Dangerous signs of low self-esteem in men, how to regain self-confidence

If your boyfriend continually surprises you with strange actions, do not rush to get annoyed.
Perhaps he's just insecure and thinks he's not good enough to be around. There are, of course, those who realize that the issue is self-esteem, and even try to somehow change their behavior. But make no mistake, there are only a few of them! If you want to solve the problem radically, take the situation into your own hands. In this article we will talk about how to increase a man's self-esteem. From this article you will learn:

• What is self-esteem and what does it affect?
• What are the signs of low self-esteem in a man?
• What are some ways to increase self-esteem in men?
• How can a woman raise a man's self-esteem?
• What films to watch to increase self-esteem with a man

What is self-esteem

Self-esteem is a sense of oneself, an idea of ​​oneself as a person, an assessment of one’s place in society. These are attitudes, opinions, expectations in relation to one’s skills, knowledge and appearance.

It can be overestimated, adequate and underestimated - and the number of men with different levels of self-confidence is not the same. There are not so many people with unrealistically high self-image. Even if there is a feeling that many around consider themselves “kings,” more often such individuals have low self-esteem, and bravado is a cover.

There are more people who evaluate themselves correctly than those with inflated self-esteem, and most people suffer from low self-esteem to one degree or another.

The importance of self-esteem in a man's life

Depending on how adequate a man’s assessment of himself is, the following develop differently:

• relationships with the opposite sex (love, family);
• relationships with other men (friendships, work, family);
• professional activity;
• the whole vector of life - the presence or absence of long-term goals, bad habits, hobbies and interests.

Even if, with low self-esteem, a man builds his life in the way that society considers correct, he will not receive satisfaction. The feeling that happiness is not deserved, doubts, and self-flagellation turn life into hell.

A person is in a complex interaction between how he feels about himself and how this sense of self affects his life and the destinies of those close to him. Therefore, correcting low self-esteem is the goal of many trainings and a popular request for psychologists.

Low self-esteem and its causes

Low self-esteem is characterized by lack of self-confidence, difficult experiences of failure, suspiciousness and dependence on the opinions of others. A minor problem in a particular area of ​​life is very unsettling and affects other life decisions. A man thinks of himself as unworthy, and minor troubles confirm these pessimistic thoughts, and successes are ignored or attributed to random luck.

Like many psychological problems, the causes of insecurity come from childhood. Parents influence the child and his self-image. There is no other material for building self-esteem. Subsequent events either strengthen a decent self-esteem or destroy a healthy self-image.

Parents influence the boy in the following ways:

1. Excessive punishment, criticism, scolding. Many adults are sure that praise has a bad effect on a child, especially a boy, and looking for negativity in any achievement will make him try harder. But that's not true. The child gets used to underestimating himself.
2. If the child is only praised and the slightest whims are satisfied, he becomes a man who will have increased self-esteem. A large amount of enthusiasm for any action and protection from work and failure will result in problems in adulthood.
3. If parents praise a boy for something that does not deserve praise, then self-doubt appears - the child cannot leave the feeling that praise is not deserved. There is no truthful assessment, and in the future a man is always looking for tricks and lies, because the self-assessment of activity is not formed correctly.

Subsequently, these attitudes are tested at school, in the yard and in communication with girls. If you're lucky, there will be a chance to compensate for parental influence. Success in school, sports, friendships, or other endeavors will instill confidence and improve self-esteem. But if a child is shy by nature, anxious and suggestible, then everything around him will only confirm his failure and the rightness of his squabbling parents.

If you don’t want to give up and are ready to really, and not in words, fight for your full and happy life, you may be interested in this article .

A child (and then a teenager, a young man, a man) faces failures, betrayals, and deception. To learn to cope with this, a strong positive sense of self must be instilled by parents.

Read more about the reasons for low self-esteem →

How to solve self-esteem problems with psychotherapy and counseling

Today, there are many ways that psychotherapy and counseling can help clients develop healthy self-esteem. When a client shares their thoughts and feelings with a therapist and the therapist responds with acceptance and compassion rather than judgment or correction, it lays the foundation for healthy self-esteem for the client. Unconditional positive regard allows a person to rethink some of their assumptions and come to the conclusion that adjustments to their self-perception need to be made.

The therapist will explain that self-esteem is a personal belief, not a fact, and that such beliefs are based on our experiences. This helps eliminate the need to cultivate a sense of high self-esteem. The specialist can offer the client new experiences on which a new constructive belief about himself is based.

