Be selfless
When a person begins to help loved ones or strangers, he expects some kind of return from them. Everyone is pleased to hear about how kind and generous they are. But when a person in trouble shouts: “Help!”, this means that he needs support, and is not buying someone else’s services.
Selflessness is manifested not only in the refusal of monetary reward for helping a person. It says that you do not pursue the goal of benefiting from the one you supported. Don't be outraged that the person receiving help didn't praise you or thank you for your efforts. Undoubtedly, it is unpleasant not to receive any return after your efforts, but you should be pleased with the fact that someone felt better, because that was the whole point of the proceeds.
Remember, helping others is helping yourself. By supporting other people, you make the world and yourself better and kinder. Don’t expect rewards from other people for your support and you will soon notice that their attitude towards you will change and their own problems will begin to be solved faster and more effectively.
How to help people?
I want to help people - that’s your main desire. If you're wondering where to start, you can try becoming a volunteer at a popular foundation. People are often needed there to help on a voluntary basis, for example in a nursing home. Your money is not needed here, the main thing is a sincere desire to help. Most old people who end up in such a home are sometimes forgotten by their children and simply need compassion and understanding. They will be pleased if a person appears who will be sincere with them, who will be ready to listen: after all, they have so many stories accumulated over their lives. By becoming a friend to an elderly person, you will allow him to feel connected to modern society, overcome loneliness and enrich yourself.
Another place that needs your help is a children's boarding school. Often we don’t think about the fate of things that have gone out of fashion or are no longer our size; we simply take them to the warehouse and put them in the closet. But there are places where every thing will find its owner, such a place is a boarding school. Children left without parental care often need not only human warmth, but also warm clothing. Being entirely supported by the state, institutions for orphans sometimes experience a shortage of quality things. So just take the things in the closet to the orphanage. This will make some little boy or girl's day enjoyable. You can help boarding schools not only with things: you can donate money, things, medicine, and finally, your own participation and labor. First, contact the manager to find out what exactly the students need.
Become a full member of a charitable foundation. You will be able to see how all the work is built, you will become an important part of this whole thing. As a rule, such organizations themselves purchase the necessary materials and things from trusted suppliers. The range of possibilities is unlimited! Your possible task ranges from finance and pedagogy to construction and renovation. If you are still a schoolchild or student: play with children or improve the territory. All this is possible in orphanages or nursing homes.
Don't force your help
Sometimes people want to show their kindness so much that they don’t even ask whether others need it. Give advice to someone who asks for it, and he will be happier and happier. But by imposing your help on someone who does not want it, you will not only not help him out, but will also ruin your relationship.
If you offer someone support and they refuse, don't insist. There are people who want to solve all problems themselves, or those who are uncomfortable asking for help. If you know a person well and see that he cannot cope on his own, you can unobtrusively offer your help again, but do not be too persistent in wanting to do good, as this will irritate others.
Unselfishness
Even if a person does something selflessly, he expects gratitude from the people he helped, and this is quite normal. We are members of the human community; a benefactor can and has the right to count on respect and honor among other people. Any altruist helps society because he wants the good of human civilization as a whole. The survival instinct of the entire team is sometimes stronger than a person’s personal survival.
Therefore, do not expect that everyone will thank you; it is quite possible that the one you helped does not yet know how to speak. Don't expect to get any benefit. Helping other people is already helping yourself. Because it improves our mood and self-esteem. We feel like heroes. Isn't this wonderful? Helping people is a way to find good friends and your “only life partner,” because volunteers and philanthropists usually have high moral qualities and other positive personality traits.
Find out if you need help
If you have a burning desire to help others, but don’t know where your efforts could be useful, start searching. How to help a person if you don’t know about his problems? Talk to your loved ones about what worries them. It is not at all necessary to immediately offer your help, without even knowing what will be required of you. Listen carefully to what people say to you, do not get distracted or interrupt. Then they will understand that you can be trusted, they will tell you about their problems and, perhaps, they themselves will ask for support.
A call for help can be received not only from loved ones, but also from complete strangers. To find out who needs support, you can contact specialized groups online. This could be a forum where people ask for advice, or groups where members do charity work.
Where do the “rescuers” come from?
