Self-confidence is the most important quality on the path to self-improvement. It is impossible to achieve anything in life without being confident in yourself. The biggest enemies of confidence are doubt, fear, and anxiety. The reason for uncertainty very often lies in the habit of consciousness to be afraid, when a stream of negative thoughts is constantly spinning in the head. You need to learn to keep them under control so that there is no leakage of strength and energy, and then anyone will be able to change their life for the better. Negative thoughts are eradicated through persistence and effort. The best way to get rid of fear and uncertainty is to tune yourself to courage and confidence. This can be compared to a ray of sunlight that enters a room only when the curtains are open. So open your soul to something new. As soon as negative and negative thoughts leave your head, they will be replaced by positive ones. Doubts go away and confidence comes. If you observe doubts, you can understand that they always concern something positive. The negative is beyond doubt. You never doubt someone's dishonesty, but you can safely doubt someone's honesty. You accept the other person's bad character, but doubt his good qualities. Doubt is confidence in the bad and uncertainty in the good. The more you can, the more doubt there is. When you can overcome the barrier of doubt, you can move forward faster. And for this you need to start working on yourself. Understand and accept that nothing is perfect. Accept yourself for who you are. You should not criticize yourself and consider yourself bad. We must accept and love the whole person, with all the shortcomings, positive and negative qualities. In case of any failure, you need to move on, but already having a much larger store of knowledge behind you. This is the only way you can develop spiritually and gradually change the negative qualities of your personality to positive ones. Praise yourself and others. When you praise yourself, you increase your self-esteem and gain confidence. By filling your inner space with joy, you give up pain and guilt. Praise revives the soul from the ashes, but criticism burns it. Approve internally of all your actions.
Developing self-confidence
Learn to have a healthy assessment of yourself. Insecure people tend to remember their misdeeds more than their successful deeds. According to modern data, self-esteem consists of two components - an assessment of a person’s current behavior and pleasant memories of oneself.
If a negative perception of yourself still prevails over a positive one, keep a notebook in which you will write down everything that you liked about yourself at one time or another. Be it a good deed or well-spoken words. To start keeping such a diary, simply write down in a column the qualities that you like about yourself. The first page filled with your personal advantages will be a great start for keeping a diary of positive qualities.
Also make a page on which you display everything about yourself that you would like to improve. Also analyze your actions and emotions. Answer the questions “Why exactly did I do this?”, “Why exactly am I experiencing these feelings?” How will this help restore self-confidence? After a certain time, you will begin to understand your goals more clearly and where exactly you are going. It will be very important to understand what you can do better and what you can do worse. And then you need to concentrate first of all on what you are doing worse.
Don't ignore any of your successes in life. You probably don’t remember how many times you won prizes at school Olympiads and won sports competitions. But in fact, this is important, since such achievements are success.
Review old awards, they will help you regain self-confidence and raise self-esteem, because the successes of the past have an impact on the future. Knowing that you were able to achieve a lot in your time will help you believe in doing new things.
In order not to lose sight of any success, you can again return to the list method. Write down all your past achievements, not missing even the most seemingly insignificant ones. This could be either receiving a diploma or simply preparing a delicious salad. Record successes of as many different scales as you can, you will understand how vast your potential is. Refer to this list every day and add to it with everything you see fit.
A collage of old photographs that bring good emotions will also help you cope with the blues. Include in it children's certificates, medals, diaries with good grades, in general, everything your heart desires. And seeing your own creation every day, without even realizing it, you will raise your self-esteem.
Focus only on the good. Remind yourself that you are worthy of respect and love, you are a person, unique and inimitable!
Change the wording of your thoughts - it has a huge effect. For example, while preparing to speak in front of an audience, the thought crept into your head that probably nothing would work out, you would get confused, you would be ridiculed. None of us are protected from mistakes, but think that even if you stumble somewhere, the audience will support you, and in the end everything will end well. Don't forget to smile! In any situation, a smile saves the day!
Replace the word “should” with “can” in your vocabulary. The first introduces you into shackles and responsibilities. Consider everything you do from the position that I can do it. Why was I assigned this task? Because I can do it!
Become your own coach who controls and, if necessary, praises. Let's say you didn't do enough exercises in the gym. This means that at the next visit you increase the load so as to compensate for the exercises not completed. Give yourself a chance. For example, when analyzing a public speech, you need to think like this: “I would change this, that, and that in my speech, because…. But the audience listened to me attentively and asked questions, which means they were interested.” Motivate yourself to improve yourself, and don’t drive yourself into a dead end with thoughts that if it didn’t work out once, it will never work out. Find out how to help someone who is depressed.