The most important thing is that the psychotherapist accepts the client as he is, evaluates his thoughts and feelings as acceptable, and does not criticize him for them. The psychologist does not need to approve of the patient's every action, but showing acceptance and approval of who the person is at the deepest level has an extremely positive impact on the patient's self-esteem.

These rules are followed by an experienced, qualified psychologist and psychotherapist Irakli Pozharinsky. Contacting this talented and wise specialist will become an incentive for a person to develop a correct perception of his own personality, to dispel

Signs of low self-esteem in a man

Some owners are immediately visible. This person is stooped, looks at his feet, is nervous, uncommunicative and silent. He is embarrassed and rejects praise; shyness and timidity are noticeable.

But there are many signs of low self-esteem, and not all are so obvious. This complex has many symptoms.

Self-Humiliation

A man with self-doubt plays ahead of the curve - it seems to him that everyone around him perceives him as a loser, and is ahead of imaginary ill-wishers in criticizing himself.

Are you ready to stop thinking about your problem and finally move on to real actions that will help you get rid of your problems once and for all? Then perhaps you will be interested in this article .

Self-deprecating words relieve anxiety in a man:

• immediately warns of his inadequacy, and those around him will not be able to criticize him in case of failure;
• returns himself to a familiar environment where no achievement is ever assessed positively;
• relieves those around you of hopes about yourself.

This is what the situation looks like in the head of a person with a problematic self-assessment. In reality, this man can be both a scrupulous specialist who does not make mistakes, and a lazy person who has given up on himself.

Such a person supports humorous and serious indications of mistakes, he himself pays increased attention to his failures, and at any opportunity he recalls his bad decisions. If he is praised, he underestimates his merits.

As a result, his friends begin to treat him with contempt. At work, it is not possible to achieve career growth - management stops noticing achievements, and sometimes the man himself refuses a high position. Did not deserve. The attitude of friends and superiors confirms his perception of himself. The circle is closed.

Negative self-assessment of activities and systematic humiliation of oneself clearly reveals low self-esteem.

Over the course of life, self-esteem changes widely and is influenced by many events. So a quiet child can become a confident adult and vice versa.

Criticism of your partner

A man may not criticize himself (at least out loud), but humiliate his loved ones. Some believe that such a person perceives himself to be taller, smarter, better than others. But this is also a manifestation of an inferiority complex.

There are several reasons for this manifestation:

1. Doubt in one's abilities. A man thinks a woman is too good for him. We urgently need to show her that she is not so beautiful/smart/interesting! Otherwise, she will see that she is dating a loser. And so - she will be glad that at least she found someone.
2. Distrust of your taste. It is unlikely that he found such a beautiful girl. She's clearly bad at something. By humiliating his woman, a man humiliates himself - he never achieves anything good.
3. Did not deserve. Why should he get a good girl? If he marries, it will be to the most unsightly woman. But he cannot decide to part with a lady who is too beautiful for him. And he begins to look for flaws in his partner.

All these thoughts and feelings are not realized; such a young man justifies himself by wanting the best for himself.

But people with strong self-esteem do not subject their loved ones to a barrage of criticism. They immediately choose the person with whom they are comfortable and do not torture others and themselves.

Apparent perfection in everything

Ideal people, for whom everything is in order, everything is grasped and thought out. Behind the surface gloss lies enormous anxiety. After all, a person with adequate self-esteem will not smooth out all the rough edges in his life - he accepts himself as he is. Admits mistakes, knows shortcomings. He can gradually get rid of them or compensate with virtues, but he will not arrange every action in accordance with some difficult-to-attain ideal.

Mr. Perfection spends his energy on the external manifestation of his infallibility. Every mistake causes such a blow to the personality that it is better not to make a mistake. The opinion of others, even strangers on the street, seems so important that it pushes the desires of the individual far back.

It seems to the man that everyone is looking at him and waiting for him to make a mistake. And even having achieved perfection, he doubts - he imagines laughter behind his back and criticism.

Unjustified pessimism

Uncertainty about the future, criticism of everything around, looking for minor flaws... All this is also a manifestation of problems with self-esteem. No matter how well things turn out, things are bad for this man. There is no reason to rejoice, even if he won a million - he will have to pay tax on the winnings, and his relatives will ask for gifts.

In this unusual way, the already familiar feeling of “not deserving” manifests itself. Whatever was done was bad, undignified and could have been better.

