The wife fell in love with another: what to do and what to do for her husband. What if a family with a child. Cheating in marriage.

A family nest is that corner of heaven on earth that pacifies, nourishes with energy, gives strength and gives meaning to life. Family is the place where a person feels as comfortable and cozy as possible, where he has contact with the people who are most pleasant to him - his soul mate and his children. Men, although they try to be courageous and hide their trepidation towards people close to them, equally, along with women, experience the most tender feelings for their child, and also treat their wives with an incredible sense of possessiveness. Therefore, a very unpleasant moment in the life of every man is the situation when his wife falls in love with another.

Preconditions that push a woman to commit adultery

It often happens that a seemingly strong family breaks up for no reason, out of the blue. People wonder: how did this happen? After all, the union was so reliable, exemplary, prosperous and prosperous. But even in the most decent and socially exemplary family there are discords. And if society is accustomed to the fact that men often, due to their forty-year-old crises or their breed of “alpha male,” exceed the boundaries of marital conditions, then a woman’s betrayal is much less common. Out of the blue a problem falls on a man - his wife has fallen in love with someone else. What to do?

The point is that the problem doesn't come out of nowhere. Any situational model of human behavior has its own explanation; it is preceded by a certain prerequisite. And if a man believes that this love of his unfaithful wife is a surprise, then he is deeply mistaken. There are many possible variations and circumstances that could push a woman into adultery, namely:

fading feelings towards her husband;
inattention from the spouse;
tired life and thirst for new sensations;
termination of intimacy between husband and wife;
psycho-emotional stress;
women's worries due to age imbalance;
family crisis;
financial insolvency of a man;
a disease that devours a woman from the inside and requires oblivion, often manifested in intimate relationships on the side.

We can talk for a long time about the possible causes of female infidelity towards her husband, but still, they all have the same background - a failure in the psychological state and emotional instability of a woman who is confused in herself. But if a wife falls in love with someone else, is the husband to blame?

Is the husband to blame for his wife's betrayal?

Men are not used to admitting their mistakes. In life, they believe that their decision is the only correct way out of a given situation. It always seems to them that their actions are completely logical and justified, and if something goes wrong, then it is certainly not their fault. This, they say, is a coincidence. It’s the same in a situation with adultery: if a wife falls in love with someone else and cheats, it’s entirely her fault, the shameless wretch! However, rarely does one of the representatives of the stronger half of humanity think that his share of guilt in what happened is prohibitively large. After all, even if we think purely logically: what can motivate a woman whose family has an idyll, order, coherence in relations with her husband, love and mutual understanding, trust and regular passionate sex? Will the idea of “having fun with someone else” on the side really come into her head? Hardly. It’s just that it’s much easier for men to think that what happened was not their fault at all, and that it was the woman who broke up the family. They don’t think about the fact that it is they, the men, who are shifting the leverage over the situation with adultery. How? Everything is very simple and easy to explain.

What is the man’s fault that his wife fell in love and left for another? There may be a lot of possible oversights and omissions on his part:

Disrespectful attitude towards your spouse. It is unlikely that any woman will like it when her husband treats her like a wall, and does not consider her either as a wife, or as a woman, or as a person.
Regular absence from home. If a man is used to staying at work until late, after which he does not miss the opportunity to drink a few glasses of beer at a local pub after a hard day’s work, and then devotes the whole weekend to fishing with friends, then it is not surprising that a woman, out of loneliness, climbs the wall and ends up running to the left.
Neglecting your spouse's requests. If your wife asks you to give her time and go with her to her beloved mother-in-law to help in the garden, or to fix a shelf in the bathroom that is about to fall off and fall on someone’s head, or to screw in a new light bulb in a spotlight in the yard, because the previous one has already burned out a month and a half ago, which means you need to listen to her at least once and do what she asks. Ignoring a woman’s requests on the part of her husband tells her about his disrespectful attitude towards her, about negligence, about neglect, after which, through indignation and anger, she comes to search for a more “flexible” young man.
Reasons for jealousy. A man should understand that if he starts an affair on the side, then in ninety-nine percent of cases his wife knows about it or at least guesses. And this, undoubtedly, is a good reason for her to allow herself “revenge” in the same spirit.