In this way, your thinking style will change and your self-confidence will begin to return.
Set specific goals for yourself and think through ways to achieve them. For example, you want to discover a new type of activity, or you have long wanted to visit a certain establishment. Goals must be realistic. Goals that are unrealistic to achieve will only aggravate the condition and lower the bar of self-esteem.
For example, goals such as becoming a gymnastics professional when you are already about 40 years old are unrealistic, no matter how much you want it. You shouldn't even start doing such things. Yes, sport is wonderful and useful at any age, but remember that everyone has their own level of achievement, which depends on many factors.
If you want to gain a new skill, then why not learn a musical instrument? This goal is quite achievable for most. Playing the guitar by the fire, you will understand that you were able to achieve your goal despite certain obstacles. This will improve your attitude towards yourself and motivate you to new achievements.
On the way to achieving it, an excellent way would be to imitate a realized goal. This will give you an exact idea of what you want. That is, behave as if you have already achieved your goal. Then you will feel, albeit false, self-confidence. You will begin to get used to this feeling, and before you know it, you will become constant companions with him.
You can show your confidence through your body language. Always keep your back straight, no matter whether you are sitting or standing. When communicating with people, maintain eye contact, try to avert your eyes as little as possible. If you get nervous, the usual aversion of your gaze can be replaced with a smile.
Speech and voice are also indicators of a person’s self-confidence. Work on them - the formulation of thoughts should be clear, the voice should be confident, moderately loud, and the diction should be clear. Don’t forget about your own opinion, which you can always defend in any situation, but don’t become stubborn. And never cover it with your hands or any other objects during a conversation!
Take risks . You never know for sure what will happen if you act one way or another. Yes, you are responsible for your every action, but do not be afraid of it. Every day life gives you a new chance, and it is very important to be able to use it. Once you get rid of the fear of action, you will understand how much you lost before. Even if failure awaits you somewhere, do not concentrate on it. Analyze your mistakes and move on with your head held high! Remember that there are no ups without downs.
Leave your comfort zone and it will help you regain your self-confidence. How can I do that? Let's say that talking with a stranger is a huge fear for you. An excellent opportunity to strike up a conversation with a bus passenger sitting next to you. The first time you will be incredibly scared and difficult, especially to start. But after performing such “exercises” you will notice that you feel completely different.
Try something new for yourself . Maybe it turns out that an artist or musician has been hiding in you for a long time, and all this time you have been doing something completely different from what was intended for you?
A sense of need for people will help restore self-confidence . Help and you will understand that it would be difficult for someone without you. This will help boost both self-esteem and confidence.
Help can be very different - from participation in cleanup days and other environmental events to assistance in nursing homes and foster homes for homeless animals. Volunteering has always been and will be in demand.
No matter how selfless you are, you shouldn’t forget about yourself. The better you look, the more comfortable you are, and hence a change in attitude towards yourself, a change in behavior. What kind of person looks good? Healthy! Therefore, go in for sports, make an unscheduled visit to the doctors, visit the gym.
Create a healthy diet that includes mostly healthy foods (fresh vegetables, fish, meat, whole grains). Drink water, and it is especially useful to do this before breakfast. The diet will enrich you with energy and positive charge for the whole day!
Minimize processed foods , foods with a high concentration of coffee and sugar. Such food negatively affects not only your health, but also your mood, especially if you are easily susceptible to stress and mood swings.
Exercise is a great way to boost low self-esteem. In the process of performing them, endorphin is produced, which is the hormone of happiness. Set aside a mandatory 30 minutes of physical exercise for yourself, even three times a week, the effect will not take long to appear.
Don't let stress get to you . Take time every day for relaxation, which must bring you pleasure. If you can afford to attend yoga classes, then you can forget about the word “depression” forever. This kind of exercise will help you learn to control your emotions and direct them in the right direction.
Don't set yourself the goal of becoming perfect ! It is unattainable for everyone and in everyone. No one will ever have the perfect job, boss, family, or friends. By setting this kind of goal for yourself, you will drive yourself into a dead end, which will lower your self-esteem even more.
Define a desired outcome instead of an unattainable ideal. Don't be afraid that you won't do the job perfectly, especially the first time. Think for yourself, letting uncertainty come to the fore, you will never learn anything new, living under the fear that nothing will work out and you will become a laughing stock. Remember that we come to everything by trial and error1
There are no perfect people , everyone has flaws and one must be able to admit this. After any failure, you should not be driven into depression, but analyze what exactly your personality needs to work on.
Persistence .
You won't be able to regain your self-confidence right away. She will come to you at certain moments and then disappear. In waves, so to speak. But by continuing to work hard on yourself, you will reach the moment when confidence will come once and for all. Find out: how to survive depression.
