How to overcome shyness, shyness, self-doubt

Shyness is an obstacle to productive communication in society. How to overcome shyness, which prevents you from living a normal life and building relationships with people? What to do if you are afraid to seem funny and stupid, afraid to remind yourself once again and even just ask for help in the right matter?

My school friend suffered from shyness and self-consciousness since childhood; every step in society was given to her with great difficulty and internal contradictions. And only psychotrainings helped me reconsider my attitude towards myself, life and the people around me.

Now she lives a full life, got married, received a prestigious position in hotel services and was able to realize herself as an individual. In this article I will tell you how to get rid of shyness and increase self-esteem.

How to overcome shyness?

In most cases, shyness problems manifest themselves when communicating with the other sex. Shyness manifests itself in the fact that a young man, for example, cannot approach a girl, or is overcome by panic. This problem mainly affects young people aged 14 to 30 years.

In everyday situations, when you need to interact without options (work, study or other everyday communications), usually a shy person can control himself. But when it comes to something new, for example, with an unfamiliar wife, then things are bad. Taking a step towards a conversation, much less inviting someone somewhere, becomes a serious problem, for which people are already turning to a psychologist. After all, a person cannot do anything with himself to overcome shyness on his own, so he needs outside help

How to overcome shyness

Even such a strengthened character trait can be overcome by using the services of a psychologist, as well as self-help methods. The main goal here is to strengthen self-esteem. After all, a confident person is not afraid to speak out and communicate with others.

This is what you need to focus on when working on yourself using the following techniques:

Diary of achievements. It doesn’t hurt to start this useful habit: every day, write down in a special notebook those actions that are worthy of praise. Let it be the smallest things, but great things always start small. I overcame myself and washed the dishes. Or fed a street kitten. Or shared a bun with a colleague. Everything counts here, because at this stage a person learns to accept and love himself.
Analysis of surrounding people. Shyness often occurs when a person has a better opinion of others than of himself. He rather idealizes other people, which is why he gets lost against their background. But there are no ideal people, everyone has their own shortcomings. Thanks to them we are unique. And if you look even more closely at your neighbors, you can understand that they are also shy, fearful, but somehow overcome this weakness of theirs.
Role model. Some people can be quite inspiring. It is not necessary to know them personally. They don't even have to live right now. An example could be either a fictional character or some public figure of our time or past years. If you carefully study the biography of an inspiring person, you will find that for all his outward cool, he also experienced shyness and successfully fought against it.

The main causes of fear and shyness:

Fear of appearing awkward
Fear of having nothing to talk about
Diffidence
Low self-esteem
Dissatisfaction with yourself and your appearance

A person suffering from shyness may have been like this since childhood, or raised this way (for example, by a shy grandmother). Perhaps, on the contrary, the parents raised the child too strictly, and since childhood he has simply been afraid of doing something wrong.

Complexes from childhood quickly pass into adulthood, and now an adult man is not immune to shyness.

In fact, the stereotype of society is that many women like the “alpha male” - a brutal, tall man who destroys everything in his path. Shy people (another stereotype) are not popular with women. But quiet and modest men become excellent family men, incapable of betrayal, but they are sensual and good-natured.

In fact, a man can accept this in himself and take the first step towards a woman.

Forget about all the situations or words that underestimated your importance and abilities

Sometimes fear and self-doubt develop from past negative experiences and career failures (and not only). Perhaps you ended up in the office of swindlers who did not even plan to pay a salary, so they constantly humiliated you and told you how bad you are.

Maybe your parents said bad things to you: “You will climb through garbage cans,” “Nothing good will come of you,” etc.

So, similar words were spoken to all children, including those who later turned history around. For example, young Faina Ranevskaya, Charles Darwin or Fyodor Chaliapin. And one moment.

People change, and if in your youth you were an object of ridicule or were not very successful in relationships with the opposite sex, this does not mean that you remain so.

Just throw it all out of your head and don’t relish the negative words addressed to you. Very often this is either a subjective opinion, something said thoughtlessly, or an element of a well-oiled scheme of scammers. It's better to surround yourself with people who believe in you.

Overcoming Shyness

Ask yourself: what specifically do you not like about yourself?