For us, Russian people, the topic of help, salvation, and advice is especially relevant. But from the point of view of psychological maturity, the desire to advise and constantly help others is unhealthy own psychological boundaries or a violation of the psychological boundaries of another person, which often leads to disappointment and conflicts in relationships. Such a strong desire to help, save, and advise comes from childhood. Perhaps the “rescuer” person had to help and support one of the family members all the time. This could be, for example, a sick brother, an alcoholic father, an emotionally unbalanced mother. And, most likely, this rescue was not completed in childhood, that is, the brother did not get better, the father did not stop drinking, etc. And then the desire to finally complete his “rescuer” mission is transferred into adulthood. Any person can be the object of salvation and help, even if, in fact, he does not need such participation.
Or the second option. A person has internal psychological problems, internal conflicts, but he either does not realize them or is afraid to solve them. And then, instead of helping himself, he has a desire to help others. Or even instruct, teach how to live. Dissolving in helping others, a person does not feel his own, sometimes even very obvious problems. For example, loneliness, inability to realize oneself, etc. So what now, not help anyone at all? Of course, it is necessary to do good, to help, to show participation and concern! You just need to remember that you cannot force anyone to be happy, even if you really want to. If you really want to help a person and see his joy, then follow these rules.
Offer your support
It seems that it could be simpler? If you see a problem, help. This only at first glance looks like an easy task. But if you don't know how to offer your help correctly, people are unlikely to trust you to solve their problems.
Never judge a person who tells you about a difficult situation in which he finds himself. Even if you see that the trouble was his fault, do not try to convict him of this. If you want to help, help. This will improve the person's life, and he will be grateful to you for not reproaching him.
Don't try to find out about all the most difficult tasks that a person cannot cope with without help. Offer him some support, help with daily chores or shopping at the store. Perhaps in the future he will let you in on his affairs, and you will be able to help him in many ways.
Socially active life
Help can be completely different. Some help with money, some with things, some donate blood, and some become an agitator for a healthy and moral lifestyle, attracting new people to the side of good. Nowadays, when the Internet is so widespread, you can organize a charity website and help people on the forum. You can highlight the problems of people in social communities, and also involve others in solving social problems.
You can help seriously ill people, organize charity events to raise funds for expensive treatment and operations. For example, today charity auctions are popular on the Internet to collectively raise funds for surgery for sick children. To overcome diseases, the treatment of which requires large amounts of money, sometimes hundreds of thousands of rubles, and without us such children are doomed to death. You can, if not pay for the operation in full, still make your contribution to saving the child’s life. On such sites you can go on a date with another person, paying for it money that will go towards the operation of children. Your money will end up in the patient’s accounts and go to a charity fund for helping abandoned animals or orphans.
Start small
Don't think about how to help a person solve all the problems in his life or make many people happy at once. This is a good goal, but don’t expect to be able to save the whole world at once.
Start small. Help your child do homework, practice a role for a school performance, or do a craft. Talk to your loved one about their problems and listen carefully, showing understanding and empathy. These small actions will bring more benefits than if you immediately tried to become a better person for everyone.
If you are thinking about how to help someone you don't know, watch strangers on the street. You can help carry heavy bags, give directions, or walk them home if someone needs it.
If you have items you don't wear, you can collect them and take them to a shelter or somewhere that accepts items for families in need. You will not accomplish a feat, but you will make a contribution to improve people's lives.
Daria Mangusheva, producer of the “Business of the Day” program on radio “VERA”
In order not to be disappointed, there is no need to be enchanted. We are used to creating illusions about charity and volunteering. Our expectations are usually high and romanticized. A person may not calculate his strength and face something for which he was not really prepared. You need to not spread yourself thin on everything, but choose the help you can. At first you want something global, heroic. Sometimes you need to try to talk honestly and openly with yourself and understand: what is enough strength and internal resources for? So as not to hurt ourselves first, because by hurting ourselves, we can hurt other people.
We should not expect anything from the person we want to help. We come just to help and leave. Perhaps to share something.
In psychology, you can often come across a recommendation: it is better to act from an internal excess, rather than from an internal deficiency, trying to make up for it. Sometimes a person goes to charity to solve internal problems, to fill an internal emptiness with something. But this is unfair to the one we come to. It seems to me that charity is the joy of giving something, and not of what you supposedly should receive in return.