Symptoms of an insecure person
Recognizing someone who does not feel confident in themselves is as easy as shelling pears: their manner of behavior, speech, gaze, posture, and gestures give them away. Insecure people usually behave quite timidly in society; they are constrained in their movements, slouch, afraid to look their interlocutor in the eyes, and speak quietly.
Or they rush to the other extreme - they begin to jabber indiscriminately, fidget nervously in their chair and constantly fuss. This is their difference from truly self-confident people - the latter always behave calmly and measuredly, and are not in a hurry.
What other signs indicate lack of self-confidence ?
- fear of mistakes, failures;
- pessimism in expectations;
- poor social behavior skills;
- difficulties with communication (especially with strangers);
- passivity when making decisions;
- dependence on the opinions of other people;
- desire to shift responsibility.
If you find the listed symptoms in yourself or a loved one, then start working on yourself as soon as possible - make an appointment with an experienced psychologist. After all, over the years this will only become more difficult.
Self-confidence and relationships
Pay attention to your health . Modern research shows that healthy young people who take care of themselves have an easier time organizing their personal lives.
If faith in a new relationship has disappeared due to failure in the previous one, then efforts must be made to return everything to normal. Any gap will have a negative impact on both mental health and the general condition of the body, to the point where the risk of diabetes or cardiovascular disease increases. It is quite difficult to recover from a breakup with a loved one, but you, as an adult and strong person, must find within yourself both the strength and time to return to the previous course of life!
Learn to calmly remember past relationships and analyze them . Understand all your mistakes and your partner. Let them become a good experience for you in building a family life. Such an analysis will help you cope with negative emotions, worries, stress, and your previous relationships will no longer stand in the way.
If we move on to specifics, let’s take one of the most common cases. Your partner, be it a girl or a guy, blamed you for all conflicts without understanding, or pretending that he does not understand, his own mistakes. Think about the blow to your self-esteem after such an attitude. Surely you have lost faith in people, and especially in the opposite sex. Think about whether it is worth it to continue to live, closed off from everyone, alone.
Look for new perspectives, believe in them . There is no such thing that after closing one door another will not open. Just imagine how many people you don’t know yet, how many opportunities you haven’t taken advantage of yet. It is important to understand that the world did not end with the ex-boyfriend/ex-girlfriend.
Gradually, you will begin to understand that in fact there were quite a lot of factors that caused the breakdown of the relationship. When we find ourselves in a conflict situation, we immediately look for those to blame or make ourselves guilty, but it’s worth waiting a little when emotions fade into the background, and reason takes first place, and we begin to understand the true reasons for the quarrel.
Make new acquaintances and they will give you new emotions . Where can I get them? Attend various events, especially those that are new to you. The main thing in this matter is not to be afraid of failure or rejection. After a couple of acquaintances, you will understand how easy it is to have a conversation with a person who has just appeared in your life.
It is not at all necessary to test everyone for the role of your soulmate. Learn to simply enjoy communication, and your destiny will not leave you.
Don’t be afraid of yourself , don’t build up to just anyone - you can always feel the falseness. If a dialogue is started with you on a topic in which you do not understand enough, do not be afraid to admit it. Sincerity always attracts oneself. Do not hide your inclination towards a person, especially if you are attracted to a representative of the opposite sex. Maybe he or she is simply hesitant to take the first step?
Don't harbor mistrust and dissatisfaction . Learn to express them correctly. That's right, that means in such a way as not to offend anyone. Understatement only heats up the situation between interlocutors, but sincerity leads to better communication.
Adequate self-esteem
Adequate self-esteem is the most positive, healthy one, the one that most people strive to have. With adequate self-esteem, a person, having achieved success in some area, is able to see this success, appropriate it to himself and appreciate it. He does not actively seek to demonstrate his victories, because he does not need someone else's assessment. He trusts his own, and it is enough for him.
Having burned out or faced failure, a person with adequate self-esteem is able to look at it quite objectively: they didn’t like him, they didn’t accept him, he turned out to be incompetent or not in demand. Such a person understands that people’s interests do not always correspond, they cannot be predicted, he gives himself the right to make a mistake and does not perceive it as the collapse of all hopes. Gives himself support and makes a new attempt.
A person with adequate self-esteem has the greatest chance of a happy life: he does not strive to be the best, which means he does not waste energy and time on worries and worries about this. He may well be satisfied with his results, whatever they may be, and this makes life most easy and relaxed.
Self-confidence and career
What hinders us most from climbing the career ladder is the failures we have experienced. Usually it is on them that we concentrate all our attention. As a result, resentment and anger at the boss and at ourselves envelop us from head to toe.
