My husband sent me three letters, how should I respond?

What to do in fights with your husband: practical tips and recommendations

Ask yourself a question - why exactly is my husband an idiot? As practice shows, girls call their loved ones such impartial words mainly in a fit of anger and emotion. Simply put, someone who permanently considered her spouse as such would rather file for divorce than decide to deal with someone’s serious shortcomings. In this chapter, we decided to present the top male antics that can earn a woman’s righteous anger, and give recommendations on how to wisely neutralize or survive this or that act.

So my husband is an idiot because:

He's cheating on me. If you are sure of the fact of betrayal on the part of your loved one, you must decide for yourself whether you are ready to forgive and tolerate such things? If so, forgive me, but don't mention it at any opportunity. If not, you should leave him and find another, more worthy person. However, before you come to such a radical choice, you should understand the reasons for what happened. Not a single man, contrary to popular belief about the polygamy of the stronger sex, will cheat on his only and beloved woman. If this happened, it means that you missed something in this relationship, and that means that some of the blame definitely lies with you. In order not to stumble in the future, it is worth analyzing the probable reasons for such behavior on the part of the faithful, and try to eliminate them in these or any other respects;
He spends time on a dating site. The very fact that a man is on such resources should in no case be identified with treason. Remember that all representatives of the stronger sex, regardless of their current age, are real children who constantly need approval, admiration and attention. And this again means one thing: you personally did not give him some of these “three pillars”. Praise your spouse more often, give him honest compliments, admire his strength and skills. And then he won’t have to look for all this in virtual flirting with strangers;
He constantly sits at the computer. In one excellent psychological book, called “Men are from Mars, women are from Venus,” the concept of a man’s need to “go into a cave” is well played out. Moreover, he can stay inside himself and digest his problems without real care, i.e. close to you. But at the same time he will be absorbed in reading the newspaper, watching football or playing a computer game. The best thing you can do in this case is to mind your own business: go shopping with a friend, visit a beauty salon, practice yoga. By doing this, you will not only pull him out of the “cave”, but also return interest in yourself as a strong and self-sufficient person. If computer games have completely taken over your spouse’s mind, it makes sense to consult a psychologist, since such behavior can signal various violations;
He doesn't help me with the kids. Of course, your man is not a nanny, especially if he is the only one working in the family. Therefore, requiring him to change diapers and warm up formula bottles upon his return from a hard day at work is, at a minimum, selfish. However, raising children is, if not an equilateral, then certainly not a one-sided responsibility. Talk to the man and explain to him that the children need him no less than they need you. And communication with them should not be painful for him, since they are his continuation;
He is passive, like an old man. If you are a supporter of an active lifestyle, and your husband prefers to watch a good movie, wrapped in a blanket in front of the laptop, this should be taken for granted. And no one is to blame for this: each of us has our own temperament, our own interests and our own preferences. But you can always diversify your life with the help of friends, family, colleagues and acquaintances. And your man has no right to infringe on you in this case, since in any healthy relationship people must respect each other’s interests and needs;
He doesn't give me gifts or compliments. The best way to overcome such a “defect” in relationships (which, by the way, is inevitable over time in any couple) is to start showing signs of attention to the first one. Give your spouse a compliment, cook a romantic dinner, buy a nice gift. And believe me, the effect will not keep you waiting. An alliance should not be regarded as a “one-sided game”: you owe exactly as much in a relationship as the man owes you. And inattention and ingratitude on your part just because you are a woman will definitely tire any of your companions.

If you want to call your loved one only one word - idiot, think about whether you yourself are behaving correctly? And keep in mind that some husbands behave worse. Much worse. And with them the question of how to survive really arises.

Probable causes of aggression

If a husband makes a scandal for any reason, the reason may lie in the fact that he simply adopted the behavior model of his own father. Often children subconsciously adopt the family model of their own parents. If a brawler’s husband grew up in a family where quarrels, squabbles, nagging and aggression were considered the norm, he is unlikely to build his family differently.

Also, the reason why a man tries to start a quarrel may be his desire to take a leadership position in the family. Perhaps he is so unsure of his abilities and has a complex that such behavior is the only way out that he sees for himself. He simply strives to become the head of the family, but does not know how to do it correctly.

Also, such behavior is sometimes a feature of character or behavior. And the roots of aggression and quarrelsomeness usually grow from early childhood. Perhaps his parents were too protective of him, not giving him personal freedom. He expresses his protest with the help of shouts.

Or he was discriminated against by his brothers and sisters. Therefore, he grew up withdrawn and complex. Now he is subconsciously afraid that in his own family he will also not be respected and will not be perceived as the head of the family. Therefore, this behavior seems to be the only correct one for him.

