How to gain self-confidence and get rid of fears. Advice from a communications specialist

Say stop to negative thoughts

Often, self-confidence is lost due to people's inability to control their thinking. Negative thoughts arise automatically, without any effort on the part of the person. Positive thinking, on the contrary, often requires deep work on oneself. The simplest thing you can do in moments of anxiety and doubt is to ask yourself the question: “What am I thinking about now?” You will be surprised to discover how far you have sunk into thoughts about something bad.

To overcome fear and uncertainty, learn to mentally stop and observe everything that happens from the outside. Imagine sitting on the bank of a river and watching its flow. The flowing stream of water in the example reflects the thought process well. You can imagine flying birds or clouds in the sky. Calmly watch them without trying to stop them. Soon you will notice that all the negativity has passed, and it has been replaced by calmness and tranquility.

Causes

Fear, as the body's reaction to difficult environmental conditions, arises for a specific reason. A person is afraid to express himself, afraid of being judged, repeating a negative experience or a traumatic event, so he cannot be confident in himself. Fear of the stage, performances, and great responsibility as a result of this. The more a person indulges internal prejudices, the less he achieves in life.

Reasons for uncertainty:

• external pressure (from relatives, bosses, strangers);
• high expectations;
• requirements;
• improper upbringing;
• the sensitivity of the individual, which she does not know how to cope with;
• addiction.

A person is part of society. At school, at school and at work, he has to interact with others. If a receptive person is in difficult moral conditions, he quickly gives up. The inability to separate the demands of society and one's own needs leads to suppressed aggression and uncertainty. For a notorious employee, the opinion of his superiors is a direct confirmation of his worthlessness.

It is difficult to cope with high expectations for individuals who are accustomed to taking everything personally. If failures occur at work or in personal life, an insecure nature blames itself (guilt fuels internal fears).

Uncertainty is common in children

The main reason why self-doubt manifests itself at any age is upbringing. Children with overprotective parents or orphans find it difficult to adapt to society. It is difficult for them to find a worthy role model and cultivate the necessary qualities in themselves. As a result, such a person finds it easier to hide behind failures than to try to find himself.

Symptoms

Uncertainty is a consequence of the problem. Fear of responsibility manifests itself in indecision, suspiciousness and withdrawal from society. People with low self-esteem find it difficult to say the word “no”; they live to the detriment of themselves and their desires. Complex individuals are often tormented by panic: suppressed fears find a way out. Focused on one problem, a person gives it all his strength and vital energy.

Insecurity is manifested by the lack of a clear position in life - it is easier to adapt to others than to move away from the general mass. A vulnerable person often worries about the words of strangers: he feels how his shortcomings control his life, and seeks constant confirmation of them. Without replenishment, internal tension will result in depression, which a suspicious nature fears. All that remains for her is to maintain the attitudes with which she has already become accustomed.

Treatment

The problem with uncertainty is that identifying its true cause is very difficult. A person with low self-esteem is afraid to admit what is happening to him. He justifies pessimism, weakness and suspiciousness, thereby attributing manifestations of fear to natural character traits. Fears, for whatever reason they arise, destroy a person’s life.

An integrated approach will help overcome self-doubt and embarrassment. To find harmony and understand yourself, you must get rid of fear. Without combating internal tension, any therapy will end in failure. Working on your thinking and body, on your perception of yourself and others will allow you to independently decide on new attitudes. Overcoming fear means getting rid of the burden of the past. The accompanying phobias, which come from a lack of self-confidence, will gradually disappear after treatment.

Effective techniques

Fear is a defense and reaction to a threat. The danger may be real or imagined. A person’s beliefs and thoughts are so strong that they can cause panic attacks due to irrational fears. Over time, negative reactions become the norm: a child becomes hysterical after another failure, and a girl who was abandoned by her boyfriend suffers from depression for weeks. Dealing with fear involves accepting the fact that there is a problem and it changes perception.

Fighting fear includes:

• cognitive behavioral therapy;
• working with a psychologist;
• group classes.

A psychoanalyst deals with problems caused by childhood trauma or misfortune. The specialist assesses the scale of the problem and determines further treatment. The essence of cognitive behavioral therapy is to separate the patient’s true personality from those beliefs that were ingrained accidentally or intentionally (attitudes that prevent the individual from finding inner balance).

To start a new life, the patient learns to look at the world again, without pretensions and fear. He independently comes to new conclusions, opens his mind to new knowledge and new truths.

