Obsessive thoughts are a terrible thief of energy. Have you ever noticed that you get completely exhausted when you think for a long time about some problem or person, even if you do nothing? This is true: ideas that do not lead to action take more energy than the actions themselves. You need to get rid of such parasitic thoughts without regret. Illusions regarding people are especially dangerous. It could be a handsome guy from work who gives you goosebumps, an ex-husband or a guy who left you for someone else. How can you stop thinking about a man with whom you can’t have anything, and do you need to get rid of obsessive thoughts about him?
Often this is not as simple as it might seem at first glance. However, you need to face the truth: if your dreams are not destined to come true, it’s time to stop this senseless torment and forget about the person forever. Understand, you cannot live in an illusion. Constantly thinking about a man, you waste precious time. Yes, it can be difficult to come to terms with the loss of a loved one, but the past cannot be returned. The sooner you start from scratch, the sooner you will meet new love. You will be able to re-experience feelings that now seem lost. Turn the page of your life and start writing a new chapter.
How to stop thinking about a guy
Here are some practical tips to help you break out of your dream world and look at this world in a new way.
- Stop communication
“We broke up, but for some reason I constantly think about him” is a typical situation after a breakup. Accept that you can't just cut someone you've been with for a long time out of your life. This takes time. But you must understand that any contact with your ex strengthens your feelings. It is very difficult to stop thinking about a guy as a soul mate without stopping communication with him, especially if he was the one who initiated the breakup. In order not to aggravate an already deplorable situation, refuse any communications with him.
A conscious step would be a conversation in which you make it clear to the guy that you don’t want any contact with him in the near future. Any normal man should understand such a request and agree with it. If your ex-boyfriend cannot leave you alone, block all channels of communication with him. Avoid meetings, don’t answer phone calls, ignore him in instant messengers - do everything to minimize his presence in your life. If you can’t control yourself, add him to the blacklists - then you won’t even see his calls or messages. Try not to visit companies and places you have been to together.
- Get rid of reminders
To cut a man out of your life, you need to stop thinking about him as your current partner. Why do you have some guy's photos and gifts in your house? You are no longer a couple, this man is no longer a part of your life. Hide any reminders of your time together. Memories are the most powerful magnet of the past. Scientists have not yet figured out how to erase your memory, but no one is stopping you from hiding everything that excites it and makes you think about your ex-boyfriend again and again. We do not recommend burning all photographs and throwing away souvenirs. Fold everything neatly into boxes and hide it in an inaccessible place: take it to your parents’ garage, to a friend’s dacha, or put it in the basement. The time will come when you will forget about it, and you will be able to look at these things with tenderness and pleasant nostalgia, they will no longer cause you a nagging feeling of melancholy and pain.
- Don't follow him
Social networks are the scourge of modern society. You no longer need to hire a private detective to find out if he has a new girlfriend. Online spying is the most accessible way to find out everything about the life of a person. But you’re wondering how he’s doing now, right? You probably think that he is worried, writes sad statuses and posts sad pictures. Once again you want to make sure that he is suffering because of your breakup. Even if this is the case, you no longer need this relationship. You have decided that you are breaking up, and there is no turning back. Your path goes far, far in the opposite direction, on it you will meet new men, amazing events will happen, you will visit different places. Get off the beaten path onto the main road and walk along it with a firm gait. There is no turning back.
- Find something to do for yourself
If you constantly think about the person you broke up with, you need to make a list of what you could do if you weren’t dreaming about him now, but got busy doing something. Did you come up with it? Now go and do it! A great way to distract yourself from obsessive thoughts is to switch your attention to some activity. It's better to choose something new that you've always wanted to try, but didn't have the time, energy or desire. Now is the best time to learn a skill or pick up an interesting hobby. When a person is passionate, he completely switches to a new task. A favorite hobby can turn your brain off from unnecessary ideas for a long time. If you don't have one yet, try different activities that have ever piqued your interest. Remember your childhood hobbies. Perhaps when you were a little girl you loved to draw or play the piano. Think back to what ever made you happy and do it again. There is no need to be afraid that you won't succeed or that you will look funny. Direct all your energy to creating or searching for new emotions. You will not regret that you exchanged tears for joy!
- Play some sports
Why not switch your focus from your mind to your body if you are constantly thinking about one person? Sports are an excellent way to clear your head of unnecessary images. During physical activity, the body produces a number of hormones that help improve mood. It has been scientifically proven that after training, not only the physical, but also the moral state of a person improves significantly. Isn't this what you need now? You can go jogging, do exercises at home, or buy a gym membership. Breaking up with a guy is a great reason to get your body in great shape. Mentally thank him for giving you such a wonderful opportunity to become better and begin to improve your figure. Perhaps very soon someone will pay attention to her, and a new relationship awaits you.
