How to get closer in a relationship: 10 ways

History of the experiment

American psychologist Arthur Aron devoted a lot of research to the psychology of love. One theory was that just 36 questions would help a man and woman fall in love with each other. An experiment conducted in 1997 confirmed the hypothesis. People who asked each other 36 questions became close, paired up, and later got married.

True, as the psychologist noted, there is one condition. Questions bring together only those people who, consciously or unconsciously, have already chosen each other. That is, the question system is not a love potion or a magic wand. It is a catalyst in the chemistry of love.

And for two decades now, Aron’s method has been very popular. Those who have tried the method on themselves admit that it really works, but they themselves do not understand how it works. Moreover, questions help not only to fall in love for the first time, but also to revive love in long-term relationships, overcome a crisis, rekindle former passion, and restore romanticism.

What to do if a man has many female friends?

He has many girlfriends
Before you panic, take a closer look at how exactly the man communicates with his girlfriends. Does he flirt with them, be nice to them, or is he simply reserved and calm. Take an interest in the history of their acquaintance, as well as what connects them. There are different types of girlfriends:

Girlfriend from the past

They have known each other almost since kindergarten. She always helped him with his studies, let him copy, encouraged him, and in general, if it weren’t for her, my husband would now be some kind of loader, and not a manager of a large company. An old friend is a very unpleasant rival because she knows your loved one better than you. Maybe your happiness is built thanks to her, maybe she gave advice that you should choose you. Instead of quarreling with her, make friends instead. Try to find something in common, talk, make friends.

A colleague

Your loved one is with her more often than with you, because he is constantly working. They are in the same office, have lunch and attend corporate events. She is beautiful and not stupid, and therefore you feel hatred for her.

In such a situation, you should not be led by emotions, but rather carefully analyze the situation. First, find out more about your potential rival. Maybe she is married and has a happy marriage. In addition, try to make friends with your husband's colleagues and attend corporate events. Be sure to ask how your spouse is doing at work.

Virtual girlfriend

Virtual girlfriend
Sometimes a man suddenly has a lot of virtual girlfriends. These are not necessarily lovers, perhaps just interesting personalities, coaches, coaches, and so on. This may indicate that you yourself devote little time to your loved one. Try to fix this situation and do something together. Go to the cinema, to a concert, to a disco or just invite friends. You can even sign up for some courses together.

In other words, you should do everything to make real life attractive for both of you and not want to plunge into virtual life. Ask him what he likes about communicating online. Maybe it’s really not about women, it just happened, and you pay little attention to it.

Loyal fan

The situation is much more complicated when women are not even friends, but fans. They openly say how good your spouse is, wait for him near the house, constantly write SMS and call. Perhaps your man himself is uncomfortable with such attention, and therefore he becomes angry and irritated.

In such a situation, your man has nothing to do with it, you just need to get over it. Do not scold your husband under any circumstances, try to support him and do not give in to provocations. Otherwise, you may also end up on his list of inappropriate women.

Ex-girlfriend

Ex-girlfriend
Even though they separated, they still communicate. An ex-wife is a dangerous rival because she knows very well what your partner is like and will not stop to keep their relationship intact. It’s especially bad if you come across a woman who doesn’t care whether the man is married. She will do everything to achieve her goal, and as you know, in war all means are good. So do not be surprised if slander, insults, of course, not obvious ones, as well as attempts at seduction are thrown in your direction.

Try talking to your loved one. Ask him why he's still talking to his ex and tell him you don't like it. Offer to part with your past life so as not to spoil your current relationship, because you don’t want to destroy it because of jealousy, fear and anxiety.

Questions for rapprochement

All questions are divided into three parts. Each of them forces partners to open up more and more to each other, answering more and more personal questions. Strictly follow the sequence of questions. If desired, you can take a break between parts, but the best effect will be from continuous exercise.

Answer the questions in turn: one question, then alternate answers from the participants. Be honest, do not comment on the interlocutor’s answers, do not make written notes and do not record the conversation using a voice recorder, video recording, or other means. Choose a quiet place to talk, and set aside at least an hour for the conversation.

Part one

Who would you invite to dinner if you could choose from all the existing and non-existent people on the planet? Living and close relatives, idols, historical figures - anyone.
Would you like to become famous? If yes, in what area? What would you like to be famous for?
Do you rehearse your speech before calling someone? Why?
Describe your ideal day.
When was the last time you sang alone? And for another person?
Imagine that you are given the opportunity to live 90 years. In the last 60 years, you've been offered a choice: the body of a 30-year-old or maintaining your sanity. What will you choose?
Do you have a guess as to how you will die?
Name three traits that you think you and I have.
What and who are you most grateful to? For what?
If you could change one thing about the way you were raised, what would it be?
Tell the story of your life in as much detail as possible in 4 minutes.
Imagine that tomorrow you will wake up with the skill or ability that you desire. What will it be?