It is always difficult to take a step away from the fear to which a person is accustomed, so you need to cope with fear gradually. Without fear, insecurities and complexes will lose their solid foundation.

Body

Personality changes are only the first step. Without inner harmony, psychological treatments will not help. Physical exercise helps cope with increased stress and improve body tone. Outdoor exercise is beneficial for people with frequent depression: running will help you unwind after a hard day at work, and yoga will help calm your thoughts. The choice of physical activity depends on the wishes and preferences of the patient.

Sports activities

Group classes help get rid of fear and uncertainty. Dating and communication bring newness to life and contribute to its development. Learn to communicate, open up to society, which the individual considered a threat for many years. Good physical shape is an incentive for further development. It is good to combine sports and competitions in which a person is able to increase his importance. It’s not enough just to overcome fear and uncertainty, you need to learn to live differently.

Thoughts

The hardest thing is to find the strength to push away fear and prejudice. Getting rid of negative attitudes is painful: the stereotypes that guided the individual constituted her comfort zone. Methods to combat low self-esteem include working on your thinking.

Work on thoughts includes:

• combating negative thinking;
• replacement of concepts;
• auto-training at home;
• frank dialogue with yourself.

You won’t be able to overcome uncertainty at work or at home if you deceive yourself or attribute failures to external conditions. The more a person feels sorry for himself, the less chance he has of starting life from scratch. It is difficult to follow the thoughts and emotional coloring of random judgments without preparation. A person with obsessive thoughts and low self-esteem tries to switch to a new task and quickly becomes fixated.

Entrenched concepts need to be replaced with attitudes that give a person the right to choose: whatever the thinking, it does not promise complete victories, but prepares for the fact that any mistake is reversible and can be corrected. Auto-training is used to increase self-esteem. The essence of the technique is to repeat certain phrases in front of a mirror. These are positive, motivating affirmations with deep meaning. The more often a person repeats them, the faster he accepts these phrases.

Subconscious

It has been scientifically proven that for the subconscious, an incident has no time frame. Everything a person thinks about is perceived as an event in the present. If a person lives in fear of a past failure, the body reacts to this as if it were an existing stressful moment. Fear and panic attacks indicate serious problems in the past that have not been lived through and forgotten.

To combat uncertainty, you need to believe in success: in a breakthrough at work, in meeting a suitable partner, in positive changes in life. For the subconscious, such thoughts are real, they create stable associations that this is possible. If at the beginning a person perceives such activities with skepticism, then over time he begins to accept them and believe that he deserves positive changes.

Remember that there is no right or wrong decision

Research by neuroscientists has revealed that the brain is designed for constant analysis and criticism of everything that happens. This helps a person weigh the pros and cons and make smart decisions. After completed actions, the brain automatically continues to analyze what has already happened. As a result, doubts arise, negative thoughts and anxiety appear.

To develop self-confidence, you need to understand in a timely manner that it is pointless to criticize yourself for the past. No people are perfect, no one is immune from mistakes. To think even deeper, there are no right or wrong actions. You need to realize that you did the best you could at a particular moment in time. This attitude removes many stereotypes and problems associated with them.

How do doubts and fear arise?

Most often, we ourselves are to blame for our fears - we ourselves attract them, doubting our actions. Remember how often you say “I can’t” when asked to go somewhere to relax or when asked by a friend? Those words “I can’t” get stuck in your head and can’t leave. Replace them with the phrase “I won’t” and you will immediately feel the difference. You will not show weakness - you will simply answer a question, request or assignment. “I can’t go to the bar” and “I won’t go to the bar because I’m preparing for an event tomorrow” - feel the difference between these two phrases.

How many other phrases are there that constantly circulate among our thoughts and help doubts to capture us? There are quite a lot of them and they are the ones that contribute to the emergence of fear.

You need to remove the phrase “I need” from your thoughts. It’s correct to say “I could”! In the first case, you are pressured by a sense of obligation, and in the second, you feel the possibility of choice.

Forget about the phrase “It’s not my fault,” it makes you helpless. Replace it with “I will take this into account in

I'll do better next time." You need to become responsible for your life. When you realize this, you will understand that only you yourself have the power to change your life. Gradually you will find yourself in a position of strength, and the level of fear will automatically decrease!