In a word, it is completely in vain that the powers that be do not consider themselves to be the culprits of the situation when their spouses commit an act of treason. But if such a situation happened and the wife fell in love with another, what should the man do?

What to do?

At the moment, you simply cannot make peace with your wife, even if you have realized all your mistakes and are ready to correct yourself. You can’t just call her and say, “I realized that I controlled you too much and was a weakling. But now I have corrected myself and am ready to take you back.” This won't work and will only make the situation worse. You are not in the movies, but in life.

Now you should completely disappear from her life and remove her from yours. Do not go to her pages on social networks (especially since some of them display guests). Do not contact your mutual friends or her family members. You should completely fall off the radar—at least for a few weeks. There are no exceptions here, this is the main rule in your situation. All my many years of experience confirms that without this nothing will work.

Accept her departure. In all seriousness. Wish her happiness mentally and go about your business. The fact that the ex-wife left for another man is a fact. You cannot and have no right to interfere with her. And the sooner you realize and accept this, the sooner you will be truly ready to move on.

Now spend all your time doing something - working on yourself . Live as if you had just freed yourself from a person who kept you close to him by force, oppressed you and did not allow you to develop. Feel the freedom and give the world around you a gift. Feel the fullness of life. Do what you didn’t have enough time for: go on a trip, start going to the gym and taking foreign language classes, read all the books, meet new people and do something new.

Meet girls and seduce them, but for now protect yourself from new serious relationships. Now it is better to take not only quality, but also quantity. Surround yourself with a variety of female attention - friendly, friendly, sexual.

Ideally, you should leave the house before dark and return only to collapse on the bed exhausted and fall asleep. Then you will not have time for depression, then you will receive attention and begin to respect the new you - the one who spends every day to the fullest and takes everything from life.

After a while, you will no longer have to force yourself to think about something else - thoughts about your ex-wife and separation will no longer bring negative emotions. This is the right moment when you can make contact again. Only very carefully and carefully. As you might guess, you cannot do without a clear action plan. And it can be one of several - it all depends on the circumstances of the separation.

Why did your ex-wife leave you for someone else?

Option number 1 . Your ex-wife's feelings for you gradually faded away until they disappeared completely. Love is over. In this case, you must “become a different person” in order to make her fall in love with you again. You are capable of this, because once you were already able to do it. We need to change both internally and externally. Start with your hair and wardrobe. Look at yourself in a new way. Perhaps, outwardly, you are stuck somewhere in the mid-2000s (depending on your age). Get seriously involved in sports to lose weight or, on the contrary, to become stronger. Get rid of health problems, including cosmetic ones. Give up all bad habits. Fill yourself internally: read more, develop professionally, make plans for the near and distant future, start a new hobby. Take a look at your surroundings: does it match the new you?

Now she should pay attention to you. If everything goes well, you won't have to do anything about it. She will hear rumors from mutual friends and relatives, and she will see new photos on social networks. The main thing is that it doesn't look like you're putting yourself on display. Remember dignity. Don't brag, be a man. You have to improve so much that everyone can see it.

Be careful: you just need to show yourself, and not call and constantly meet. No talking about relationships or old grievances. Wait for steps from her, and only when they become obvious and unambiguous - offer to meet. Don't tell them how much you've changed unless asked.

Option number 2 . You were a tyrant in the relationship, she ran away from you. By all means, you should try to very carefully and carefully convey to your ex-wife that you have changed. And it would be better for you to really realize that it is impossible to suppress a girl and not put her in anything.

First understand yourself and understand how you became such a person. You may need professional help.

Write to her if you are sure she will read it. Otherwise, ask mutual friends to talk. You need to let her know that you understand how difficult it was for her. You want to improve and change forever, and you are ready to do this for her sake by any suitable means. If you hurt her, be sure to ask for forgiveness, while maintaining your manhood and self-respect.

