Control your emotions
If an argument breaks out between you, take a deep breath and calm down. Psychologically stable couples are emotionally intelligent. They use healthy coping skills to cope with unpleasant feelings such as loneliness, anger, and sadness. They accept discomfort as part of their own healing process, and also understand that they themselves are able to change their emotional state when their feelings turn out to be harmful to them. You must be guardian of your own inner peace.
Don't hold grudges
In order to create a strong relationship, it is worth working with your past problems. You must be prepared that in any relationship, even the most ideal, you can be hurt. No one is immune from mistakes and disappointments. Therefore, you need to be able to apologize, forgive, and let go of grievances. Don't try to punish your partner by holding a grudge against him. No one has ever benefited from such behavior.
Online dating doesn't work
If you want to find an ideal partner using some kind of computer algorithm or are going to look at the profiles of only those who have words familiar to you in the “Interests” column, then you are doomed to failure.
After all, research says: similar interests do not have a significant impact on relationships. The combined results of 313 separate studies show that your mutual love of Woody Allen films will not help you save your marriage longer. In 2010, the level of satisfaction of spouses was studied. It turned out that the same interests of partners do not affect this indicator in any way.
When we want to meet a copy of ourselves, marry her and live happily ever after, we make a big mistake.
Real life is completely different. Marrying someone just because he or she also likes to listen to Radiohead and cry is pretty stupid. Your compatibility affects only 1% the duration of your life together.
Problems arise for any couple. The point is how exactly you will deal with these complexities. In other words, it's not how you feel that matters. What matters is how you feel about your feelings. You need to find someone who expresses their emotions the same way you do.
Washington University professor John Gottman has presented strong evidence that this influences how long a marriage lasts. The way you behave creates an emotional template, which forms the common space of existence of the couple.
What you should be concerned about is not getting your partner to love Scarlett Johansson's acting. By choosing a spouse, you automatically get his problems. The only thing you should care about is how to build relationships in such a way that there are as few conflicts as possible.
How to build healthy relationships
Another pretty good way to build a healthy relationship and find a partner is to ask your friends or relatives for help. It is better to turn to those who know you well and in whom you do not doubt. They will probably agree to help you and will be determined to find a suitable candidate in their environment. Often your friends and family know you even better than you know yourself, so try to trust them, there is a possibility that you will not regret it.
For some people, this path will seem especially good if you consider that otherwise you will have to go on your own to clubs, pubs, various thematic gatherings, or, even worse, speed dating, when you communicate with ten people in ten minutes. It is better to overcome shyness towards a relative or friend by asking them for help in such a personal matter, so you will at least meet a really good girl, and not play roulette, meeting people on the street or in a club. In addition, do not doubt that any friend will be happy to provide such a service.
Let go of your anger
Solve problems with love, not anger. Psychologically strong couples in their disputes and misunderstandings never reach the point of insults, name-calling, or making claims. They do not blame each other for their disappointments, unpleasant emotions, problems or behavior. Instead, they take responsibility for their thoughts, feelings, and actions.
Respect and mutual assistance
Indicators of a healthy, strong relationship are mutual respect and mutual assistance . If this is not the case, then this is an alarming signal.
Mutual respect is a willingness to listen to each other and make concessions, to treat a person the way you would like to be treated
In an unhealthy relationship, instead of respect, there may be attempts to manipulate each other.
People who truly love each other should have a strong feeling that they will be helped in difficult times and supported. Loving people never compete with each other, but have common goals and move in their direction.
Mutual respect, support and help are indicators of a healthy relationship
Stop manipulating
A truly loving person does not deceive his partner. He doesn't use passive-aggressive tactics to try to get him to do something or make him feel guilty. In a fulfilling relationship, partners influence each other in healthy, direct ways. They talk openly about their problems and expectations.
Willingness to fully accept each other
Psychologists say that you should not start a serious relationship if you are not ready to fully accept the person for who he is. Hoping to change him is not the best solution, since adults only change if they want to. You cannot force a person to change, even if you love him very much.
If you expect your partner to behave differently, then, as the practice of psychologists shows, you will be disappointed. Healthy attachment is based on the fact that you should support each other's individuality , rather than resist it. Psychologists believe that the best way to show your love is to allow a person to be themselves.
Engage in self-development
You can work with your partner to develop common good habits. Focus on your own self-development. This way you can inspire your partner to do the same. When you both invest time, energy, and money into becoming the best versions of yourself, you end up becoming a couple that creates positive change in life.
Author. Elmira Kolmakova. Photo. Shutterstock.com.