Another phrase that you urgently need to exclude from your head is “I have a problem” or “This is problematic.” If you perceive the situation as a problem, then this already leads to negativity. Every problem must be viewed as a new opportunity ! If you learn to handle problems so that they turn into new opportunities, you will definitely become stronger, and certainly more confident in yourself.

Get rid of the phrase "I hope" - it immediately makes you worry. But “I know” immediately programs complete confidence in one’s abilities. The presence of fear is also confirmed by the phrases “This is terrible” or “What can I do?” You must learn to perceive your life from the other side: “I will draw conclusions” and “I know that I can handle the situation .

As you can see, most often we ourselves are to blame for our fears. Our negative perception of what is happening, the role of the victim and unwillingness to face difficulties help our fears grow. To eliminate them, you need to take responsibility for your life and move forward.

Stop doubting and worrying

Constantly thinking about the past or future rarely brings positive results, but rather generates unnecessary worries. Often you worry about things that will never happen. This develops insecurity and prevents you from living fully here and now.

Analyzing the situation is useful if you can fix something. But sometimes circumstances develop against a person’s will. You should accept what happened and stop worrying. It is much more effective to think about what you can do right now to become better and get rid of fears.

Talk to a friend or loved one

A confidential conversation with a friend or long-time friend will help in cases where you are not able to figure out the problem on your own. If you are left alone with yourself in a crisis situation, your thoughts will very quickly take on a negative connotation, and you will be overcome by fear of the future.

A frank conversation with a friend or relative will help overcome self-doubt and get rid of isolation. When you begin to openly share your thoughts, you will soon realize that the problem is far-fetched, the reality is not as terrible as it seems. In addition, words of approval and compliments from loved ones increase confidence.

Write down your thoughts on paper

Not all people have the opportunity to talk to someone about their problems. In this case, you can express thoughts and emotions on paper. Keep a diary, write down everything you feel and worry about. It is advisable to do this daily to develop a habit. In free form, it is recommended to list gratitude for what you already have, write down goals and obstacles that you have to face.

This method will help you clear your mind, establish a connection with yourself, and become aware of your own reactions to current events. By expressing your thoughts on paper every day, you will not allow them to “stagnate” in your consciousness and will not allow them to turn into negative ones. In addition, the diary will help you record and accept different emotional states and restore harmony with the world around you.

All in your hands!

We urgently need to get rid of the role of the victim, because the victim is always scared, because she is helpless! You need to understand that everything is only in your hands, and entirely!

You, of course, cannot be responsible for everything that happens in your life. You just need to understand that the cause of your experiences is solely yourself.

Your reaction to what is happening is the result of your thinking!

When you realize that you are responsible for what goes on in your head, you can take control of your life.

So, your task is to learn the following truths:

1 . Accepting responsibility and blaming yourself are two different things

Yes, you accept responsibility for your life, but there is no need to blame yourself for the past, today or future. Moreover, there is no need to be upset. View the obstacles that prevent you from reaching your goal as a learning process that will free you from fear.

How do you understand where in your life you are not taking responsibility? Analyze in what situations you feel angry or upset, blame others, feel sorry for yourself. It is in these moments that you shirk responsibility. Other signs of shirking responsibility may include:

• absent-mindedness,
• fatigue,
• impatience,
• feelings of envy or jealousy,
• feeling of disappointment
• helplessness,
• constant uncertainty
• desire to control others.

Do you notice such things behind you? Think about where they come from - it’s in these moments that you need to take responsibility.

It will also be useful for you to read the article How to increase a woman’s self-esteem? and How to get rid of envy and anger.

2. The inner talker needs to know its place

The Inner Talker is the voice in your head that constantly leads you to negative thoughts, doubts and worries. By putting it in place in time, you will find the key to all your fears. However, we still cannot do without him: The Talker allows us to realize the need for change, he will always accompany you as you work on yourself.

3. By accepting responsibility, we realize the hidden benefits

What is hidden benefit? There are people who always complain about their health, but never fix it. Why? Because it benefits them! So attention is always drawn to them, and they themselves have a “weighty” reason to play the role of the victim. They can attribute any failure to the fact that they are in poor health. But you just need to realize these “hidden” benefits and take responsibility for this part of your life.

4 . We formulate goals and set out to achieve them.

Once you determine what you want to achieve in life, you can take on the work that will lead you to your goal. A clear goal, perseverance and decisive action will turn the problem of achieving the goal into just a matter of time. Here our article How to write down goals correctly and why you need it will help you.