And then become the most gentle, loving and understanding. But move very carefully, without any force or pressure. Don't take away the freedom she's just gotten used to.

Option number 3 . Your wife left because of your infidelity. You need to try to regain lost trust, and this is a long process. Any lie you make will end everything, so don’t say what you don’t believe in. Can't you promise not to cheat again? Admit that you have psychological problems and say that you will see a psychologist to understand the reasons. Answer to yourself why you are ready to become faithful, and tell her about it.

There is no need to rush the event. If you meet, talk or correspond, then only for the sake of communication, and so that she understands that you can be trusted. Don't shower her with attention or be annoying.

This may take a long time. Think for yourself: even someone who is accustomed to lying and cheating can pull himself together for a while. Your wife thinks the same thing, so she can give you the test of time. You must endure it in order to show loyalty and regain trust, which will add respect for your perseverance. At the same time, she should feel your interest (in moderation).

Plan to get your ex-wife back

You will reach this point only if the previous stages were successful and you felt a change in attitude towards you: new feelings, lack of fear, restoration of trust.

You must have a ready-made plan for action, which you should strictly adhere to. The return must be carried out without error. If you don’t know how to do this, then it’s better to contact me. I have been involved in returns for many years, and during this time hundreds of families have found their happiness under my leadership.

Remember that she is waiting for changes - depending on what the reasons for leaving were. If you've done a good job identifying the mistakes you made, you should understand why she decided to break up with you. Naturally, this should not be repeated.

Best regards, Roman Vinilov.

What to do if your spouse falls in love with someone else: first steps

Treason is a rather sensitive moment. A family whose home has been visited by infidelity will never be the same. Having learned about the adultery of a loved one, the deceived spouse, in a fit of anger, can chop so much wood that he will not deal with it for the rest of his life. After all, criminogenic incidents with murders or infliction of grievous bodily harm in a state of passion due to the infidelity of the victim are very common today. Therefore, in order to avoid stalemate situations, a man who finds out that his wife has fallen in love with another must be able to control himself and know how to act correctly.

First, you need to exhale. The moment of realization of the fact of his wife’s betrayal does not come immediately, but he hits her husband on the head with a butt and provokes him into a powerful surge of indignation and aggression. In turn, this aggression is instantly transformed into a fit of indignation and a thirst for physical violence against the unfaithful scoundrel and her accomplice in adultery. Therefore, the first thing a man should do when he learns about an unpleasant fact is to exhale and release everything on the brakes.

Secondly, it is necessary to retire to “think about” the current situation. No constructive decision has ever been made rashly. In order to understand what happened and decide what to do next, you need to be alone with yourself and your thoughts. If a wife falls in love with someone else, what should the husband do? The most important thing is not to get carried away and think carefully about what happened, identify the root of the problem, find out for yourself the reason for what happened and objectively consider yourself in the context of a possible culprit of adultery.

Thirdly, having let off steam and calmed down a little, build a constructive dialogue with your wife and ask her all the questions that concern a man. Only a correctly structured conversation and balanced decisions can lead to consensus and get out of the current situation in the most painless way for both spouses.

Why do married women fall in love with other men?

Newlyweds are almost always confident that their marriage will be exemplary. However, after living together, people come to the conclusion that their opinion was wrong. Problems begin in the family, and the spouses, instead of solving them, begin to look for consolation on the side.