If this is a fear of meeting a girl, then we start talking every day on various pretexts with an unfamiliar girl - on the subway, on the bus, or at the entrance to the office. It’s enough just to ask her what time it is, or ask her to explain where the entrance to the metro is. People love to help, so they will answer you! And you will understand that there is nothing wrong with this.

The next step is a smile. You can just walk down the street, and if you catch a girl’s eye, just smile at her!

Men who do not accept their appearance should understand that not everyone is born a tall, muscular handsome man with the face of Brad Pitt. Appearance is not the most important thing for a man; there are a huge number of other qualities that women value. Remember the joke: a real man should be a little more beautiful than a monkey, and a woman should be a little smarter?

Goodbye shyness!

Do you really think that all other people (girls) are not modest? Very in vain! You need to talk to them, and you will see for yourself!

It is important to love and accept yourself for who you are. Everything else can be grown and grafted - after all, every person is constantly growing above himself.

Shyness can be overcome by consulting a psychologist or hypnosis. A couple of necessary settings - and shyness is gone! And you will forever say: Goodbye shyness!

If shyness is your main problem in life, then you are lucky because shyness is one of the easiest personal disorders to overcome.

If you are too modest, you will try to avoid talking or interacting with people as much as possible so as not to embarrass yourself or say something that people might not like.

Although you may still enjoy the company of people, you are unlikely to say many words when you are with them.

— How to quickly get rid of shyness

_______

How to get rid of shyness? If you are knowledgeable about a topic, give advice, it will help you feel important. A good way to overcome shyness is to use psychological guidelines that need to be repeated several times a day. Words carry positive and strong energy, they can influence a person like nothing else, take advantage of this property.

After all, it is the words heard from others that influence us, form self-esteem and self-image. Therefore, your task is to stop mentally saying that you are shy. Start telling yourself right now that you are confident, interesting and a great conversationalist. The more often you say these words, the faster your subconscious mind will perceive this statement.

There is no need to compare yourself to celebrities, you are an individual, unlike others, and you should not strive to become something you are not. Firstly, anyone can become perfect, and secondly, you don’t know celebrities enough to be able to imitate them. Try to always remain confident and not give in to panic attacks.

To make it easier to cope with embarrassment, prepare for upcoming events in advance and you can do breathing exercises. Straighten your back, chin forward, look boldly into people’s eyes, don’t stammer or lower your voice. How you behave determines how others perceive you.

________

Overcoming shyness

Your shyness can be caused by many reasons. Below is a list of tips that can help you overcome the problem:

Practice:

if you think this is not worth mentioning, you must understand that this is the most powerful method for overcoming shyness. Practice communicating with people you don't know well, or even people you don't know at all! If you are a shy person, you will most likely find it very difficult to approach someone you don't know. It seems very difficult because you haven't tried hard enough. Try starting now to force yourself to speak under any circumstances. You should even do this with your friends! Try talking more than you are used to. It will be difficult at first, but as long as you keep trying, it will get easier and easier. What's amazing about this method is that some people tend to turn to the other side completely after practice, and they become very social people! It all depends on the training!

Get rid of inferiority:

sometimes the basis of your shyness is an inferiority complex (feeling of inferiority compared to your peers) that was created in childhood and remained there in your mind. In this case, fixing the problem requires an additional step that gets rid of this inferiority complex. By the way, if you just practiced without getting rid of the inferiority problem, you will still manage to become a sociable person, but inside you will still feel worse, although no one will notice it.

Build Confidence:

One of the known causes of shyness is lack of self-confidence. You may be afraid to speak up because you don't know what other people will think of you. The solution is simple, just start doing it now to build your self-confidence and you will overcome shyness in no time. One important thing about self-confidence is putting people first even before you want to. You may be trying to please everyone and end up analyzing what you're going to say hundreds of times to make sure everyone around you will like it. wake up! This is not a perfect world! You can't make everyone happy at the same time!

Control your self-talk.

Another thing that plays a big role in increasing shyness is negative self-talk. Self-talk is about what you say and the words you use when talking to yourself. Examples of negative self-talk are: "I won't talk now, they'll laugh at me" or "I know they'll be bored if I tell them this story." Using positive self-talk instead of negative self-talk is not that difficult, you just need to use a technique called cognitive behavioral therapy. This method will help you control your thoughts and your negative self-talk, and this in turn will help you control your unwanted behavior (in this case, shyness).