Some people are afraid to “jinx it” - if they express their joy about what happened, then everything will become bad later. So it’s better to be pessimistic right away. They do not believe that they can influence the situation, that it is possible to improve the situation on their own. Low self-esteem manifests itself in fatalism and complaints about life, which is unfair and difficult. The man feels small and insignificant.

Unjustified jealousy

A jealous man does not let a girl go for a walk with her friends; he sees a rival in every man, and a provocation and a desire to change in every outfit of his partner. Some women even like this attitude, as if this is an indicator of great love and its incredible beauty.

But the behavior of a jealous person does not speak about the power of love, and certainly not about the beauty and desirability of his partner. Only his doubts play a role here.

Situations are different, and there are women who maliciously deceive their partners, or those who, due to their psychological blocks, cannot solve some problems in their relationships.

More than 9,000 people have gotten rid of their psychological problems using this technique.

But suspecting a girl or wife of cheating without evidence is a clear sign of poor self-esteem.

A person with a healthy self-perception:

More than 9,000 people have gotten rid of their psychological problems using this technique.

1. He knows that he is loved. The partner is interested in him, she likes to communicate, share a bed and spend time with this particular man. An insecure young man is afraid that the girl is with him only for money, status, maybe even because she laughs at him.
2. He can love himself. A man loves this woman and adequately evaluates her strengths and weaknesses, and does not attribute to her what his unhealthy imagination says. He is confident in his choice. Cheating may cause pain, but it will not destroy self-esteem.
3. Evaluates the behavior of himself and his girlfriend/wife impartially. Two people in love should not deceive each other. But love passes, you cannot trust without looking back. Low self-esteem makes you see what is not there, and self-esteem allows you to see a real violation of fidelity on the part of your spouse.

Low self-esteem leads to the destruction of good relationships, divorce, and sometimes criminal offenses.

The second side of the coin is that the man tolerates any behavior of his wife out of fear that she will leave. There is no place for dignity and respect in such relationships. The husband does not believe that he deserves better, and the wife either tries to heal his self-esteem, provide help, or resigns herself, gets used to humiliating her husband and deceives him.

People with low self-esteem are expected to commit crimes and treat others poorly. But some studies show that increasing self-esteem does not affect the behavior of bullies. For insecure people, negativity is directed at themselves, not at the environment.

Inability to admit one's mistakes

For the sake of self-affirmation and hiding his insecurities, a man ignores the fact that he is wrong. Deep down, he does not give himself the slightest right to make a mistake; in reality, this leads to overly self-confident behavior. It seems that in this way men show inflated self-esteem, but this is another sign of low self-esteem. After all, only an unhappy, insecure person builds an image of an ideal self in his head and does his best to live up to it.

This feature clearly does not increase a man’s popularity, which again reduces self-esteem. This interferes with both work and love relationships.

Inability to conduct dialogue

As a friend, a man with low self-esteem is also not very pleasant. Constant fear for his peace of mind forces him to build communication in a complex way. This includes defense when no one attacks, and humiliation of oneself, which causes awkwardness and irritation in the interlocutor, and a lack of one’s own opinion. With authorities, the behavior is ingratiating; with subordinates, such a man asserts himself, and does not trust his friends.

They begin to communicate with this person less and less, they avoid him, which lowers self-esteem even more.

As a result, the man becomes uncommunicative, even if he initially wanted to be with people.

Other factors that affect self-esteem

Other factors influencing the formation of an unhealthy assessment of a person may include focusing on the opinions of others, focusing on failures, and low social status. These indicators put pressure and destroy a man’s emotional protection. It is especially bad for people who are in the stage of constant comparison with others. The man understands that he is worse than someone else, that his situation is deplorable. And this leads to fixation, which each time drags him deeper into depression and apathy.

Signs of adequate self-esteem in men

How to understand that self-esteem is adequate or close to it?

Are you ready to stop thinking about your problem and finally move on to real actions that will help you get rid of your problems once and for all? Then perhaps you will be interested in this article .

There are few people with the right sense of self, and more often than not they had to work on themselves in the past to achieve this:

1. A person with good self-esteem is calm about other people's successes and failures.
2. Such a man knows about his positive and negative qualities, strengths and weaknesses. He does not present himself as an infallible ideal or a complete failure, and knows what he will succeed in and what it is better not to undertake.
3. A man with an adequate self-image does not curry favor with those in power or humiliate those who are weaker than him or lower in social status. Communication is smooth and interesting.
4. In such a person’s social circle there are few people who evoke negative emotions. A psychologically healthy person cuts off negativity and attracts positive, interesting people.
5. His mood is more or less even, there are no sudden outbursts of anger or causeless sadness. Negative and positive emotions are an adequate response to external stimuli, and not an expression of internal pain.