If a married girl falls in love with a married man, then she explains her behavior with typical reasons:

The romantic period in the life of every couple sooner or later comes to an end. Harsh everyday life comes, full of worries and problems. However, women are not satisfied with the complete lack of romance. She always wants to feel loved, beautiful, desired. If she does not get this in marriage, then she will look for another man who can fill the romantic gap.
Even in the most prosperous family, spouses quarrel among themselves over everyday issues. Many couples strive for quick reconciliation, so they make concessions to each other. But it happens that the husband does not hear his wife, or she refuses to accept information from her husband. An unhealthy atmosphere reigns in the family: discontent and reproaches accumulate, mutual understanding disappears. It is difficult for a woman to live in such an environment. She involuntarily looks around for a person who will snatch her from the clutches of negativity. If an understanding man appears nearby, capable of listening and understanding, then most likely she will begin to experience tender feelings for him.
Over the years, a woman begins to notice more and more shortcomings in her other half. One wife can put up with them and move on with her life. The other will try to eradicate annoying traits. And the third will begin to pay attention to other men who do not have unpleasant aspects of their character. If a girl, being married, meets a suitable young man, then she may well fall in love with him.
There are women who do not tolerate calm relationships. They constantly need to live like on a volcano, experiencing a lot of positive and negative emotions. Not all husbands are able to withstand the intensity of passions for a long time. Therefore, if the spouse does not receive enough emotional charge at home, then she will go looking for it on the side.

Lack of love on the part of her husband is still the main reason explaining the falling in love of an unhappy married woman. However, new feelings are not able to overcome attachment to the spouse.

READ Does love exist: its characteristics and purpose

Building a constructive dialogue

If a wife falls in love with someone else, what should the husband do? How to build a conversation with her in such a way as not to break down, not to harm her and, without doing anything stupid, to find out from her the reasons for her inappropriate behavior? It is very important for a man to understand that female psychology is a subtle mental organization with a club of ornate thoughts, feelings, experiences, but sometimes a very stubborn character and independent opinion. Attempts to influence your wife using physical pressure will not solve anything; they can only aggravate the existing problem - this is very important to understand. And then, the desire to return the wife to the family should be grounded in cold reason and confident actions, and not in the hot temper and arrogant disposition of the “deceived” spouse.

If a wife has fallen in love with another, the psychologist’s number one advice for every man is to build a constructive dialogue with her. Over the long years of living together, he undoubtedly has accumulated a certain amount of knowledge about his woman, and thanks to it, he can safely pull the strings that will lead him to success as quickly as possible. What kind of strings could these be:

ask the first straightforward question about whether it is serious or not - in most cases, a woman reproaches herself for betrayal on the very first day after it and is ready to give everything in the world to forget about this fleeting impulse and return to her family;
if there is no immediate repentance, you need to find out about the woman’s immediate plans - in response, she will probably dryly and hesitantly describe the situation about leaving for the very specimen that became the root of discord in the family; This is where you need to catch a moment of your wife’s weakness and hint to her about the precariousness of her position, since it is unknown whether her colleague in adultery will accept her for, so to speak, permanent residence;
if, nevertheless, the wife is confident in her new passion and in his desire to accept her as a new mistress, which is very unlikely, it is worth mentioning joint children - this is the most powerful weapon for manipulating a woman in the current situation: hardly any mother is ready to leave calmly from a family where her hungry children are waiting for her;
slowly and systematically, step by step, argument by argument, the husband should describe to his wife her future life with a new gentleman in a very unfavorable light, and her stay in the family from which she so uncertainly wants to leave - in the bright colors of a new harmonious life with new conditions, favorable for her.

Return or let go - that is the question

If a wife has fallen in love with someone else and is hesitating, you need to use all the levers of influence on her, pull all the strings through which you can influence her final decision and try to save the crumbling marriage. But is it worth doing? Is it necessary to save a family that is on the verge of collapse? And what to do when a woman does not hesitate, but is firmly confident in her decision to leave - to return or let go of the unfaithful woman?

If your wife has fallen in love with someone else, the advice of a psychologist will come in handy. So, the specialist will outline to the unhappy spouse two lines of development of events and two important aspects that should be taken into account when deciding whether to try to return everything or let everything go.

First, you need to figure out whether a woman needs this: in most cases, it is immediately clear from her whether she is ready to build a new family with the alpha male who has just appeared in her life. Often women themselves are not sure of their desires and are very hesitant in choosing a further path.