5 . Every situation has several solutions

In any situation, you have a choice: you can do it this way or something else. Only you can make yourself happy or unhappy - you make this choice! You need to choose the option that will make you better and promote personal growth.

Don't compare yourself to others

You can begin to doubt your own abilities if you constantly see the success of other people. An insecure person often looks at other people's profiles on social networks. It is worth understanding that photographs do not fully reflect people's real lives. Even long-legged beauties face problems and crises, but carefully hide them behind glossy pictures.

Instead of wasting time looking at profiles on Facebook or VKontakte, pay attention to yourself, realize your own uniqueness and value. Remember your achievements, start sharing your successes with people around you, without expecting evaluations or approval from them. Over time, you will begin to notice that doubts and fear go away, and they are replaced by confidence and courage.

Signs of self-doubt

You can safely put yourself on the list of overly insecure individuals if the following behavior is typical for you:

• you feel constrained and embarrassed in interpersonal contacts, especially when interacting with unfamiliar people;
• avoid expressing your opinion directly to your interlocutor for fear of hurting his feelings;
• unable to make decisions independently and constantly seek support from others;
• you perceive criticism from others painfully and act only when you are confident that you will not anger anyone with your behavior;
• you don’t know how to refuse requests;
• you are embarrassed to express your desires.

An insecure person, when trying to act despite fear and doubts, is often let down by his own body: his voice breaks and trembles, sweat appears on his forehead, color fills his face, and an upset stomach occurs.

Fear and self-doubt negatively affect all areas of life, preventing you from achieving what you want in your career, building interpersonal relationships and starting a family. After all, if a person constantly doubts his own abilities, he does not dare to act in the direction of his goals, or even abandons them altogether, replacing his desires with those of others. To live a happy life, it is important to know how to overcome fear and self-doubt when it arises.

Don't take criticism and comments to heart

Think about how often you feel like a victim, how much you allow other people to influence your life. In a conversation, you may feel that you are being attacked, but in reality the interlocutor is only expressing his opinion. This point of view is a reflection of his own world and nothing more. Realize that the criticizing person is always talking not about you, but about his attitude towards your actions.

Change your mindset to a positive one

Uncertainty and fear of doing something wrong poison life. It is important to understand that these negative feelings begin with thoughts. The perception of the surrounding reality depends on how and what you think about. Therefore, to make yourself better, try to control your thoughts, suppress anxiety with an effort of will, and do not let doubts overcome you.

While clearing your mind of negativity, at the same time form positive thinking. Doing yoga or doing something you love, receiving gratitude, and physical activity increase dopamine production. This substance increases the level of internal motivation. You will be able to better control your thoughts and overcome many fears.

Following the recommendations of psychologists will increase self-esteem and help overcome indecision and fear of communicating with people:

• Read motivational articles and books. Recommended reading: “The Luck Factor” by Richard Wiseman, “A Practical Course in Happiness” by John Kehoe, “Change Your Thinking and You’ll Change Your Life” by Brian Tracy, “Hero” by Rhonda Byrne.
• Listen to your favorite music.
• Surround yourself with optimistic people.
• Every time before you go to bed, write down three positive things that happened during the day.

Two ways to overcome fears and self-doubt

The first path is awareness and understanding

Consciously engage with fears, understand their nature, use different meditations, write affirmations and remind yourself that fears can be overcome.

This is a logical path, sometimes it is not fast at all and you cannot expect results right away. It is necessary to train your consciousness. It is better if you go through this path with a psychologist; it is not always easy.

The second way is unconscious

It is also recommended to go this route with a psychologist as soon as he is able to explain the nature of your fear, where it comes from, and why exactly you have it. Understanding the nature of fear is already half the battle.

A thousand people learn to swim, but someone still cannot learn to swim, fear prevents him from passing this barrier. And in adulthood, this becomes more and more difficult to do, especially for people who are insecure in life.

There is such an interesting test:

• It is necessary to fall on your hands with your back, to people standing behind you or to walk with your back backwards
• Swim backwards in the water without turning your head
• Ride a bike downhill or rollerblade
• Speak publicly and express your opinion

You need to try to do something new and unfamiliar to you, but in an environmentally friendly way so as not to cause another injury. This test tests your “trust in the World and in people.” This is what this is about!

You definitely need to communicate with other people; only by interacting with them can you understand that there are very simple answers to your complex questions, there is another way, other thoughts. And it is much easier and easier for a person in the company of other people.

We need to communicate, the main thing is to choose the right one with whom