Second part

Imagine that you have a magic ball that can reveal any truth. What would you like to know?
Is there something you've been wanting to do for a long time, but just can't do it? Why, what is stopping you?
The main achievement in your life?
What do you value most in friendships?
What is your most valuable, meaningful memory?
What is your worst memory?
Imagine that you have a year to live. What would you change in your current life? Why?
How do you understand the word “friendship”?
What importance do love and tenderness have in your life?
Name five positive qualities that you see in me.
Are your family relationships warm and close?
How do you feel about your relationship with your mother, how do you feel when talking about it?

The third part

State three statements that are true for both of us. “Now we both...”
Continue: “I would like to have someone with whom I can share...”.
Imagine that you want to become close friends with me. What should I definitely know about you?
Tell me directly and honestly what you like about me. Say things you couldn't say to a random passerby.
Tell me an unpleasant or embarrassing story from your life.
When was the last time you cried in front of someone? And alone with yourself?
What do you value in me?
What topic will you never joke about because you consider it very serious?
Imagine that you are going to die tonight and you know it, but you can't talk to anyone. Of all the things left unsaid in life, what would you regret most? Why haven't you said this yet?
Your house is on fire. We saved all our loved ones, all our pets. You have the opportunity to come in and take one thing. What will you choose? Why?
Whose death in your family would upset you the most? Why?
Tell me about your current problem, ask how I would deal with it. Then ask me what I think about your feelings about this.

After answering all the questions, silently look into each other's eyes for 4 minutes.

Questions and answers to them create a special atmosphere of trust, revelation, vulnerability, and intimacy. This is difficult to achieve in everyday conversations, but here you can frame everything as a fun game or personal experiment. Many couples agreed on exactly this: they did not believe in the effectiveness of the method, they wanted to personally try and refute it, but as a result they only once again confirmed the effectiveness of the exercise.

Methods of rapprochement

Basically, all the basic tips on how you can make friends with new people were listed above. After friendly contact has been more or less established, you can begin to get closer. This is how friends usually appear. The best way to get closer is to find something that will unite your counterparts. Often this is a walk or a meeting in a cafe. You can take the initiative into your own hands and offer an overnight trip to the mountains, for example. After all, it’s really great - tents, fire, baked potatoes and sincere conversations. Maybe not just the two of you, but a whole company.

However, the weather is not always suitable for such events. You can suggest going to a nightclub or water park. You can have a house party. Usually, after a collective visit to such places, the question of how to make friends with people disappears. The main thing is that joint activities should encourage the disclosure of emotions. Sincerity brings people together.

Afterword

The questions are formulated in such a way that they cannot be given a short and unambiguous answer. Every time a person has to choose, think, analyze and reveal his soul more and more deeply to his interlocutor. Due to this, a special atmosphere is created.

During the interview, participants get to know themselves and their interlocutor better. They have to expose themselves morally, they become vulnerable, they show their weakness. Therefore, the questionnaire is relevant for already established couples. This is an opportunity to look at each other again, to discover something new, observing the reactions, answers, pauses, and emotions of the partner.

Psychologists note that the method is suitable not only for restoring love relationships, but also for working on friendly feelings.

A special case

Many people ask the question of how to make friends with new people. But it happens when thoughts of getting closer to someone overcome an unfriendly person. And when he realized that he behaved incorrectly towards others, he felt bad and ashamed. Then the person wants to improve, to make friends with others. It's difficult, but nothing is impossible.

The surest way to correct a relationship is to admit your own guilt. There is no need for big words in front of the whole team. Much better is an individual, honest, sincere conversation. The most important thing is to show your opponent that there is really a real desire to improve and improve relations. We must apologize for the offense. And say the main words: “I was wrong and I really blame myself for my bad attitude towards you. You deserve better."

Having received approval for correction and forgiveness, you do not need to immediately behave the next day as if nothing had happened, invite you to cafes, meetings, walks and laugh joyfully. Good relationships should be built slowly. It's like a high-quality house - it's being assembled step by step, brick by brick. You can start by showing interest in the opponent’s affairs, with questions about life, etc. And as soon as it becomes clear that a second chance has been received, you can already invite him to meetings and offer to spend time together.

Finding a common language with people is not that difficult. The most important thing is sincerity, moderation and goodwill.