The consequences are as follows. A healthy man does not have causeless jealousy or suspicion. He doesn't criticize people to make himself feel better about them. He is successful in his chosen field of work or hobby, and does not worry that someone else is also achieving good results. When criticizing himself, he separates sensible thoughts from empty anger; this does not destroy his self-image, but helps him become better.

How to increase your husband's self-esteem

©Pixabay
So, you have determined that your husband really has low self-esteem. What to do next, and how to live with it? Every wife wants her husband to be confident. Fortunately, you can influence this, and here's what you need to do:

1. Stop doing things for him.

You hang his clothes properly so he doesn't look stretched out. You rewrite his resume so he can get a better job. You pack his lunch so he gets something nutritious. But you have to stop and think about changing it. For what? Because men are different from women in this regard: they feel better when they do things for themselves. This makes them feel like men, and not like little boys whose mother does things for them.

2. Let him do things for you.

It may seem strange, but sometimes your husband would rather you do nothing at all for him while he does something to make your life better and easier. So when he suggests you run to the store for cocoa because it's your favorite drink, let him do it. If you say, “It's okay, you don't need to go to the store,” and instead sit down to eat your oatmeal, you won't be able to reinforce his sense that he's making a difference in your life.

3. Be happy

If you take a bath while he goes out to get cocoa in the rain and meet him in a good mood, it will make him more confident. If you feel good, he will consider it his merit. He made you happy and that makes him feel successful. The more he feels successful, the more he will trust himself. The more he trusts himself, the more attractive he will be to you, and the more you will trust him.

4. Expect better results

When he goes to the store, don’t shout “Be careful!”, “Don’t buy the wrong product again!” or “The store will probably be closed by the time you get there.” The subtext of all this is: “I’m sure you’ll screw it up.” He hears it loud and clear, even if you haven't said it in words. Instead, let him know that you are expecting him with victory (and a bag of coveted cocoa). This doesn't mean it will be perfect. But that means it will be better because people tend to live up to our expectations.

5. When he asks what he should do, trust him.

If he asks you which store he should go to, this is the perfect opportunity to show that you respect him. You can do this by using the magic phrase: “I trust your choices.” Just try to act as if you trust him to make his own decisions. This will immediately strengthen his self-esteem.

6. When he asks what you want, tell the truth.

He will feel more confident if he knows exactly how to please you. So if he asks you what you want, just tell him straight out!

7. When he asks for your opinion, appreciate it.

If your husband asks what you think about him going out for cocoa in the rain, don’t say that it’s not necessary. Yes, he craves appreciation, so why not give him some of that feeling? You might say, “I feel so special and loved because you do this for me!”

8. Smile when he comes home

Since a great source of self-esteem for a husband is knowing that his wife likes him, consider welcoming him with joy. Give him a smile that says, “Here comes my hero!”

9. Say “Yes!” sex

Knowing that you are always available for physical intimacy is a great source of confidence for your husband.

10. Listen to him

Everyone must be heard and understood. You can use the phrase “I hear you” to let your husband know that his words and thoughts are important to you. You can talk to your husband all evening just by listening to him. Or try doing it in just an hour.

Methods to increase self-esteem

Psychology describes many techniques for working with unhealthy self-esteem. Problems with self-esteem are treated by a psychologist in a face-to-face meeting or in group trainings. You can help yourself at home, especially if a person’s self-esteem only deviates slightly from the norm.

To do this every day:

1. Record your successes. Keep a diary for notes; this is a clear demonstration of the real state of affairs. The main thing is not to succumb to pessimism and self-flagellation.
2. Set goals. If you feel like life is passing you by, chances are missed, there is no motivation, come up with a goal (even a small one) and achieve it. Then there will be a desire to work on yourself and fight low self-esteem.
3. Sport helps improve self-esteem and has a positive effect on health.
4. Limiting negative news will block angry thoughts about the world and yourself.
5. Be interested in other people. The main thing is that you need to do this honestly, not from the position of “they are better than me” or “I need to prove to them that I am not a loser.” Sincere interest in a friend or girlfriend, a new acquaintance or family member will help you open up, and then realize something about your own life.
6. Control your emotions. Irritation, anger, sadness - all negativity in life has a reason. Track where emotions come from and where they lead. Breathing practices can help.
7. Rearranging your home will also change your sense of self. Get rid of things that remind you of failure, surround yourself with things that inspire. Don't be afraid to spend money on yourself.
8. Compare yourself not with others, but with yourself in the past. The main thing is constant development, find something that didn’t work before, but is now possible.
9. Find an opportunity to relax. This is done at the pace required by the body. If you rely on others when relaxing, you are unlikely to be able to truly relax.
10. Give up value judgments - both in relation to yourself and in relation to others.