Abuse is a reason to think about breaking up

What to do if your husband is an emotional abuser? (Abuser = moral sadist). In this case, it makes sense to end the relationship as quickly as possible. Know that psychological manipulation and bullying tend to progress. And your spouse will never become different: his psyche has been damaged for a long time and “deeply.”

Divorce is appropriate in almost all cases where your husband:

Beats you up;
Abuses children (shared or yours);
Isolates you from society, family and friends;
Shows excessive jealousy without an objective reason;
Constantly monitors your every action, including going to the toilet;
Regularly overstates demands on you without giving anything in return;
Endlessly accuses you of everything, using absolutely no self-criticism;
Periodically is rude to you and the children;
Severely insults you;
Humiliates your dignity without the use of physical force.

Note: not only men, but also women can be abusers.

Therefore, if you recognize some of the characteristic features of such in yourself, you should think about your despotism and try to direct your energy in a productive direction. No man can be happy with an abusive woman. This means that until you start working on yourself, you certainly won’t see a harmonious relationship.

Try to awaken the true keeper of the hearth within yourself and do everything possible to save the marriage.

Find wisdom and don't be guided by emotions. Remember that relationships are hard work for both girls and their partners. And may your family be the strongest!

Psychologist's advice

Why does a husband insult and humiliate his wife? Psychology on this question suggests that you familiarize yourself with the recommendations for the current situation:

The spouse’s aggressive behavior will not go away on its own.
Don't suppress your anger by wanting to look white and fluffy.
Don't respond to aggression with aggression.
If you understand that this is not typical for you, do not do it.
A person can change only if he himself has the desire to do so.
Do not force yourself into the idea that relationships in which there is tyranny, insults and beatings are the norm.

We all understand that arguments can happen in relationships. People are gaining experience on how to deal with them and live. Constant work on relationships is required. In this regard, if your conflicts are isolated cases, try to resolve all issues through dialogue and as early as possible. Share your opinion and ways to solve the current situation in the comments.

I'm so tired. What to do if your husband is an idiot.

We broke up half a year ago. Or rather, he left on his own. He packed his things and left after another lengthy scandal. We have a child with huge health problems. He is almost 3 years old. My mom has to live with us and it really annoys my husband. The situation with the child is such that she MUST be nearby. This is not discussed and cannot be changed in any way. My husband lives with our mutual friend, by the way, my son’s godfather. He doesn't have a lady of his heart. Well, of course, I think that he will find someone to spend time with, but there is no constant one. These six months I have been trying in every possible way to establish a relationship with him. It seems like we are even trying to communicate normally, hugging when we meet. We even recently had sex, very vivid and memorable. The husband’s main theme, which haunts him, is that you kicked me out and I will never return and live with you. I didn’t kick him out, but for some reason he stubbornly believes that I created such a family situation that I practically kicked him out..) It’s funny... Naturally, meeting a child once a week for 30 minutes does not bring much joy to both of them. Recently my husband said that he cried when he left us. However, he stubbornly continues to insist that he will not return. I’m tired, tired, tired... In general, it’s okay for me to live alone, I’ve learned to cope without him. But my child needs a father. We cannot be with my husband and not quarrel. This causes trembling in the hands and just a huge negative feeling (despite the sex!!!). That is, when sex is ok, when we start talking it’s just a nightmare... Recently we even agreed to meet in silence - it was cool. They rolled around in silence, rolled around, were silent, he silently got up and went to his room. Sort of silent sex. That is, we sometimes have sex, but he doesn’t want to come back to live with us. This kind of relationship comes in waves - up and down. Today, after my next persuasion and explanation, he said that I should fuck off, that I had cuckolded him, that I was a disgusting, stupid fool who was ruining everything, and that I should never call, write, or touch him... He won’t come. At all. Never. So that I would take his child to meetings in the city and he would go for a walk with him there. He won't come to our apartment anymore. I was like this, being like this, I deprived him of his apartment, his child, destroyed his family... I can’t do it anymore. I told him everything that had accumulated over these months: that everything he was doing was a betrayal, that men should not act like that, that he was responsible for the child, that we were and are waiting for him with open arms, that Danya misses him, that I love him, etc... He exhausted me with his mockery so much that I broke out in a nervous rash. I have neurodermatitis. I understand that my child can only rely on me. I simply have no one to rely on. In general, my thoughts are different, I don’t know what to do. Continue to seek his favor further? If he returns, he will humiliate me and again I will not be able to stand it and there will be a scandal. Live alone and look for a new man? In general, there is no desire to build new relationships. And the child needs a man in the house. Tell me something. Preferably examples from life))) Any. Or just tell me why I’m such a fool, the worst wife in the world, the worst housewife and a fat hippopotamus with her chest and belly hanging out? Why can you humiliate me like that and I wipe myself off and call him back. I am respected and loved at work, I am a good worker and leader and such a shitty wife.

Author: Runka

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