Secondly, you need to figure out whether a man needs this: if he is ready to forgive his wife for her infidelity, if he wants to continue to contemplate this woman in the person of his wife further in life, then he needs to fight for her. But if a man feels the acrid aftertaste of jealousy and the bitter aftertaste of betrayal of his beloved woman, realizing that he will never be able to forgive her, it is better to release everything on the brakes and let such a spouse go immediately, without anyone needing a fight for her.

How to save a family

The wife fell in love with another... If this happened, the husband who loves her and is afraid of losing her should use all methods in the fight for her favor.

The first thing after a constructive conversation with her is to show her with all your appearance how he wants to see her in her previous place. By presenting several bouquets of flowers with appropriate notes, inviting her to a restaurant to continue communication about family affairs, and paying every possible attention to his wife, the man will thereby choose the right path to returning the confused lady to the family nest.

The second thing that should follow the first is maintaining a favorable microclimate in the family. Creating a cozy atmosphere with the whole family constantly spending time together will give a woman a feeling of need for this home, these children, this man. And it will take root in her desire to never leave the home of her happy family.

Drawing an analogy between male and female infidelity

It is wrong to compare male and female infidelity. If a husband admits to his wife that he has fallen in love with someone else, in ninety-nine percent of cases the woman will no longer be able to do anything to keep him. The thing is that a man often cheats with his body, and this is considered a minor one-time affair on the side. But if a representative of the stronger half falls in love, if feelings and hurt emotions are at play, then certainly neither tears, nor persuasion, nor scandals with his wife, nor even the manipulation of children will stop him.

A woman behaves completely differently. If a wife has fallen in love with someone else, the advice to her husband would be this: he must act immediately, quickly, but thoughtfully and carefully. If, of course, he wants to restore the family. It’s just that a woman, if she cheats, does it differently from men – with her body. She cheats along with her feelings, she goes to another man, driven by passion, attraction, sincere emotions, called at least deep sympathy. But at the same time, she does not behave like a man in love with another lady. She responds to her husband’s tears, to his persuasion, and is even more vulnerable when it comes to children and their well-being, which is only possible in a full-fledged family, together with mom and dad. Therefore, if a wife falls in love with another man, it is much easier for her husband to return her to the family than if the situation were exactly the opposite.

Useful advice from psychologists

Psychologists at the reception offer their patients to take a test consisting of several questions. With its help, the doctor helps the woman understand the feelings that overwhelm her.

Sample questions:

Introduce a young man you like. What qualities attracted your attention? How did he manage to interest you?
If the relationship begins to develop, what will be its consequences for the girl in love?
Is a man as serious about a new relationship as a woman?
The lady must imagine that she is dating the object of passion. What emotions does she feel about this?
Can she experience these feelings in marriage? What does she need to do for this?
What emotions does your spouse evoke?
How will a lady feel if her husband disappears from her sight?
Is she capable of deceiving her loved ones?
What does an ideal marriage mean for a woman?
Why can’t her legal relationship be called a standard one?
If a husband has a mistress, how will the wife react? What will he feel?
What can each spouse do to restore harmony in the relationship?
Is she ready to dramatically change her life and leave for another man?
Will this act make her happier?

In a conversation with a woman, a psychologist identifies signs of falling in love or simple sympathy for a new man. Determines whether love remains in a marriage or not, and whether it is worth fighting for. Indeed, in most cases, a woman loves her husband, but due to constant quarrels, insults, and reproaches, she does not notice this. If a lady, being married, fell in love with another interesting man, then it is worth questioning her feelings. Women's psychology is structured in such a way that if a girl feels love for one young man, then hopes are placed on another that he will give her what the first could not offer. Therefore, falling in love is only a projection of love for your husband.

READ A student fell in love with a teacher: reasons for the hobby and advice

Every woman has the right to be happy. However, you should not lose your head from the surging passion. Tender feelings quickly fade away. And yesterday's beloved person quickly becomes a stranger. Therefore, before abandoning your husband, you need to think carefully about what the new relationship will lead to.