- Live in the moment
Erich Maria Remarque has these amazing words: “Trying to forget someone means remembering them all the time.” Don’t torment yourself with thoughts of how to stop thinking about the man you like. Better pay attention to what is happening around you now. The world has not stopped, trams still run on the rails - and you have passed the stop, it’s time to move on. Just imagine how many interesting things surround you at the moment: people, things, places! The past is just memories, they are illusory, and the present is reality, something that you can change right now. There are billions of possibilities around that pave the way to happiness from this very moment. You cannot miss such a chance, because living in the past means burying the present. Whether you become happy depends only on you, not on your ex-boyfriend. Therefore, seal your memories, like old photographs and gifts, in an imaginary box and put them on the farthest shelf. It's time to surround yourself with new things that bring joy and happiness.
- Take a vacation
A change of environment is a bold and effective solution for getting rid of obsessive thoughts. There is nothing like traveling to stop constantly thinking about the man you broke up with. Take a vacation to get away from the normal lifestyle he has become a part of. Go to unfamiliar places, under no circumstances go to places where you spent time together. Now you need new impressions and emotions that can drown out your worries. Interesting acquaintances, exotic dishes, fiery parties and an azure beach are the cure for any suffering. You will be able to spend more time on yourself, sort out your thoughts, and look at the situation from a different angle. This reset helps your mind shift from established habits to the new way of living and thinking that you need now. Perhaps while traveling you will meet a man you like, because you will not have time to think about how to forget your ex, and you will feel loved again.
Why can it be good without him?
It took me years to get over my ex-boyfriend. The first step I took was to resume meeting and dating new people. And although I started the new relationship with little enthusiasm and a lot of skepticism. But my current partner and I have been together for over 5 years and I don’t miss that man anymore.
You need to remember that every person has a profound influence on us in life. So always take care of yourself. The only person you need more than anyone in your life is you. Sometimes life lessons are quite painful. But they make us grow and gain experience. The good news is that there will still be many good people in your life. And if you listen to yourself and your desires, you will definitely find your soulmate.
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Very often, women cannot start dating a new man due to serious psychological trauma that occurs after a painful breakup. Any breakup is stressful for the psyche. A woman may be afraid of a new relationship for a long time, because she is not ready to experience this again. She needs to make sure the new man doesn't hurt her. She can remain in this state for years. There are many factors influencing how soon she will be ready for a new relationship, but the main reason is herself. Or rather, her willingness to let go of the past as a lived experience.
The opinions of psychologists about why you constantly think about the person you like boil down to the fact that psychological trauma forces the brain to focus on its cause, and as a result, obsessions arise. The degree of their significance depends on personal characteristics and a person’s ability to manage his thoughts. In simple words, we will think about the person as long as we allow ourselves to do so. Ways to get rid of obsessive thoughts are described above.
Once you've stopped thinking about the man you broke up with, it's time to think about how to build a new relationship. Look around: there are many guys around who can make you happy. The only factor preventing this is your unwillingness to accept love. There is no need to feel guilty about a failed romance, it is not your fault. Remember, the world did not converge on your former chosen one. This is an experience you have gained, thank it and build new relationships. Perhaps you already have a handsome man in mind or it’s time to meet someone.
A conspiracy to impose thoughts on a lover
Often girls resort to magic if they want to make a man think about them all the time. To make your wish come true, you should take a photo of your beloved guy. At midnight, put it on the table and light a red candle. While the candle is burning, you should repeat a strong spell on thoughts about yourself:
When the candle burns out, collect the wax and photo and place it in a red silk cloth. Take your beloved guy to the house and leave him under the threshold. In two or three days he will come to you and offer to renew the relationship.
How to stop thinking about a man: advice from a psychologist
- Cognitive behavioral therapy
Changing your mindset is the first and most important step to healing. Understand that your experiences are not the result of a breakup, but your personal assessment of this situation. The breakup itself does not have a negative connotation, it is neutral. If you treated this person indifferently, then the separation would not have caused such a storm of emotions. You can radically change your opinion about a situation; you just need to understand that your assessment is not the truth, but only your belief. They, in turn, arise from a habitual way of thinking: you are just used to thinking that way. Cognitive behavioral therapy, which actually helps to correct your way of thinking, allows you to understand that the stereotypes that you developed during the time you were together have lost their significance. What used to be true (you were a couple) has now lost its relevance (no longer together). Now the stereotype has become false and no longer corresponds to reality.
- Self-realization
A great way to stop thinking about a guy is to find yourself as an individual. Listen to yourself: what do you really need? What have you dreamed of doing all your life? What skills are you missing? Try to explore your inner world, look inward and understand who you are and what you want. Turn your attention away from the outside and focus on your own needs. Improving yourself gives strength and confidence. Such a person knows how to set goals, achieve them, be successful and happy.