These tips may vary depending on your life situation. The main thing is to learn to feel your desires, get rid of the burden of other people's expectations and engage in self-blame less.

If you don’t want to give up and are ready to really, and not in words, fight for your full and happy life, you may be interested in this article .

In the vocabulary of a person with low self-esteem, the following words are present in large quantities: sorry, I don’t know, I was just lucky, probably inaccurate.

Learn more about how to increase self-esteem →

We study life starting from childhood

To understand how to increase a man’s self-esteem and confidence, you should carefully study his life. Start with childhood, evaluate relationships with parents and peers. It is no secret that most of the problems that arise in a mature adult personality originate from various childhood phobias and misunderstandings of others during adolescence.

Awareness of your own low self-esteem is the first and most important step in deciding whether subsequent changes are necessary and beneficial. As an adult, you should carefully work through childhood grievances and failures. It is worth understanding that you have grown up and are building your own life. Therefore, its quality depends only on you. So that in the future your son does not look for the answer to the question of how to raise a man’s self-esteem, parents need not only to educate, demand and put pressure, but also to respect the child, setting an example for him. In this way, the child’s correct attitude towards himself and the world around him is formed.

Woman's self-esteem

An equally important role in a man’s life is played by the self-esteem of a woman—his girlfriend, his wife. Moreover, if a man has low self-esteem, it is unlikely that his chosen one will have a normal sense of self. More likely, she will have high or low self-esteem.

A woman with high self-esteem can destroy a man's self-esteem, even if there were no problems before. And a person with anxiety and depression will be absolutely depressed by such a union.

A girl with low self-esteem will not be able to inflate a man’s self-esteem, as it might seem. In fact, this is a destructive couple in which everyone feels unhappy.

There are several options for the development of events:

1. A man suppresses a woman, trying to rise at her expense.
2. A woman helps such a man, but he does not notice the efforts because he is preoccupied with his pain, and such treatment will be in vain.
3. A woman suppresses a man by projecting her insecurities onto him.

And these are just some of the possible outcomes. It is unlikely that such a couple will live a happy life together.

But there are still schools!

Pick-up courses (that is, the art of picking up women) teach the use of negative compliments. The point is to veil the offensive message addressed to the girl as much as possible. In the circles of pickup truck adherents, such attacks are called the melodic, rounded word “negi.” This is done with the aim of crushing the so-called “Bitch Shield” into dust (Yes, yes! What did you think? This is a very cynical “sport”). That is, the girl should be demoralized: it seems like they said something nasty to her, but it sounds like a compliment, so everything seems to be fine. Here the pick-up artist says: “Your hair is so elegant! My mom cuts her hair the same way.” And the girl’s head is filled with thoughts: “What? Well, maybe just a fool? I didn’t understand what I said. Do I really have such an age-appropriate haircut?” The process has started.

Such antics when meeting people are half the trouble. Negi is recommended to be used in already established relationships to “train” women. However, many men successfully use them without anyone's prompting and even unconsciously.

Negative compliments are much more dangerous in long-term relationships. Sooner or later they create serious complexes in women. At the same time, it seems that they appeared for no reason.

The once blooming, self-confident girl, having heard enough ambiguous phrases from her partner, begins to engage in soul-searching and self-torment. All this leads her to the idea that she definitely needs to hold on to her boyfriend or husband, no matter what. After all, he loves her, with all these shortcomings. And who needs it anyway, besides him? As a result, she will not be able to decide to break off the relationship for a long time, even if it deteriorates further. If her partner leaves her on his own, this can lead her to despair, because who will she find for herself now?

And why all? Because: “You look like a milkmaid in this dress! Come to me, my pretty collective farmer) *sounds of kisses*” “You snore so funny in your sleep! Almost like my uncle Airborne Forcesman. Only you can do it cute.” “I really like your protruding ears) Others with such ears look like Cheburashki, but they don’t spoil you at all!”

What is it like to hear this from a person in whose eyes you want to be ideal, whom you trust and from whom you do not expect hurtful words?