For example, with such an expected promotion, you were not made head of the department. The first thoughts, or rather emotions, are negative towards the boss. Then we begin to judge ourselves, to tell ourselves that our bosses hate us and that it is impossible to get any prospects at this job. In fact, you need to exhale and figure out why you weren’t promoted. Analyze all your work, and most likely you will find the answers. If, after thinking it over, you still think that you were treated unfairly, don’t be afraid to ask about it. Don’t let yourself be offended, understand everything that happens to you and then your self-esteem will not collapse.
Minor troubles also throw us off track at work - a squabble with a colleague or a small reprimand from a boss ends up taking all our attention. No matter what happens, you must be able to do one thing - concentrate yourself on getting the job done. This will increase your efficiency and improve the quality of the work performed, which will raise you in the eyes of your superiors and perhaps even get a promotion. And high-level results and career advancement will in any case increase self-esteem.
Improve your skills, develop your skills. Take a job in which you can express yourself one hundred percent. Evaluate yourself, your strengths, and based on them, choose a task for yourself.
If we are talking about the need to regain self-confidence at work, then we are talking about endless training in advanced training. The better you do your job, the more confident you feel. Give your work enough attention and time.
By choosing a job, you already determine your position in it. If you know for sure that this type of activity is not within your control or you absolutely do not like it. You may not even think about having any confidence in the workplace. In such a job, you will constantly shirk tasks and look for opportunities to leave early. The quality of the result will be at the lowest levels and you can forget about respect from management and employees. With things like this, where do you get self-confidence?
Let's get back to improving skills. This can be done using theory, which in our time of computer technology is quite easy to obtain. Books will also be excellent helpers in this matter, but when choosing educational information for yourself, be interested in the author and his achievements. Expand your knowledge about your field of activity, especially when it comes to innovation and innovation. Show everyone that you are not an ordinary employee and that you can shoulder a task of any complexity.
While developing existing skills, do not forget about acquiring new ones. When choosing a new skill, proceed from your disadvantages, weaknesses that interfere with your work. It is very important to be able to drive away the fear and laziness that will certainly appear as soon as you start doing something new.
For example, you are afraid of public speaking. This can only mean one thing - you need to work as much as possible on your fear of the public. How to do it? Perform as much as possible. Whenever an opportunity arises, don’t miss it, no matter how scared you may be. As soon as you realize that today you were able to speak calmly, without trembling in your voice, your self-esteem and self-confidence will skyrocket.
Take care of your appearance - by choosing the right style and paying proper attention to neatness, you will feel more confident.
Even if you have low self-esteem, do not show it. Behave confidently, without giving anyone even a reason to think that you are underestimating yourself in some way.
Every evening, analyze your behavior and the more detailed it is, the better. Remember what position you sat/stood in during the conversation, and how often you looked away. Remembering all this, make notes on what exactly you need to work hard on.
Don’t try to say “sorry” again, especially if it’s not your fault. Asking for forgiveness too often is a sure sign of low self-confidence.
If, after trying all the methods we suggested, you still couldn’t get anywhere, then most likely you have not a simple lack of self-confidence, but a mental illness such as depression. In this case, you must urgently contact a qualified specialist.
What do we perceive when we hear a public statement directed at us?
Of course, the effect is enhanced! If you remember those moments when we were praised on stage or among people? Most likely, this is several times more pleasant than when they talked about your merits in private. I think, without further ado, it is clear what will happen to us when bad words are said about us in public.
For an ordinary person, this is a mental disorder and depression, and for those who have learned to defend themselves and push these thoughts away from themselves, it is a slight misunderstanding and resentment. But that's not what we're talking about now.
Be polite
Politeness is a quality that needs to be developed first. You can’t even imagine what people are willing to do for you, if you’re polite to them. I have tested it on myself many times: when you behave tactfully with a person, even with a complete fool, this strategy still works and people understand that you are calm, which means you are confident in yourself.
My grandmother always told me “Politeness takes over the city” and I had situations related, for example, to stores that did not want to replace low-quality goods, and here politeness comes into play. Without shouting and swearing, without scandals, this fortress of misunderstanding was overcome. In general, I recommend using it.
Read more books
Erudition and application of knowledge obtained from books is what is needed most. A good example is “Own Game”: well-read people stand there, answer the host’s questions and receive money for their knowledge. Look at these people, do they look insecure?
And in general, if we read good literature in which a character shows his self-confidence, we unconsciously try on his skin in ourselves, so when we read books, without realizing it, we learn from them. Absolutely all information is remembered by our brain, which is then easy to apply.
