the circumstances, try to change your attitude towards what is happening. You can’t change people, but you should preserve your nerves and calmness for your home and family.

When taking part in joint tea parties, try to treat your colleagues to something tasty more often. Share your favorite recipes, indoor flowers, keep conversations on neutral topics.

How to improve relationships with people if you quarrel

If you encounter an unpleasant situation with your friends or girlfriends, try to figure it out together. Only a frank conversation will help maintain and restore relationships.

Unfortunately, on our way we often meet people who are dissatisfied with others. It is quite difficult to establish relationships with such people. Their negative emotions can ruin their mood for the whole day. Do not try to enter into open conflicts with them. This position can lead to overt aggression in a showdown.

Completely different situations occur when you have to prove your professional correctness. Try to always act according to the law and the rules. Then you will have nothing to reproach.

Often ambitious people try to play by their own rules. Tough characters shouldn't look for your weaknesses. By showing perseverance once again, you will show yourself as a worthy opponent and will not allow yourself to be ridden.

Useful video

I recommend watching an interesting video on the topic of relationships with colleagues:

Thus, relationships with colleagues must be built carefully and gradually. Don’t forget that you are communicating with them at work, so the main questions in conversations should be professional ones. Friendship is great, but close relationships with co-workers can become a problem in the future. Keep your distance, behave correctly and respectfully with everyone. And then your work will be enjoyable, and your relationship with the team will be stable.