Three ways to return your wife to the family

In order to return a wife to the family who has succumbed to emotions and lost her head because of another man, her husband should strain himself and use one of the methods that will help him put everything in its place:

invite your spouse to dinner and, in a calm, cozy atmosphere, remind her of all the pleasant moments experienced together in marriage, of all the promises made to each other, of the vows given to each other at the altar - both in sorrow and in joy - the woman will surely be touched and softened ;
using children as a deterrent is not very humane, but very effective;
organize a test mini-quest for the wife: put in a prominent place a box with memories and the first movie tickets, the first photos together, persuade mutual friends to call the wife to talk about how not to leave the family, influence the spouse through her parents.

What not to do

What should a man who suddenly finds out that his wife has fallen in love with someone else not do? If the advice of a psychologist helps to understand what needs to be done in a given situation, then, in addition to this, they will also tell the man what not to do, namely:

use assault;
make a scandal with your wife;
to look for her lover for reprisals;
threaten the spouse with all sorts of physical attacks and revenge;
turn children against their mother.

A man must understand that you can’t help grief with your fists. And if a wife fell in love with someone else, but did not cheat, this is the most compelling reason to bring her back and reconsider your attitude towards her. Perhaps the problem lies not in her, but in the spouse himself.

The more we love a woman

Psychology believes that the basis of any relationship is attachment. Its presence indicates that a person has entered a comfort zone. This state is characterized by the absence of real dissatisfaction with one’s life. Something may seem like a problem, hurt, offend and hurt, but a person who is in the comfort zone is not going to change anything.

In relation to relationships, this is expressed in finding out who is right and who is wrong. Then the loved one is “forgiven” of his guilt. This is the moment when the fear of leaving your comfort zone overpowers common sense.

The question of what to do if a wife loves someone else, how to save the family, already contains part of the answer. Not feeling affection for a man, the woman preferred an outside relationship. But the abandoned husband has not yet lost his love for her, trying to return the destroyed comfort zone. Hence the desire to return the wife, to restore the relationship that suited the spouse, but could not be accepted by his partner.

Taking a closer look at the problem, you can see that a strong man just became dependent on the benefits that he had in the relationship. And the main one is compliance with the image of a man accepted in society. The realization that someone else was preferred to him hits his pride the more strongly, the greater the degree of attachment.

What to do if your wife fell in love with someone else and left?

There are cases when no methods work on a woman who has decided to leave her family, and she leaves her nest for years for a new admirer. At this moment, her husband finally begins to understand that he should have treated her differently, and then he would probably not have allowed a situation in which his wife would fall in love with someone else. Representatives of the stronger half should often think about how often they kiss and hug their beloved women, remind them of their love, spend time with them and pamper them because women bear the difficult burden of maintaining a family hearth and raising children. In order for a wife to fall in love with someone else, you still need to try to bring her to that degree of loneliness in which she simply vitally needs a person who can brighten up her everyday leisure time and help her forget her tired plates and frying pans. When men learn to value their wives, then their wives will stop leaving them for others.

Psychology of love triangles

In marriage, men often forget that a woman needs compliments, praise, admiration even more than during courtship. She wants to see her husband’s sparkling eyes, hear beautiful words from him, in which hints of sex slip through, and receive gifts and flowers not only on holidays. But everyday life dulls feelings, so the spouse receives less and less attention from the other half.

READ How to tell a guy that I like him: options for confession in person and in writing

Then she begins to pay attention to the opposite sex and falls in love with another person. In her opinion, he is able to give her what she lacks in marriage. However, all relationships at the initial stage are filled with romance, excitement, and increased attention to each other. That’s why it’s so easy to suspect that a new partner is an ideal life partner.

But such relationships are dangerous because of their unpredictability. There is no guarantee that your new lover will be a better husband.

A woman must understand herself, carefully study all the arguments in favor and against her husband, and only then decide to break up. It should be remembered that it is easier to break a strong union than to build it.