How to deal with your indecision?

Inner indecision and uncertainty are inherent in both women and men.
And although it is common for the beautiful half of humanity to be weak and in need of protection, it is not at all natural, due to obsessive tightness and constraint, to limit their own lives in many ways.

Not knowing how to overcome self-doubt, fear and embarrassment, most people with complexes continue to infringe on their needs for fear of doing something wrong. The reasons for insecurity are quite extensive and individual for everyone, but the most common (which can give rise to other consequences) is the regular devaluation of any actions of a child or teenager.

We recommend: How to love yourself and increase self-esteem for a woman?

Under rudeness, rudeness, swagger and impudence, the stronger sex often tries to hide shyness and self-doubt, timidity. Fear of responsibilities at work, reproaches at home and the inability to fight back or the indifference of friends...

All this is generated by doubt in one’s abilities, which is the other side of low self-esteem. What reasons can give rise to a person’s self-doubt and fear of communication?

Sources of uncertainty:

Inflated demands and expectations of others that were not met.
Parents' conviction of their child's worthlessness and lack of talent.
Perceiving any failure as a large-scale tragedy.
Dependence on the opinion of society.

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Signs of weak character:

Inability to answer with a categorical “no.”
Suspiciousness.
Subservience and yessing to other people.
General stiffness and depression in communication.
Fear of offending someone.
Inability to make decisions.

Fighting with yourself

Modesty is not at all an obstacle to a full-fledged lifestyle, but uncertainty is fraught with the fact that one does not pay attention to one’s personality.
There is a constant struggle inside a person that unsettles him. He feels dependent on society and various situations, unable to become independent and self-sufficient in everything, while experiencing terrible psychological discomfort. Psychology considers the question of how to overcome self-doubt from several points of view, based on what influenced the individual - upbringing or his behavior.

It is quite difficult to change some character traits and one’s perception, since habits that began to have a negative impact on our existence were consolidated over the years, and a person considered this normal. Until I realized the true problem, when faced with indecision and fears already in adulthood.

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If you start to think about how to overcome shyness and self-doubt, you may be surprised to note that this is a completely solvable problem. But under no circumstances should you continue to fuel this problem by driving yourself into depression and stress, starting to get nervous, and then relieving tension with pills or alcohol.

What to do if self-doubt prevents you from living in peace?

Ways to get rid of self-doubt:

Do pleasant little things for loved ones, talk about your ideas and thoughts, without fear of being misunderstood.
Play sports and leave the comfort zone of a cozy chair and a soft blanket.
Break down your plans and goals into step-by-step actions. So dreams become not so unattainable and scary.
Tune in to positive emotions and don’t take failures too personally. You need to understand that any bad luck is a valuable lesson, which will give you wisdom and help you more easily achieve your goal. It is necessary to instill in yourself a positive attitude and faith in your own strength every day.
Stop reconsidering your actions and words through the eyes of other people. Someone else's opinion is good. You can listen to him, but you must always decide for yourself. You cannot allow yourself to be put under pressure and manipulated. Defending your own point of view and not depending on others is the main rule of a confident and successful person.

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Make new acquaintances, get into an environment that will be homely, cozy and pleasant for you, get rid of communication with unlikable people. After all, the sphere of social interaction greatly influences worldview and thoughts.
Self-esteem is the best ally in the fight against uncertainty and embarrassment. Love yourself.
Learn something new for yourself all the time, do not be afraid of the unknown and unknown. New facets will allow you to look at the world more broadly and not be afraid of change.
It’s easier to relate to significant things. Devaluing important aspects will bring relaxation, and you will stop intimidating your subconscious with the eternal “what will happen if...”.
See a person in a similar situation, which seems frightening and unrealistic to you, who in practice proves his experience and confidence in this matter. Then the fear will dissolve.
Awareness of the matter (be it a new job or an exam) ensures that there is nothing to fuel fear. Judge for yourself - why be afraid if you can and know everything?

Tests to help you become more confident

In order to understand how to overcome fear and self-doubt, you can set yourself constant tasks and perform them in different ways, noting for yourself how easier and simpler it is to act in a given case. For example:

Go to any store and ask the seller to carefully advise you about a certain product, and then thank him and leave without buying anything.
Approach a passerby and ask for some information.
Come to a cafe and make an acquaintance with the guy/girl you like, inviting them to a movie or offering them a cup of coffee.

