My wife and child left: how to return? This will require a lot of effort, but the result is worth it. To return your wife and child, you will not need money or gifts. You must have a great desire and strong attachment to your family. Your wife may allow you to see the child, but do you want to be happy again together? This article will help you learn all the important aspects, pitfalls and remember the advice of psychologists in order to start life with a clean slate.
Why did the wife leave with the child? Possible and visible reasons
After the breakup of a family, you should not immediately think about how to get your wife and child back. You must go through a stage of your moral recovery, during which you can realize your guilt, understand your mistakes and understand the cause of the conflict. According to statistics, 70% of couples break up on the initiative of a woman who did not like some features of family life:
- bad habits: smoking, alcohol abuse, soft drugs;
- physical violence;
- early marriage;
- moral violence, conflicts and quarrels, disagreements;
- frequent everyday problems without solutions;
- jealousy and distrust of the partner.
A woman is prone to quick conclusions and false decisions, and perceives situations emotionally. Therefore, if you don’t know how to get your beloved wife and child back, then ask yourself the question: “Am I able to change, not make past mistakes and take responsibility for the family again?”
Is it possible to get my wife back in this situation?
You have assessed the causes of the conflict and the mistakes made by both spouses. The next step is to find out whether it is worth trying to get your wife and children back? To do this, refer to the statistics:
- In case of domestic violence, the chance of getting your wife back is 18%. The spouse is depressed psychologically and physically, and gradually lowers her self-esteem.
- If you cheated once, then the chance of getting your spouse back is 45%. If you cheat repeatedly, lower your statistics by 15%. If you have a child, it will be easier to get your ex-wife back after the divorce or before it.
- Moral suppression gives a 13% chance. If a husband humiliated a woman, did not respect her, and married for some benefit, then the question of how to get his ex-wife and child back will remain unanswered.
- The man is not independent - 28%. You can change by proving and demonstrating to your wife your composure and perseverance.
Think about why you want your wife back? The reason may lie in the fear of loneliness or loss of a child.
What if you are not to blame for your wife’s divorce and leaving? What to do if she cheated, abused moral violence and bad habits? Think about it, do you need such a wife? You can sue the child and start a new family.
Event Analysis
Act consistently, collecting thoughts and a picture of the world brick by brick.
1. Confirm your assessment of what happened.
The most difficult thing at such a moment is to understand your true desires and motives. Perhaps this gap is logical? You yourself felt that the couple was unviable, but now resentment welled up in you. This is a typical situation for a marriage that is no more than five years old. Deep down, you were ready for a breakup, but not for being abandoned, or even leaving for someone else.
The situation is completely different with couples who have lived in a place for at least 10 years. The breakup in this case does not occur spontaneously - behind it there are many months or even years of reflection. And, believe me, your ex-wife took a deliberate step. She probably even made repeated efforts to convey to you the essence of her complaints, but you turned a deaf ear.
Answer yourself the main question . Do you really want everything back to what it was before? And if so, how will you cope with the fact that she chose someone else over you and shared a bed with him? Do you have enough self-control and courage to forget about it and never remind her? After all, if not, then the revived marriage is doomed to a new, already final collapse.
If the answer to all questions is yes, then only in this case should you take action to return it. However, I am obliged to warn you about the difficulties that are sure to arise. You will definitely have to spend a lot of time and show remarkable patience. At best, it will take several weeks or even months before the situation can move forward. What to do next is not important for now; I have talked about this and will talk about it in other materials.
2. Analyze the situation thoroughly. You've probably made mistakes. The reasons for her departure and everything that happened before it may be related to these miscalculations or some other circumstances. No one but you knows the situation better. Usually both are to blame and most often problems begin with one little lie. And sometimes a break in relationships occurs not because somewhere is much better, but because the current state is very bad.
Any problem can be resolved when both people are willing to have an open conversation and are able to listen to each other. But not at the moment. Now it’s too late (or in a sense, it’s still too early), clarifying the relationship is categorically contraindicated. Not only is your ex-wife negative towards you, but she is also likely tormented by the impact her leaving has had on you. In turn, you definitely cannot yet adequately assess the situation and have a substantive conversation. It takes time, and it is such an indispensable tool that sometimes only it is enough.