You need to be prepared for anything. If you come to people, be prepared that you will not always find openness, joy, and friendliness in them. You need to understand that the person you meet may have different moods. The main thing here is your desire to be with him. I recently read a note from the head physician of the Samara hospice, Olga Osetrova. She writes that you need to come to people with an open heart, to be ready to meet. If you don’t have the strength and ability to join the conversation and listen with participation, then the meeting may not work out. A person will immediately feel something fake, unreal. The willingness to face someone else’s pain, not to take it personally, to think about it is also internal work that requires strength.
Volunteer
Volunteering is a good way to help people in difficult life situations. Its principle is to provide free assistance to those in need. The good thing about volunteering is that it will be easier for you to find someone who needs your support through an organization that needs proactive people like you.
If you are a creative person, help children by organizing a painting, sculpting or other art class at the orphanage. This can be arranged by contacting the orphanage administration. It won't take much effort from you, but you will be able to please the children and show your care. You could also become a tutor for children whose parents cannot pay for expensive professional services. The main thing is to sincerely want to help and try unselfishly for the sake of others. As a result, you will gain great experience and pleasure from the fact that you made at least one person happier.
Volunteer at a soup kitchen or a trauma center. There are many ways to help others by becoming a volunteer. You just need to go around several organizations that help people and offer them your possible support.
Where they are waiting for your help
So where to start? If geographic or time circumstances do not allow direct contact with a nursing home or an orphanage, there is another place: a church where a priest can talk about those in need in his parish. Moreover, today many churches take charitable organizations and boarding schools under their wing. Even just bringing the necessary things to church, you can help.
Remember that material wealth or money don’t always decide everything. Sometimes other people simply find themselves in difficult life situations from which they feel it is difficult to get out. Such people will benefit if you meet them on their path, just listen, show them that they are not alone. Feel free to take responsibility: start volunteering. Get special training and training, because the most important thing in this profession is to do no harm. However, a person can be greatly helped by a simple conversation.
Donate
If you make good money or just know you could use some money to help others, do it. There are many foundations that raise money at charity events or simply ask others for financial help. Check out the programs of these organizations and decide which one you would like to help and whether you can do so.
If you don't have a lot of income or can't afford expenses right now, you can help in other ways. Go through your old clothes and choose ones you haven't worn for a long time, but don't forget that they should be in good condition. If you donate unwanted pieces of your wardrobe to a shelter or hospital, those items will take on a new life and help people, instead of gathering dust in your closet.
The same applies to toys that children have not used for a long time. A child from an orphanage will be happy to receive a doll or a teddy bear, while in your home it would not be useful.
You can put together a gift basket for children in need, including toys and sweets. You can familiarize yourself with the list of permitted donations by asking for it at the administration of the organization you want to help.
No mistakes
In order for volunteering to bring joy and last for many years, it is necessary to avoid several typical psychological mistakes that many volunteers make.
Social activities should not fill all of a person’s free time. Otherwise, helping those in need can lead to conflict situations in your own family, interfere with the performance of professional duties, and even cause damage to your health. Determine for yourself how many hours per month you can spend on public service, and do not go beyond this “limit.”
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Director with medals. Elena Smirnova ski jumps and runs a foundation
Sometimes physical illnesses are combined in people with mental disorders. Inappropriate behavior may occur. Sometimes volunteers’ wards try to drag them into conflict situations and inundate them with complaints addressed to social workers, relatives, neighbors, and fellow members of the organization of disabled people. Don't plunge into the abyss of litigiousness. It is better to maintain a neutral position.
Volunteers also encounter cases of selfish behavior of their charges. People with disabilities - both children and adults - can ask volunteer helpers for expensive gifts. There is no need to follow their lead! A volunteer spends his time helping those in need, but he is not required to be a sponsor.
When engaging in volunteer activities, a person realizes that there are many like-minded people next to him, who are also ready to selflessly help other people. This is a wonderful, bright feeling!
Keanu Reeves
Another follower of active charity work is the famous actor Keanu Reeves. He does not spare the fees earned from filming to donate to medical centers and organizations that conduct scientific research to find a cure for cancer. The artist hopes that in the future scientists will find a way to treat cancer and be able to save the lives of people doomed to certain death.
In order to help cancer patients, the film actor created a special fund. It finances medical care for patients and invests in their treatment. Keanu knows firsthand how important help and support are, because his sister has leukemia.
In addition, the actor does not limit himself to saving human lives, joining the fight for animal rights and maintaining a clean environment.