To get rid of uncertainty and take an additional opportunity to become stronger, it is necessary to reveal fears, reminding ourselves that they are only temptations that make us defenseless and susceptible to negativity.

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Let your psyche rest, stop stressing yourself out about things that may not even happen. Start moving forward and repeating to yourself “I can do this!”

Author: Olesya Kulchitskaya

How long does it take to overcome shyness?

This is a popular question, and the answer depends on many parameters. However, you can be confident that recovery will begin once you face your fears and work to change your irrational beliefs.

For some people this may take weeks and for others months. One of my patients got rid of shyness in a few weeks, but we put a lot of effort into this short period of time.

Shyness can be treated, so start working on it now!

Psychology of shyness

Shyness is one of the personality traits that can destroy self-confidence if left untreated.

Many people who want to overcome embarrassment either have no idea what to do or do the wrong things without finding results.

The key to overcoming shyness is to have a good understanding of human behavior in general so that you know why certain personality disorders develop. Once you gain this understanding, overcoming shyness will be an easy task.

Understanding shyness is the key to overcoming it

According to individual psychology, human behavior, even if it seems strange or abnormal, is developed by the mind to achieve a goal that is completely logical for the person.

From a distance, shyness may seem like an odd behavior, but upon closer inspection, you will find that it usually develops to protect a person from being exposed to people who could affect their health.

Possible causes of shyness

This brings us to a list of problems that can be a direct cause of shyness. Note that one or more of these factors may lead to shyness.

Lack of self-confidence:

low self-esteem or lack of self-confidence can cause the brain to try to protect the person, causing them to feel embarrassed. Check out the article on why my self-esteem is so low.

Inferiority complex:

Feelings of inferiority can lead to timidity. If a person feels worthless, they will be too reluctant to express themselves or interact with people.

Perfectionism:

Perfectionism can lead to shyness. If a person wants to say everything perfectly, he may speak much less and becomes timid.

Lack of social skills.

When a person lacks proper social skills, they begin to limit themselves around others and may feel self-conscious because they cannot find anything to say.

Self-esteem problems.

Any thoughts about self-restraint can lead to shyness. Since self-esteem problems can lead to self-restraint in others, they can lead to shyness.

Fear of people:

a bad past or a dysfunctional family can lead to many problems such as fear of intimacy or fear of people. These problems can also cause embarrassment.

Reasons for Shyness

Pathological shyness is formed as a result of a combination of a number of factors:

hereditary predisposition to hypertrophied anxiety;
innate personality trait - melancholic temperament;
unfavorable growing conditions;
incorrect parenting strategy;
experienced a traumatic situation;
tendency to fixate on negative aspects of the past.

Science has proven that a model of response to stressors is passed on from ancestors to descendants. Many shy children have parents with abnormal anxiety. Adults exhibit overreactions when exposed to tiny stimuli.

Many shy people are melancholic. Their nervous system is not distinguished by strength and endurance. Persons with a melancholic temperament are naturally fearful and anxious. They are overly sensitive and tend to exaggerate difficulties. Another disadvantage of melancholic people is isolation, which leads to the fact that a person is left alone with his experiences.

Shyness is cultivated in a person during childhood through the efforts of parents. Excessive demands on the baby, high expectations, unfair criticism, constant reproaches are fertile ground for the emergence of anxiety and timidity.

Any traumatic situation that occurred in childhood can give rise to increased shyness. For example, a child was ridiculed by peers or humiliated by teachers. Or he was severely punished for some oversight. Not finding understanding and support from adults, the child begins to consider himself worthless and incapable. At the same time, the subconscious wants to protect the baby from repeating an unpleasant situation. In order not to suffer from criticism from society, the child begins to avoid contact with society. He develops pathological shyness and irrational fear.

Another condition that contributes to the development of shyness is a person’s tendency to dwell on the drama he has experienced. The subject is constantly rummaging through his past, analyzing actions, reflecting on what caused the mistake, wondering what he could do. At the same time, he cannot share his experiences with loved ones because of shame or fear of being criticized. As a result, discussions about past mistakes become the dominant thoughts. And since any negative thoughts must somehow be neutralized, a safety mechanism is developed - shyness, designed to protect against a repetition of the experience of discomfort.