Focus on finding your own mistakes. They definitely were. And, so that everything is clear and works as it should, keep a record. Otherwise you won’t be able to get the full picture. Everything that you manage to recall in your memory will shed light on at least part of the objective reasons why you were left alone.
To make it easier for you, I have collected the most common and typical mistakes that men make:
- You are immersed in your work, and do not care about constant attention to your family.
- There are too many of you. You didn’t give yourself a break (even at work you constantly wrote and called, paid too much attention, thereby devaluing it) and tortured you with control (manifestations of jealousy, prohibitions).
- They forgot that you are a couple and partners. For you, your wife is an appendage to the house, but not a person with whom it is pleasant to spend time, experience common emotions and new experiences. You spend more time with friends (leaving her alone). Between you there is only everyday life and sometimes sex. You didn’t build a family - you didn’t have common plans, you didn’t discuss development.
- The ex-wife did not receive enough passion and emotion. Each of us needs someone with whom we can openly share our experiences. We want affection, care, romance and fire no less. All this should be provided by the other half. Otherwise, a woman (and a man) feels lonely, even when someone sleeps with her under the same blanket.
- You were toxic. They constantly reproached my wife for something, put pressure on her and oppressed her. Or they acted hysterically. Frequent scandals.
- There was no initiative from you. All key decisions were made by the wife, taking on the role of the man in the relationship. You didn't resist.
Found something similar in yours? Think carefully about each of these points. After this, you can start working on yourself and your relationships.
The main mistakes a man makes after his wife leaves
Before you take action, remember what you should not do when reconciling with your wife:
Don't make these mistakes and your chances of successfully getting your wife back will be increased.
Total ignore won't work
Because it won't be total. When a wife and children leave, this is a situation of regular contact with the ex. She will have to resolve financial issues and take the kids out of her home. Total ignore requires an absolute lack of contact: you cannot even read messages. Anyone who talks about ignoring his wife and children usually in reality has half-ignored behavior or something even more naive. Any compromise versions of ignoring are ineffective in principle.
For this reason, the total ignore method is not used in such situations. An approach is required when your behavior is consistent with the current situation, but is always aimed at increasing your moral advantage over your spouse. Setting up such a model of interaction with your ex-wife requires extreme care. You need to take into account every detail of your relationship and act unerringly: once you get emotional or show that you are suffering without her, returning will become impossible.
If you want peace with your ex-wife, get ready for a war for dominance
It is not a single quarrel or a one-time failure in the balance of significance that leads to divorce. If the wife left with the children, then the ground for this act had been prepared for a long time. Now a strong position is as far away as the nearest habitable planet. You will need to draw up a plan for at least six months and stick to it without mistakes or failures.
It is possible to win the struggle for dominance with your ex-wife and get back into a relationship with her. She is the same woman - a stamp in a passport does not change the gender of her lover or her basic instincts. But every provocative attack must be repelled, manipulative riots must be suppressed in the bud, and the civilian population in the form of children must not suffer. This will be a confrontation of emotions, not cunning tricks or open aggression. Prepare to respond effectively in any situation. I can help, but you will have to make key decisions yourself. If you are ready not to break down and act according to plan, leave a request for a consultation.
Ready-made action template: what to do?
You can use a sample list of actions that will help you get your wife back with both two children and one child:
- Go out for a walk with your child in the late afternoon. Take the kids to the park or other fun attractions. Buy a toy or flowers for your wife, as if by accident.
- Be a peaceful person. Don't be aggressive, but don't become too accommodating in front of your wife.
- Put the child to bed and stay to talk to your wife if she offers tea or dinner.
- Next, start the dialogue with basic words: “How are you? What's new?" You can ask about the child's condition. In the first such conversations, do not touch on feelings and love. To begin with, just be interested. Watch your voice and words. If a question is addressed to you in response, do not brag, but also do not push for pity. Option “Not bad, but I’m tired” or “Okay. I'm holding on, though... it's quite difficult. I didn’t even think it would be so difficult.”
- Don't force yourself on your wife, start small. If a woman hints that you need to go, then leave. This reaction can take a long time.
Pay attention to the child's mental health and the atmosphere in which he is raised.