Resounding "success"
The dispatch center of the public organization “Association of Sign Language Interpreters” receives 50 applications daily from hard of hearing and deaf Muscovites. Sign language interpreters have to work almost around the clock. If there is an accident or you need an ambulance or a social taxi - for deaf citizens this center is an emergency service. Meanwhile, deaf people, like ordinary people, go to hospitals, banks, get involved in criminal cases, get married, get divorced. But not everywhere they can explain themselves so that they are understood correctly, and they themselves cannot always read the words on their lips, especially if the speaker is wearing a mask. Taking advantage of the linguistic helplessness of people with disabilities, scammers often pose as sign language interpreters, and this is what comes of it.
...Father of many children, Ivan Kuznetsov, has been paying off a loan for several years that he did not take out. This was done for him by a sign language interpreter, whom the disabled person trusted as himself: she accompanied him to hospitals, looked after the kids, and once offered help in obtaining maternity capital. But instead of the Pension Fund, where you are supposed to apply for a certificate, for some reason I took you to the bank. Ivan was sure that he was signing an application for some kind of subsidy, but it turned out that he was signing an impressive loan amount. Ivan turned to the association of sign language interpreters for advice. They have heard about such a sign language interpreter more than once. The scammer managed to deceive about 20 people. Everyone’s story is different - for some, the fraudster helped them fill out documents, for others, to receive benefits. There is only one ending: now these disabled people are malicious debtors. The woman took out loans for them and took the money for herself. While law enforcement agencies are looking for the lady, the association of sign language interpreters seriously fears that others may fall for her tricks. We warn you: when ordering a translator, pay attention to the certificate, and in order not to get into such a situation, it is better to get free help from qualified specialists of the association.
“Approximately 30 percent of all requests come to the dispatch center from victims of fraudsters; in their applications they ask for help in legal proceedings. During the pandemic, the number of such requests has increased significantly. Fraud is most often associated with bank fraud; there have even been cases where disabled people were deceived by bank employees. The deaf and hard of hearing are also drawn into financial pyramids; instead of a will, they slip a deed of gift for signature; when buying apartments, their last name is not put on registration documents... All this, of course, is “done” without an interpreter. Without knowing the meaning of many words, people with disabilities are vulnerable,” said Liliya Ionichevskaya, head of the regional public organization “Association of Sign Language Interpreters.”
Animals
You already know that you cannot give alms to beggars with dogs. It’s better to shelter the dog at least for a while: while he is in your foster care, you can find him owners (there are even instructions on how to do this). The main thing is not to give your pet to a shelter, because Russian shelters are more like dog Auschwitz.
If you want to get a dog or cat, it is better to find them on the street: artificially bred animals are predisposed to genetic diseases and behavioral disorders. Most importantly, do not forget to vaccinate the animal and sterilize it.
If you don't want to get a dog, become a weekend host for shelter pets. Animals living in cramped cages are in dire need of communication and affection.
Who to take as an example?
“Not Just Dogs” is a project of the PET Foundation, which gives shelter dogs the opportunity not only to find owners, but also to help lonely people. After selection and training, dogs from the shelter become part of the “master + dog” team. Such teams go to visit old people in hospices and nursing homes, orphans, and disabled people in boarding schools.
Victims of accidents, terrorist attacks, natural disasters
Illustration: Rita Cherepanova for TD
The first rule is to donate blood, there is always not enough of it. If you want to donate items, make sure they are clean and intact. If you want to become a volunteer, contact funds that organize volunteer work; you should not engage in amateur activities.
How to become a volunteer?
People in need is a program of the Tradition charity foundation, which provides quick assistance to people in the disaster zone.
Orphans
Illustration: Rita Cherepanova for TD We have already said that you cannot give gifts to orphanages - their pupils acquire the habit of receiving things for nothing and become dependents.
In reality, orphans need two things: preparation for independent life and emotions that they did not receive due to the absence of loved ones. Find a few hours a week and become a significant adult for your child, a person who will show how the world works and teach communication. This will be much more useful than a New Year's gift.
How to become a volunteer?
Big Brothers Big Sisters is one of the oldest mentoring programs in the world. A volunteer mentor meets with the child every week and spends time with him in sports, lessons, and developing hobbies. Their friendships are built under the supervision of professional curators.