- Psychotherapy
In extreme cases, fixation on past relationships leads to mental disorders: the emergence of phobias and neuroses. If you cannot control yourself or break out of the vicious circle of obsessive thoughts, consult a psychologist or psychotherapist. A competent specialist will help you understand yourself, guide you on the right path and help you get out of depression.
Method No. 3. Take everything lightly and simply
If you are indifferent to obsessive thoughts, they will lose their emotional content and will not be able to hurt you. Once you learn to turn off emotions and turn on indifference, you will notice that your life changes for the better, and annoying thoughts no longer have any influence on you.
Indifference will help you understand that everything in this world should be treated lightly, simply and with humor. Are there any thoughts in your head? Great! Are there any thoughts in your head? Fine. Are the thoughts in your head starting to become intrusive? It's okay, as they came, so they will leave.
In the meantime, the thoughts in your head are trying to start a real war, distract yourself with something else and don’t blame yourself. You are an ordinary person who, like all people, sometimes makes mistakes. And if you think carefully, we don’t decide when we are born and die, then why worry about anything? The beauty of life is that we don’t know what will happen to us next. We just need to live and enjoy every moment of life we live. So relax and have fun, and let obsessive thoughts torment someone else.
He's not the last
Often women are afraid that their ex-man will be the last one they were able to love.
Of course, breaking up with a person is difficult mentally, especially if the relationship lasted several years.
To cope with negative feelings, you need to take the advice of a psychologist:
- It's stupid to force yourself to block emotions..
On the contrary, you need to throw everything out of yourself - words, tears, smiles. Once these emotions subside, recovery will begin.This is why it is important not to hold back.
At such moments, a person may begin to behave strangely, for example, completely change his image, start eating a lot of sweets, and perhaps even want to change his place of residence.
Such actions during the recovery period are absolutely normal and should not be discouraged.
- Despite the fact that you should not pretend that your former chosen one did not exist at all in life, you need to distance yourself from him and minimize the reasons to remember him.
For example, it would be best to remove him from social networks, get rid of his things and shared photos. And also reduce meetings with him as much as possible. - The past was not as bright as we remember it . Almost everyone, when thinking about the past, thinks only about the good, goes through happy moments. There is no need to do this. It is known that emotions influence our thoughts, so they need to be controlled. It is enough to remember why the separation occurred, and it will become clear that nothing good would have come from the relationship.
- Devote time to yourself.
I will keep in my memory those days, the truth about which only we know.
you need to be able to rest. take a break from everything and from your thoughts, in particular.
There is no point in saying: “I experienced something you never dreamed of.” Everyone has their own hell. Everyone has experienced something you would never dream of. And thank God.
Appreciate people who make you smile even when they are not around, just from the mere memory of them or the moments spent together.
The philosopher says: the problem of choice has nothing to do with the problem of freedom.
Freedom is a phenomenon that occurs where there is no choice. Freedom is something that contains necessity within itself. Something that is a necessity of itself is freedom.
People need a monster to believe in.
A true, terrible enemy. A devil from whom you can disassociate yourself. Otherwise we will be the only ones left.
Vaguely, deep down, we know who we really are. This is what causes the sorrow of our soul: we are not who we would like to be.
The air was scorched, bullets were poured out, the earth was torn apart, hands were dirty, forces were called upon, slander was spoken, lies were told. Steel was tempered, nerves were tested, a stake was driven into the heart, souls were ripped out, but they still left empty...
not with your hands. With hearts...
I miss you a lot. even if I don't tell you this.
Happiness exists, I miss it.
It’s an amazing feeling: to feel nothing when you see a person for whom so many tears have been shed.
everything is born from small things. our love was born from one accidental touch
both sat next to each other, sad and killed, as if after a storm, washed up on an empty shore alone.
Why do you need to learn to let go?
First of all, you need to understand the idea that with the right efforts you can achieve the affection of the person you love is wrong.
Of course, there are different situations, but, as you know, you cannot order your heart.
If there is no result in trying to win the favor of your chosen one , but nevertheless you still put in a lot of effort and waste your nerves, think about this:
- It is impossible to force a feeling of love in a person
- In vain attempts to achieve a man/woman, the emotional state will only worsen and it is unlikely that you will feel happy at this time
- In addition, obvious attempts to achieve a person will over time cause irritation and anger, and the one who cannot let go of his feelings will become more insecure and repressed, and not only will his self-esteem drop, but he will also get used to humiliating himself and serving
- Trying to create love where there is none will only prolong the agony of unrequited love.
- Often, a bad state from the feelings and actions experienced leads to depression, from which it is very difficult to get out.
There are many examples of people unable to get out of such a state who committed suicide. - In this state, a person often stops paying attention to himself, does not devote the necessary time to study, family, work and friends and, as a result, risks losing it all
- Time is the most valuable resource we have, so we shouldn’t waste it where it’s not needed.